Training Jokes

This article provides an overview of training jokes and how they can be used to improve training programs.

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Training Jokes and Friends

Do you think bin men get training...

... Or do they just pick it up as they go along?

What advice did Tiger Woods' dad have for Tiger during training?

Concentrate on golf—fuck everything else.

Why are the majority of firefighters men?

They've been training with fluid launching cannons since the day they were born.

I'll show myself out.

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.

After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.

"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

jokes about training

Hello, this is Seaworld...

your call may be recorded for training porpoises

Sergeant Miller!

Yes sir?

I didn't see you at the camouflage training yesterday!

Thank you sir!

Whats the difference between an al qaeda training camp and a school?

I dont know, I just fly the drones.

Training joke, Whats the difference between an al qaeda training camp and a school?

camouflage training

Drill Sergeant: "I DID NOT SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING THIS MORNING CORPORAL!!!!"

Corporal: "Thank you sir."

What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground?

I dunno, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between a Pakistani Kindergarten and a Taliban Training Ground?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

Potty Training

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:

1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up

She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did a good job.

Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

You can explore training exercise reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean training athlete dad jokes. There are also training puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

Camouflage training

The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."

"Thank you very much, sir."

I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.

There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.

Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital?

I dunno, I just fly the drone...

Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

Training joke, Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.

He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.

Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.

In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY."

Without being able to finish his sentence, the private interrupts his superior saying, "THANK YOU, SIR."

Camouflage training

"Soldier!"
"Yes, sergeant!"
"I haven't seen you at camouflage training today!"
"Thank you, sergeant!"

I do resistance training every day

It's called refusing to go to the gym

Say what you want about Russian Athletes

But their training regimen is pretty dope

Why is Jesus always shown having a 6 pack?

Because of all his cross training

In my interview for the binman job, I asked if you needed any special training...

The interviewer said "nah you just sort of pick it up as you go along".

How do you tell the difference between a Pakistani wedding and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know, I just fly the drone

After seven years of medical training and hard work

my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves

What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

Why did Medusa have to take sexual harassment training?

Because she wouldn't stop objectifying people.

Training joke, Why did Medusa have to take sexual harassment training?

As a young boy I always wanted to join a violent gang

Just got accepted into police training, who says dreams don't come true.

my dog is training to be a blacksmith

every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door

You know there's no official training for garbage men?

They just pick it up as they go along.

I tried training for the Samaritans once.

But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.

-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)

Camouflage training at the military

Captain: I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY JOHNSON!!

Johnson: Thank you sir!

I was being trained as a caller in a suicide prevention hotline...

...On my first day of training, my manager said;

"Let me show you the ropes!"

What's the difference between a Pakistani grade school and an Al-Qaeda training base?

How am I supposed to know, I just pilot the drone

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."

A sergeant at a training camp calls one of the new recruits to his office...

"I didn't see you at camouflage training today!"

"Thank you so much, sir!"

What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

My boyfriend's dad told us that back in his day, before required sexual misconduct training...

Harass was two words

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."

My friend said she teaches circuit training classes..

I'll bet she's the driving force behind her students' motivation.

There isn't much training involved in being a garbage man

You just pick it up as you go along

drug-sniffing dog

Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

Me: "still in training, huh?"

Policeman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "nevermind"

Got the best compliment from my doctor today

He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice

Me: Sweet dog you got there

Police officer: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.

Me: Still in training, huh?

Police officer: What do you mean?

Me: Nevermind

Garbagemen never receive actual training

They just pick things up as they go

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died.

In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.

The German Shepherd said, I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.

Good! said God. Sit at my right side. Then God asked, Doberman, what do you believe in?

The Doberman answered, I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.

Aha, said God, you may sit on my left.

Then God looked at the cat and asked, And what do you believe in?

I believe, replied the cat, that you are sitting in my seat.

Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?

Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?

Yes.

Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?

Yes.

Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?

Yes, Sensei.

That's the problem. You keep watching stupid shit instead of practicing!

You know there's no official training for trash collectors?

They just pick things up as they go along

A German Shepherd, Doberman And Cat Have Died And Gone To Heaven

A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.

All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.

The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."

Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?

The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."

Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"

The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting on my seat."

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the Justice League, and told them that his son was going to take his place. Everyone was very welcoming, except for superman, who immediately quit the Justice League. He just couldn't work with a crypto knight.

Two women were fighting for the last available seat on the bus.

No amount of reasoning was helping the bus driver resolve the issue. In desperation he grabbed his training manual and announced:

'The policy is to allow the seat to go to the uglier one.'

Both women stood for the remainder of the trip.

Sergeant: I didn't see you at camouflage training.

Private: Thank you, sir!

As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there's no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

A general walks up to his private

"Private!"

"Yes, sir!"

"I didn't see you in camouflage tactics training this morning!"

"Thank you, sir!"

A suicide bomber training his new recruits:

"Okay, pay attention, I'm only going to show you this once"

They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work

Which is ridiculous, I'm already very good at it.

A Scottish soldier goes to the US for special military training...

The next day morning he goes to the platoon and after looking at him the officer asks him:

\- Private, did you come here to die?

To which he responds:

\- No sir, I came here yesterday.

Questions

At the skydiving training course, the instructor would take time to answer some of the First Timer Questions.One guy asked: If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have till we hit the ground? The instructor looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: The rest of your life.

A German shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died.

In heaven they faced God,who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German shepherd said "i believe in discipline, loyalty and training to my master".
"Good" said God. "You may sit on my right side".
The Doberman said "I believe in love,care and protection of my master".
"Aha,you may sit on my left" said God.
Then God looked at the cat and said" and what do you believe in"?
The cat replied " I believe you are sitting in my seat".

Got a new job as a garbage man but I was worried as there's no training.

The boss said I'll pick it up as I go.

officer Training School

Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.
QUESTION: You're on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.
What do you do?

NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.
ARMY answers: I would stomp it & throw it out of my tent.
MARINE answers: I would stomp it, eat it & then go to sleep.
AIRFORCE answers: I would call Room Service & ask WHY there is a tent in my Hotel Room.

My husband's spent the past decade training to get into the Olympics, and after much blood, sweat, and tears, they've finally accepted him!

He starts cleaning the toilets tomorrow.

What requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, you can't quit and people's lives are on the line?

_*Motherhood.*_

What's the most important part of becoming a train?

The training.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the training training day puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working training training and development piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes