transmitted Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious transmitted puns

What's sexually transmitted and has a 100% death rate?



Life is...

... A sexually transmitted disease.


The first known case of the Zika virus in the United States has been found in Texas and was transmitted via sexual contact.

Officials believe the case will end how it began: With someone getting a little head.


Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids


A man goes to a doctor for a check up.

The doctor asks him if he has any sexually transmitted diseases. To which the man replied, "Yes. I have two children."


A kid is walking down the street in the redlight district

A police officer walks up to him and says Hello sonny, how are you doing?

Kid says alright

Cop says well what are you doing?

Kid says I'm looking for a whore

Cop says A whore? How old are you?

Kid says I'm nine...

Cop says Well what do you want a whore for?

Kid says So I can get a disease

Cop says Blimey, what kind of disease?

Kid says A sexually transmitted one...

Cop says What do you want a bloody disease for?

Kid says Well if I get it, I go home and fuck the
babysitter and she gets it, then she fucks my dad and he gets it, then he fucks my mom and she gets it, then she fucks the gardner, and that's the cunt I'm after because he squashed my frog.


My doctor asked me what I use to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases. . .

I said: my face.


Why are there very few books on Lesbian sex?

Because it is mainly orally transmitted.


Today a woman came into my doctor's office with a sexually transmitted mental illness.

She was fucking crazy.


A Girl In London

Two men in a bar. One says "A girl I met in London gave me a sexually transmitted disease". His mate replies "you were lucky, in Yorkshire you would have had to pay for it!"


Scientists recently discovered a sexually transmitted disease affecting many bird species.

No need to worry though. I hear it's tweetable.


Children are like AIDS

They are sexually transmitted, incurable till death and they fuck up your sex lives.


Which STD is transmitted through sound...

The clap.

Yes this joke was just posted but I think my punchline is better.


Scientists Find Zika Might Be Transmitted by Oral Sex

The study suggests a little head may result in a little head.


What is more dangerous than a pitbull with AIDS ?

The guy who transmitted it to him.


The #1 cause of death worldwide is sexually transmitted and carries a 100% fatality rate.

Its called conception



What kind of sexually transmitted disease can you get from an octopus?


STD are Sexually Transmitted Diseases and

are also Sexily Transmissitted Diseases.


If Freddie Mercury transmitted HIV to someone...

...Was it considered Mercury poisoning?


Earlier, I was discussing about sexually transmitted diseases with my crush as a part of college assignment.

Crush: Don't worry, you have 0% chance of getting it.


Courtney Love

I bet Courtney Love wishes that musical greatness was sexuality transmitted.


I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

In my case, it is a sexually transmitted disease.


What sexually transmitted disease did the galactic empire create?



What do you call a virus transmitted by USB?

A hack-in-the-box!


Is Bullimia a sexual transmitted disease?

Because whenever I cum in my gf's mouth, she throws up.?


What do you call a metal band that sings about sexually transmitted diseases?



What type of beverage is sexually transmitted?



Mad Cow Disease has been found to be transmitted to calves when being breastfed

It's udder insanity


What are the most funny Transmitted jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Transmitted? Well, here are the best Transmitted dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Transmitted pick up lines to share with friends.

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