Traveler Jokes
67 traveler jokes and hilarious traveler puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about traveler that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Traveler Short Jokes
Short traveler jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The traveler humour may include short traveller jokes also.
- If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel - My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips... "Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk." - The bartender says "No time travelers allowed in this bar" Two time travelers walk into a bar
- A Russian Tourist Travels Abroad. Border guard: Nationality?
tourist: Russian.
Border guard: Occupation?
Tourist: No, no, just visiting this time. - Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
- A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you? The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
- The punchline comes before the joke You know what the worst thing about time travel jokes is?
- The barman says, We don't serve time travelers in here. A time traveler walks into a bar.
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Traveler One Liners
Which traveler one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with traveler? I can suggest the ones about tourist and hitchhiker.
- How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane
- Gas prices are so high... That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
- What did the Egyptians use to travel to the Underworld? A new bus.
- Because the punchline gets spoiled early. Why is this time travel joke not funny?
- I wanted to make a joke about time travel... ...but you guys didn't like it.
- I was going to tell you all a joke about time travel. Unfortunately none of you liked it.
- Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
- If I Cuold Time Travel I would fix the title.
- Iran bans Americans from traveling there. Won't beheading there anymore
- and asks for a drink. A time traveller walks into a bar
- How did a bit travel from the CPU to the HDD? It took the bus.
- The punchline comes first. How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?
- What kind of trails does a crazy person travel? Psychopaths. (I hate myself)
- The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite So he went back four seconds.
- What does a time traveler do when he's hungry? He goes back 4 seconds.
Charming Humor Traveler Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about traveler you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hiker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make traveler pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?
**Ag**stralia
With the punchline first.
How did the time traveler tell his jokes?
(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!)
A tip for Snowden.
Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...
Guantanomo bay
A Russian is travelling to Poland...
and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.
"Name?" the officer asked.
"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.
"Nationality?"
"Russian."
"Occupation?"
"No, no, just visiting."
A man goes to see his rabbi...
... "rabbi, I am very troubled. My son, he went off traveling the world, and came back a christian!" The rabbi replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that. My son also left home, and came back a christian!" The two decide to pray to God about this, and God replies, "you know, it's so strange you say that..."
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
Ban?????
"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"
"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."
"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"
New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...
...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.
The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.
He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"
Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.
Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is I want to make an American happy
His wife replies back Why don't you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?
Their daughter gives a suggestion Why don't you drop hundred 1 dollar notes and make hundred Americans happy?
The pilot overhears their conversation and gives his own suggestion on the matter.
Why don't you three drop yourselves from the plane and make all Americans happy?
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
Welcome to Australia!
A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure," he replies.
"Anything to declare?"
"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.
"Do you have a criminal history?"
Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.
"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security.
Airport security:"Nationality?"
Austrian: "Austria"
Airport security: "Occupation?"
Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?
Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.
Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"
Yuri replied: "Yes."
"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."
Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"
Yuri replied: "No."
"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage
I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion
I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.
But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .
Time traveler talks to a mathematician
The time traveler says, "Hello, in my grad school I have learned that it is impossible for any number which is a power greater than the second to be written as the sum of two like powers such as x^n + y^n = z^n for n > 2."
"Show me how you proved it," the mathematician says.
"Indeed! I studied it for my thesis."
The time traveler, then, goes on with his proof.
"Thank you, traveler, I wanted to take notes but right now I only have this book with a tiny margin."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do teenagers always travel in groups of 3, 5, or 7?
Because they can't even.
A hitchhiker was travelling through Scotland.
The young man was picked up at the side of the road, the driver noticed he was wearing a hat made out of fox pelt.
Where you heading mate?
auchtermuchty
Hop in. By the way what's with the hat?
Well when I told my uncle where I was going he said where the focks 'at?
I'm traveling in Germany
But I don't like the food.
It really is the wurst!
The bar tender said sorry we don't serve time travelers here …
A time traveler walked into a bar.
How do dumplings like to travel? By “won-tours” around the world!
How does a baby bird like to travel on the spring equinox? By tweet-er plane!
