Travel Agent Jokes
14 travel agent jokes and hilarious travel agent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about travel agent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Travel Agent Short Jokes
Short travel agent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The travel agent humour may include short tour guide jokes also.
- A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963. However, he does not know the exact date.
He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
"Is today before or after the JF-"
"Before" - Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico. The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.
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Travel Agent One Liners
Which travel agent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with travel agent? I can suggest the ones about insurance agent and estate agent.
- What did the librarian say to the travel agent? Find what you're booking for?
Giggle-Inducing Travel Agent Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about travel agent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tourist guide jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make travel agent pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
Welcome to Australia!
A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure," he replies.
"Anything to declare?"
"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.
"Do you have a criminal history?"
Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.
"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"
So, the God decides he needs a vacation...
He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...
A German is traveling to France
A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German, Reason for travel?
For work, replies the German.
Occupation? asks the agent.
No, I'll just be here a few days.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
d**...
A guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent...
Last year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The year before that you suggested a safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And before that you suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant. Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so that I can take her with me!
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."
An act of Kindness....
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
They, as expected, gladly accepted the offer, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop."And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you.
But, one thing puzzled me.
"Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Sheikh was talking to his travel agent....
Sheikh: I am about ready for a vacation. Only this year, I am going to do it a little differently....
The last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go....
Three years ago you said go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and spent some days and my wife Razia got pregnant.....
Then two years ago, you told me to enjoy Bahamas, and Razia got
pregnant again....
Last year you suggested Tahiti and Razia once again got pregnant.....
Travel agent: So, what are you going to do this year that is different?....
Sheikh replied: This year I'm taking Razia with me :-)
More grandfather jokes.
I've seen a few people posting their grandfather's jokes here recently. Mine is in the hospital right now recovering from heart surgery, so I figured I'd share a few he told me.
There was a Mexican man who was a huge baseball fan. It was his dream in life just to be in the stands at a World Series game. So, he saves up for years, travels to the US, but when he gets there he finds that the game is sold out. He tells his story to a ticket agent, who is sympathetic.
"Here's what I can do for you. I can sneak you in, but the only place you'll be able to sit is on top of the flag pole. I have to warn you, though, the view is awful." The Mexican man agrees, excited at the opportunity to even see the game.
After it ends, the Mexican man goes and finds the ticket agent, and thanks him profusely.
"This has been the best day of my life! Everyone in the stadium was so friendly! Right before the game started, everyone turned to me and asked, Jose, can you see?"