He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But.....she did.
An **optimist** sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A **realist** sees a freight train.
The **train driver** sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks.
...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
I don't need this "omg i cant drive a train" shit
The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"
The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "
The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"
Then a train hit them
The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."
He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."
The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."
The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."
...which was ironic because we were at a train station
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
A loco motive.
I made this one up several years ago and have never posted here 🙃
He had locomotives.
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
He had locomotives
And all I could think was "Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner." And then she did.
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".
He had loco motives.
They're all looking out of the window.
The Chinese trying to show off throws a bag of rice out of the window, "We have a lot of rice".
The American grabs a bunch of dollar bills and throws them out, "WE have a lot of money".
The Syrian tells the German glaring at him, "what the fuck are you thinking!"
A woman who was sat opposite, looked at me in disgust and asked "Is that a fucking poo in your hand?"
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
There were three blonds walking through the woods, when they come across some tracks.
"These are bear tracks" said the first blond,
"No, these are deer tracks" sais the second,
"You two are both wrong, these are wolf tracks" said the third,
They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
"How many trains have you derailed to date?"
I replied "It's hard to keep track."
He had loco motives
When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Train? Well, here are the best Train dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Train pick up lines to share with friends.