Following is our collection of funny Train jokes. There are some train tram jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these train kids train puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.
kept thinking, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection, but then she did.
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
He had loco motives
The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."
He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."
The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."
The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"
You can explore train tunnel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean train railroad dad jokes. There are also train puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
He had locomotives.
When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.
I'm not sure, but he must have had a loco motive.
One says, "Spit out your gum!"
The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
She said to me, "What's black and white and red all over?"
"Wow," I said, "You can speak English?"
"Just a riddle," she said.
I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
...which was ironic because we were at a train station
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
She claimed she had locomotives.
(I'm sorry.)
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai girl on the train this morning.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection."
But she did.
He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But.....she did.
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
I thought to myself, Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection . But she did.
A loco motive.
I made this one up several years ago and have never posted here 🙃
Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Other man: If you think she's beautiful you should see my wife
First man: Why? Is she a stunner?
Other man: No, she's an ophthalmologist
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys ass and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
saying to myself "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection!".
Unfortunately, she did.
WIFE: Well, let's see
ME: What's a male deer?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound
ME: Oh believe me it gets better
CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'
He had locomotives
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Because they can't afford the train!
Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.
He said ain't she beautiful?
I told him if you think she's beautiful you should see my wife
Why? Is she a stunner as well?
No she's an optician
"Wow" I replied. "You speak English?"
She replied, "Just a riddle".
I said, "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife!
He said, "Why? Is she super-hot too?
I said, "No, she's an optometrist!"
They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.
The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.
The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.
The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings on drugs.
They have opened their souls and revealed their deepest secrets. They look to the last priest and he says "I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train".
'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
I go if you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife…
He goes why, is she a stunner?
I replied no, she's an optician
An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...
When they have loco motives.
It's sniffacult work.
A chew chew train.
At work, I have a workstation.
A semiconductor!
A low commotion.
Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems pretty painful.
May bee sew, may bee knot
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the train train conductor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working train how to train your dragon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.