Track Jokes

Funniest Track Short Jokes

Short track jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The track humour may include short trace jokes also.

1. My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
2. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
3. A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
   A REALIST sees a freight train
   The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
4. My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
5. I ordered a balloon on aliexpress Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?
6. Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
   Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
   Realist sees light from incoming train.
   Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
7. The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing. So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered
8. If I had a nickel for everytime I didn't understand how Brits keep track of money... I'd have 4 bob, 6 shillings, 2 quid, a crown, a sovereign, and 5 thripince.
9. Yoda and Luke Skywalker are together in a ship when Luke asks... Luke: are we on track?
   Yoda: off course, we are.
10. Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him So he tracked down nothing and killed it

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Track One Liners

Which track one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with track? I can suggest the ones about train and ticket.

1. Russia started a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies. Nyetflix.
2. How do babies keep track of their fathers? They use an extensive dada-base.
3. I met my ex at a race track Didnt quite work out, we just drifted away
4. Google just bought Fitbit Now they can track your steps online as well as offline
5. What's missing from tonight's presidential debate? The laugh track.
6. Why did the young railroad engineer fall on the tracks? He was undertrained
7. My doctor asked me to keep track of my bowel movements, I said how? He said keep a log
8. I lost track of our Dalmation Puppy Luckily, she was spotted
9. Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells. It was a clerical error.
10. Turning back the clock an hour in 2020 Is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.
11. Tracking efficiency in dogs rises 300% when fed diets of salmon. Give it a fish an' see
12. What's white and in the men's 100m track final? The lines.
13. What did Jesus do when Mary Magdalene tracked dirt through the house? Jesus swept.
14. Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? He lost track of thyme.
15. How do you derail a Norfolk Southern Train? Put it on the tracks.

Back On Track Jokes

Here is a list of funny back on track jokes and even better back on track puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I don't like to eat anything labeled "reformed ham" As I think it is unfair that the pigs are slaughtered after they've got their lives back on track.
• A man goes into his doctors with tyre tracks all across his back. The doctor says, "what's the matter?"
  "I'm feeling a bit run down", the man replies.
• What did the train driver say when he decided to get over his drug addiction? I need to get my life back on track
• It's good to see North Korea's economy getting back on track Apparently they're producing vegetables now.
• If my wife is any indication, then we need a woman in office to get this country back on track. For years, she has been creating work out of nothing for me.
• I was counting the tiles in my bathroom but I lost track. now I'm back to square one

Running Track Jokes

Here is a list of funny running track jokes and even better running track puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I've met a track and field athlete that commonly chokes whenever he runs too fast, It became a running gag for him.
• I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting, "Why did the chicken cross the road!?" It was a running joke.
• There's a police officer at the gym I'm going to I asked him to stand behind me on the track so I run faster
• Rolf Harris went on the run... Police tracked him down and found him adrift at sea, bobbin up and down on a buoy.
• What does a musician train do when running from the law? Covers tracks
• I was late to track practice today... ...they made the whole team run.
• Ever since I was young, I always used to run away from my problems It was no surprise when I got accepted to my college's track and field sports team
• I'm not racist, but... I absolutely refuse to run the 400 at todays track meet.
• You know what they say... When the rivers running red take the dirt track
• Am I the doctor of the Kenyan track team or just irritable? cuz my patience is running thin

Race Track Jokes

Here is a list of funny race track jokes and even better race track puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• At the race track and saw a 100-1 horse win a race. I couldn't believe it, what are the odds of that.
• Just realized my poorly-upvoted posts end up being the answer to "what did the driver do at the race track?" [erased]
• What did the paraplegic track event and the Cold War have in common? They were both an arms race.
• NASCAR got rid of the confederate flag from race tracks Another true end to race wars.
• What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race? "The track is alright."
• I don't see race was the last thing I said after getting kicked off the track team.
• Why do some race drivers hate wet tracks? Because the water is a distraction.
• Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin? He didn't know he had it in him.
• Why aren't there any Politically Correct Track and Field athletes They don't see race
• I'm not Racist! I like all kinds of races. Drag racing, Nascar, dirt track, go-karts...

Horse Track Jokes

Here is a list of funny horse track jokes and even better horse track puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I have got a pretty stable job... I work at a clean horse track.
• A drunk goes to a Horse track... and asks the a horse if he's going to win. The horse replies "Just say Neigh to gambling!"

Train Track Jokes

Here is a list of funny train track jokes and even better train track puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed. He said
  "I don't know it's hard to keep track."
• I'm such a bad train operator, I can't even remember how many trains I've derailed. It's hard to keep track.
• Dad says to his son, "A train just passed through not too long ago." Son ask, "How do you know?"
  Dad replies, "It left tracks."
• A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke. I didn't get it, but then it hit me.
• So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks
  Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train
• So I met this guy at the train station... who was trying to kill himself. But I knew he was just looking for help, so I put him on the right track.
• An old joke I learnt [Clean] A peanut was stuck on the tracks
  His heart was all a flutter
  A train came down the track
  *Choo Choo!*
  Peanut butter.
• I always tell my kids to stay well clear of any Train tracks... ...except "Drops of Jupiter". That one's ok.
• DAD JOKE!! Oh look kids, a train just passed here.
  Gee dad how can you tell that?
  Well look, you can see it's tracks!!!
• Three swedes found mysterious tracks from the forest "It is a bunny." Said the first
  "It is a rabbit." Said the second
  the third one bowed to look and a train ran over him.

Fun-Filled Track Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about track you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stalk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make track pranks.