Track Meet Jokes

21 track meet jokes and hilarious track meet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about track meet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Track Meet Short Jokes

Short track meet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The track meet humour may include short track and field jokes also.

  1. If Mustangs meet on the streets, and Ferrari's meet in the track, where do Jeeps meet? The repair shop.
  2. BOSS: This team isn't performing, hire someone with a good track record... [2 wks later]
    ME: I'd like you to meet our new employee, Usain Bolt

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Track Meet One Liners

Which track meet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with track meet? I can suggest the ones about running track and meet.

  1. If you take acid at a track meet... is it a field trip?
  2. What does Roy Moore call a high school track meet? Speed dating
  3. The vegan track championships were cancelled No meet.
  4. I'm not racist, but... I absolutely refuse to run the 400 at todays track meet.
  5. What do you call a gathering of heroine users? A track meet.
  6. What do you call a track meet full of blond people? The a**... Race.

Track Meet Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about track meet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean teams meeting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make track meet pranks.

Emergency Services

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....

I've started competing in discus meets

I almost won a trophy yesterday. I threw the discus really far, but this other competitor named Gus got my throw erased. He said my throw got lifted by a burst of wind, so he went to the track officials.
This Gus discussed his disgust on the discus.

A woman gave birth to twin boys, but gave them up for adoption.

A woman gave birth to twin boys, but gave them up for adoption. One was adopted by a Mexican family, and they named him Juan.
The other was adopted by a Palestinian couple, and they named him Amal. Years later, the birth mother & her husband wanted to find and meet their two sons they had to give up years ago. They were able to track down Juan and were finally able to meet him. They so overcome with Joy, they started to look for Amal. They searched & searched but couldn't find Amal. The woman was distraught, but her husband tried consoling her: "Honey, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

This is the sickest train joke I know. Be warned.

Bruce was meant to meet his friend in a bar at midday.
12:30pm, 1pm, then 1:30pm rolls around. Just as Bruce was about to give up, his friend finally strolls in with dishevelled hair and a smug grin, "Sorry I'm late mate, you won't believe what happened to me just then..."
"Well, I was walking here alongside the train tracks when I spot this lovely lady lying down with her skirt hitched up....we ended up making love m**..., d**..., pile name it. We did it. It was too good an opportunity to miss and the most amazing s**... of my life."
"Did she give you a head job?"
"Nah, couldn't find the head."

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad...

...and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track".
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there" answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then" Tom continued "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box".
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case" Tom argued "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalised?" "Oh well" said Tom "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train c**...!"

Steven Spielberg dies and goes to heaven.

He's greeted at the gates by Peter who informs him that God is a big fan of his work. He begins with a tour of the place and goes on to mention that if Steven needs anything to just say the word.
"We'll, I'd love to meet Stanley Kubrick," Steven admits.
"I'm sorry, but as you may know, Mr. Kubrick doesn't take meetings," Peter replies.
They continue on their tour until Steven notices a man with a beard, wearing an Army jacket and riding around on a bicycle. Steven stops in his tracks and turns to Peter.
"Hold on. That's Stanley Kubrick!" Spielberg shouts.
"No," Peter says. "Its God. He thinks he's Stanley Kubrick."

Phoning an ex

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah," I said, Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"
So I hung up.