travel Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious travel stories

What are the best travel puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Travel? Well here is a complete list of the top travel jokes:

How does a Flat Earther travel the world?

on a plane

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So a travelling salesman is going door to door...

Walks up to large house at the end of the block and knocks on the door. A young man aged 13-14 answers the door in a smoking jacket, cigar and glass of scotch in hand. The salesman taken aback asks "Are your parents home?" The young man pauses looks at the salesman and replies "What the fuck do you think?"

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Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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Travelling Tip

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.

I leave the number of the room next to me.

It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,

"Why are you calling me?"

Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.

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Good Mother in Law

A daughter was talking to her mom about married life, she told her mom that she wanted to divorce her husband because he liked anal sex. She told her mom that when she married her husband her asshole was the size of a dime and now it was the size of a quarter. Her mom said honey, he is a millionaire, he gives you $10,000 a week for clothes, you travel all the time, you have houses all over the world, you get a new Mercedes every 6 months and you are bitching about 15 cents?

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A traveling salesman approaches a home...

He rings the doorbell, and a 10 year-old boy answers the door.

The boy has a scotch in one hand, a playboy tucked under his arm, and a lit cigar hanging from his mouth.

Salesman: "Uh, son, are your parents home?"

Boy: "The fuck do you think?"

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An Irish travel agent gives advice

So there is this Irish Travel Agent and he always tries to get people to go to and visit Ireland, this old woman asks him where she should go visit..so he starts talking about how great Ireland is and the lady says back, well " I don't like cold weather, the constant rain, and all the Catholics there. So the travel agent says back to her " Well ma'am then you should go to hell, its hot, it never rains and there are no catholics...

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What do we want?

Time Travel! When do we want it? It's irrelevant!

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A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...

The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."

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Men are greedy bastards.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.

The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.

Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember - fairies are female.

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The economy is doing really bad...

Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.

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I was staying in an Hotel

Last night I was staying in an hotel, trying to get some sleep after a long day of travel, meetings, and work.



I kept getting woken up by a woman screaming at me and beating on the door of the room.



She just wouldn't stop, I tried to ignore her as best I could but I finally came to accept the fact, after a few hours, if I wanted to get any sleep, I would have to let her out.


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What's a ghost's favorite way to travel?

Spirit airlines.

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I'd like to travel to Holland

Wooden shoe?

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Dead Pussy

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.


An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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Job opening in a fast paced company

Do you want a corner office with a view?
Do you like being paid to travel in a $400,000 company paid vehicle?
Do you like to be in control of your job and steer it in the direction you want?
Do you want people to respect you, and get out of your way?

Bob did, so he became a bus driver in our company. You can be one too! Apply today!

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A guy walks into a store and says...

A guy walks into a store and says, Excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick and some strings.

The clerk looks at him uncomprehendingly. Pardon?

I'd like a guitar pick, please, and some strings.

The clerk thinks for a moment and says, You're a drummer, aren't you?

Yeah! How did you know?

This is a travel agency.

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Why does LeVar Burton not like to travel by airplane?

He usually flies twice as high.

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How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.

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Why dont mexicans cross the border in groups of 3's?
Cuz the signs at the border say no Trespassing.

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Why is a blonde like a railway track? She gets laid all over the country.

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When will pigs fly? When we launch them to mars for the astronauts to have bacon!

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Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

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Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk!

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-Neutrino. Knock knock.



\-We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.

\-Hipsters liked neutrinos before they arrived.

\-I wrote a speed of light joke...but a neutrino beat me to it.

\-A. To prove particles can travel faster than light Q. Why did the neutrino cross the road?

\-I'm going to tweet my neutrino joke yesterday.

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You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.

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Why did the chicken cross the MΓΆbius strip? To get to the same side!

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Q: What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second?
A: First honeymoon, Niagara.

Second honeymoon, Viagra.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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Q: Why did the one handed man cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.

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Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: To get to the bottom...

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Q: The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I?
A: footsteps

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When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?
When it's on the train.

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What do cows usually fly around in?
Helicowpters and Bulloons.

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A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peacekeeping mission.


During a briefing on landmines, the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

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Where do cows go on their summer vacation? Moo York.

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Have you ever tried camping sex? No, well its fucking in tents!

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What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses!

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A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.


The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.

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Q: why did the cow cross the road?
A: So he could pass the milkyway.

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What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.

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Two blondes were driving to Disneyland.

The sign said, "Disneyland Left". So they started crying and went home.

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Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!

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What can tourists do on a $65 tour of gang turf in Los Angeles? Purchase a postcard, t-shirt, and some crystal meth!

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The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away.

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Chuck Norris once climbed Mt Everest by accident.

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One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land.


When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.

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Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.

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Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you'll go places.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best travel jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about travel. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty travel gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these travel jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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