The Best 31 Train With Wife Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Train With Wife jokes. There are some train with wife work jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these train with wife train puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Train With Wife Jokes and Puns

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, She's beautiful, isn't she? I said, If you think she's beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.

He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."

He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."

The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."

A police officer knocks on a man's door.

The officer asks, "Is this the Sorkin residence?" The man nods.

"May I see a picture of your wife?" The man hands the officer a picture off a shelf.

The officer sighs, "It looks like she was hit by a train."

" I know, but she's such a nice lady and an excellent cook!"

Train With Wife joke, A police officer knocks on a man's door.

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.

Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

Every time you talk to your wife, you should remember that

'This conversation will be recorded for quality and training purposes.'


Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny

>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.

Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?

Dude2: You dont want to do that.

Dude1: Why?

Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?

a crazy spanish train commits a murder because some guy slept with his train-wife

that's a loco motive, ese

Train With Wife joke, a crazy spanish train commits a murder because some guy slept with his train-wife

During an argument my wife told me to jump in front of a moving train..

I looked everywhere but I all I could find were moving vans, trucks, etc...

A couple are about to finish their dinner, when the waiter arrives.

Waiter: How did you like your steak, ma'am?

Wife: Oh it was good, thank you. Pay the chef my compliments.

Waiter: And Sir, how did you find your Pork Belly?

Husband: Oh well, we met on a train some fifteen years ago...

The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

My dog needed training, so I brought him into the bedroom at night.

From me he learned how to beg.

My wife taught him how to roll over and play dead.

You can explore train with wife trainees reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean train with wife jump dad jokes. There are also train with wife puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My wife gave me a mouse and a keyboard for my birthday.

I learned to play "KLONKY DONKEY" on the keyboard and trained that little fella to dance.

There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions

What happened on June 6, 1944?

We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!

What was the turning point of world war 2?

Battle of the bulge, sir!

What's is the importance of May 12″ The Man thought and thought I don't know, sir!

The superior then said Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday.

The baby is great. My wife and I just started potty training.

Which I think is important because when we want to potty train the baby, we should set an example.

What did the moisturiser say to his wife when greeting her at the train station?

Alo Vera!

What does my wife and a baby have in common?

They both open their mouths when I say the train is entering the tunnel

Train With Wife joke, What does my wife and a baby have in common?

Why did the Mexican . . .

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

- For Hispanic attacks

Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?

- Because they only had two vans

Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?

- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?

- Tequila

Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"

Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"

Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."

Son: Dad, my wife is pregnant.

Dad: That's great! I'm so proud of you!

Son: Thanks I'm-so-proud-of-you, I'm your son.

Dad: I have trained you well.


My wife told me she was a hour late home today cause she took the train.

I don't understand why it took a hour however, based on the amount of passengers on, the ride should have finished real quick

over the weekend I've trained my wife to swap discs for me in my PS4....

what a game changer

Wife: I regret getting you that train conductor hat for Christmas.

Me: Your ticket please.

A guy sits next to me on the train.

He pulls out a photo of his wife, and says, "Isn't she beautiful?!"

I replied, "Of course, but maybe you should see my girlfriend.

"Really? Is she a stunner?" he asked.

"No, she's an optician."

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

A man sits next to another man on the train and pulls out a photo of his wife isn't she beautiful?

Other man: If you think she's beautiful you should see my wife
First man: Why? Is she a stunner?
Other man: No, she's an ophthalmologist

My wife trained me from masturbating while she was sleeping.....by trying to be romantic and holding my right hand....

She never saw my left hand coming

So, I trained a chicken to talk

WIFE: Well, let's see

ME: What's a male deer?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound

ME: Oh believe me it gets better

CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.

The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."

The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.

From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."

Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...

There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:

\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...

The small man:

\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank account is empty, my house is empty! I even got fired from my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so i tried to kill myself. I lay down on the rails - they changed the train route! i tried to hang myself - the rope broke! I tried to shoot myself - the gun broke! And now, i'm buying a beer with my last money, i'm pouring poison inside and you're drinking it!

I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

A guy sat next to me on the train today and pulled out a picture of his girlfriend.

He said ain't she beautiful?

I told him if you think she's beautiful you should see my wife

Why? Is she a stunner as well?

No she's an optician

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the train with wife vans jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working train with wife railroad piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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