tramp Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious tramp puns

"This trampoline is for men only."

-mysogymnast

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Did you know that trampolines were originally called jumpolines?

Until your mom got on one.

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My trampoline died today

RIP

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A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.
A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?"
The woman says, "No, fuck off."
The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

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I walked out of my local shop today...

...and outside was a tramp. Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". I looked around, and I was the only person in the vacinity, so I knew he was talking to me. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." I replied, which is true. He looked disappointed, but then asked hopefully "Any change?", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke."

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A rich man goes to see the Pope

A wealthy man who has been a devote catholic all his life, wishes to see the pope as a thank you to God for his successful life. He is lucky to be at the front of the crowd where the pope was walking along and blessing people.
As the pope is doing this he sees a tramp stops to give particular attention to the down-and-out, blessing him with far more words than anyone else.
At first the wealthy man is horrified, but then he realises "of course! The pope blesses the weak, not the strong, he will bless those who need God the most". He is still desperate to meet the pope though, so as the bum passes him, he shoves all his money in the hobo's hands and switches clothes.
He had lost a £900 suit, and was now standing in urine stained, uncomfortable clothes, but sure enough, as soon as the Pope saw him, he walked right towards him. The rich man stood proud as the Pope opened his mouth and then shouted "didn't I just tell you to fuck off?"

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Talented Pets

A tramp goes into a bar and says to the barman 'Gimme a shot of your finest whiskey and I'll show you something amazing.'

The barman agrees and the tramp pulls out a hamster from his pocket and puts it on the piano stool. The hamster then begins to play the most incredible music that anyone in the bar had ever heard.

The tramp gets his shot of whiskey and says 'Another shot of that whiskey for something even more amazing'

The barman agrees and the tramp pulls out a frog, and places it on top of the piano. The frog starts to sing along with the hamster in the most beautiful tenor voice, cadencing perfectly with the hamster.

As the barman is pouring out the whiskey a man comes over to the tramp and says 'I'll give you $10000 for that frog, right here.' The tramp agrees and pockets a check while the man walks away with his frog. Meanwhile, the barman looks in disbelief and says to the tramp 'What're you doing? Those two could've made millions, let alone $10000.' The tramp turns to the barman and says 'Ah, but what he doesn't know, is that the hamster is also an excellent ventriloquist'

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The trampoline used to be called

a jumpoline until your mum jumped on it

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Trampolines used to be called jumpolines

Until your mother jumped on one back in 87

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A woman was standing at the edge of a cliff


trying to get the nerve to jump off.

A homeless drunk stopped and mumbled, "If you're about to kill yourself, how about a root before you go?"
The woman was angry and said, "No! Fuck off you filthy old bastard."


The tramp turned to leave and said, "No problems, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."

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A prostitute got a tramp stamp

It said "tips appreciated"

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A trampoline used to be called a jumpoline...

until your mamma got on it.

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Effective Suicide Counseling

A desperate-looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off when a filthy tramp wandered by, stopped and said, Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?"

She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old bastard!

He shrugged and turned away saying, Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."

She didn't jump.........

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As i walked my girlfriend home

Walking the girlfriend home from her weightwatchers class last night, I held her close as we went through a nasty-looking underpass system in the rough end of town.

As we turned a corner, I locked eyes with a filthy tramp eating someone's discarded takeaway from a bin.

"Look at that poor fucker, I'm glad I'm not him."

He probably thought.

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Once when I was a teenager

...I stopped at the drugstore to purchase some of those "necessary supplies." I told the pharmacist, "Better give me a dozen, I've got a hot date tonight with the school tramp!" When I got to her house, her mother insisted I join them for dinner. I offered to say grace, and I prayed and prayed and prayed. When I finished, my date leaned over to me and said, "Why, Paul! I had no idea you were so religious!" I replied, "And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

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Talking Dog

So an old tramp walks into a bar with his dog. He's says to the barman 'if I can make this dog talk will you give me a beer. ' the barman replies 'mate if you can get that dog to talk you'll be drinking free beer for a week'. The tramp puts the dog on the bar and everyone gazed at it expectantly....nothing! The barman kicks the tramp and his dog onto the street. The tramp turns to the dog and says 'why didn't you talk?'. The dog slightly embarrassed turns back to the tramp and says - 'well I didn't know what to say'

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Did you know that trampolines used to actually be called jumpolines?

That is, until 1982 when your mom got on one.

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A bartender is about to close up for the night...

When a tramp walks in and asks for a toothpick. Confused, he agrees and tells him to get gone as he wants to get home. As one tramp leaves, another one enters and asks for a tooth pick. Again the bartender gives him one and tells him to leave. As this tramp he leaves another one enters and he shouts, "I suppose you want a toothpick as well do you!?" he replies
"no a straw"
The bartender says, "A straw? why a straw?"
The tramp says "some drunk has threw up outside and the other two got all of the good bits".

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Got a tattoo on the small of my back of 2 dogs sharing a plate of spaghetti.

It's a Lady and the Tramp stamp.

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What do my trampoline and my girlfriend have in common?

I don't have a trampoline

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TIL that regardless of the technical definition...

your girlfriend will not appreciate being called a tramp.

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Suicide Prevention

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?
She screamed, NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!
He shrugged and turned away saying,
"Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom.
She didn't jump.

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What kind of tattoo does a Postal Service worker get?

A tramp stamp, and it says, "No postage necessary if nailed in the US."

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What do you call a handsome tramp who hangs around liquor joints chatting up girls?

A dirty bar stud.

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A tramp walks into a pub and asks for a toothpick.

The barman sees no harm in this and so gives him a toothpick. The tramp then leaves the pub.

A couple of minutes later another tramp enters the bar and asks for a toothpick. The barman obliges and the tramp goes on his way.

The same thing happens three more times in the next 10 minutes. The barman is perplexed. another tramp walks in, this time asking for a straw.

The confused barman's curiosity gets the better of him so he asks "For the last quarter of an hour, tramps have been coming in asking me for toothpicks, then you come in asking for a straw. Why?"

The tramp replies "Well, someones been sick outside and all the best bits have gone."

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I used to know this woman...

...who would let men jump up and down on her for money. Its a disgrace if you ask me. She was a tramp Pauline!

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Tramp stamp

Single people discussing their dating life with married friends is like getting a tramp stamp with a misspelling.

Irreversible, permanent and embarrassing.

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If a tramp and a bunch of rich people are dressed the same, how does the tramp stand out?

He begs to differ.

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I'm like a trampoline...

My friends know i exist, but they never play with me

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The trampoline used to be called a jumpoline.

They changed the name to Tramponline when my Mother in law got one.

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The trampoline used to be called a jump-o-line

Until your mom jumped on one in 1973

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Tramp stamps are great

They let people walking behind you know you had $50

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Something interesting I learned about Edward VIII

He has the distinction of being the only person ever demoted from Lord Admiral of the Fleet to third mate on an American tramp.

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I have to get out of the trampoline business

It's too up and down

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Landlord Pub and Tramp The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".

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What are the most funny Tramp jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Tramp? Well, here are the best Tramp dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Tramp pick up lines to share with friends.

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