Tractor Jokes

121 tractor jokes and hilarious tractor puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about tractor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny tractor jokes. From silly jokes to puns, we've got plenty of jokes to make you chuckle.

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Funniest Tractor Short Jokes

Short tractor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tractor humour may include short truck jokes also.

  1. Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!" I think it was Farmer Geddon
  2. Got stuck behind a tractor on the way to work this morning. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming "We're all doomed! The end of the world is nigh! Repent!" Turned out it was Farmer Geddon
  3. Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman? She wrote him a John Deere letter.
  4. Every day, my neighbor gets on his tractor, and starts yelling, The end is near! I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
  5. A man on a tractor has just driven past me shouting, The end of the world is nigh!!" I think it was Farmer Geddon.
  6. Want to hear my impression of an extractor fan? I used to like tractors, but I don't anymore.
  7. There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat. He called it his pro-tractor
  8. Anyone seen the movie 'The Tractor'? No?
    How about the trailer?
  9. How do you pick up a country girl? A tractor
  10. How did the farmer find his missing daughter? Tractor

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Tractor One Liners

Which tractor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tractor? I can suggest the ones about vehicle and motor.

  1. How did the farmer find his wife? HE TRACTOR DOWN
  2. How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
    Step 2: Fertilizer
  3. What are the two steps to marrying a country girl? First; a tractor.
    Next; fertilizer.
  4. Why did the tractor sell medicines? Because it was a farm assist!
    ... I'm sorry...
  5. What's Big, Red and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A tractor.
  6. How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor.
  7. Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.
  8. How does a farmer gain the attention of a woman? A tractor.
  9. Do you want to hear my impression of an extractor fan? *sigh* I used to love tractors
  10. what is green and, if stuck between your teeth, will kill you? a tractor.
  11. How do you get into bed with the farmers daughter? A tractor
  12. Whats green and can kill you if it gets between your teeth? A tractor
  13. How do yo get a farm girl to like you? A tractor
  14. How do you attract a country girl? A tractor.
  15. Have you seen that new film about a tractor? Me neither, just saw the trailer.

Tractor Trailer Jokes

Here is a list of funny tractor trailer jokes and even better tractor trailer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the new tractor movie? I heard it has a good trailer.
  • Person 1: "Have you seen that new movie about the tractor?" Person 2: "No, but the trailer looks good."
  • A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty Mississippi. ...Resulting in river failure.
  • Have you heard of that new film about the tractor? I've just seen the trailer.
  • An English man was left in a vegetative state after being hit by a car, bus, tractor and trailer. It was an Oxford Coma.
  • Did you hear about the movie with the Red Tractor? The trailer was better
  • Anyone heard about that new film about the tractor? I just saw the trailer.
  • How do you survive a Robot Apocalypse? By hiding in a white tractor-trailer.
  • Did you know h**... was very opposed to tractor-trailers? Turns out he was a huge anti-semi.
  • Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an e**...? Because he was constantly nursing a semi.

John Deere Tractor Jokes

Here is a list of funny john deere tractor jokes and even better john deere tractor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What type of math does John Deere do? Prime tractorization
  • I used to love John Deere and Massey Ferguson... but now I'm an ex-tractor fan.
  • How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend? With a John Deere letter.
Tractor joke, How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend?

Tractor Pull Jokes

Here is a list of funny tractor pull jokes and even better tractor pull puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yo mamma so heavy... it takes a Ukrainian tractor to pull her.

Tractor Driver Jokes

Here is a list of funny tractor driver jokes and even better tractor driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked my boss if he'd run over a few things with me. I think I'm a bit too morbid to be a tractor driver.
Tractor joke, I asked my boss if he'd run over a few things with me.

Gather Around for Fun Tractor Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about tractor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wagon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tractor pranks.

Boat for sale

Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."

John sees a "boat for sale" sign and decides to go take a look...

Behind the sign the there is only an old tractor and a beat up truck, so he goes to the door and an old newfie answers.
John says "I'm interested in the boat you have for sale"
The newfie looks confused and says "no bye, I ain't got no boat for sale."
"But" John says, "you have a sign out by that old truck and tractor..."
"Aye," replies the newfie, "and dere boat for sale!"

A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers

The salses man asks, "Is your father home"?
"No, he was ran over by a tractor".
"I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"?
"No, she was ran over by a tractor".
"Do you have any big brother or sister at home"?
"No, they were ran over by a tractor"
"So what are you doing here all alone"?
"I'm driving a tractor"

A farm

Grandma on her deathbed is saying to her grandchild:
-"I want to leave you a my farm, which includes fields, a tractor, other equipment and 2.000.000 dollars."
Now grandchild becomes so happy because he became a millionare and says:
-"Oh, grandma, you're so kind to me I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it located?"
With the last breath grandma lets out:
-"On facebook..."

Magical tractor

I was watching a magical tractor driving down the road, when all of a sudden out of nowhere it turned into a field!

I have never met a farmer that isn't pro tractor

Bubba and Earl

Earl walks into Bubba's barn and finds Bubba dancing n**... in front of his John Deere. Earl says "Bubba what are you doin' "
Bubba says "Me and the wife haven't been doin so good in the bedroom lately and the therapist said I should do something s**... to a tractor"

The bull

A farmer is driving his tractor through his field when he spots his neighbor's five year old walking an enormous bull with a leash.
"Hey sweety! Where are ya headin' with that big bull?"
"Hiya Mr. Johnson! Imma takin' it to Maynard's t'mount his cows."
"Good, good... but cantya daddy go instead?"
"Naw, Mr. Johnson... the bull has t'go."

Farming for a Nobel Prize

Farmer John is driving along the road one day when he spots his neighbour, Bill, standing on top of his tractor in the middle of his field. Overcome with curiosity, he ambles over and asks Bill what he is up to?
Bill replies, "Trying to win a Nobel prize".
"How do you figure?"
"Well, I hear they give them to people who are outstanding in their fields!"

Smooth Farmer

Whats a farmers best dating advice?
A tractor

What do you call a good looking tractor?


A man is kissing a tractor

A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some s**... thing to a tractor. (Attract her)
First time posting ever, sorry for any mistakes.

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back.

I'm tired of all these farming tips. Let's face it, there's only one thing that makes you good at farming

Step one: be a tractor
Step two: don't be unnatractor

A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"

The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"
The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"
The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little f**...!'"

A dying grandma tells her grandchild....

A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."

Why couldn't the dolphin turn around in a hallway

Because he was driving a tractor

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

"Where's my tractor"

Do you want to know why I called your girlfriend a tractor?

Because she's an upgrade to that h**... you had earlier.

Why did the man sleep under the tractor?

Because he wanted to wake up oily.

I want to start a competitor website to Farmers Only...

I want to start a competitor website to Farmers Only. I wanted to call it eFarmony, but I realized that there's a way better name.
Attractor. Where technology and love combine. Meet someone on a tractor.

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.

^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.
**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*
*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*

What's the difference between a black person and a tractor?

When a tractor doesn't work, no one makes excuses for it.

I'm a farmer and found my ex

I tractor down.

How did the farmer plan to pick up the hot girl at the bar?

A tractor

Tractors (Long?)

A man really likes tractors and collects models all day, one day he decides to get rid of all the models and move on.
It just so happens he comes across a building filled with smoke and people running out, he runs into the building attempting to pull out others, people try to dissuade him.
"Don't go in!"
"It's OK, I'm an extractor fan!"

What's yellow and you will die if it falls on you from a tree?

A tractor.

Someone asked me what my angle was on agriculture..

I said I'm pro tractor

What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics and the other has hybollocks

The end of the world

I was out walking this morning and was passed by a guy riding a tractor on the road. As he passed me he was screaming "It's the end of the world, the end of the world I tell you"
When I got home I told my wife about him and she said it was probably Farmer Geddon.

How do you win a peasant girls heart?

You just ask her what you have to do to a tractor

What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you?

It means you *a tractor*

Ever hear of an alien reptilian on a tractor?

Illuminati cornfarmed.

m**... was going to see p**......

He went to his farm and p**...'s wife Mary said he's out in the barn.
When m**... walked in to the barn he seen p**... dancing n**... in front of his tractor.
m**... said what are you doing p**...?
p**... replied, you know me and Mary were having problems in the bed room, so we went to a therapist and he said do something s**... to a tractor..

What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?

A tractor
(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)

Ever heard of a reptilian on a tractor?

Illuminati cornfarmed

What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down?

Well that's the last straw....

What do you call an Egyptian backhoe?

Cairo tractor

(From my grandfather)A man from the city goes to work on a farm

He helps the farmer with the harvesting and is riding the tractor around the big field while the farmer is working at one place. Everytime the man passes the farmer he greets him with a simple ''Hey''. This goes on for a little while, until the end of the day.
The farmer walks up to the man and says; ''You're fired. You talk way too much''

How do you s**... a farm girl?

A tractor.

Do you know how to romance a country girl?

You gotta do something s**... to a tractor.

I bought an ant farm.

I don't know where I'm gonna find a tractor that small.

There's a guy lives near me who is straight-up a wizard.

I was following him driving a tractor yesterday, and he turned it into a field.

How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle?

A tractor beam

How do r**... aliens abduct people?

Tractor beam

Anyone hear about the Magic Tractor

It turned into a field

What's it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross

Crop yield

Little Johnny

An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,
"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"
Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"
Little Johnny: "Run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Oh my God! That's terrible! Are your grandparents or your uncles or aunts or any of your relatives at home?"
Little Johnny: "No! All of them run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "What are you doing all day then?"
Little Johnny: "Drive the tractor!"

How do aliens harvest their crops?

With tractor beams.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

My s**... date said she'd be impressed if I did something funny to the local farmer's vehicle.

I did whatever I could to a tractor.

It doesn't take much to get a country girl to sleep with you

You just need to s**... a tractor

There's two cows talking in a field.

The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"
The first cow says "Holy s**...! A talking dog!"


So there was this guy who was a fan of tractors. He had posters of it everywhere. He had his own tractor business, married a beautiful wife. The whole 9 yards.
One day his wife died from a tractor accident. Heartbroken he got rid of his business, his posters, everything tractor related.
Few years later he goes on a date. The restaurant starts smoking and he says "Darling wait i got this". He s**... in all the smoke goes outside and blows it away. Everyone starts applauding and his date asks "How did you do that?". The guy says: "Im an extractor fan"

How do you get a date with a farm girl ?

Just a tractor

I saw a magic tractor on my way home from work yesterday.

It turned into a field.

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

I saw it drive down a road and turn into a field.


Q: How do you get a farm girl to like you?
A: >!A tractor!<
Q: What's the difference between Sven (the host) and a savings bond?
A.1: >!One's appreciated.!<
A.2: >!A savings bond matures.!<
Q: What part of the hospital is off-limits to The Invisible Man?
A: >!The ICU.!<

Tractor joke, Svengoolie

jokes about tractor