Traffic Ticket Jokes
14 traffic ticket jokes and hilarious traffic ticket puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about traffic ticket that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Traffic Ticket Short Jokes
Short traffic ticket jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The traffic ticket humour may include short traffic fines jokes also.
- Man: Judge, 60% of my traffic tickets are bogus! Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok. 3/5 of my traffic tickets are bogus! - We were travelling far far away in space. Moving through time faster than the universe itself. But i still got a traffic ticket in the mail.
- Me and the judge in the Traffic Court. Me: your honor, i'm here to dispute 4 of my 5 tickets
Judge: i see, repeat infractions?
Me: Ok i'm here to dispute ⁴/₅ of my tickets
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Traffic Ticket One Liners
Which traffic ticket one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with traffic ticket? I can suggest the ones about parking ticket and speeding ticket.
- Why did the rapper get a traffic ticket? He was switching lanes.
Traffic Ticket Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about traffic ticket you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parking fine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make traffic ticket pranks.
A police sergeant asks the new constable to see him in his office.
"Alright constable," said the sergeant. "Can you please explain to me why you have not booked any traffic offences in the two weeks since you have been here?"
"Well you see sir, every time I pull up a car, no matter the offence, I barely finish introducing myself before they take off."
"Alright constable, well let's act like you've just pulled me over and are going to write me a ticket"
"Ok Sarge. Good morning sir, I'm Constable Yoffrey Toogo."
Day in court
In the traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to the school on time.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.
You're a schoolteacher, hum? he said. Ma'am, today I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at the table and write 'I went through a red light' 500 times!
Driving to work...
Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
*
This joke was email to me by a Comedy Defensive Driving class I took to take care of a speeding ticket (three years ago).
Speeder
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for Driving without a seat belt.
Topical Jokes for 1/31
The CEO of McDonald's has announced he'll be resigning later this year. It's the first time in history that a McDonald's employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice.
The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch 'n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remind people that if they didn't waste their money on lottery tickets, they could afford to eat bacon.
In Alabama, a truck driver caused a mile-long traffic jam when he swerved off the road while trying to pull out a loose tooth. Drivers slowed down to look, because people in Alabama had never seen someone who has a tooth.
Suge Knight is suspected of running a man over with his car after an argument. The argument was about whether or not there's a pumpkin-flavored Jelly Belly.
...running over someone with your car seems crazy, but you have to keep in mind that Suge Knight's motto is Live every day like it's 'The Purge.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't get pulled over in Eastern Europe
Ivan gets pulled over by traffic police, so he tells them the usual s**... story about how he's very poor, he can't pay the ticket etc. etc. So at first the cops are like okay give us some money, we'll make it go away.
Ivan though won't back down and tells them how he's been laid off recently from the banitza factory, his mother in law is trying to convince his wife to divorce him and take the kids away etc. etc. So the cops relent and ask that he only buys them a couple of coffees from the nearby shop to warm themselves.
So Ivan goes to the shop and happily asks for two coffees, and the shop owner says: "Are they for the two policemen out front?" and Ivan says "Actually, they are!" so the shop owner says "Okay, that will be 20 euro."
A blonde, brunette, and a red head...
So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can safely dispose of the body. The red head gets in her car and decides she'll drive in the left lane since that's the fast lane, so she can go fast, get to the location quickly, and dispose of the body. A cop pulls her over for going too fast, she gets a ticket but gets back on her way to get rid of the body, no problem. Brunette gets into her car decides she'll drive in the right lane since that's the lane with slower traffic, to not look suspicious. Cop pulls her over for driving too slow and impeding traffic, gives her a ticket but she continues on her way, no problem. Blonde gets into her car decides to drive in the HOV lane since she never sees anyone there it'll be a smooth ride to the location. Cop pulls her over for driving in the HOV lane with only person. Cop writes her a ticket for that, blonde reads the ticket and says "No, officer, I'm not the only person in the car I have my husband in the trunk.
Made it up myself not the best but I think it is OC
A joke.
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver,
"but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."