translating Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious translating puns

I'd like to thank my boyfriend for translating "mucho" for me

It means a lot


Saw others translating Russian and Romanian jokes and thought I'd share two Hungarian ones (but be warned, Hungarian humor is terrible)

GyΓΆrgy had a headache and asked his friend for advice, and his friend said he could cure the headache by hammering a nail into the place it hurt. So he lined up the nail and was getting ready to hit when he saw GyΓΆrgy cringing. "What are you scared of?" the friend asked, and GyΓΆrgy replied, "I'm scared that you'll miss!"


A man says to a woman, "I wish you would bring your smile over to my place."

The woman replies, "Aren't you a ladies' man!"

And the man replies, "No, I'm a dentist."


Still reading? You're crazy! Okay, here's a "bonus" one.

An electrician enters the room in the hospital where they keep the patients on life support and he calls out, "Take a deep breath, everyone! I need to change a fuse!"


A superheroes joke

Im sorry if the english is bad but im translating this joke from the Spanish:

It's saturday night. The Flash wants to go out and meet some women, so he decides to go and ask Batman to come with him, he runs to the batcave and asks him:
- Hey Bruce! Lets go out to a club tonight and get some pussy!
And Batman answers:
- I Can't, Flash. I already told Robin I will give him driving lessons with the Batmobile tonight.
Angrily, Flash runs away from there and goes to Supermans house. He gets there and tells Superman:
- Yo, Superman! Lets get shitfaced at a bar and score some girls!
To what Superman says:
- I already told Lois i'll take her to dinner tonight man. Im sorry.
Flash is very angry now and decides to go to Wonder Woman's to see whats up with her. When he arrives, he finds her in the bed, completely naked, moaning with her legs sticking up, and always having wanted to have sex with her, in less than one second he takes off his clothes, nails her, and run away home.
Completely confused, Wonder Woman says:
- What in earth just happened?
And the Invisible Man answers:
- I dont know but my ass hurts like hell.


Only men who wear the pants go to heaven.

I am translating this joke from Spanish so pardon any errors.

There is a terrible accident and 100 couples were killed. They find themselves in front of St. Peter and the Pearly Gates. St. Peter decides to divide the group into two and declares: "Every man who wore the pants in the relationship stand on the left line, and all the men who let their women boss you around stand on the right." Much to his surprise, 99 men stand on the right. St. Peter is very stunned and curious about the sole man standing on the left. He goes up to him and asks, "okay son, why are you in this line?" The man looks very frightened and he caves in, "I'm sorry, my wife told me to stand here."


The fly and me

I'm translating this joke from my native language so I'm hoping its just as funny in English.

The other night I saw a mosquito in my room. I kept trying to catch it till I caught it in a corner, ready to end its life, when all of a sudden it turned around and said "Wait! Surely you won't kill your own family!", I stopped in my tracks and stared at the mosquito thinking what it meant. Then I realised the mosquito wasn't lying... My blood was coursing through its veins


Translating the German joke Germans only tell Germans.

I don't like to talk about the Holocaust either. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He got drunk and fell off the guard tower.


A little girl went to her mom...

*I don't know if I'm doing a good job translating this from my native language, I hope you like it either way*
A little girl goes to her mother and says: "Mom, guess what? Some hair grew on my pussy!"
The mother replied: "That's not a very polite thing to say, honey! If you tell your older sister tell her that 'your monkey grew some hair'."
The girl went to her sister and told her that "her monkey grew some hair". The sister looked at her and said: "You're still there?! My monkey is already eating bananas!"


The trouble with translating jokes is...

Many jokes rely on clever wordplay, which can get lost in translation!

(What? That always gets a laugh when I tell it in Basque.)


I'm at the ear clinic.

My name might've been called out. I have no idea.

PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it.


How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

It depends on the economist:

How many right-wing economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the invisible hand will take care of it.

How many keynesian economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them, in order to shift tha aggregate demand to the right and generate more employment and consumption.

How many marxist economists does it take to change the lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

I'm translating it from portuguese, hopefully it's right spelled and not a repost.


My chemistry teacher pulled this on us today.

We were reviewing balancing chemical equations and got onto the topic of changing the names of compounds into their symbols so we could start balancing them. My teacher starts, "Changing names into symbols, is very much like translating Spanish into English. Maria estudia. Maria studies. Carlos va a la biblioteca. Carlos goes to the library. Now I would have said prison but I don't know how to say that in Spanish."


What do you call the process of switching genders?



Bear and Rabbit drinking.

Hi all, I made a quick search and didn't find this one here and since it's one of my favorite old jokes I figured I'll post it. Sorry for the grammar but English is not my native language and I'm translating ;)

Bear calls up the rabbit:

- Hey rabbit! Wanna go drink at my place tonight?

- No! Every time I drink with you I wake up all beat up and sore. You get way too aggressive when you drink.
- Come on! I won't touch you this time, I swear.

After some more convincing rabbit agrees and they drink all night. The next morning rabbit wakes up without an ear and with broken nose.

- Bear! You asshole! You swore you won't hit me.
- When you puked all over my carpet, I held myself back. When you tried to have sex with my wife, I held myself back. When you broke my TV I held myself back but once you made a shit on the middle of the bed, stuck matches into it and told me that hedgehog sleeps with us I just snapped.


Since we're translating Russian jokes...

A tiny little car, made out of a beer can, pulls up at a gas station.

A tiny little man inside the car honks his high-pitched horn to call over the attendant.

The attendant arrives and asks what he can do for the little man.

The little man asks for 5 drops of gasoline. The attendant carefully pumps 5 drops of fuel into the little car using an eye-dropper and asks if there's anything else.

The little man asks for 2 drop of radiator coolant. The attendant is getting aggravated but complies, and adds coolant using a teaspoon and asks if there will be anything else.

The little man asks to have the pressure in one of his tires checked. The attendant very agitated at this point replies, how should I fill that, with a fart?


1, 2, 2, 50

Sorry, was just translating some roman numerals


What are the most funny Translating jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Translating? Well, here are the best Translating dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Translating pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes