He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But.....she did.
...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"
The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "
The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"
Then a train hit them
The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."
He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."
The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."
The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."
...which was ironic because we were at a train station
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
A loco motive.
I made this one up several years ago and have never posted here 🙃
He had locomotives.
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
There were three blonds walking through the woods, when they come across some tracks.
"These are bear tracks" said the first blond,
"No, these are deer tracks" sais the second,
"You two are both wrong, these are wolf tracks" said the third,
They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
He had loco motives
When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
EDDIT: u/mandrous's critic accepted!
Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came across a set of tracks. They stopped, bewildered, wondering what animal could have made them. The first blonde says, "I know, those are moose tracks." The second blonde goes, "no, those are bear tracks." The third blonde says, "guys, those are definitely wolf tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.
I thought to myself, Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection . But she did.
kept thinking, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, but then she did.
Those are deer tracks! Said the first.
No! They're antelope tracks! Said the second
Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks! said the third.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai girl on the train this morning.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection."
But she did.
She said to me, "What's black and white and red all over?"
"Wow," I said, "You can speak English?"
"Just a riddle," she said.
He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
I'm not sure, but he must have had a loco motive.
One says, "Spit out your gum!"
The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
shortly into their walk, they find tracks on the ground.
"Look at the size of these rabbit tracks!" Said the first blonde.
"You moron, those are raccoon tracks." Said the second blonde.
"You two are so stupid, these are obviously coyote tracks!" Said the third blonde.
Two minutes later, they were all run over by a train.
Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
So one day, three blondes were walking in the forest. Eventually, they happened upon some unidentified tracks in the ground.
"Hey, look! Deer tracks!" The first blonde said.
"No, they're raccoon tracks!" The second argued.
"You guys are stupid," interjected the third blonde, "these are clearly bear tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
She claimed she had locomotives.
(I'm sorry.)
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.
He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"
He had loco motives...
I'll show myself out
They say he had loco motives.
It goes chew chew
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!"
He said
"I don't know it's hard to keep track."
She scratched me and told me that I didn't have enough badges to train her.
when I sat across from a very attractive babe from Thailand.
I spent the next 10 minutes thinking to myself, "don't get an erection, please don't get an erection". But she did.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
"They're wolf tracks," says the first.
"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.
The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.
They come across a set of tracks. The first blonde said those have to be bear tracks. The second blonde disagrees and said those have to be moose tracks.
Bear tracks
Moose tracks
Bear tracks
The argument would have gone on all day if a train hadn't hit them both.
There was this hard working prostitute who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Train? Well, here are the best Train puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Train pick up lines to share with friends.