Train Jokes

• Short Train Jokes
• Train One Liners
• Train Tracks Jokes
• Train Day Jokes
• Train Conductor Jokes
• Train Station Jokes
• More Train Jokes

Best Short Train Jokes

Short train puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The train humour may include short rail jokes also.

1. My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
2. You know there's no official training for garbage men? They just pick it up as they go along.
3. To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
4. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
5. On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal? He said, Not during a written exam, no.
6. I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
7. A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
   A REALIST sees a freight train
   The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
8. My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At work, I have a workstation.
10. My boss said to me, You're the worst train conductor we have ever had. How many derailments have you had this year? I said, I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about train can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of train puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Train One Liners

Which train one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with train? I can suggest the ones about track and plane.

1. Did you ever hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives
2. Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber? He had locomotives.
3. Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
4. I just got my prostate examined. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
5. Why is Jesus always shown having a 6 pack? Because of all his cross training
6. Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
7. Have you ever heard of the mexican train killer? He had loco motives
8. my dog is training to be a blacksmith every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door
9. What's the best thing about going to auschwitz? Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
10. Did you hear about that Mexican train thief? They say he had loco motives.
11. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew
12. I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
13. The cure for my depression is right around the corner. Yes, here comes my train now.
14. Hello, this is Seaworld... your call may be recorded for training porpoises
15. How do trains hear? With their engineers

Train Tracks Jokes

Here is a list of funny train tracks jokes and even better train tracks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My mom used to feed me by saying: Here comes the train! I always ate everything. Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
• Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
  Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
  Realist sees light from incoming train.
  Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
• I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
• The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing. So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
• I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed. He said
  "I don't know it's hard to keep track."
• I'm such a bad train operator, I can't even remember how many trains I've derailed. It's hard to keep track.
• Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago." Son ask, "How do you know?"
  Dad replies, "It left tracks."
• A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke. I didn't get it, but then it hit me.
• So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks
  Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train
• My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective... because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

Train Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny train day jokes and even better train day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Got the best compliment from my doctor today He said I had athlete's foot. I've only been training for 3 days so didn't think anyone would notice
• Why are the majority of firefighters men? They've been training with fluid launching cannons since the day they were born.
  I'll show myself out.
• My favourite thing to do after a long day at work is sit down and take off all my clothes. It makes my train journey more entertaining.
• The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well. I've resisted going to the gym for six days now.
• I'm training for a marathon with my friend. Every day when we hit the trails he tells me the same thing, and it always makes me laugh. It's a running joke.
• I rang Seaworld the other day. A lady answered the phone and said "This call may be recorded for training porpoises"
• I took my orchestra onto a train one day The conductor was rubbish
• I was sat across from a screaming child on the train the other day... ... He was so loud I could hear him through my wolf mask.
• Crossfit died out The other day n the train:
  Girl : *sneezes
  me: "Bless You!"
  Girl : I Have a Boyfriend
  a few rows behind us: "I'm vegan"
• I might not go to the gym because I don't like training abs and the weather doesn't look promising. It's oblique day.

Train Conductor Jokes

Here is a list of funny train conductor jokes and even better train conductor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What does a Muslim train conductor say before he starts his train? ALLAH BOARD!
• There is a Hispanic train conductor going around committing horrible crimes.. No one knows why, but it's clear he has a loco motive.
• What's the key to becoming a good conductor ? Train
• A man steals and crashes a train and is then given the electric chair, but nothing happens. guess he was a bad conductor
• A train conductor was struck by lightning 15 times and miraculously survived It turns out he was a bad conductor
• Why did the Mexican train conductor get arrested? He had Loco motives
• Why are trains so energetic? They have Conductors.
• Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor who killed everyone? He had locomotives.
• I was thinking of becoming a railway conductor... Then I thought of all the training.
• TIL that people who've crashed a train before are impervious to being struck by lightning. Because they're bad conductors.

Train Station Jokes

Here is a list of funny train station jokes and even better train station puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My friend told me that I don't understand the meaning of irony... ...which was ironic because we were at a train station
• Gaming: What's the difference between a train and SONY? When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
• What don't they name train stations after astrology signs? No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
• A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops. In my office I have a workstation. What more can I say.
• Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master? Because he had a locomotive
• So I met this guy at the train station... who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
• Two old men are riding on a train in north London, when it stops at a station. First Old Man: Is this Wembley?
  Second Old Man: No, it's Thursday.
  First Old Man: So am I. Let's go get a beer!
• I was at the train station. The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
  I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long."
• What mythical creature keeps time for trains at the station? A metro-gnome
• I unexpectedly had a good time today. I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
  "Please excuse me, I'd like to get off".

Laughter Train Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about train you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean tram jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make train prank.

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