The Best 58 Tracks Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tracks jokes. There are some tracks railroad jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tracks track and field puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Tracks Jokes and Puns

Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyetflix.

3 hunters are in the woods.

Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground.

The first hunter said they were deer tracks.

The second hunter said no they are bear tracks.

The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.

Two hobos are walking down the railroad tracks.

One says You know, just last month I found a woman here, tied to the tracks and left for dead.
The other hobo asks so what did you do?'
The first hobo replies I did what anybody else would do; I picked her up off the tracks, took her over to those bushes over there and had my way with her for a week.
Wow says the second hobo, did she give good head?'
The other hobo replies You know, I never did find the head.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...

...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.

"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.

"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.

"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.

They debated until the train came and hit them.

jokes about tracks

An old joke I learnt [Clean]

A peanut was stuck on the tracks

His heart was all a flutter

A train came down the track

*Choo Choo!*

Peanut butter.


Train Tracks

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This is a forest not the North Pole! A deer is understandable, but these are train tracks!"
They were still arguing when they were mauled by a polar bear.

Two blondes go hiking.

Two blondes go hiking and come across some tracks. The first blonde stops and says they are wolf tracks, while the second blonde says they are bear tracks. After an hour of arguing the train runs them over.

Tracks joke, Two blondes go hiking.

Three Blondes

Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

21, 21, 21

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

You can explore tracks railway reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tracks the tracks dad jokes. There are also tracks puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks.

"They're wolf tracks," says the first.

"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.

The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.

4 different views of a tunnel

PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

Tennessee Joke

Two guys are hunting in the woods one day and they get to arguing about a set of tracks they had spotted, "Them is deer tracks," one says. The other, "No them's bear tracks!" Back and forth for about an hour... Then they get hit by the train.

Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

Three blondes are walking through the woods...

They come across a pair of tracks.

The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"

"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"

The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"

Then the train hit them...

This is my favorite clean joke by far.

Tracks joke, Three blondes are walking through the woods...

Three Blondes

Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"


Is Google male or female?

Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.

Hobo Sex

Hobo walks back into the camp where his buddies are having dinner. He is all happy and smiling.

They ask, why are you so happy.

He replies, well, I was walking along the track and found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had sex for hours.

One of his buddies asks: "Did you get any head"

"No", he replied, "the train took most of that".

I found girl lying on railroad tracks. I untied her, took her into bushes and we had great sex. No head, though.

I never found it.

A Jew gets robbed

The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

Three blondes were...

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago."

Son ask, "How do you know?"

Dad replies, "It left tracks."

Tracks joke, Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago."

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke.

I didn't get it, but then it hit me.

Three blondes were walking in the woods...

Three blondes were walking in the woods. They found some tracks. The first said "oh its wolf tracks!" The second said, "No, its horse tracks." And the third one said "I think its pig tracks" shortly after they were all hit by a train.


Why did the young railroad engineer fall on the tracks?

He was undertrained

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks

One blonde says "I think these are bear tracks", the other blonde argues they are deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

In the old days, when you illegally downloaded music it would transfer everything but the drum tracks, so you'd have to duplicate those on your own.

That's why they say you can't steal music without repercussion.

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."


Three blondes in a wood

Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*smack* and that's when the train hit them.

My mom used to feed me by saying: Here comes the train! I always ate everything.

Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says I know these, they're deer tracks! The second says No! They're bear tracks Finally the third speaks up and says Your both wrong! They're obviously fox trails!

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away.

Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks.

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. Intrigued, they go to investigate.

The first one says: I'm pretty sure those are bear tracks.

The second one says: No, I'm pretty sure they're wolf tracks.

The third one thinks for a while, then says Actually-

They were all hit by a passing train.

Why is it so hard to find the world's best tribute band?

Because they cover their tracks so well

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks

So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks

Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train

A Czechoslovakian and a Russian go bear hunting.

When they hadn't returned for several days, a search party was dispatched.

The search party followed the two men's tracks until they stopped at two dead brown bears, a male and a female.

They cut open the female, and sure enough, there was the Russian.

They didn't bother with the second bear, because they just assumed the Czech was in the male.

My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective...

because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

A blonde was walking through the woods...

... when she saw a brunette on some train tracks. She watched her for a few minutes, trying to understand what she was doing. The brunette was hopping from one track to the other, saying "38, 38, 38..."

After a little while, the blonde decides to join the brunette, hopping from track to track, saying "38, 38, 38..."

They do this for a few more minutes until there is a train coming. The brunette jumps off the tracks, just in time for the blonde to get smeared.

After the train passes, the brunette hops back onto the tracks, saying, "39, 39, 39..."

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

Two blondes go hunting in the forest...

As they come across some tracks one says

>Hey look, deer tracks!
One says

>You idiot, these are obviously moose tracks!
Says the other.

>Deer tracks!

>Moose tracks!

They started shoving each other and were shouting so much they never heard the train coming...

I was showing my friend my new golf ball.

I was showing my friend my new golf ball.
"It's impossible to lose," I said. "If you hit it into the rough it sends out a GPS signal so you can track it down."
"That's great," he replied, "but what happens if you it hit into the water?"
"Simple. The ball floats to the surface and tracks its way back toward you and you just scoop it back out."
"Brilliant!" he said, "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."

Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.

'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Ten Surprising facts doctors don't want you to know about subway tracks!

the 3rd one will shock you!

Three blondes are on a walk

While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.

The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.

The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.

The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.

Then the train hit them.

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"

The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".

The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"

The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.

Three swedes found mysterious tracks from the forest

"It is a bunny." Said the first

"It is a rabbit." Said the second

the third one bowed to look and a train ran over him.

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel

A REALIST sees a freight train

The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks

So right now I'm walking down the railroad tracks with my new Bose noise canceling headpho

So right now I'm walking down the railroad tracks with my new Bose noise canceling headpho

Today I was out with my wife walking through a snowy woods…

… I have pointed out to her that there are deer tracks here; then rabbit tracks over there. And then excitedly I said, oooohhh those are Dikfur tracks.

She asked me, What's a Dikfur?

Of course I replied, To pee with, of course!

She groaned.

As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....

"But you already own her home!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tracks rail jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tracks tracking blondes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes