trash Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious trash puns

One man's trash is another Man's treasure

Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.

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Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash

I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.

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"One mans trash is another mans treasure" is a great quote but,

its not the best way to tell your kid that hes adopted.

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George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

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Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

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"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

is one way to tell your kid that they're adopted.

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One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

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The Imperial Wizard of the KKK was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping white trash in our water.

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Where's your bin?

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin.

"Hey bub, where's ya bin`"
"I took a little vacation for a few weeks,"
"No. I meant where's your bin?"
"Told ya, vacation, at the beach!"
"No man. Where's ya wheely bin?"
"Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

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Have you seen the new documentary about white trash?

I've only seen the trailer.

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Girl, you must be a trash can...

Because I want to take off your top and stick my junk in you.

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I'm done buying trash bags...

I always just end up throwing them away anyways

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I bought a trash compactor for my ex-wife

Or, as Victoria Secret calls it - a corset

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There is a time and place for decaf coffee

Never and in the trash.

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A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash...

Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"

HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

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My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

[email protected]#$%^&*

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"One man's trash is another man's treasure..."

Was a pretty terrible way for my dad to tell me I was adopted.

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Dad joke heard at the beach

Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.

This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?"

I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.

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I went into the kitchen this morning and noticed the trash was leaking

Or crying as she calls it.

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Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!

Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

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There were three Nuns in a house..

The first Nun says, "I was cleaning the Fathers room this morning, and guess what i found? Pornographic magazines!" The second Nun says, "Well what did you do?" "I threw them all in the trash!" The Nun replied. Then the second Nun says, " Well, i was putting laundry in the Fathers room this morning, and i found some condoms on his dresser!" "Well what did you do?" the first nun asks. "I poked holes in all of them!" The third Nun goes, "Oh, shit!"

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I hear voices telling me to do things I don't want to do

"Take out the trash"

"Do the dishes"

"Clean the litter box"

Why did I get married?

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Jimmy in the school..

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"

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I've always said that one man's trash is another man's treasure.

But apparently that's not a good way to tell a child he's adopted.

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What is worse than two children in a trash bin?

One child in two trash bins.

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That half man, half horse...

Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was kicking over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.

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One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...

We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.

We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash.

"What was that about?" I asked as she returned to her seat.

She smiled and replied "Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate so I always throw the chocolate flavored ones away."

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I made a new mixtape, it was trash

Until I played it on my new galaxy note 7, then it was fire

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My mother called me a son of a bitch

One time my mother called me a son of a bitch, so I hit her because no one talks trash about my mother, then I hit myself because no one hits my mother, she then hit me because no one hits her son and then hit herself because no one hits me, so I hit her because no one hits my mother.

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Sweden runs out of trash to recycle...

... Where's PewDiePie when you need him.

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My Dad being an asshole to an 8 year old

Best April Fools Day joke; i was like 7 or 8, my dad and I are talking trash all of March 31st about who is gonna prank who better. Morning of april 1st my dad wakes me up and rushes me into the shower, has me change my clothes, and eat breakfast. As I'm about to head out to the bus stop I noticed it was pretty dark, thats because it was 3 in the morning...

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Anything you want, baby.

There once was a man who had done everything his wife told him to since the day they were married. Whether it was taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or pulling weeds, he did it the second she asked.

Then one day, his son decided that he had been befuddled as to why he did this for to long. So he confronted his father while he was cleaning the bathroom.

"Daddy," the young boy said, "Why do you do everything Mommy says?"

"Well son, before you were born, even before your mom and I were married, I made a promise that if I did anything she asked, I could decide your name." The father explained.

The boy walked away with it, relieved he finally had an answer.

However, the boy later reminded his father of the question and asked:

"Was it worth it, Daddy?'

The father, without hesitating said, "Yes, Goku, yes it was."

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Girl you look like trash...

Let me take you out

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A physicist, an engineer, a mathematician, and a statistician were all staying at the same hotel.

One night, the physicist wakes up to see that his trash can is on fire. He quickly grabs a bucket of water and puts the fire out.

The engineer is also sleeping and wakes up to see that his trash can is on fire as well. He pulls out his calculator and calculates the exact amount of water necessary to put the fire out. He then proceeds to actually put the fire out.

The mathematician likewise wakes up to see his trash can on fire. He pulls out his calculator and calculates that water can be used to put fires out. He then returns to his bed.

The statistician continues setting trash cans on fire to get a larger sample size.

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My wife says I never take out the trash. I disagree.

We just had our anniversary dinner last week.

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What are the most funny Trash jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Trash? Well, here are the best Trash dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Trash pick up lines to share with friends.

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