Train Tracks Jokes
96 train tracks jokes and hilarious train tracks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about train tracks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Train Tracks Short Jokes
Short train tracks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The train tracks humour may include short railroad tracks jokes also.
- My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
- I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
- My boss said to me, You're the worst train conductor we have ever had. How many derailments have you had this year? I said, I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track.
- My mom used to feed me by saying: Here comes the train! I always ate everything. Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
- The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing. So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
- I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed. He said
"I don't know it's hard to keep track."
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Train Tracks One Liners
Which train tracks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with train tracks? I can suggest the ones about railway tracks and train set.
- How do you derail a Norfolk Southern Train? Put it on the tracks.
- It must be really easy being a train conductor All you have to do is stay on track
- What's it called when somebody carelessly walks on train tracks? A loco motive
- What does a musician train do when running from the law? Covers tracks
- Why did the train switch tracks? Because of it's loco-motives
- Why are trains so chill with where their kids are? They can simply 'track' them.
- How can you tell a train went by? Its tracks are still there.
- I like to help people get on track. The train part however, looks like it hurts
- I was depressed so I laid down on a train track The train never came.
- I like to cut my hair by placing it on train tracks It results in a close shave.
- What do you think about trains these days? They seem to have a bad TRACK record.
- When is a laugh track not funny? When you ride a train over it
- What do you get at 2:30 in the morning near the old train tracks in Detroit? Shot.
- You're a lot like train tracks, you've gotten laid across the county.
- A train saw Chuck Norris on the track and turned down a dirt road.
Hilarious Train Tracks Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about train tracks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad train jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make train tracks pranks.
3 hunters are in the woods.
Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground.
The first hunter said they were deer tracks.
The second hunter said no they are bear tracks.
The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
An old joke I learnt [Clean]
A peanut was stuck on the tracks
His heart was all a flutter
A train came down the track
*Choo Choo!*
Peanut butter.
Train Tracks
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.
Two blondes go hiking.
Two blondes go hiking and come across some tracks. The first blonde stops and says they are wolf tracks, while the second blonde says they are bear tracks. After an hour of arguing the train runs them over.
Three Blondes
Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you s**...? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
My favorite blond joke of all time...
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
see the light
The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.
The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is a train.
The train driver sees only three fools on the track.
My favorite blonde joke
2 blondes are walking in the woods. The first blonde looks down and says, 'Wow, deer tracks!' The second blonde looks down and says, 'You idiot! Those are bear tracks.' They start arguing about what kind of tracks they are. After a few minutes they get hit by a train.
21, 21, 21
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."
Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks.
"They're wolf tracks," says the first.
"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.
The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.
Emergency Services
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....
4 different views of a tunnel
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
A man is telling his friend about his latest conquest...
'It was the weirdest thing. I looked out my window last night and saw a woman tied to the train tracks'
'Woah,' replied his friend, 'did you save her?'
'Yeah, I went out, untied her, then made love to her all night long.'
'Sweet! Was she cute?'
'I don't know, I couldn't find her head.'
Tennessee Joke
Two guys are hunting in the woods one day and they get to arguing about a set of tracks they had spotted, "Them is deer tracks," one says. The other, "No them's bear tracks!" Back and forth for about an hour... Then they get hit by the train.
Two Blondes are out on a hike....
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
Three hunters
Three hunters went into a forest and came upon three sets of tracks. The first hunter examined the first set and said "These are deer tracks", the second hunter examined the second set and said "These are bear tracks", the third hunter didn't say anything because he was hit by a train.
Three blondes went for a walk in the country...
...when they stumble upon a line of tracks in the woods.
The first blonde looks down and says, "These are definitely deer tracks!"
The second blonde replies, "No s**..., these are bear tracks!"
The third shouts, "You're both wrong these are certainly dog tracks!"
They were still arguing 5 minutes later when the train hit them.
Three blondes are walking through the woods...
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, s**..., they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
Three blondes stop at a pair of tracks...
The first one says, "I think they're deer tracks."
The second exclaims, "I'm pretty sure they're moose tracks."
The third argues, "No, they're definitely elephant tracks."
They all got ran over by the train before they could figure it out.
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
Three blondes are walking through the forest
when they come upon a set of tracks. The first says "These are obviously wolf tracks." The second says "You must be high! they're cougar tracks." The third replies "You're both r**.... They are definitely bear tracks!" They're still arguing when the train hits.
Three blondes are out on a hike...
when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train
Tunnel
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
Frustrated p**....
There was this hard working p**... who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".
I always tell my kids to stay well clear of any Train tracks...
...except "Drops of Jupiter". That one's ok.
Two blondes are walking through a forrest...
They come across some tracks and the first blonde says." I think these are deer tracks". The second blonde says." No these look like rabbit tracks". They keep arguing untill an hour later they were hit by a train.
Hobo s**...
Hobo walks back into the camp where his buddies are having dinner. He is all happy and smiling.
They ask, why are you so happy.
He replies, well, I was walking along the track and found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had s**... for hours.
One of his buddies asks: "Did you get any head"
"No", he replied, "the train took most of that".
A dog comes upon a set of train tracks
As the pup crosses the tracks a train comes by and runs over the dogs tail, causing the tip of his tail to fall off.
Saddened by his loss, the dog turn around to sniff his lost appendage.
As he is sniffing his tail another train comes by and cuts his head off.
The end.
The moral of the story:
Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail!
Three blonde women stumble across some tracks...
The first one spots them in a large clearing and beckons her friends over. "Look! I think I've found some deer tracks!"
The second woman snorts. "Nonsense," she exclaims, "those look like bear tracks to me."
"Well they can't be both," says the third blonde impatiently. "So what kind of tracks are they?"
And then the train hits them.
Bush, Obama, and Trump go on a hunting trip.
Their hunting guide instructs them to find and follow tracks and they should be able to find their quarry.
Bush follows some tracks and gets a bear. Obama follows some tracks and gets a deer.
Trump follows some tracks and gets hit by a train.
Three blondes were...
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, s**..., anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
Three blondes found some tracks...
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago."
Son ask, "How do you know?"
Dad replies, "It left tracks."
DAD JOKE!!
Oh look kids, a train just passed here.
Gee dad how can you tell that?
Well look, you can see it's tracks!!!
A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke.
I didn't get it, but then it hit me.
Three blondes were walking in the woods...
Three blondes were walking in the woods. They found some tracks. The first said "oh its wolf tracks!" The second said, "No, its horse tracks." And the third one said "I think its pig tracks" shortly after they were all hit by a train.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
So I met this guy at the train station...
who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
Bob was late to come to see his friend John at the bar
John: Dude, you're so late!
Bob: You won't believe what just happened to me. On my way here, I saw a girl tied to a train track. I untied her and we had s**... time together.
John: That sounds awesome dude!
Bob: Yeah, I know right. We did m**..., doggy, c**... etc. you name it.
John: Did you receive head?
Bob: Nah, couldn't find it.
Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...
The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"
The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"
The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"
They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train hit them.
Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks
One blonde says "I think these are bear tracks", the other blonde argues they are deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
Three blondes in a wood
Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*s**...* and that's when the train hit them.
Two people are walking in the woods
Suddenly, they come across a set of tracks. One of the tells the other that they're rabbit tracks. The other insists that they are fox tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A man at the bar was telling his friends about a girl tied to the train tracks...
She screamed for help. The man waited a bit, then he quickly untied her. He then told his friends about the hot s**... both of them right after he untied her. He was describing all the positions they did it in. Then one of his friends asked:
- Did she give you head
To that he man replied:
No, I couldn't find it .
Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says I know these, they're deer tracks! The second says No! They're bear tracks Finally the third speaks up and says Your both wrong! They're obviously fox trails!
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Three blondes walking through the woods...
One of them stops and points at the ground in excitement saying, "Oh my gosh look. Those are like, bunny tracks!"
"Those are so not bunny tracks. They're deer tracks." The second blonde says in a matter-of-fact tone.
The third blonde, with hands on her hips, says "Your both wrong. They're not bunny tracks and they're not deer tracks. They're-"
A train suddenly hits them.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks.
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. Intrigued, they go to investigate.
The first one says: I'm pretty sure those are bear tracks.
The second one says: No, I'm pretty sure they're wolf tracks.
The third one thinks for a while, then says Actually-
They were all hit by a passing train.
I'm such a bad train operator, I can't even remember how many trains I've derailed.
It's hard to keep track.
So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks
So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks
Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train
Tonto and The Lone Ranger we're riding their horses next to some train tracks..
They stop and hop off their horses. Tonto puts his ear onto the tracks and tells The lone ranger Buffalo come . The Lone Ranger says how do you know? . Tonto says my ear is stuck .
A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.
A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.
The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."
The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.
From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective...
because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
A blonde was walking through the woods...
... when she saw a brunette on some train tracks. She watched her for a few minutes, trying to understand what she was doing. The brunette was hopping from one track to the other, saying "38, 38, 38..."
After a little while, the blonde decides to join the brunette, hopping from track to track, saying "38, 38, 38..."
They do this for a few more minutes until there is a train coming. The brunette jumps off the tracks, just in time for the blonde to get smeared.
After the train passes, the brunette hops back onto the tracks, saying, "39, 39, 39..."
Two blondes go hunting in the forest...
As they come across some tracks one says
>Hey look, deer tracks!
One says
>You idiot, these are obviously moose tracks!
Says the other.
>Deer tracks!
>Moose tracks!
They started shoving each other and were shouting so much they never heard the train coming...
My friend once dared me to take a s**... on electrified train tracks.
That was the last time I put my a**... on the line for him.
Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.
'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Three blondes are on a walk
While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.
The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.
The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.
The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.
Then the train hit them.
3 blondes were standing around some tracks.
The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"
The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".
The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"
The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.
Three swedes found mysterious tracks from the forest
"It is a bunny." Said the first
"It is a rabbit." Said the second
the third one bowed to look and a train ran over him.
A lady is tied on a train track and screaming for help.
I man suddenly rushes out of nowhere and approaches the woman.
He says Thank goodness you are still alive.
It means the 9:00 train hasn't left yet.
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Three blondes are taking a walk
Three blondes are taking a walk in the woods when they come across a set of tracks.
The first girl says "Look! Deer tracks!"
The second one is like "No, those are moose tracks."
The third goes "What are you two thinking? Those are positively elk tracks.
So they continue to argue about it until the train hits them.
3 blondes are walking in the woods.
3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs,
"Caitlyn you dumb b**... those are bear tracks!"
The third blonde chimes in,
"Oh my god no you're both wrong those are rabbit tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Three Blondes on a Hike
3 Blondes were walking on a hike just outside of their town when one of them stops abruptly and lets out a gasp! The other two quickly look.
Blonde one- look at those Bear tracks!
Blonde two- those aren't Bear tracks. Those are Moose tracks
Blonde three- those aren't Bear or Moose tracks...more like Wolf tracks
Before they can argue any further a Train hits them.