The Best 91 Track Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Track jokes. There are some track racetrack jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these track track and field puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Track Jokes and Puns
Google just bought Fitbit
Now they can track your steps online as well as offline
Number 7
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
An old joke I learnt [Clean]
A peanut was stuck on the tracks
His heart was all a flutter
A train came down the track
*Choo Choo!*
Peanut butter.
![Track joke, An old joke I learnt [Clean]](/images/jokes/track-jokes-russia-started-a-new-website-that-tracks-down-and.jpg "Track joke, An old joke I learnt [Clean]")
A Comparison
What is the difference between a women's track team and a pack of gerbils?
The gerbils are a bunch of cunning runts.
Someone stole my copy of Microsoft office..
I will track you down, you have my word.
see the light
The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.
The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is a train.
The train driver sees only three fools on the track.
21, 21, 21
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A blonde walks up and sees the brunette. She watches her antics for a while and decides to join in, jumping from track to track saying, "21, 21, 21..."
A train comes, and the brunette hops off the tracks just in time to see the blonde get smeared. She waits patiently for the train to pass, then gets back onto the tracks jumping from track to track saying, "22, 22, 22..."
Hitler was worst track runner
he couldn't even finish one race
Why did the chicken skip a track on his Red Hot Chili Peppers CD?
To get to the Otherside.
How do woman keep track of their mentraul cycles?
Flow charts.
Best read out loud
I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"
He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
You can explore track sprinters reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean track the tracks dad jokes. There are also track puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Emergency Services
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....
The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.
An Estonian stands by a railway track.
Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.
The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?
Not too long.
He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.
After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?
Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.
What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team?
One is a group of cunning runts.
What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of midgets playing chess?
The latter is a group of cunning runts.
What do you get when a proctologist runs track?
Rectal pro laps
Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme.
There are two types of people in this world..
People who can stay on track and, oh how I love frosted flakes.
A racehorse once smoked some weed just before the race was about to start.
Once it started, the jockey couldn't control it as it veered off track. So the crowd started calling him arrogant as he couldn't get off his high horse..
What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours?
Skip to the next track
Gliding Eagles
Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.
They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.
The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call speed!!'
The second eagle, calmly replies 'Trust me. You would be flying that fast too if your sphincter was on fire.'
What's white and in the men's 100m track final?
The lines.
Why was Hitler kicked off the track team?
He could never finish a race.
Tunnel
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
I decided to make a website so rednecks can find out and track who their ancestors were...
I named it Incestry
What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of smart pygmies?
The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What's the difference between…
What's the difference between a women's track team and a pack of intelligent pygmies?
The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts...
How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?
Count the stripes on his track pants.
Two intoxicated hobos were walking on a railroad track.
After a while of struggling, one of them slurred, "This must be the longest staircase in the world." The other replied in a drunken lisp, "That's not so bad. But, what's killing me are these low handrails.
Frustrated Prostitute.
There was this hard working prostitute who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".
[Dirty] How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.
Hobo Sex
Hobo walks back into the camp where his buddies are having dinner. He is all happy and smiling.
They ask, why are you so happy.
He replies, well, I was walking along the track and found a beautiful woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we had sex for hours.
One of his buddies asks: "Did you get any head"
"No", he replied, "the train took most of that".
My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"
I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
Yoda and Luke Skywalker are together in a ship when Luke asks...
Luke: are we on track?
Yoda: off course, we are.
Why is it so hard to keep track of counting in Afghanistan?
Because of the Taliban
(say it out loud)
Two fish are in a tank...
...And one fish says "you man the guns, I'l drive!"
(laugh track)
Suddenly, the fish points to the horizon and says "What is that over there?" The other fish then exclaims "That's anemone! I can sea him!"
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells.
It was a clerical error.
So I met this guy at the train station...
who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
Bob was late to come to see his friend John at the bar
John: Dude, you're so late!
Bob: You won't believe what just happened to me. On my way here, I saw a girl tied to a train track. I untied her and we had sexy time together.
John: That sounds awesome dude!
Bob: Yeah, I know right. We did missionary, doggy, cowgirl etc. you name it.
John: Did you receive head?
Bob: Nah, couldn't find it.
Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?
His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.
Deep.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
Tracking efficiency in dogs rises 300% when fed diets of salmon.
Give it a fish an' see
Horse race
A man has a racehorse who never won a race.
Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
I am totally not a racist but...
Compared to all the others types of races, I think the 400 meter hurdles present the most barriers for track athletes.
I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed.
He said
"I don't know it's hard to keep track."
My wife is a prostitute that likes to keep track of her customers per week
She says she does it to keep our relationship more personal.
I don't mind much, but it's the thot that counts.
They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise
I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
Scandinavia has a bar code on all of their battleships to keep track of them.....
When the ships enter the harbor, they scan-da-navy-in.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
At the race track and saw a 100-1 horse win a race.
I couldn't believe it, what are the odds of that.
What do they use to track Olympic swimmers' speed?
A speedo meter.
A guy goes to the pub...
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"
"I don't know. I never found her head."
What do you do after you eat gravel?
Sheetrock. For those keeping track at home, yes I repurposed a sheet metal joke from a post on another sub a couple days ago but I worked in construction and this made more sense to me.
Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'
He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'
A police officer is chasing a hacker
He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:
-Where is he,where is the hacker!?
-I don't know,he ransomware.
I'm such a bad train operator, I can't even remember how many trains I've derailed.
It's hard to keep track.
You know the greatest thing about Persona's music?
I could listen to any track and think it's Akechi song
99 critical bugs in the code... 99 critical bugs. Track one down, patch it when found...
100 critical bugs in the code.
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
What's missing from tonight's presidential debate?
The laugh track.
I bought an LP of wasp noises.
I bought an LP of wasp noises. When I played it the first track didn't sound like a wasp, nor did the second track. It was then I realised I was listening to the B side.
Turning back the clock an hour in 2020
Is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.
How do babies keep track of their fathers?
They use an extensive dada-base.
Day 268 at home And the dog continues looking at me like See?? This is why I chew furniture.
I've eaten 9 meals and taken 4 naps, and it's STILL today. Are you kidding me?
In case you've lost track, today is December 268...
This virus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day grazing for
food. We're told "NO!" if we get too close to strangers. We get really excited about car rides.
My wife said if I don't get off the computer and help with the dishes, she'll slam my head on the keyboard. I think she's jokinoifghcxiegcrwlwefggxm
lkergx eyt3ruhcmergceg ewgucc ce;oeijf !!!
My doctor asked me to keep track of my bowel movements, I said how?
He said keep a log
A blonde was walking through the woods...
... when she saw a brunette on some train tracks. She watched her for a few minutes, trying to understand what she was doing. The brunette was hopping from one track to the other, saying "38, 38, 38..."
After a little while, the blonde decides to join the brunette, hopping from track to track, saying "38, 38, 38..."
They do this for a few more minutes until there is a train coming. The brunette jumps off the tracks, just in time for the blonde to get smeared.
After the train passes, the brunette hops back onto the tracks, saying, "39, 39, 39..."
So this guy had found a magic lamp, which had a genie in it. After a while...
**Genie:** So master, you have one wish left, think wisely.
**Guy:** Hmmm, I wish there was a railroad that connect New York City to Moscow.
**Genie:** That... is quite a big wish you got there. Do you have anything more reasonable?
**Guy:** In that case, I wish I was able to understand women.
**Genie:** Did you want your railroad to be single or double track?
I was trying to track down a man and a woman, so I set a trap, and baited it with raw chicken.
And that's how I got Sam and Ella.
I've met a track and field athlete that commonly chokes whenever he runs too fast,
It became a running gag for him.
My wife and I.
My soon to be wife and I are looking at wedding dresses for her.
I said to her I dont care what she wears down the isle. I said best case, you go down the isle wearing a track suit.
She says why... I want something that will look better than that.
I said it would be perfect because I find her very at-track-tive.
Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.
As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.
Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"
The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can you tell all of that just from listening to the ground?!"
"No", says Grey Owl, "As I listen for buffalo, the bastards ran me over."
Lost track of my work because I just heard my car was involved in a drive-by
My Focus is shot.
I got jet lag on my last trip to Paris...
The French doctor prescribed me something to keep track of time: Queloratil.
I lost track of our Dalmation Puppy
Luckily, she was spotted
Leaving my kids a diss track as their inheritance
Call that an ill will
The police were called to a female gym...
The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.
Please, come quickly. She said in horror, We've found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!
Don't worry, the policeman said reassuringly, We'll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There's nothing to worry about anymore.
The gym manager nodded, relieved, And what about the hole in the wall?
Rest assured The other police officer said, We'll be looking into it
I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?"
It was a running joke.
Why does China have the most accurate step-counters?
They track your every move
Nvidia teams up with Oceana nonprofit to track manta rays' travelling habits
They're applying their latest ray tracing technology.
I was showing my friend my new golf ball.
I was showing my friend my new golf ball.
"It's impossible to lose," I said. "If you hit it into the rough it sends out a GPS signal so you can track it down."
"That's great," he replied, "but what happens if you it hit into the water?"
"Simple. The ball floats to the surface and tracks its way back toward you and you just scoop it back out."
"Brilliant!" he said, "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."
Guy was driving in the outback.
He decides he needs a break and finds a bar off the beaten track and parks his truck..
He goes i and was confronted by a lot off pissed up bikers.
They started insulting him, so he had one beer then left.
The bikers started shouting, he was not such of a man was he.?
The barman said not much of a driver either, he has just run over 21 motorcycles.
How do you track Will Smith in the woods?
You use fresh prints.
I was having random bouts of diarrhea...
Couldn't figure out what the hell was causing it.
Then I started keeping track. I realized it was only happening when I would wear those polo shirts with the little alligator stitched on them.
Turns out I'm Lacoste intolerant.
A driver was reversing his truck up a hill on a narrow gravel track
A hiker saw him and asked, why don't you drive up in forward?
Driver: It is a narrow track, in case I don't find a place to turn up there
Hiker: oh, clever
After a while the hiker sees the same driver reversing down hill
Hiker: what happened?
Driver: I found a place to turn
I hear they're having trouble keeping track of people in Afghanistan
Now that there's a tally ban
A lady is tied on a train track and screaming for help.
I man suddenly rushes out of nowhere and approaches the woman.
He says Thank goodness you are still alive.
It means the 9:00 train hasn't left yet.
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
I don't like to eat anything labeled "reformed ham"
As I think it is unfair that the pigs are slaughtered after they've got their lives back on track.
A buddy of mine is a railroad engineer. I asked him how many derailments he had
He lost count. It's hard to keep track.
What's the difference between a girls track team and a tribe of Pygmies?
A tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning little runts.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the track crosscountry jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working track tracking blondes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.