Amusing Trace Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were talking.
The Chinese man is proudly telling the Jewish man about his heritage. We can trace our history back for over 3,000 years, he exclaims with pride!
We'll, that's very impressive, replies the Jewish man, but our history goes back for almost 6,000 years!
The Chinese man, after some consideration, says to the Jewish man, Well, that doesn't make any sense. What did you people eat back then?
A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day...
He discovered he was a tad Polish.
The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning.
They found trace amounts of Coke in *her system.
*I have to be factually correct.
My dad is the world's greatest magician..
He told me to close my eyes and he dissapeared without a trace for over 23 years.
Vacuum cleaner salesman
a Vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog shit over my carpet and said:
"If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it, I'll personally eat what's left."
I replied:
"I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning"
An elephant escaped from a zoo and no trace had been found....
Until a woman who had never seen an elephant before, called the police.
There's a weird animal in my garden. It's pulling up the cabbages with its tail. And what is worse, I cannot describe what it is doing with them.
What do you call a women who cant draw?
Trace
I was watching a magician in Spain and he counted, "Uno, Dos"
And he vanished without a trace
A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, dos…
and he disappeared without a trace.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist
In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.
You can explore trace press reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean trace trail dad jokes. There are also trace puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How do inbreds trace their family tree?
They go to incestry.com
My boss gave me a blueprint to trace...
My job was on the line
I can trace most of my problems back to my parents...I'm not sure if they hugged me too much, or too little when I was a kid.
Either way, they should have been wearing clothes.
Y'all remember when Ritz and Goldfish crackers didn't contain trace amounts of salmonella?
Pepperidge farm remembers.
A recent study shows people with trace amounts of Arsenic, Selenium, Astatine, and Erbium have the longest lasting relationships
The best couples always have an AsSeAtEr
Paranoia Hotline
I phoned the Paranoia Helpline, but I hung up after fifty-nine seconds.
I'm sure they were trying to trace my call.
Elephant genealogy
First elephant: "I hear you've been trying to trace your ancestors on the internet.
Second elephant: "Yes, and it's a mammoth task.
Why are Boy Scouts such great murderers?
Because they leave no trace.
My dad is like santa
He only comes once a year and then he leaves without a trace
I have been trying to trace my father,
but i cannot find a marker
My sister disappeared yesterday.
The police said it was a possible kidnapping. They told us they were trying to trace her. But then I told them, I'm already tracer
How do you guys feel about that popular country singer's new diet, it allows very very small amounts of carbs.
It's called the Trace Atkins diet.
I have been trying to trace my father,
but my pen keeps running out
The Mormon Church followed Scouts of America Principles.
They left no trace.
I'm not very good with baking...
...so if I want a cake I have to get a piece of paper and a pencil so I can trace leches.
We trace hands to make turkeys.
Quite a handy technique.
A Mexican magician says: "on the count of three, I will disappear..."
and he went: "onu, dos..." and POOF!
he disappeared without a trace
What did the Mexican lab technician say when he read the blood tests of a patient who's been showing no improvement?
Ooh, no dose trace.
