JokoJokes

Train Ride Jokes

50 train ride jokes and hilarious train ride puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about train ride that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Train Ride Short Jokes

Short train ride jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The train ride humour may include short bus ride jokes also.

  1. Two old men are riding on a train in north London, when it stops at a station. First Old Man: Is this Wembley?
    Second Old Man: No, it's Thursday.
    First Old Man: So am I. Let's go get a beer!
  2. I went hiking in the Rockies and ran into a grizzly bear. I accidentally played dad instead of dead. Now the bear can ride his bike without the training wheels!
  3. Jimmy savile was such a hypocrite... advertising British Rail trains when all the time he was riding Virgins.
  4. Accidently played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear. Now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
  5. My wife told me she was a hour late home today cause she took the train. I don't understand why it took a hour however, based on the amount of passengers on, the ride should have finished real quick
  6. Yo momma's so fat, it took me two planes, a train, and a bike ride just to get on her good side.
  7. Two hobos are at the train yard looking to hitch a ride to the next town. One hobo sees a dog l**... himself and says "Man, I wish I could do that"
    Other hobo says "Maybe you should pet him first."
  8. What's the worst part about riding a train who's conductor is into b**...? You can only get off when they tell you to
  9. Hope it's not too soon... :l I just saw Louis c**... riding the L train downtown with no pants on and he invited me to get some lunch meat with him from Rubway.

Share These Train Ride Jokes With Friends




Train Ride One Liners

Which train ride one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with train ride? I can suggest the ones about car ride and railroad train.

  1. What's the best thing about going to auschwitz? Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
  2. why don't jews ride trains? They're not falling for that one again
  3. What do you call a dude who's learning to ride the waves? A training brah.
  4. What type of train can a ginger not ride? A soul train
  5. When is a laugh track not funny? When you ride a train over it
  6. How do sick people get to the hospital? They ride Achoo-Choo train
  7. Where do cows like to ride on trains?
    In the cow-boose.
  8. Yo mama so fat I took 2 train rides and one bus to get to her good side.
  9. What do you call a mathematician who rides a train to work? Abelian, because he commutes
  10. Why doesn't anyone want to ride a train? Because they're onatracktive.
  11. Why don't nice people ride the train? Because they're usually found on trucks.

Train Ride joke, Why don't nice people ride the train?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about train ride can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of train ride puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Amusing & Witty Train Ride Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about train ride you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bike ride jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make train ride prank.

Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train..

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these are as cheap as dirt." Then Vladimir Putin pulls a bottle of expensive Russian v**... out of his pocket and, after a few sips, throws the bottle out the window. Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are both surprised and ask "what are you doing, Vladimir, that is expensive v**...!" To which Putin responds "Pah! In your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in Russia this v**... is as plentiful as rainwater. The Oort Cloud considers this for a minute or two, and then throws a six-mile-wide comet out of the window which, on impact, incinerates everything within a thirty-mile radius, causes massive earthquakes and tsunamis for thousands of miles in each direction, and kicks up a cloud of dust and ash that eventually encircles the Earth wiping out nearly all forms of life in a matter of months.
...
I don't care if it's old. This is probably the best joke ever.

Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.

Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"

Lenin,Stalin and Gorbachev were riding on a train...

When it came to a halt,the engineer said,"Our engine has failed,What shall i do?"."Let the invincible spirit of the people pulls us on!" Lenin declared."Shoot the engineer!" offered Stalin.And Gorbachev suggested, "Close the shades and we can pretend we're moving forward."

Three Greeks and Three Turks are riding a train.

The Turks each buy one ticket, but the Greeks only buy one ticket total. The Turks are confused.
"How can you ride with one ticket?"
"Watch and you shall see."
The Greeks get on the train and pile into the bathroom. The Turks sit near the bathroom and observe. The conductor knocks on the door and says "Ticket please." The Greeks slide the ticket through the door.
The Turks think this is ingenious! They decide to try it, so on the ride back they buy only one ticket. But the Greeks don't buy any.
"How will you ride without any tickets?"
"Watch and you shall see."
They get on the train. The Turks pile into one bathroom, the Greeks into another. One Greek gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the bathroom the Turks are hiding in, and says:
"Ticket please."

Pregnant Lady on the Train

A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"

Italian and a Rabbi are riding on a train together...

They get acquainted, and at one point the Italian takes some sausage out of his bag and offers some to his companion.
Rabbi asks, "Is it made from pork?"
"Yes", replies the Italian.
"Well then, I can't eat it. It's not kosher. God's law."
The Italian shrugs and eats the sausage, then pulls out a bottle of wine, offering some.
Rabbi looks at the bottle and says, "It's not kosher, I can't drink it. God's law."
Italian says, "Wow your god is strict. What if there was nothing kosher around to eat or drink?"
Rabbi replies, "Well, he makes exceptions in situations of life and death."
With that, the Italian points a gun at the rabbi and says, "Drink the wine or I'll blow your head off!!"
Rabbi grabs the bottle, and with a very annoyed look on his face, downs the rest of it.
"Please don't be upset with me. I just wanted you to have some wine", says the Italian.
Rabbi says, "Of course I'm upset! Where was the gun when you had some sausage left?!?"

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year.

To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride."
The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride."
The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book." "Which one?" asks the teacher.
"Winnie-the-s**...!"

They say when confronted by a bear, the best thing to do is play dead, so when I came face to face with one in the woods the other day, I accidentally played dad instead...

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels...

Three men are on a train.

One is an economist, one is a logician, and the other is a mathematician.
They are riding into Scotland, as they pass a brown cow.
The economist says, "Look, the cows in Scotland are brown."
The logician says, "No, there are cows in Scotland of which at least one is brown"
The mathematician says, "No, There is at least one cow in scotland, of which one side appears to be brown from this distance"

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are riding a train in Scottland

Suddenly, they spot a black sheep in the field.
The engineer says, "See! All sheep in Scottland are black!"
The physicist exclaims, "No! Some sheep in Scottland are black!"
The mathematician, disgusted, says, "No! In Scottland, there exists at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black, when seen from a running train!"

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician see a black sheep while riding a train in England...

The engineer says: oh, there are black sheep in England
The physicist says: no... there is at least ONE black sheep in England
The mathematician says: no. In England there is at least ONE sheep of which at least ONE side of it is black

Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.

Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"




Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

Be careful hiking...

Hiking in the Ozark National Forest last weekend, I came upon a bear, and could not remember the proper course of action. Instead of playing dead I played *dad*.
Now that bear can ride a bike without training wheels.

Tonto and The Lone Ranger we're riding their horses next to some train tracks..

They stop and hop off their horses. Tonto puts his ear onto the tracks and tells The lone ranger Buffalo come . The Lone Ranger says how do you know? . Tonto says my ear is stuck .

A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.

First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:
"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"
"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be closer to the railroad."

An off-duty soldier is riding the train.

When the train reaches its first stop a general walks in and the soldier stood up.
"At ease soldier, sit down.", said the general.
The train reached its second stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down."
The train reached its third stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop."
• ⁠
The soldier said, "I'm trying to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The s**...!"

A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.

As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud s**...!
The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."
The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried to kiss the old lady instead of me."
The general thinks, "that officer is smart, he steals a kiss, and I get slapped."
The office thinks, "I'M A GENIUS! I kiss the back of my hand, and get to hit a 4 star general!!!"

Train ride

A man and a woman share sleeping compartment on a train ride.
The woman flirts with the man, and after a while, says she's cold and asks if he could please give her a blanket, as he's in the lower bunk.
The man smiles at her and asks: Hey, how about if we play we are a married couple on a train ride . Sure! , she eagerly replies.
Man: So get the blanket yourself!

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen"

The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got exited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"

Train

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. " "Why not? " replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute. "

Train Ride joke, Two old men are riding on a train in north London, when it stops at a station.

jokes about train ride

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these train ride jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.