Travel Jokes
148 travel jokes and hilarious travel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about travel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
With a wide selection of travel jokes about travel agents to travel nightmares, this article will be sure to bring a smile to your face. Whether you're a travel nurse, interested in travel related topics, or just looking for a laugh, this compilation of travel jokes has it all. From travel insurance to travel trailers, Aang to Righ, and cities to countries, you'll find a joke for any travel related topic you can think of.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Travel Short Jokes
Short travel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The travel humour may include short trip jokes also.
- If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
This is not a political post, I just want to travel - My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips... "Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk." - The bartender says "No time travelers allowed in this bar" Two time travelers walk into a bar
- A Russian Tourist Travels Abroad. Border guard: Nationality?
tourist: Russian.
Border guard: Occupation?
Tourist: No, no, just visiting this time. - Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
- A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you? The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
- The punchline comes before the joke You know what the worst thing about time travel jokes is?
- The barman says, We don't serve time travelers in here. A time traveler walks into a bar.
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Travel One Liners
Which travel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with travel? I can suggest the ones about flight and venture.
- How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane
- Gas prices are so high... That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
- What did the Egyptians use to travel to the Underworld? A new bus.
- Because the punchline gets spoiled early. Why is this time travel joke not funny?
- I wanted to make a joke about time travel... ...but you guys didn't like it.
- I was going to tell you all a joke about time travel. Unfortunately none of you liked it.
- Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
- If I Cuold Time Travel I would fix the title.
- Iran bans Americans from traveling there. Won't beheading there anymore
- and asks for a drink. A time traveller walks into a bar
- How did a bit travel from the CPU to the HDD? It took the bus.
- The punchline comes first. How can you be sure that a comedian has traveled back in time?
- What kind of trails does a crazy person travel? Psychopaths. (I hate myself)
- The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite So he went back four seconds.
- What does a time traveler do when he's hungry? He goes back 4 seconds.
Time Travel Jokes
Here is a list of funny time travel jokes and even better time travel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- With the punchline first. How did the time traveler tell his jokes?
(I'm sorry, it was just so easy!) - ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.
- A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963. However, he does not know the exact date.
He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
"Is today before or after the JF-"
"Before" - One How many time travellers does it take to change a light bulb?
- In the old West, a lantern was often mounted on a horse for night time travel.... It was thought to be the first generation of 'Saddle-Light-Navigation'.
- If Marty McFly isn't the most famous time traveler, then Who is.
- He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar.
- Yes, it is. Is time travel possible?
- Now! What do we want? Time traveller jokes.
When do we want them? - "What do we want!?" "TIME TRAVEL!!" "When do we want it?!"
"IT'S IRRELEVANT!"
Travel Agent Jokes
Here is a list of funny travel agent jokes and even better travel agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico. The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.
- What did the librarian say to the travel agent? Find what you're booking for?
Travel Expenses Jokes
Here is a list of funny travel expenses jokes and even better travel expenses puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- - I like to travel in first - But is expensive, is not?
- Yes, I have already broken three cars!!
European joke... - This travelling to different countries to watch Suits is getting real expensive! Netflix US.
- Why was it expensive for ghosts to travel abroad? There was a heavy customs duty on spirits of every kind.
Air Travel Jokes
Here is a list of funny air travel jokes and even better air travel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's not true that air travel has become a circus. Circuses may feature the same level of animal cruelty, sadness and clowns as air travel, but circuses actually start on time.
- A man in Victorian clothes just appeared out of thin air and handed me a fistful of herbs. I think he might be a Thyme traveller.
- Vaccines are a gateway drug. To concerts and air travel.
- Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
- What do you call it when Michael J Fox travels by air? Shakes on a Plane.
- How to Jews travel? By air.
Travel Nightmare Jokes
Here is a list of funny travel nightmare jokes and even better travel nightmare puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As a dyslexic, travel can be a nightmare Sorry, wrong bus.
Rib-Tickling Travel Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about travel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tour jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make travel pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Travelling Tip
Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.
I leave the number of the room next to me.
It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,
"Why are you calling me?"
Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.
A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...
The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."
I was staying in an Hotel
Last night I was staying in an hotel, trying to get some sleep after a long day of travel, meetings, and work.
I kept getting woken up by a woman screaming at me and beating on the door of the room.
She just wouldn't stop, I tried to ignore her as best I could but I finally came to accept the fact, after a few hours, if I wanted to get any sleep, I would have to let her out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men are greedy b**....
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.
The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.
Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful b**... should remember - fairies are female.
The economy is doing really bad...
Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.
There was a business man that used to travel a lot
But every time he went to the airport, he got sick right away.
When he visited his doctor, the doc said "Its nothing serious. You're just terminally ill".
An Arab student e-mails his dad
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Second Honeymoon
Wife was reading a travel magazine and asked her husband..
"Honey, should we try Greece for our second honeymoon?"
Husband replied "What's wrong with k**...?"
If Jesus is always walking with me in my life, then when I look back, why do I only see one set of footprints?
Sandpeople always travel single file to hide their numbers.
This and That are both on summer break.
That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.
i have no idea where this is going
I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"
...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun)
It was worth every Penne.
if the gas station is 2 miles away..
..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
Did you hear Vladimir Putin made a travel sized Russia?
It is the perfect country to Putin your pocket.
I was once addicted to time travel
But that's all in the past now
So, the God decides he needs a vacation...
He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...
The Trump Travel ban was refused due to lack of evidence..
Apparently "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it" wasn't enough
How do fleas travel?
They itch-hike
What distance does light travel on a diet?
Lite years.
Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?
No, he simply vanished into Finnair
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do blondes travel in odd-numbered packs?
Because they can't even.
What happened when the clown-fish tried to fast travel?
You cannot fast travel when anemone is nearby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of m**...
A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of m**.... He argued that there was no way he could have done it, as he was in vacation in Prague for the week of the killing. The FBI took note of his travel records and let him go; his alibi czeched out.
My girl wants to travel so bad
I told her to pick up a basketball and take three step
How do dictators travel on the sea?
In dictatorships.
Arthur C Clarke, CS Lewis & JRR Tolkien walk into a bar...
Clarke, Lewis and Tolkien walk into a bar arguing about how characters should travel.
Clarke says they should take a spaceship and Tolkien says they should walk. Lewis says that can just step through a wardrobe.
When asked how that's possible Lewis says "Narnia business"
A German is traveling to France
A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German, Reason for travel?
For work, replies the German.
Occupation? asks the agent.
No, I'll just be here a few days.
Why don't airplanes have a 'reverse' drive?
No one wants a receding airline...
I have no idea if airplanes can actually travel in reverse, just go with me folks ;)
How fast does light travel?
I don't know. But it gets here too early in the morning.
Instead of Traveling to Oz, the Tin Man, the Lion, and The Scarecrow should run for Congress
As they lack a heart, mind, and courage
Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest
Stephen Hawking won by a landslide
I wish that I could finish my time travel project
And I also wish that I would stop bugging me yesterday while I'm working on it
The job of your dreams
Do you want to drive a vehicle worth $100,000?
Do you want a corner office with windows?
Do you love to travel?
If so, then become a bus driver!
Why is *traveled* spelled *travelled* by the British?
Because they traveled home with that *L* in 1776
I met my wife in a travel agency.
She was looking for a holiday and I was the last resort.
I feel like there should be a travel book for India called
A definitive guide to India: The Hindus and the Hindont's
My mom was checking out some glossy brochures to travel to a place she's never been where she'd be waited on hand and foot 24/7 with all inclusive dining and entertainment
I agreed and put her in a nursing home
A woman asked her husband what do you want me to bring for you when i come back from Russia?
The husband said: I've heard that Russian girls are very pretty, bring one of them for me.
After few weeks, the woman comes back from her travel, her husband asks her: where's the girl?
She responds with: you'll have to wait 9 month for her to arrive
Why did Waldo travel the world?
To find himself
People say that there is always one wierd person on the bus, but I don't get it.
I travel by bus everyday and I never see any wierd people. Everyone looks normal. It doesn't matter how long I stare at them.
A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse..
And since it was getting late, he asked the farmer if he could sleep in the barn that night. The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"
Why do popular teenage girls travel in odd numbers?
Because they can't even.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7?
Because they literally can't even.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I travelled back in time 100 years and went around calling everyone "gay"...
They'd all be happy
This year was the first year I couldnt travel to Europe because of Covid-19.
Before this I couldnt because I didnt have money.
I've traveled the world and met people from many countries.
From my experience, American kids are some of the nicest, but German children are kinder
You'll be disappointed.
Wanna hear a bad time travel joke?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do teenagers travel in groups of three?
Because they can't even.
Why can cutlery teleport but not time travel?
It's silverwhere, not silverwhen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little insquisitive...
"Why do we have two humps," asked the son.
"That's so we can go for days without water. We can store it in the humps."
"Why do we have very long eyelashes?
"That," he was told, "is to protect the eyes from sand in a sand storm."
"And why do we have bulbous looking feet?"
"That's so we're can travel twice as fast through the desert."
"Dad," asked the young camel, "What the h**... are we doing in this zoo?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I invented time travel and killed my grandfather to see if I wouldn't be born
It's the worst way to get to know I'm adopted..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do sorority girls always travel in odd numbers?
Because they can't even.
Why do EMTs always travel in groups of two?
Because they're a pair-a-medics!
I'm planning a camping holiday but, I have to say, I'm far from impressed with my travel insurance.
It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night, I'll no longer be covered.
Why do red tsunamis travel so far?
longer wavelength
This is the first year I'm not going to travel because of covid
Normally it's because I'm poor
A couple had been married for 35 years,
the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 m**... Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP
A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink.
A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink. "Having a bad day?", the barkeep asks. "I guess you could say so. I just accidently time travelled back into the 20th century." "Really? What did you change?" "Oh heavens, nothing! I just went straight back to the present. Do you know how dangerous time travel is? Who knows what I might have changed if I hadn't been so careful. I might have caused a second world war."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men on a bike
Three men were travelling on the same bike when they were caught by a policeman.
"Don't you know it's i**... for more than 2 people to travel on a bike? Why are there three of you?"
"Three?! s**..., where's James?!"
Due to travel restrictions this year...
United States had to organize coups at home
With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!
It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys chatting at the bar....
One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular b**... and I accidentally asked for two plane-t**..." His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my wife to pass the corn-flakes and accidentally said, "You fat cow, you've totally ruined my life"'
When I was traveling in Japan, I asked a shopkeeper, "This apple is from Fukushima, isn't it?"
"Why do you ask that?" Said the owner.
"Yeah, why do you ask that?" Said the apple.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Thor was bored with life on Asgard and one day decided travel to earth to entertain himself.
Whilst here he happened upon a beautiful maiden and the pair hooked up that evening and made love all night, with Thor slipping out in the early hours.
Back in Asgard Thor felt bad for the fair lady about slipping away never too be seen again and thought he at least owed it to her to explain things - so he made his way back to earth to find her.
He bumps into her again. "Hi' he states 'I think I should explain - I'm Thor"
"*I'm Thor"?!* The lady retorted, "I can hardly thit down!"
Step 1: Travel back in time
Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Prophet
