Tracks Jokes

What are some Tracks jokes?

Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies.

Nyetflix.

My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away.

Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.

Three blondes are walking through a forest

...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

There were 3 blondes walking on a trail...

The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

I found girl lying on railroad tracks. I untied her, took her into bushes and we had great sex. No head, though.

I never found it.

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

My mom used to feed me by saying: Here comes the train! I always ate everything.

Otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

Blonds in the woods

There were three blonds walking through the woods, when they come across some tracks.
"These are bear tracks" said the first blond,
"No, these are deer tracks" sais the second,
"You two are both wrong, these are wolf tracks" said the third,
They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

Three blondes were walking through a forest...

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came across a set of tracks. They stopped, bewildered, wondering what animal could have made them. The first blonde says, "I know, those are moose tracks." The second blonde goes, "no, those are bear tracks." The third blonde says, "guys, those are definitely wolf tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blonds are out walking in the Forest when they come across a set of tracks

Those are deer tracks! Said the first.

No! They're antelope tracks! Said the second

Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks! said the third.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blondes are walking through the woods

shortly into their walk, they find tracks on the ground.

"Look at the size of these rabbit tracks!" Said the first blonde.

"You moron, those are raccoon tracks." Said the second blonde.

"You two are so stupid, these are obviously coyote tracks!" Said the third blonde.

Two minutes later, they were all run over by a train.

Three blondes are walking through the woods...

They come across a pair of tracks.

The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"

"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"

The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"

Then the train hit them...

This is my favorite clean joke by far.

Three blondes are walking in the forest.

So one day, three blondes were walking in the forest. Eventually, they happened upon some unidentified tracks in the ground.

"Hey, look! Deer tracks!" The first blonde said.

"No, they're raccoon tracks!" The second argued.

"You guys are stupid," interjected the third blonde, "these are clearly bear tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three Blondes

Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

[Blonde Joke] Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come across some tracks. They start arguing about what animal they belong to.

In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.

Three Blondes

Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks.

"They're wolf tracks," says the first.

"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.


The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.

Two blondes are walking through the woods......

They come across a set of tracks. The first blonde said those have to be bear tracks. The second blonde disagrees and said those have to be moose tracks.
Bear tracks
Moose tracks
Bear tracks
The argument would have gone on all day if a train hadn't hit them both.

Two blondes are walking in the woods

Two blondes are walking in the woods and come across a set of tracks. One looks at them and says "Wow, wolf tracks!"

The other looks down and scoffs. "Those are coyote tracks, not wolf tracks. Look at the size!"

"No they are not" says the first. "I've spent most of my life walking in these woods, and I know wolf tracks when I see them!"

They stand there arguing over the tracks for some time, and are eventually hit by a train.

Three blondes are walking through the woods.

Three blondes are walking through the woods. Suddenly, they stumble upon a set of tracks. The first blonde says, "I think they're moose tracks!" The others disagree. The second blonde says, "You're wrong! They're bear tracks!" The third one, tired of hearing the other two argue, says "You're both wrong! They're obviously wolf tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes are walking in the forest..

They stumble upon some tracks
Blonde one says these are deer tracks
Blonde two says no these are raccoon tracks
They argue and argue until they get hit by a train...

Two blondes are walking in the woods.

They come across some tracks. One says they are deer tracks. The other says no they are bear tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes are walking in a forest..

..when they come across some tracks.

The first blonde suggests they are fox tracks, but her friend thinks they may be bear tracks because of the large size of them, not wanting to be out done by her friend, the first blonde changes her mind and insists that they have to be deer tracks.

The two were still arguing when the train hit them.

A Jew gets robbed

The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...

...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.

"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.

"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.

"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.

They debated until the train came and hit them.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.

Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago."

Son ask, "How do you know?"

Dad replies, "It left tracks."

A homeless guy walks into a bar

A homeless guy walks into a bar with an enormous smile on his face. The bartender says, "Wow you look happy today, what's the deal?" The homeless guy says, "Well, I've just had the most incredible day! This morning, I was walking along the train tracks when I saw something up ahead. I walked up to see what it was, and there was a woman tied to the tracks. So I untied her, took her back to my tent under the bridge, and we've just been having sex all day! This has seriously been the best day of my life!" The bartender looks at him with an astonished face and says, "Wow, that is amazing! Is she hot?" The homeless guy replies, "Well I don't know, I never found her head."

Two blondes were walking through the woods

when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Two hobos are walking down the railroad tracks.

One says You know, just last month I found a woman here, tied to the tracks and left for dead.
The other hobo asks so what did you do?'
The first hobo replies I did what anybody else would do; I picked her up off the tracks, took her over to those bushes over there and had my way with her for a week.
Wow says the second hobo, did she give good head?'
The other hobo replies You know, I never did find the head.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says I know these, they're deer tracks! The second says No! They're bear tracks Finally the third speaks up and says Your both wrong! They're obviously fox trails!

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks

One blonde says "I think these are bear tracks", the other blonde argues they are deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke.

I didn't get it, but then it hit me.

A blonde and her friend lost in the forest

A blonde and her friend are lost in the forest. The friend goes out on the first night and comes back with a deer, killed with a primitive bow and arrow. "Wow!" the blonde exclaims, "How did you do that?!" The friend tried to keep it very simple for the blonde so she could understand. She replied, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks. I see deer, I shoot deer." the blonde nodded in understanding. The next night, the blonde, feeling a thousand times smarter than she was before, volunteered to go hunting. When she returned, however, she was beaten up, scraped and bleeding. "What happened?!" the friend was worried. The blonde replied in a very agitated, upset tone. "I did what you said!" She screamed. "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train I shoot train!"

21, 21, 21

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."

A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."

Two blondes are hiking in the woods.

They come across a pair of tracks and start discussing what type of animal made them. One says they are deer tracks. The other says they are bear tracks. They stand there arguing for a while, but before they can agree, a train hits them.

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks.

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. Intrigued, they go to investigate.

The first one says: I'm pretty sure those are bear tracks.

The second one says: No, I'm pretty sure they're wolf tracks.

The third one thinks for a while, then says Actually-

They were all hit by a passing train.

Three blondes in a wood

Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*smack* and that's when the train hit them.

Three friends decide to go on a hiking trip...

But they get lost in the wilderness and wander around for hours.

They stumble upon some strange tracks in the forest. The first friend says,

"These are moose tracks!" The second friend says, "No, these are clearly bear tracks!"

The third friend however did not get a chance to say anything as he is run over by a train.

3 Blonds in the Forest

.... came upon some tracks. The first blond said, "are these deer tracks?" The other two said, "Oh no,these aren't deer tracks." The second blond said, "These have to be rabbit tracks!" In disagreement, the other two blonds said, "No, I don't think these are rabbit tracks." The third blond said, "I know I know!!! These are bear tracks!!!" Again, the other two blonds said, "No, these aren't bear tracks." ...They kept arguing on and on until a train came by and hit them.

Three blondes were walking in the woods...

Three blondes were walking in the woods. They found some tracks. The first said "oh its wolf tracks!" The second said, "No, its horse tracks." And the third one said "I think its pig tracks" shortly after they were all hit by a train.

She threw her vibrator on the subway tracks...

It didn't work; the train didn't come any faster.

Two blondes

Two blondes are going on a nature walk, but only a few wrong turns and they completely lose their way. They try to find their way again, but they become even more lost. After a few hours, they begin to panic, but before long, they come across some tracks. They figure they can follow them to safety. After a few minutes of following them, the first blonde says, "It's good we found these bear tracks."
The second one says, "You mean moose tracks."
They stop and argue about it for five minutes. Then, a train hits them.

Three blondes were walking through the woods

Three blondes were walking through the woods after a snowfall. They come across some tracks and stopped to inspect them. The first woman walks up to them and crouches to get a better look.
"These are definitely raccoon tracks," she says. "I'd bet my life on it." The other two look at them skeptically and disagree. "No way," says the second blonde. She steps up to them and traces them with her finger. "These are way too big to be raccoon tracks, this looks like a bear to me." The other two are still skeptical. "I don't think so," says the third blonde. She then takes her turn to step up to them and looks at them very closely, and gets hit by a train.

[NSFW] A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar...

... the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks."

 

The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?"

 

The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

 

The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?"

 

The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."

Hobo Sex

Hobo walks back into the camp where his buddies are having dinner. He is all happy and smiling.

They ask, why are you so happy.

He replies, well, I was walking along the track and found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had sex for hours.

One of his buddies asks: "Did you get any head"

"No", he replied, "the train took most of that".

Two homeless guys

Were walking along by the train tracks one day.

Guy#1 said "man, the other day I had the best day ever. I found $100 and I was drunk for a week straight."

Guy #2 said "nice man, that's awesome. The other day I had an great day too: I was walking along and I saw this beautiful naked woman lying by the side of the road. So I brought her behind some bushes and made love to her for a week straight."

Guy #1 said "woah, man, that's awesome. Did you get head too?"

Guy #2 replied, "no, man, I couldn't find it."

A blonde, brunette and ginger get lost in the woods

They make a shelter but start getting hungry so the brunette decides to go out hunting. She returns with a rabbit and the blonde asks "how'd you get that?", the brunette replies "Oh I just followed some tracks and found it"

The next day the ginger decides to go out hunting, she returns with a deer, and the blonde asks "how'd you get that?", the ginger replies "Oh I just followed some tracks and found it"

The next day the blonde decides to go out hunting, she returns covered in bruises and cuts, the brunette asks "what happened to you?" The blonde replies "I followed some tracks and got hit by a train".

Three blondes were walking through the forest...

...and they came upon some tracks.

The first one said "look at that! Bear tracks!"

The second one said "you're dumb, they're obviously moose tracks!"

And the third one said "what do both of you know?! Those are deer tracks."

They were still arguing 30 minutes later when they got hit by the train.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

How to make Tracks jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Tracks to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Tracks? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Tracks pick up lines to share with friends.

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