Traffic Light Jokes
75 traffic light jokes and hilarious traffic light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about traffic light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Traffic Light Short Jokes
Short traffic light jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The traffic light humour may include short stoplight jokes also.
- What's the smallest unit of time in the known universe? The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.
- What's the difference between a red traffic light and a green traffic light? Please answer quickly, I'm almost at the intersection.
- A man is driving across town with his dog. He sees a traffic light and begins to stop.
The dog says, "Why are you slowing down, the light's gray?" - I was stopped at a traffic light, and among the pedestrians crossing was my ex. And I thought, "I'd hit that."
- Stop signs are red, traffic lights are green, I ride a bicycle, and have no idea what that means.
- When was the first car horn used? Exactly 0.001 seconds after the first traffic light turned green.
- "Dad, why are they taking down the traffic lights so aggressively?" "I don't know, son, but they sure are pulling out all the stops."
- I hit every traffic light coming home from work today. I should probably learn how to drive better.
- What did the traffic light say to the car Don't look! I'm changing.
(I've made hundreds of people groan at this joke before considering putting it on here. c:) - Two blondes are waiting at a traffic light One says "It's green."
The other ponders a few seconds, then replies "A frog"
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Traffic Light One Liners
Which traffic light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with traffic light? I can suggest the ones about traffic signal and signal light.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing.
- what makes us really humans? Selecting all images with traffic lights
- In a banana republic the traffic lights go from green to yellow to brown.
- Why did the traffic light turn red? The traffic caught it changing.
- Why do traffic lights never go swimming? Because they spend too much time changing.
- I watched a terrible documentary on traffic signals. Who green-lights these things?
- People are like traffic lights You have to judge them by colour
- What has three eyes and one leg? traffic light
- I walk when the traffic light is red because I don't see color
- Why did the traffic light turn red? It was embarrassed to change in the street.
- What do traffic lights and toilet paper have in common? Red means stop.
- Traffic lights are so shy the closer I get to them, the more likely they are to go red
- How do you make a traffic light turn red? Embarrass it with a compliment.
- My drive was long today; I hit every red light. The traffic signals were a pain as well.
- Why couldn't the traffic light get a date? She was wearing no turn on red. :|
Traffic Light Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about traffic light you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traffic sign jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make traffic light pranks.
A Fiat 500 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light.
"Do you have a car phone?" asked the driver of the Fiat. "Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver. "Well, do you have a fax machine?" The driver of the Rolls sighed, "I have that too." "Then do you have a double bed in the trunk?" the Fiat driver wanted to know. Embarrassed, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he ordered a mechanic to install a double bed in the trunk. A week later the Rolls driver passed the same Fiat 500 parked on the side of the road with the back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls, and bangs on the Fiat's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I wanted to tell you I have a double bed installed," says the proud Rolls driver. The Fiat driver is unimpressed, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"
Why is a traffic light red? You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day.
The pope was visiting New York
His visit in the states had lasted for days and he had become tired of being chauffeured around from one event to another the whole time.
"Tell you what. I really miss driving" he said to his driver and they agreed to swap seats so the pope would drive and the driver would sit in the back.
The pope had not driven a car for ages and the limousine had a powerful engine so he raced through the streets of New York running red lights and breaking the speed limit. This had to draw a lot of attention and soon he was pulled over by a traffic cop.
As the pope rolled down the window the cop could see that this was not an ordinary speeding case. He went back to his car to call his superiors on the radio.
"I've pulled someone over and I'm not sure what to do. I can tell it's a VIP but I'm not sure who it is"
"A VIP? Don't tell me it's the police commissioner again!"
"No. It's not him. It's someone more important."
"More important? Is it the mayor?"
"No. It's not him either. It's someone more important than the mayor"
"More important than the mayor? Are you telling me you've pulled over the president?"
"No. Not the president either. I's someone more important"
"More important? Who can be more important than the president?"
"I don't know! I just know he's so important that he's got the pope as his driver!"
A man was speeding down the motorway...
When a policeman saw him and began chasing him in hot pursuit.
When the man saw the blue lights in his mirror he began to speed up, getting further and further away and faster he went.
The policeman finally caught up when they hit traffic and pulled the man from his car.
Officer: Why did you speed up when you saw me behind you?
Man: You see, I was married for a long time before my wife ran off with a policeman just like you!
Officer: Sorry to hear that but just because one of us is bad, doesn't mean we all are. Speeding is still an offence!
Man: Oh, it's nothing personal, I just thought you were trying to give her back!
Some years ago...
...a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that bridge over there?" The Spaniard replied; "No."
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
Traffic Lights..
I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday, minding my own business
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no
on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American
Slogans, with a half-burned American flag duct-taped on the side of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, " Allahu Akbar!, Allahu Akbar!, " and
took off before the lights changed.
Out of nowhere, an 18-wheeler came speeding through
the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car stunned, thinking to myself,
"man...that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Ford Focus
Sitting in traffic today waiting for the light to change. The car in front of us was a Ford Focus. I turned to my daughter and said.. if that driver opens her door and steps out of the car, does she get all blurry? Because if she did, wouldn't she be "out of Focus" ?
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
My six-year old cousin wanted to know how traffic lights worked...
So she asked her dad, "Daddy, what does the yellow light mean?"
"Slow down," my uncle replied.
"Okay. Whaaat doooes the yelllowwww liiiight meeeaaaannn?"
Could have been me...
Sitting at a Red Light yesterday, minding my own business...patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to
me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to Americans!"
and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been
me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Why do traffic lights never go swimming?
They take too long to change.
Two blonde girls at a traffic light
They stop at red:
-Look at that red color!
-Wow, it's beautiful.
-And the yellow!
-Such brightness!
-And the green!
-Much nature!
-Oh, it's red again, we saw it already. Let's go.
Lame, But funny.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
.
.
"Don't look, I am changing"
Hahahaha XD
A few old ladies...
Three old ladies are driving down a highway somewhere out west. There is then this police officer waiting for any trouble he spots as traffic goes by. When the three ladies drive by, they are going phenomenally slow so the police officer turns on his lights and sirens and pulls their car over. As he gets to the window, he sees the two old ladies in the back are as white as a ghost as if something scared them.
"Ma'am," asks the officer,"mind telling me why you are driving under the speed limit?"
Confused, she says,"But the speed limit says 20."
The officer looks and sees the 27 and laughs. "Ma'am, that is the route number, not the speed limit." He then looks at the two ladies again and asks,"What's wrong with them?"
The old lady replied,"Oh, we just got off at route 120."
A thirsty vampire is walking along in a deserted town...
when he sees another vampire with blood all over his mouth and yells:
"Hey! where did you get that blood?!!"
The other vampire replies:
"See that traffic light over there?"
"Yes I do!" he exclaims anxiously
"Well, I didn't" says the other vampire
Explanation of the crisis in Italy & Greece.
A small town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".
Soon after, the Italian visited the Greek town. He was simply
amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said;
"You see that bridge over there?"
The Italian replied; "No."
The Greek Prime Minister visits the Spanish Prime Minister.
The Spanish PM invites the Greek PM to his house.
"Wow! This is magnificent! How can you afford this amazing household when your country is in so much debt?? I see you've even added on so much to it!" says the Greek PM.
"Look out that window. Do you see that bridge? I had a 10 million euro budget to build a four lane, two way bridge. Instead, I built a one lane bridge with traffic lights on either end, for half as much" responded the Spanish PM.
"And the other 5 million?" asked the Greek PM.
The Spanish PM gestured to the add ons to his house.
The next week, the Spanish PM was invited to the Greek PM's house.
"This....this is amazing....how can you afford such a gorgeous mansion with so much debt in Greece??" asked the Spanish PM.
"Look out te window. Do you see that bridge?" asked the Greek PM.
"No." Said the Spanish PM.
The Greek PM just smiled.
An Australian is visiting England...
He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Mexican say to the American who was stalling at the traffic light?
g**...!
What is the first thing you do at a traffic light?
"I check my twitter, why is that important for the driving exam?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a traffic light and a banana?
With a traffic light, green means go, yellow means wait, and red means stop.
But with a banana, green means wait, yellow means go, and red means OH MY GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BANANA!?!
(courtesy of my 12 yr old)
*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It always takes me so long to get home through the red light district
I get stuck in s**... traffic for hours
In the city, a guy was caught taking out all the red bulbs in traffic lights after months of going unseen
He wasn't sure what led to his capture, since he was pulling out all the stops to not get caught.
A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."
A man was teaching his son about about the dangers of drinking at the traffic lights.
The man said, See those two cars over there, son? A drunk man would see four.
The son replied, But Dad, there is only one car.
The orthopedic surgeon Betty worked for was moving to a new office, and the staff was helping transport many of the items.
Betty sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, his bony arm across the back of her seat. She hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside her became obvious, and she looked across and explained, I'm delivering him to my doctor's office.
The driver leaned out his window. I hate to tell you, lady, he said, but I think it's too late!
So a green piece of road walks into the bar...
So a green piece of road walks into the bar... It goes up to the bar and orders a drink, then takes it to a table where two traffic lights are playing a game of cards. The traffic lights take one look at the road and run out! Later the bartender finds them cowering behind the bins outside:
"What on Earth is wrong with you two?" He asks.
"That green piece of road that walked in! He told us he was a cycle path!"
Child with no limbs: Alexa, stop my wheelchair at the traffic light.
Alexa: I don't know about that.
A corn walks into a bar...
And it says to the bartender:
"Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
The bartender agrees. The corn then asks:
"What did the traffic light say to the car?"
The bartender then says: "What?"
The corn says: "DON'T LOOK! I'M CHANGING!"
The bartender shakes his head in disappointment and says:
"Didn't know what I was expecting."
Day in court
In the traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to the school on time.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.
You're a schoolteacher, hum? he said. Ma'am, today I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at the table and write 'I went through a red light' 500 times!
It was late at night .....
It was late at night and the police were out checking for erratic driving.
They spotted a car travelling alone along the dual carriageway and decided to follow it. The car never exceeded the speed limit, gave all the correct signals as it left the main road and when they reached the town it pulled up correctly at all the traffic lights.
Eventually, the police car overtook the car and flagged it down.
Good evening, Sir, said the policeman.
We felt we had to stop you to congratulate you on your perfect driving skills.
Well, thank you, officer, replied the driver, I always drive very carefully, especially when I've had a bit to drink.
A passenger in a taxi was freaking out because the driver was going way past the speed limit and taking sharp turns, barely missing cars in traffic and almost running three red lights. "Just close your eyes" The driver said.
"Trust me it helps, that's what I do"
A traffic policeman was patrolling at a signal.
A woman ran a red light, and he pulled her over.
The woman said, Please let me go! I'm a teacher.
The policeman laughed and said, Time for payback.
He hands her a notebook and a pen tells her, Write: I'll never break traffic rules again 100 times.
Traffic court
A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."
He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write, 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."