Traveler Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

The barman says, We don't serve time travelers in here.

A time traveler walks into a bar.

With the punchline first.

How did the time traveler tell his jokes?

(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!)

The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite

So he went back four seconds.

What does a time traveler do when he's hungry?

He goes back 4 seconds.

An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.

Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

A time traveler walks into a bar.

A time traveler tries to go back to the 1980's

But when he gets there, he sees a very old man wearing a toga.
Confused, he asks the man what if it's 1980. The man replies "Of course it's 19AD!"
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I just came up with this joke, so feel free to modify it, because as we can all see, I suck at making jokes :)

The barman says "we don't allow time travellers in here".

A time traveler walks into a bar.

What do you call a time traveler who masturbated in the future?

A blast from the past.

A Bartender Says, "We Don't Serve Time Travelers"

A time traveler enters the bar.

Travelling Tip

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.

I leave the number of the room next to me.

It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,

"Why are you calling me?"

Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.

What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry after his meal?

He went back for seconds.

The Bartender said: "Sorry we dont allow time travelers here"

A time traveler walks into a bar

Did you know Jeffrey Dahmer was a time traveler?

He was eating Five Guys before it was a thing.

But the time traveler didn't get hired

A time traveler went to an interview to get a job . . .

Bartender

A traveler walks into a bar, asks for the local brew, and the bartender's name.
Bartender says "you must be new here..." And takes out a perfectly pristine glass, sounds it around his hand, and pours a perfect pint. He says "that... Is the perfect pint of beer. I've been pouring the perfect pint of beer for twenty years, but duo they call me perfect pint Tom? No they don't.

You see that chair you're sitting in? I carved that chair myself out of one piece of wood. It's a beautiful design based on Celtic gods with all that imperfections smoothed away, but do they call me carpenter Tom? No they don't.

See those figures on the wall there? They're built into the structure of the building. Every one of them is a different Norse god with accurate mythological detail. I built this whole place on that design, but do they call me Tom the house builder? No they don't." The bartender leans in really close and whispers "Ya fuck a goat one time..."

The three travelers.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."

There was once a kingdom known as Penisland

In this kingdom, your social status was decided by the length of your penis. A traveler went to the kingdom to see if this was true. As he walked toward the great palace, he saw the peasants and commoners around him. They had penises which wrapped around their waist twice and the tip still touched the ground. When he entered the palace, he saw the ministers. Their penises wrapped around their waist twice, around their legs twice and the tip still touched the ground. When he entered the throne room, a minister greeted him and told him the king was in the garden. The traveler went to the garden and saw the king looking up into the sky, flying a kite.

His punchlines are before his questions.

How do you spot a time traveler?

The bartender said, "Haven't you been here before?"

A time traveler walked into a bar.

A Hungry traveler stops by a monastery and makes his way into the kitchen

There he sees a brother is frying chips.

"Are you the friar?" Asks the traveler

"No, that's not me" He replies " I'm the Chip Monk!"

A man travels to an island...

A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk -- but now look at me."

The traveler: "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?"

"I was born here"

Credit to /u/TheNightWind.

The bartender pours him a beer

A time traveler walks into the bar

Did you hear about the time traveler who finished his plate?

He went back four seconds.

A guy is flying to Hawaii...

He's unsure of the pronunciation, not sure if its "Hawaii" or "Havaii", so when he gets off of the plane, he looks for a local.

He finds a guy that appears to be a local and asks him, "is it pronounced 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii'?"

The local responds "Havaii!"

The traveler then says thank you, that he was really confused and the local really cleared things up and the local replies "you're velcome!"

An accidental time traveler falls in a wormhole

He emerges into a building in chaos, people running and screaming. Bodies crashing to the pavement outside

"OH FUCK!" He screams. It must be September 11 2001!!

A man screams in return "No you fool! It's October 24th,1929!"

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by...

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by. The sphinx said to the man "you may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"

The man thought for a moment and answered "imagination".

"Wrong", said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom".

Wild Bill

A traveler is passing through an old southern town and decides to stop at the saloon for a drink. He sits down at the bar, but before he can order anything someone bursts through the door.

"Wild Bill is coming!"

Everyone runs out the bar and starts hightailing it down the street. The man is bewildered, when a giant of a man rides a bull into the bar!

He gets off the bull and throws a rattlesnake into the corner, which he had been using as a whip. He then knocks over the bull with a hefty punch. It hits the floor and stays there. He has a wild beard, wild hair, and wild eyes. He grabs a bottle of whiskey and breaks off the top, then downs it. He then grabs another bottle of whiskey and puts it in his saddlebag before jumping up on the bull.

"Wait! Aren't you going to stay for awhile?" The traveler asked.

"Hell no! Wild Bill is coming!"

To get to the other side

Why did the time traveler cross the road?

Someone asked me "does being a traveler make you happy?"

I responded, "nomad."

What was the name of the time traveler with good timing?

Justin Time.

The time traveler made a poor taste gag about the atrocities of World War 3.....

Everyone agreed, it was too soon.

A traveler notices an old man pounding drinks in an Irish pub...

He walks over and asks if the man is ok. He replies, "You know, I built the bridge that spans the stream in the middle of this village. But do you think they call me MacInnis the bridge builder?"
"No?" Responded the traveler.
"You're damn right they don't. I fought for the Allies against the Nazis in World War II. But do they call me MacInnes the soldier?"
"No they don't," said the traveler.
"Not once. I taught English for 30 years in the village schoolhouse. But do they call me MacInnes the schoolteacher?"
"I'm guessing not."
"Of course not!" spat MacInnes. He downed the last of his whiskey. "But you fuck one goat..."

What do you call a quadriplegic time traveler?

Marty Mcsit

Two travelers are driving past a, "Welcome to Lewisville, Kentucky!", sign and ...

They can't decide if it's pronounce LouiS-ville or Louey-ville. So they decide to settle it by asking at a burger place they pull up to.

"Hi we're from out of town and have a bet about how locals pronounce this place"?

The local says deliberately and slowly, "Burger... King".

What Did The Time Traveler Do After He After He Ate Too Much?

He Went Back Four Seconds.

Why does the interstellar traveler always leave home way too early?

Because the early bird gets the wormhole.

Why haven't we met any time traveler from future?

Because humans have no future.

What kind of traveler is the happiest?

A nomad

The bartender gives him a beer.

A time traveler walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

The Church of Scientology is suing an innocent time traveler.

All he said was that he'd see them last Tuesday.

He orders a drink.

A time traveler walks into a bar,

A time traveler walks into a bar.

The barman says, We don't serve time travelers in here.

A time traveler walks into a bar...

A traveler stopped at a monastery and

they invited him to stay for a delicious dinner of fish and chips. After dinner he went into the kitchen and asked a guy "Are you the fish friar?" and the guy said, "No I'm the chip monk."

What do you call a gassy time traveler?

Farty McFly

Time traveler walks into a bar

He has such a great steak that he goes back four seconds

Destiny crota raid dead traveler?

bar's and time travelers

We don't serve your kind here, said the bartender
A Time Traveler walks into a bar.

What do you call an obese time traveler?

Farty McFry

A time traveler meets another time traveler

The first one bought the other one a drink, after a night of drinking and laughing, he had to go, so he gathered his stuff and stood up and said : " sorry bro but, I gotta go "

The other one replied : " np, any time "

What did the time traveler say at the birthday party?

I'd tell you happy birthday, but to me, you've been dead for centuries ⚡️

Have you heard the joke of the traveler?

Wait until he arrives, then he will tell you.

says "bartender, I'll hve a beer please"

A time traveler walks into a bar

Terms Of Sex Satisfaction.

In Terms Of Sex Satisfaction

Woman Is Like A Road & Man Is Like A Traveler

The Traveler Gets Tired But The Road Never Ends.

Travelers to India joke that the country name is an acronym

for, I'll Never Do It Again!

What are the funniest traveler jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Traveler? Well, here are the best Traveler puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Traveler pick up lines to share with friends.

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