Trap Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

Don't spell part backwards

It's a trap

My 5 y/o cousins joke :)

Him:Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Him: It's the chicken!

I fell right into the little tackers trap!

A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...

and spots a speeder.

He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

A church has a rat problem

The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.

Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.

Don't read part A backwards

Its A trap

15 dollars for a rat trap, 3 dollars for cheese

Coming home to find a house not full of droppings?. Miceless.

Is my Thai girlfriend a trap?

Something deep inside me says yes

Please don't type Part A backwards

It's a trap!

How do you trap an elephant?

Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole

I tripped over my sister's bra the other day

It was boobie trap

If you see a toilet in your dream, do not use it.

It's a trap.

I walked into my sisters room and tripped on a bra...

It was a booby trap!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Stolen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^from ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^The ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Last ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^us

The Trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.

One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.

When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.

"Absolutely not!", said her son.

I trapped a bunch of vegans in my basement

I'm not actually sure if If they're vegans, but they keep shouting lettuce leaf!

What do you call a woman that tries to force you into commitment?

A booby trap

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."

The wolf says, "I spent my winter in a henhouse. Each day I ate two hens. The owner counted the hens, brought out his shotgun, and I almost got shot."

The fox says, "I spent my winter at a construction site where there were lots of Mexicans. Nobody counts those bastards."

How do you catch a bra?

With a booby trap!

help me

help me, I am trapped
in a haiku factory
save me before they

What do you call a bra that tightens the more you try to take it off?

A booby trap!

A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway.

A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway. After hours of waiting, he finally sees a car speeding down the highway towards him. He clocks the car at nearly double the speed limit, quickly pulls him over and walks up to the driver.

Cop: "I've been waiting for someone like you to come around all day, boy."


Driver: "Well I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"

How do you trap an elephant?

Start by digging a big hole in the ground then fill it with ashes. Take some peanuts and place them around the edge of the hole. When the elephant comes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash-hole.

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.

Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the water trap but still lands in the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls in for a hole in one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we won't bring you next time!"

A King asks two guards to protect his beautiful daughter's virginity...

Unbeknownst to the guards, the king put a trap in his daughter's nether regions.

The next day, the king summons the guards and one showed up with mangled genitals. The King had him executed for making attempts on his daughter.

The other guard, with his manhood intact was offered a promotion for upholding abstinence, to which he replied "hnnnggg"

What do you call it when your friends trick you into going to the strip club?

A booby trap.

Lawyer and Witness

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.
The following exchange took place between the lawyer
and the witness:

The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident
happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well,
sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly
that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took
out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer
would ask me that question."

So Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are locked in their final showdown...

...light sabers are flashing, the balance is delicate, but suddenly Luke knocks Darth's weapon away. As it's skidding out of reach, Luke moves in for the final blow. Quickly, Darth holds up a hand and says "Luke, wait! I need to tell you something". Luke, sensing a trap, asks why he should do such a thing. Darth replies, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas." Slightly taken aback, Luke asks "How do you know that?". Darth replies "Luke, I felt your presents."

Favorite joke from childhood.

A police officer is hanging by a speed trap and he sees a man in a convertible... with a penguin in the passenger seat! He pulls them over.

"Sir, what are you doing with a penguin?"

"I saw him wondering around the streets, so I adopted him. Isn't he cute!"

"Sir, you are to take that penguin to the zoo immediately."

"Yes officer."

Next day officer is at the same exact speed trap and sees the same exact car... with the same exact penguin!

"Sir, I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

"I did officer. Had a blast! Today we're going to the beach!"

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...

...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her...

and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, & went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...

When he finished & was still panting, the wife said: You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you? And then she switched on the light...

No madam, said the gardener…

A man fell for a speed trap...

A man fell for a speed trap along a road and wanting to avoid the ticket proceeded to speed, hoping to outrun the cop who was in hot pursuit. Finally the man pulled over. Realizing there would be a lot of paperwork involved and being the end of the day, the officer told the speeder, "I'll let you off with a warning if you can give me one good reason as to why you were speeding." The speeder responded, "You see officer, my wife left me last week for a cop and I thought you were trying to return her."

A nun and a priest

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing.
The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap.
He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!".
The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again.
He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!".
The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again.
On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly.
Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".

I tripped over my wife's bra.



It was a booby trap.

I went to wake up my parents and accidentally stepped on my moms bra.

It was a boobie trap

If someone asks you to spell 'part' backwards, don't do it

It's a trap

I went hunting today and caught a breast

I used a booby trap

A guy gets raped by a bear while hunting...

and the bear runs off before he can shoot it.
The next weekend, he comes back with 2 guns and a bear trap, but the wily bear somehow sneaks up on him and rapes him AGAIN!
The third weekend, the guy comes back with a knife, a pistol, a shotgun, a rifle, 2 bear traps and a taser. As he is setting up his array of weapons, he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to find himself face to face with the bear, who says "Let's be honest, mister. You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"

I've had a rough morning.

I woke up and tripped over my wife's bra; it was a booby trap.

For a while Houdini used trap doors in every act

It was a stage he was going through

Today, I tripped over a bra.

I guess it can be called a booby trap.

A polish joke my grandpa told me: "What happened to the Polish dog?"

He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap

Got trapped in a bidding war for a house with a lengthy corridor

I'm in it for the long hall

How do you trap a blonde in a room?

Put a 'Do Not Enter' sign on the back of the door.

How many trap producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, but it's lit

In the vein of today's Star Wars announcement, a topical joke

In a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke: "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously: "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader: "Because I've felt your presents..."

My pet mouse "Elvis" died yesterday...

He was caught in a trap.

A woman just asked me what 'mansplaining' is.

I think it's a trap. We've been staring at each other in silence for nearly an hour now.

Three Mice Are Bragging to eachother

The first mouse says: I will eat tons of mouse-poison, but it does nothing to me. The second mouse says, well for me a mouse trap is peanuts! I just pull the lever and take the cheese!

The Third says: Oh you two, stop bragging already! Wait... what time is it? Oh, I have to go home, i have to feed the cat!

Some football fans are stranded in the woods

There are 3 of them.
One liverpool fan, one hartlepool fan and an arsenal fan.
They decide that they are going to need some food if they are to survive.
They set a trap and manage to capture a bear.
"We can't eat bear meat!" the arsenal fan shouts, "we're going to die if we don't" the liverpool fan replies, the hartlepool fan agrees with the liverpool fan.
They then decide how they are going to split the bear.
"I'll have the liver since I'm from liverpool" says the liverpool fan,
"I'll have the heart since I'm from hartlepool" says the hartlepool fan, and the arsenal fans shrieks "I'm not hungry".

What do you do with a 6ft Ahole?

I man was late for work and speeding to his job. He came over the hill of a bridge and found himself in a speed trap. The cop pulls him over and walks up to his car.
Cop: sir why were you speeding?
Man: I'm late for work
Cop: what do you do that's so important you think you can speed?
Man: I'm an a**hole stretcher
Cop: "looking confused" what's an a**hole stretcher.
Man: I stretch a**holes
Cop: what, how??
Man: well you start with one thumb then two then your fist then two fist then you put in the machine and before you know it you got a 6ft a**hole.
Cop: WTH you do with a 6ft a**hole?
Man: you give him a radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge.

How to trap a Bear.

1.) Dig a Hole.
2.) Put Peas around the Hole.
3.) Put ashes inside the Hole.
4.) When the Bear comes to take a Pea Kick him in the ash hole.

Moses, Jesus and a third man are playing golf one day.

Moses is up first. He hits a nice shot, but it dips and lands in a water trap. Moses quickly raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls out of the trap.

Jesus is up next. He hits an almost identical shot, again landing in the water trap. The ball hovers a few inches over the surface of the water, and Jesus casually strolls out and chips the ball up onto the green.

The third man is up last. He hits a long shot, but it's going in a wrong direction. It flies off the course to the left and into traffic. It hits a truck and bounces off, landing on the roof of the pro shop and rolling down the roof until it bounces down the course. It lands in the same water trap. A frog takes the ball in its mouth when suddenly a hawk flies down, picks up the frog, and as they fly over the green the frog drops the ball into a hole for a perfect hole-in-one.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."

Why did Houdini start using trap doors in his routine?

It was just a stage he was going through.

What's the most messed up trap for Santa?

A Nicolas Cage.

The bear trap

A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified doctor was examining him, he said "Man, how did this happen?"

The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap was triggered and snapped shut on his testicles. "Oh," exclaims the doctor, "The pain must have been excruciating!"

"It was," said the hunter. "The second worst pain in my life."

"Second worst? What could have been worse than that?"

"Coming to the end of the chain" said the hunter.

Fell into a pile of my wife's bra's and couldn't get out.

It was a booby trap.

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.

The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question.

Two men walk in a bar...

They see that one of the stools has a bra on it. One man goes to reach for it, the other man shouts Stop, it could be a booby trap! .

Do not go to the bathroom in a dream.

Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It's a trap!

A guy is out hunting...

He sees a bear and shoots at it. He misses, and suddenly slips and falls down the mountainside. His leg is caught in a bear trap, and the bear is coming right towards him. He cries out, "Lord, I know I've done some bad things in my life, but I promise to repent now if you make this bear a Christian!" The bear skids to a halt, drops to his knees, clasps his paws together and says, "O Lord, I thank you for the food I am about to receive!"

What are the funniest trap jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Trap? Well, here are the best Trap puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Trap pick up lines to share with friends.

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