Traffic Jam Jokes
63 traffic jam jokes and hilarious traffic jam puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about traffic jam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Traffic Jam Short Jokes
Short traffic jam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The traffic jam humour may include short stuck traffic jokes also.
- Did you hear about the truck full of blueberries that crashed on the highway? It caused a traffic jam.
- An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today It was a real traffic jam
- A fruit truck just crashed on the highway It caused a major traffic jam.
- Traffic was horrible today. Jam after jam after jam... I felt like I was at a marmelade convention!
- Why was the freeway jam packed with bald eagles driving cars? Because this traffic is for the birds......
- What jam can't you eat? Traffic
- What do you call Steve Winwood's band doing improvised music? A Traffic Jam
- You might want to listen to that long Marvin Gaye song while stuck in that bad traffic today. It's a Slow Jam.
- A traffic jam is like a bad marriage... ...you're stuck in it because of an accident.
- I feel happy seeing long traffic jams on the roads from the plane.
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Traffic Jam One Liners
Which traffic jam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with traffic jam? I can suggest the ones about stuck in traffic and congestion.
- What do you call a traffic jam in Compton? A blood clot
- Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
- What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.
- I always keep my guitar in my car It's good for traffic jams
- I love the sound of traffic. It's my jam
- What do you call a group of cars playing instruments? A Traffic Jam
- Why are cars called Sweet Rides? Traffic Jams
- Whats the worst kind of jam for breakfast? Traffic jam
- What's on a toast that got run over by a car? Traffic Jam
- What do you call a straight pride parade? A traffic jam.
- Why do they call it a traffic jam? Because no one's jelly
- How do you get musical traffic? You put a jam in it!
- Did you hear? Smuckers and Ford are getting together?They're gonna make traffic jam
- What do they call a traffic jam in the Lincoln Tunnel? A Linkin Park.
- How do you clear a traffic jam at a banker convention? With a plunger.
Silly & Ridiculous Traffic Jam Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about traffic jam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean traffic signal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make traffic jam pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was sitting in traffic when a cop knocked on his window.
He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?"
Officer: "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don't get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I'm going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you'd please help."
Man: "Ok. How much are other people giving?"
Officer: "On average, about two gallons."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was stuck in Washington D.C. in the worst traffic jam he had ever seen...
Cars were stretched out for miles ahead of him. As he was sitting there, a young fellow approached his car and knocked on the window. "What's the holdup?", the driver asked. "Well," answered the young fellow, "It seems that a t**... group is holding the entire U.S. Congress hostage up ahead a few miles. They claim they're going to douse the whole bunch of them with gasoline and start them on fire unless they get $50 million. I'm just going car to car to try and get some donations." "I'd love to help." said the driver. "How much is everyone else giving?" "About a gallon each."
Thought of this one at breakfast today
Q: What's the worst kind of jam?
A: A traffic jam!
Terrorists on Capital Hill
I was driving along Pennsylvania Ave earlier today and there was a huge traffic jam. "What's going on?" I asked a guy walking by.
"Terrorists have taken over Capital Hill and they are threatening to burn the entire place down with all of the Congressmen in it if they don't get million dollars. I'm going around collecting donations."
"How much are people giving on average?"
"About a gallon."
Topical Jokes for 1/31
The CEO of McDonald's has announced he'll be resigning later this year. It's the first time in history that a McDonald's employee has quit and given more than five seconds notice.
The New Hampshire lottery is selling scratch 'n sniff tickets that smell like bacon. The aroma is there to remind people that if they didn't waste their money on lottery tickets, they could afford to eat bacon.
In Alabama, a truck driver caused a mile-long traffic jam when he swerved off the road while trying to pull out a loose tooth. Drivers slowed down to look, because people in Alabama had never seen someone who has a tooth.
Suge Knight is suspected of running a man over with his car after an argument. The argument was about whether or not there's a pumpkin-flavored Jelly Belly.
...running over someone with your car seems crazy, but you have to keep in mind that Suge Knight's motto is Live every day like it's 'The Purge.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandma's Facebook
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, D.C.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls it down and asks, What's going on?
Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100m ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations.
How much is everyone giving, on average? asks the driver.
The man replies, Roughly a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
To resolve a traffic jam
Just turn off your ignition.
I felt very hungry while stuck in a traffic jam this morning
So I put it on some toast and ate it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stuck in a traffic jam
some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "
What do you call jelly flavored Go-Gurt that you eat in your car during rush hour?
Traffic Jam.
Another Trump joke
An american was driving his car until he ended up in a traffic jam.
After a long time of waiting and standing with his car, without moving any further, a policeman appeared and knocked on his window.
"Good day Sir, some terrorists kidnapped the President and will soak him in gasoline and burn him, if the government won't pay them 10 million dollar. We are currently asking the citizens, if they are willing to donate something."
The man took his wallet, looked insinde and asked the policeman:
"Just tell me: how much did the other drivers give?"
"About 20 to 50"
"Dollar?"
"No. Gallons"
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is stuck in a traffic jam
A man is struck in a traffic jam
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire politicians, and they are asking for a 1 million crore rupees ransom.
Otherwise, they are gong to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car, and collection donations.
How much is everyone giving, an on average? the driver asks....
The man replied, "Roughly 2 liters"
*Edit 1 : I apologise for any grammatical errors. English is not my 1st language.
*Edit 2 : Wow! Thanks for the upvotes guys! I really appreciate it. Also this is my most upvoted post ever.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?
Traffic Jam
**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.
A woman found herself in a traffic jam...
on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress for ransom.
One man said, "The terrorists said if they don't get $50 million they're going to cover everyone in Congress in gasoline and set them on fire. So we're taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone donating?" the woman asked.
"About a gallon or two."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did anyone know what happened to that passion fruit truck c**... yesterday?
It caused traffic jam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old/new joke about n**...
What do you call a traffic jam in Harlem? A blood clot.
Where do you go to fix it? Statin Island
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats something you can say in a traffic jam and during s**...?
"I better call my wife and tell her I'm gonna be home late"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The traffic jam in Russia.
There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."
Oh No! Not ELON!
Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.
After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.
The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....
"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
"It's awful! Terrorists have stopped Elon Musk's limo! They are saying if they don't get $10 million dollars, they are going to burn him alive! So, I'm out here collecting donations."
"That's terrible! How much have you collected so far?"
"Ten gallons. But everyone else is still siphoning...."
