Tractor Jokes
112 tractor jokes and hilarious tractor puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about tractor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny tractor jokes. From silly jokes to puns, we've got plenty of jokes to make you chuckle.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Tractor Short Jokes
Short tractor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tractor humour may include short truck jokes also.
- Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!" I think it was Farmer Geddon
- Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman? She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- Every day, my neighbor gets on his tractor, and starts yelling, The end is near! I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
- There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat. He called it his pro-tractor
- What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you? It means you *a tractor*
- What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa? Prom
- A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty Mississippi. ...Resulting in river failure.
- How did the farmer plan to pick up the hot girl at the bar? A tractor
- How do aliens harvest their crops? With tractor beams.
- What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down? Well that's the last straw....
Share These Tractor Jokes With Friends
Tractor One Liners
Which tractor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tractor? I can suggest the ones about vehicle and motor.
- How did the farmer find his wife? HE TRACTOR DOWN
- How do you marry a country girl? Step 1: A tractor
Step 2: Fertilizer - Why did the tractor sell medicines? Because it was a farm assist!
... I'm sorry... - Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field.
- How does a farmer gain the attention of a woman? A tractor.
- Do you want to hear my impression of an extractor fan? *sigh* I used to love tractors
- what is green and, if stuck between your teeth, will kill you? a tractor.
- Whats green and can kill you if it gets between your teeth? A tractor
- Have you seen that new film about a tractor? Me neither, just saw the trailer.
- How do you pick up a country girl? A tractor
- How did the farmer find his missing daughter? Tractor
- What do you call a person who loved tractors but doesn't any more? An extractor fan
- I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I'm gonna find a tractor that small.
- I used to hate tractors, but I did a complete 180 Now I'm protractor.
- Smooth Farmer Whats a farmers best dating advice?
A tractor
Tractor Trailer Jokes
Here is a list of funny tractor trailer jokes and even better tractor trailer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An English man was left in a vegetative state after being hit by a car, bus, tractor and trailer. It was an Oxford Coma.
- Did you hear about the movie with the Red Tractor? The trailer was better
- How do you survive a Robot Apocalypse? By hiding in a white tractor-trailer.
John Deere Tractor Jokes
Here is a list of funny john deere tractor jokes and even better john deere tractor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What type of math does John Deere do? Prime tractorization
- I used to love John Deere and Massey Ferguson... but now I'm an ex-tractor fan.
Tractor Driver Jokes
Here is a list of funny tractor driver jokes and even better tractor driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my boss if he'd run over a few things with me. I think I'm a bit too morbid to be a tractor driver.
Gather Around for Fun Tractor Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about tractor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wagon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tractor pranks.
Boat for sale
Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."
John sees a "boat for sale" sign and decides to go take a look...
Behind the sign the there is only an old tractor and a beat up truck, so he goes to the door and an old newfie answers.
John says "I'm interested in the boat you have for sale"
The newfie looks confused and says "no bye, I ain't got no boat for sale."
"But" John says, "you have a sign out by that old truck and tractor..."
"Aye," replies the newfie, "and dere boat for sale!"
Three legged pig...
A man sees a farmer walking a three-legged pig down the road. He stops him and asks what happened to the pig.
The farmer says, "This isn't any ordinary pig. This pig saved my life twice. One time, I fell off my tractor into a ditch and was hurt pretty bad and this pig went and got help. Another time, the house caught fire in the middle of the night and this pig woke me and my wife up. Saved our lives."
The man exclaimed, "That is amazing! But it doesn't explain how the pig lost it's leg."
The farmer replied, "Well, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."
A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers
The salses man asks, "Is your father home"?
"No, he was ran over by a tractor".
"I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"?
"No, she was ran over by a tractor".
"Do you have any big brother or sister at home"?
"No, they were ran over by a tractor"
"So what are you doing here all alone"?
"I'm driving a tractor"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a tractor trailer that can't keep up with the others? (Self)
Semi r**....
Two blondes are sitting by the river
... and are watching ducks. A farmer on a tractor appears and asks 'Can I cross the river over here?'.
'Sure you can' one of the blondes replies.
So he drives into the river and drowns after which one blonde comments to the other: 'Strange that he drowned, the ducks were submerged only to their chests'
I have never met a farmer that isn't pro tractor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... Stripper
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something s**... to a tractor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and Earl
Earl walks into Bubba's barn and finds Bubba dancing n**... in front of his John Deere. Earl says "Bubba what are you doin' "
Bubba says "Me and the wife haven't been doin so good in the bedroom lately and the therapist said I should do something s**... to a tractor"
The bull
A farmer is driving his tractor through his field when he spots his neighbor's five year old walking an enormous bull with a leash.
"Hey sweety! Where are ya headin' with that big bull?"
"Hiya Mr. Johnson! Imma takin' it to Maynard's t'mount his cows."
"Good, good... but cantya daddy go instead?"
"Naw, Mr. Johnson... the bull has t'go."
Farming for a Nobel Prize
Farmer John is driving along the road one day when he spots his neighbour, Bill, standing on top of his tractor in the middle of his field. Overcome with curiosity, he ambles over and asks Bill what he is up to?
Bill replies, "Trying to win a Nobel prize".
"How do you figure?"
"Well, I hear they give them to people who are outstanding in their fields!"
visit at the farm. 6 year old Billy answers the door
- Billy, where are your parents?
- Run over by tractor.
- Oh, where is everybody else?
- Run over by tractor.
- You're all alone then? What do you do all day?
- Driving tractor.
A Taxing Poem
"Taxpayer's Lament"
Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;
Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach him taxing is no joke.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.
Tax his oil, Tax his gas
Tax his notes, Tax his cash
Tax him good and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, Tax him more;
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax his sod in which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove him to his doom."
After he's gone, we won't relax.
We'll still collect inheritance tax.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joss Whedon should open his own version of a Tractor Supply store, with gardening and animal supplies ...
... he could call it Whedon Feed 'n w**...-n-feed
What do you call a good looking tractor?
Attractor
There was a magical tractor...
There was a magical tractor traveling down the road. Then it turned in to a farm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get if you cross a r**... with a tractor?
Fertilizer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is kissing a tractor
A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some s**... thing to a tractor. (Attract her)
First time posting ever, sorry for any mistakes.
I'm tired of all these farming tips. Let's face it, there's only one thing that makes you good at farming
Step one: be a tractor
Step two: don't be unnatractor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"
The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"
The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"
The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little f**...!'"
A dying grandma tells her grandchild....
A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."
Why couldn't the dolphin turn around in a hallway
Because he was driving a tractor
I saw an ad about this tractor which wheels can spin 180 degrees without it moving.
I guess you can call it a.. pro tractor
What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
"Where's my tractor"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an e**...?
Because he was constantly nursing a semi.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you want to know why I called your girlfriend a tractor?
Because she's an upgrade to that h**... you had earlier.
Once there was a mathematician who disliked farmers
but now he's pro tractor
Why did the man sleep under the tractor?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
Which tractor can be used below the sea?
A Subtractor
Who's that man who stands on his tractor shouting the end is nigh?
Oh yeah Farmer Geddon.
I want to start a competitor website to Farmers Only...
I want to start a competitor website to Farmers Only. I wanted to call it eFarmony, but I realized that there's a way better name.
Attractor. Where technology and love combine. Meet someone on a tractor.
Country Politics
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.
^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.
**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*
*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a black person and a tractor?
When a tractor doesn't work, no one makes excuses for it.
What do you call a Mexicans tractor?
A Juan Deer
An owl and a squirrel are watching a farmer going by on his tractor
The owl then turns to the squirrel and eats him as, owls are birds of prey.
Why did the tractor not want to work?
Because it was harrowing.
What does a farmer have to do before he gets married?
A tractor first
I'm a farmer and found my ex
I tractor down.
Tractors (Long?)
A man really likes tractors and collects models all day, one day he decides to get rid of all the models and move on.
It just so happens he comes across a building filled with smoke and people running out, he runs into the building attempting to pull out others, people try to dissuade him.
"Don't go in!"
"It's OK, I'm an extractor fan!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's yellow and you will die if it falls on you from a tree?
A tractor.
Someone asked me what my angle was on agriculture..
I said I'm pro tractor
What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?
One has hydraulics and the other has hybollocks
Why David doesn't know how to drive a tractor? Because he has no hands. Why he has no hands?
Because he is a potato.
How do you win a peasant girls heart?
You just ask her what you have to do to a tractor
Ever hear of an alien reptilian on a tractor?
Illuminati cornfarmed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... was going to see p**......
He went to his farm and p**...'s wife Mary said he's out in the barn.
When m**... walked in to the barn he seen p**... dancing n**... in front of his tractor.
m**... said what are you doing p**...?
p**... replied, you know me and Mary were having problems in the bed room, so we went to a therapist and he said do something s**... to a tractor..
What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?
A tractor
(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)
What do you call an Egyptian backhoe?
Cairo tractor
What do you call a really good tractor?
A protractor
What is the difference between a farmer and a mathematician?
One has pro tractor skills. And the other has protractor skills.
(From my grandfather)A man from the city goes to work on a farm
He helps the farmer with the harvesting and is riding the tractor around the big field while the farmer is working at one place. Everytime the man passes the farmer he greets him with a simple ''Hey''. This goes on for a little while, until the end of the day.
The farmer walks up to the man and says; ''You're fired. You talk way too much''
What's an apple and an orange got in common?
Neither of em can drive a tractor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know how to romance a country girl?
You gotta do something s**... to a tractor.
There's a guy lives near me who is straight-up a wizard.
I was following him driving a tractor yesterday, and he turned it into a field.
How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle?
A tractor beam
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do r**... aliens abduct people?
Tractor beam
What's it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross
Crop yield
Little Johnny
An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,
"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"
Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"
Little Johnny: "Run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Oh my God! That's terrible! Are your grandparents or your uncles or aunts or any of your relatives at home?"
Little Johnny: "No! All of them run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "What are you doing all day then?"
Little Johnny: "Drive the tractor!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... date said she'd be impressed if I did something funny to the local farmer's vehicle.
I did whatever I could to a tractor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It doesn't take much to get a country girl to sleep with you
You just need to s**... a tractor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's two cows talking in a field.
The first one says, "Did you hear the farmer just bought a new tractor?" The second cow is about to reply when a dog walks up and says, "What's up, ladies?"
The first cow says "Holy s**...! A talking dog!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tractors
So there was this guy who was a fan of tractors. He had posters of it everywhere. He had his own tractor business, married a beautiful wife. The whole 9 yards.
One day his wife died from a tractor accident. Heartbroken he got rid of his business, his posters, everything tractor related.
Few years later he goes on a date. The restaurant starts smoking and he says "Darling wait i got this". He s**... in all the smoke goes outside and blows it away. Everyone starts applauding and his date asks "How did you do that?". The guy says: "Im an extractor fan"
