Train Station Jokes
68 train station jokes and hilarious train station puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about train station that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Train Station Short Jokes
Short train station jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The train station humour may include short train tracks jokes also.
- To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At work, I have a workstation.
- Gaming: What's the difference between a train and SONY? When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
- What don't they name train stations after astrology signs? No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
- Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master? Because he had a locomotive
- So I met this guy at the train station... who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
- I was at the train station. The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long." - I unexpectedly had a good time today. I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
"Please excuse me, I'd like to get off". - Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station. He always had a locomotive.
- A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge. It was a loco motive.
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Train Station One Liners
Which train station one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with train station? I can suggest the ones about bus stop and police station.
- What mythical creature keeps time for trains at the station? A metro-gnome
- Why does voldemort have flat face? He ran into wrong wall at train station
- Where do bugs get off the train? Infest-station.
- My train of thought ... ... keeps leaving the station without me!
- Modern music is like the train The same one leaves the station every hour
- Do you know why Station Masters are so good at their job?? They train them-self a lot.
- The abortion train just arrived at the station. ALL ABORT! *choo choo*
- where do c**... go to catch the train crust station
- Where do c**... take the train? King's Cross Station :)
Quirky and Hilarious Train Station Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about train station you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad train jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make train station pranks.
Lady: "Is this my train?"
Station Master: "No, it belongs to the railway company.
"
Lady: "Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New York."
Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!"
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits.
The machine suddenly sounds;
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
The man blacked out with the machine's ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine.
"But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
-You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your b**... you.. lost the train!
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel.
If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites.
Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Engineers and Lawyers on a Train
Three lawyers buy their tickets for the train. They notice three engineers also buying tickets, or rather, just one ticket. Curious, the lawyers follow the engineers on to the train and sit just behind them.
During the trip the conductor comes along, "tickets please... tickets please." At this point the engineers all get up, walk to the back of the car and all pile in to one bathroom. The conductor checks the lawyers tickets and continues to the back. When he reaches the bathroom he knocks, "tickets please." The door opens a crack and one hand presents the ticket.
Inspired by this craftiness the lawyers agree to use this method on the return trip a few days later. In the train station they see the same engineers also getting ready to return on the same train. The lawyers buy one ticket and the engineers buy... none! Perplexed, the lawyers once again follow the engineers onto the train. Once again the conductor starts checking tickets. The engineers get up and crowd in to one bathroom then the lawyers get up and crowd in to the other bathroom opposite the first.
At this point one engineer emerges from his bathroom, crosses the aisle, knocks on the lawyers door and says in his most official voice, "tickets please."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My therapist told me a joke about two southern bells.
So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.
Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be quite the big shot now. The two meet at the train station and the rich woman says:
"Deeear, do you see that Cadillac?"
"Oh yes I do, it is a nice car."
"My husband bought me that car after the successful birth of our first male-born-son."
"How nice."
The two then go to the town square where they see a big statue.
"Deeear, do you see that statue?"
"Why yes, it looks an awful lot like yourself."
"Yes, my husband bought me that statue after the successful birth of our second male-born-son."
"How nice."
Finally, they arrive at the rich woman's house and see that it is a giant mansion with gardeners and everything.
"Deeear, do you see that mansion?"
"Why yes, it is very extravagant!"
"My husband bought me this mansion after the successful birth of our third male-born-son."
"How nice."
"Well what has your husband bought for you?"
"He put me through finishing school."
"Oh my, finishing school? Well what did you learn there?"
"I learned to say 'how nice' when I really mean '*f**... you*'."
Lawyers and Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A farmgirl returns home after her first year away at college...
Her father picks her up at the train station and starts driving back to the farm.
After a while the young lady turns to her father and says, "Daddy, I`ve got to tell you something - I ain`t a v**... no more."
Without taking his eyes off the road, the farmer replies,"Sugar-pie, to hear you say that it just breaks my heart. We saved all that money to send you away to get you educated proper, and you`re still using the word "ain`t" ".
Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.
"How are you going to travel on a single ticket?" asked a lawyer.
"Wait and watch" answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket please." The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
"Wait and watch" answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
Cell Phone Etiquette
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
Wardrobe problem
A woman living close to the train station buys a new wardrobe to replace an old one in her bedroom. However, she encounteres a big problem: whenever a train stops at the station, the wardrobe collapses. She decides to call for the carpenter, who also can't find the reason why is this happening. However, he comes up with an idea: he'll try to see from inside of the wardrobe what is causing it to break.
This day, the woman's husband comes home early. First thing he notices is men's coat, obviously not belonging to him. Furious, he rushes to the wardrobe and opens it, only to see a man waiting there. Resigned, carpenter says:
- Knock me out man. You're not gonna believe I'm waiting for a train.
John
After a long day at work this woman was on her way home on the train and closed her eyes to rest. After departing the station a male that was sitting next to her took his cellphone out and started a conversation with a rather loud voice.
"Hello sweetheart, John here, i am in the train. Yes i know its the 6:30 train and not the 4:30 train but the meeting took longer then planned. No dear, not with the blond of finance, this was with my manager. No babydoll, you are the only one in my life! Yes really, i swear!"
The woman next to him was growing more and more tired of his loud conversation and after 15 minutes she just had enough.
She leaned over to him and with her face close to his phone she whispered:
"Come John, put the phone down and come back to bed."
Cell phone in public...
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad...
...and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track".
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there" answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then" Tom continued "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box".
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case" Tom argued "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalised?" "Oh well" said Tom "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train c**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Train accident..
There was an accident at this train station and 20 people were dead or badly wounded after a train had hit them. Surprisingly all victims were blonde. However, there was one blonde who was intact.
A TV reporter asks the blonde, "It was a very unfortunate accident. What do you think was cause?"
Blonde replies with excitement and anger, "It happened because of wrong announcement at the station when the train arrived!"
TV Reporter is surprised, "Wrong announcement?"
Blonde says, "Yeah! The announcer said the train was coming on the platform no. 2. All these people waiting for the train on platform number 2 rushed off platform and came on the tracks."
TV Reporter is speechless, "Ummm... well... fortunately you stayed at the platform and now you are safe."
Blonde replies, "What fortunately? I came here to commit s**...!"
I saw Jimmy Carr at the train station the other day..
..I guess it's because he doesn't like taxis
*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lady has a problem with her closet .
There is this lady who lives near a train station , every time the train passes her closet breaks , so she calls a man to fix it . The man comes over asks her what the problem is and tells her he's going to wait in the closet till the train comes and see why the closet breaks . After 15 minutes the ladies husband comes home , and goes straight to the closet , he sees the man , grabs him by the t**... and asks him " What are you doing here ?"
To which the man replies " Would you believe me if I told you I was here waiting for the train .. "
Sorry for any grammar mistakes , not my first language .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
He's just waiting for the train.
There is this lady who lives near a train station , every time the train passes her closet breaks , so she calls a man to fix it . The man comes over asks her what the problem is and tells her he's going to wait in the closet till the train comes and see why the closet breaks . After 15 minutes the ladies husband comes home , and goes straight to the closet , he sees the man , grabs him by the t**... and asks him " What are you doing here ?" To which the man replies " Would you believe me if I told you I was here waiting for the train .. " Sorry for any grammar mistakes , not my first language .
A man gets on a train to go to Scotland for business...
When he arrives, it's raining. He stays for three whole weeks and the rain never stops. When he finally returns to the train station, he see's a young boy. He goes up to him and says "Excuse me, does it ever stop raining here?" The boy replies "I'm not sure, I'm only 5 years old."
I See your 7 year old jokes and I raise my own, What do you get when you cross the ocean with a Train Station?
A Whale Way
I saw Adele at the train station the other day
I saw Adele at the train station the other day on the other platform
She said 'hello from the other side'
A man runs up to the conductor of a train that is about to depart from a station in Paris...
A man runs up to the conductor of a train that is about to depart from a station in Paris. Panting, he asks the conductor:
"Excuse me, does this train go to Toulouse?"
"Non monsieur," replies the conductor.
"Zis train goes 'WOOOOT WOOOOOOT!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[nsfw] I was telling my buddy about a girl I found at the train station late one night.
I told him how we really hit it off and I took her back to my place, I ate her out, and had s**... over and over until morning. He asked if she returned the favor and went down on me too, I said no. I couldn't find her head.
At the urinals
Stood next to a guy with a bike helmet on at the urinals at the train station, thought it would be hilarious to say "nice helmet", never seen someone so shocked in my life.
Apparently there was a flash mob of lobbyists at the train station.
Just out of nowhere the place got super packed.
At the train station...
Lady: Excuse me Sir, is this my train?
Conductor: No Ma'am, it belongs to the Railway Station Company.
Lady: Don't be funny. What I'm trying to ask is if I can take this train to Busan.
Conductor: No Ma'am, it's too heavy.
A Spanish madman recently bombed a train station...
Everybody's saying he had loco motives.
What did the moisturiser say to his wife when greeting her at the train station?
Alo Vera!
Since you can get on the train from any station
Does that make them compatible across platforms?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate all this t**... b**...!
Before, you would see an unattended bag at the train station and think 'I'm 'avin that!'
so a train station noticed that alot of the passengers where either musicians or gardeners.
so they decided that in order to cater to these people, they would decorate the station with metrognomes
A woman opens up a stand near the train station selling apples for 1$
Each day, the same man walks over to the stand, leaves a 1$, but doesnt take any apples. This went on for an entire year, until one day, the man left a dollar and was about to leave but the woman grabbed him by the hand. The man says: "I see you are finally interested why I keep leaving a dollar but not buying any apples well-" The woman cuts him off: "No I am not the least bit interested, apples now cost 2$ instead of one".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two morons are at the train station.
The first m**... asks the clerk, "Can I take this train to Chicago?"
"No," the clerk responds.
The second m**... asks the clerk, "Can I?"
Why didn't the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?
If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.
I apologize, it's a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.
An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'
A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.
First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:
"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"
"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be closer to the railroad."
An off-duty soldier is riding the train.
When the train reaches its first stop a general walks in and the soldier stood up.
"At ease soldier, sit down.", said the general.
The train reached its second stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down."
The train reached its third stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop."
•
The soldier said, "I'm trying to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are standing at the train station.
They are talking to each other and they don't even notice that the train already came and is now already moving. They all run towards the door, and two of them manage to jump on the train, but the third one stays on the platform. An observer comes to the man and says: wow, your friends are fast! The man responds: Yeah, but they were here just to e**... me to the train!
I saw a homeless man sleeping outside the train station this morning.
Not wanting to disturb him, I crept over and put a Starbucks coffee cup on top of his box.
He immediately woke up and said, Thank you.
No problem. I smiled.
He looked at me again and said, It's empty.
I said, I know, it's meant to be a chimney.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind and elderly German man is on a train.
When the train approaches the station of his destination, he gets up from his seat, tries to make for the door, but almost walks into a pole.
Another passenger yells," Careful, there's a pole in front of you!"
The old man breathes in, stands tall with all the vitality of his youth, and swings with all his might at the pole.
"Untermensch!" He yells. "When did those t**... become so hard?"