Share Hilarious Transplant Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
If I ever find the surgeon who s**... up my transplant I'll kill him...
With my bear hands
A man is in urgent need for transplant buttocks after an accident.
Doctors report no end in sight.
A man has undergone the first successful hand transplant in the UK. Doctors say he can move his fingers, but still doesn't have any feeling.
Also, he won't come out of the bathroom for some reason.
After my heart transplant
I've really had a change of heart.
Did you hear about the brain surgeon who was thinking of performing a brain transplant on himself?
He ended up having a change of mind.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, your body rejected the transplant
A man waiting for a heart transplant...
... says "I only want the heart of a dead lawyer." "Why?" asks the doctor.
"I want one that's never been used."
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, the loogeys aren't yours!
A man who recently lost his eye goes into the doctor...
Patient: "Doctor, is there anything we can do to replace my eye?"
Doctor: "Well, we could transplant a donor eye.."
Patient: "Really? Would I be able to see again?!"
Doctor: "No, but it's just for looks anyway!"
Losing my virginity was alot like performing a heart transplant operation.
Someone had to die for it to happen.
John regrets getting a brain transplant.
I guess he changed his mind.
You can explore transplant procedure reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean transplant tonsillectomy dad jokes. There are also transplant puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
I gave her my heart
but what she really needed was kidney transplant...
My patient was refused his o**... transplant.
But I didn't have the heart to tell him.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
A neurosurgeon is preparing his patient for a brain transplant...
He tells the patient: "Would you like a woman's brain or a man's brain?"
"Why are there options?" the patient asks.
"Well," replies the Surgeon, "the woman's brain is half the price of the man's!
"Why is it half price?" asks the man.
"Because it's used!"
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant
but then I changed my mind
The shortage of transplant kidneys in Britain is pretty bad
But at least they have a liver pool.
What's the worst thing about a lung transplant?
Coughing up someone else's phlegm
I thought about getting a brain transplant
But then i changed my mind
What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant?
A hip-hop hip op.
A man was balding very quickly
But he did not want to get a hair transplant nor did he want to take some odd medicine for it. So he decided to tattoo a rabbit on his scalp instead.
A friend of the man asked: "Why would you tattoo a rabbit on your head?"
The man answered: "Because from a distance it looks like hare."
Was gonna get a brain transplant
I changed my mind
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount o**... transplant again
What type of fish can perform a liver transplant?
A sturgeon.
What do you call a flower that had a s**... change?
A transplant.
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first cough is not your phlegm.
If I ever need a heart transplant..
I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
The hospital told me I needed a cardiac transplant, and initially I agreed to it.
But then I had a change of heart.
Did you hear about the man who was taken off the o**... transplant list?
He was so disheartened
How do you tell if a ball transplant has been successful?
You give it a test tickle.
Never perform an o**... transplant on a frog.
It's very disheartening and they usually croak.
A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
Two Puns
Man, I was going to eat a clock, but then I thought, that's to time consuming.
Man, I was ganna get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.
You guys might aswell call me re"pun"sul. I'm way to punny.
(Sorry if I make you cringe)
When I promise to come up with an o**... transplant pun...
I de-liver.
I was thinking of getting a brain transplant
I changed my mind
An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants
It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for €5000 cheaper than an american.
Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"
"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"
My cousin was going to get a heart transplant
But then he had a change of heart.
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, 'We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.'
'I'll take the lawyer's heart,' says the patient.
'Why?' asks the doctor.
The patient replies, 'It's never been used.'
What do you call a guy who dresses up like a flower child?
A transplant
What's the worst thing about having a lung transplant?
Realising that the first time you cough, the phlegm isn't yours.
Did you hear about the guy whose vocal cords were damaged in an accident, so they had to do a transplant from a puppy?
He's doing okay but his voice is a little husky now.
Initially I didn't want to have the brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Why does moving a plant from one place to another change it's gender?
Because it's a trans-plant.
I tried to tell the doctor that I didn't want a brain transplant.
But he changed my mind.
What do German girls call getting divorced and remarried?
A Herr transplant.
I need a brain transplant
Change my mind.
My sister recently had a transplant...
... but then she traded it in for a b**... fern.
At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant
then I changed her mind
Bill: "Did you hear about Zack having a brain transplant?"
John: "Yes, but didn't he change his mind in the end?"
Did you hear about the guy who was scheduled to get a brain transplant?
He changed his mind.
Did you hear about the dandelion that's saying it's a rose?
Turns out, it's a transplant
At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.
They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.
I went in to get a brain transplant..
..thankfully the surgeon managed to change my mind.
What do you call a flower getting a s**... change?
A Transplant
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
They say "Be the change you want to see in others"
So I've decided to get big breast transplant tomorrow
A Patient Needs a Heart Transplant
The surgeon tells the patient, "You are in luck; we have two matching donors! A twenty-year-old athlete and an eighty-year-old lawyer. Which heart do you want?"
The patient answers, "Give me the lawyer's heart. That one hasn't been used yet."
I always thought a brain transplant was far too risky.
Then I changed my mind...
What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot?
A transplant.
I decided that I wasn't going to get a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind
I used to think that cardiac transplant surgery wasn't for me
But then I had a change of heart
I'm looking for someone with a good heart, not someone with good looks.
Please I really need that heart transplant
I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad.
I had to get a double kid knee transplant.
What is another term for a lung transplant?
Breath Implants
I told my doctor I didn't want a brain transplant.
But he changed my mind.
A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.
The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.
The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.
Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks Why did you choose that heart?
The patient responds Because I know that heart has never been used.
My wife was showing me a really unique houseplant she was growing. When she first planted it, it was a male, and it produced pollen.
After a while, it stopped producing pollen and started making seeds. It had outgrown its p**..., so my wife wanted me to help her put it in a larger one. I said, Sure, I can help you transplant the transplant.
Why did the rich transplant surgeon go to jail?
He got caught red-handed, inside her trading.
A Husband and Wife were messaging each other.
Husband: You are negative
Wife: And you are stubborn, arrogant, a low life, care about no one but yourself and your friends, all you are interested in is your own self, and in all your life you've not fulfilled even one of your promises. I'm the only one that has to put up with such a miserly and insensitive man. You good for nothing, fat, ugly man. Even your hair transplant failed.
Husband: I was just letting you know that your Covid test was negative.
The doctor too me…
The doctor told me I needed a brain transplant.
I don't want it.
But he changed my mind.
I didn't want a brain Transplant
But then they changed my mind
I was going to get a brain transplant
But I changed my mind.
What's the medical term for an a**... transplant?
An election.
Today, David received the first-ever pig-to-human heart transplant...
When he came home, his wife had some bad news.
But before she could say anything, he pleaded, don't go bacon my heart!
(
We have a first successful pig heart transplant.
Bacon is now both the cause and the solution of our heart problems.
Did you hear for the first time they successfully turned a pistil into a stamen?
It was the world's first TRANS-plant.
This one's sappy…
I named the new tree in my yard Spruce Jenner. It's a transplant.
The guy who received the first pig heart transplant gave a radio interview yesterday
I tried to listen, but I could only hear crackling
A surgeon told me I was in grave need of a brain transplant.
I refused, telling her she wouldn't change my mind.
My American girlfriend recently had a knee transplant here in London
which is ironic as her name is Britney
