Train Jokes
177 train jokes and hilarious train puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about train that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From funny jokes about passenger trains to silly puns about locomotives, this article has it all! Read on for jokes about trains, tunnels, and buses, and get ready to laugh.
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Funniest Train Short Jokes
Short train jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The train humour may include short track jokes also.
- My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
- You know there's no official training for garbage men? They just pick it up as they go along.
- To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
- I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
- On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, Is this normal? He said, Not during a written exam, no.
- I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At work, I have a workstation.
- My 7 year old daughter came up with this one (I trained her well). Why did the doctor make an emergency call to the graveyard? Because all the coffin.
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Train One Liners
Which train one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with train? I can suggest the ones about plane and tram.
- Did you ever hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives
- Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
- I just got my prostate examined. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train.
- Why is Jesus always shown having a 6 pack? Because of all his cross training
- Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
- my dog is training to be a blacksmith every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door
- What's the best thing about going to Auschwitz? Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew
- I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
- The cure for my depression is right around the corner. Yes, here comes my train now.
- Hello, this is Seaworld... your call may be recorded for training porpoises
- How do trains hear? With their engineers
- How did Barbie get to be such a good swimmer? She trained with doll-fins.
- What does a Muslim train conductor say before he starts his train? ALLAH BOARD!
- Do you think bin men get training... ... Or do they just pick it up as they go along?
Train Tracks Jokes
Here is a list of funny train tracks jokes and even better train tracks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing. So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
- I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed. He said
"I don't know it's hard to keep track." - I'm such a bad train operator, I can't even remember how many trains I've derailed. It's hard to keep track.
- Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago." Son ask, "How do you know?"
Dad replies, "It left tracks." - A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke. I didn't get it, but then it hit me.
- So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks
Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train - So I met this guy at the train station... who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
- An old joke I learnt [Clean] A peanut was stuck on the tracks
His heart was all a flutter
A train came down the track
*Choo Choo!*
Peanut butter. - How do you derail a Norfolk Southern Train? Put it on the tracks.
Train Conductor Jokes
Here is a list of funny train conductor jokes and even better train conductor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the key to becoming a good conductor ? Train
- A man steals and crashes a train and is then given the electric chair, but nothing happens. guess he was a bad conductor
- A train conductor was struck by lightning 15 times and miraculously survived It turns out he was a bad conductor
- Why are trains so energetic? They have Conductors.
- I was thinking of becoming a railway conductor... Then I thought of all the training.
- TIL that people who've crashed a train before are impervious to being struck by lightning. Because they're bad conductors.
- So the interviewer asked the applicant if he had any experience as a conductor. He responded, "Yeah, I've done a bit of training"
- What does a train conductor do when he's angry? He blows off some steam
- I took my orchestra onto a train one day The conductor was rubbish
- Why didn't the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair? he was a bad conductor.
Train Station Jokes
Here is a list of funny train station jokes and even better train station puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Gaming: What's the difference between a train and SONY? When the train announces an arriving "Station", you can see it.
- What don't they name train stations after astrology signs? No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
- Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master? Because he had a locomotive
- I was at the train station. The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long." - What mythical creature keeps time for trains at the station? A metro-gnome
- I unexpectedly had a good time today. I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;
"Please excuse me, I'd like to get off". - Everyone knew it was the Spanish train operator who was behind the dead bodies hidden at the train station. He always had a locomotive.
- A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge. It was a loco motive.
- Why does voldemort have flat face? He ran into wrong wall at train station
- Where do bugs get off the train? Infest-station.
Train Ride Jokes
Here is a list of funny train ride jokes and even better train ride puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a dude who's learning to ride the waves? A training brah.
- What type of train can a ginger not ride? A soul train
- When is a laugh track not funny? When you ride a train over it
- How do sick people get to the hospital? They ride Achoo-Choo train
- My wife told me she was a hour late home today cause she took the train. I don't understand why it took a hour however, based on the amount of passengers on, the ride should have finished real quick
- Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose. - What do you call a mathematician who rides a train to work? Abelian, because he commutes
- Why doesn't anyone want to ride a train? Because they're onatracktive.
- Why don't nice people ride the train? Because they're usually found on trucks.
Laughter Train Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about train you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make train pranks.
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, She's beautiful, isn't she? I said, If you think she's beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.
He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
A Frenchman, A Mexican, And an American are sitting in a train car together
The Mexican is eating a taco, Stops, And throws it out the window;The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Mexican responds, "We have so many in my country, I just wanted to." So the Frenchman takes a croissant and throws it out the window, Saying, "We have too many of these." He then turns to the American and asks, "What do you have too many of in your country?" The American then throws the Mexican out the window.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
Lawyers and Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes go hiking.
Two blondes go hiking and come across some tracks. The first blonde stops and says they are wolf tracks, while the second blonde says they are bear tracks. After an hour of arguing the train runs them over.
My favorite blond joke of all time...
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
21, 21, 21
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins.
What a turtle disaster.
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...
The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."
After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"
When i was young my mom used to put food on the spoon.. and sing "train is coming, train is coming"...
I'd always eat cause i knew if i didn't, she wouldn't untie me from the railway line.
An Arab student e-mails his dad
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
Pregnant Lady on the Train
A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"There are three kinds of s**......"
"There's homosexual s**..., for people who have s**... at home, bisexual, for people who buy s**..., and there's t**...—that's me, I'll try anything!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my girlfriend to roleplay as a a Lvl 100 Charizard while we were having s**....
She scratched me and told me that I didn't have enough badges to train her.
*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
They say that trains are full of weird people...
...but I don't think that's true. I've never met a weird person on a train, and I talk to *everyone.*
A man gets on a train to go to Scotland for business...
When he arrives, it's raining. He stays for three whole weeks and the rain never stops. When he finally returns to the train station, he see's a young boy. He goes up to him and says "Excuse me, does it ever stop raining here?" The boy replies "I'm not sure, I'm only 5 years old."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the crazy mexican c**... a train?
He had loco motives...
I'll show myself out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men and two women are on a train.
There is a mother and daughter on their way to have a holiday, and there is an old general and his valet, a young sergeant. The train goes through a tunnel, and everything is dark. There is a *mwsshk!* and a *s**...!* and the train leaves the tunnel.
The mother thinks, "that young man stole a kiss from my daughter and got slapped for it!"
The daughter thinks, "that young man tried to kiss me, and kissed my mother by mistake!"
The general thinks, "that upstart pup steals a kiss and I get slapped for it."
The sergeant thinks, "not bad! I just kiss my hand and get to slap the general, and here comes another tunnel!"
What do you call it when Oxygen and Nitrogen train at the gym together?
Air conditioning
A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England
He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"
Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny
>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.
Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?
Dude2: You dont want to do that.
Dude1: Why?
Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?
What does the train use to fuel it's gaming addiction?
Steam.
I'm so sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Frustrated p**....
There was this hard working p**... who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".
A man asks a farmer near a field,
A man asks a farmer near a field, Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.
The farmer says, Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one.
I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and...
I haven't even started learning how to drive a train
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hobo s**...
Hobo walks back into the camp where his buddies are having dinner. He is all happy and smiling.
They ask, why are you so happy.
He replies, well, I was walking along the track and found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had s**... for hours.
One of his buddies asks: "Did you get any head"
"No", he replied, "the train took most of that".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on the train having a p**....
When the ticket inspector knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket please."
"There you go," I replied, passing it under the door.
"Thanks for the free ticket." replied the voice, running away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm training to be a s**... in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...
... I'll be the designated Marxman!
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says, "Spit out your gum!"
The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The young woman sitting next to me on the train today was breastfeeding her baby...
An officer came up to us and said, "Please stop doing this here, or we're going to have to ask you to leave."
So I sighed, stopped m**... and pulled my pants back up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...
The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"
The American replies, "We have too much of these."
---
Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"
The Chinese replies, "We got lay too much of that lice."
---
The Russian then flicks dashcams and v**... out his window.
The German asks, "Vat's the matter vith those?"
The Russian replies, "They're too common where I'm from, comrade."
---
The German looks at the Syrian guy.
#The Syrian guy, nervous, exclaims, "Don't you fooking dare!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woke up to a b**... earlier.
That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
Four across...
Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"
My favourite thing to do after a long day at work is sit down and take off all my clothes.
It makes my train journey more entertaining.
The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trying to talk to a gorgeous girl
ME: \*tries to talk to a g**... train\*
GIRL: \*points to her headphones\*
ME: oh yeah, those are nice! so what's your name?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three blondes were walking in the woods...
Three blondes were walking in the woods. They found some tracks. The first said "oh its wolf tracks!" The second said, "No, its horse tracks." And the third one said "I think its pig tracks" shortly after they were all hit by a train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the train conductor use the insanity defense when she was accused of m**...?
She claimed she had locomotives.
(I'm sorry.)
At the train station...
Lady: Excuse me Sir, is this my train?
Conductor: No Ma'am, it belongs to the Railway Station Company.
Lady: Don't be funny. What I'm trying to ask is if I can take this train to Busan.
Conductor: No Ma'am, it's too heavy.
A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
I tried training for the Samaritans once.
But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.
-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)
What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says "Spit out the gum!"
A train says "Chew! Chew!"
Ye, courtesy of my 8 year old daughter.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was being trained as a caller in a s**... prevention hotline...
...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!"
Einstein is on a train leaving New York.
He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
I've been trying to train my dog to play dead, so I started rewarding him with chocolates.
I think it worked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But.....she did.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What must you have if you want to c**... a train?
A loco motive.
I made this one up several years ago and have never posted here 🙃
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
A woman opens up a stand near the train station selling apples for 1$
Each day, the same man walks over to the stand, leaves a 1$, but doesnt take any apples. This went on for an entire year, until one day, the man left a dollar and was about to leave but the woman grabbed him by the hand. The man says: "I see you are finally interested why I keep leaving a dollar but not buying any apples well-" The woman cuts him off: "No I am not the least bit interested, apples now cost 2$ instead of one".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a train full of prostitutes?
A train of Thot.
A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.
A cop fills him in on what happened.
Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy
Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.
That's some locomotive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
An illiterate man and Albert Einstein are sitting together on the train.
Einstein: Let's play a game to pass some time. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. If I can't answer a question from you, I'll give you $50.
Illiterate man: I'll go first. What has 3 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 8 legs at night?
Einstein: I don't know. (Gives man $50) What is the answer to that question?
Illiterate man: (Gives $5 to Einstein)
