The Best 77 Toys Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Toys jokes. There are some toys figurines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these toys doll puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Toys Jokes and Puns

Sometimes at Wal-Mart...

Sometimes at Wal-Mart I like to fill my grocery cart up with wonderful toys. Then I try to find a mother with annoying kids and I hand the kids one of the toys. I make a quick get-a-way so the mother can deal with the aftermath.

Why doesn't Michael J Fox have an Etch-a-Sketch?

He's too old to play with toys

Why didn't the shrimp share its toys?

Because it was shellfish

Toys joke, Why didn't the shrimp share its toys?

Recycling Adult Toys

"One man's trash is another man's pleasure!"

So Toys-R-Us has begun to expand into inner city areas.

But they've had to change the name to We-B-Toys.


Granny's boyfriend

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.

The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."

Psychedelic Playthings...

So I should probably stop covering my child's toys in LSD and leaving them out...

... I've heard they can be a trip hazard.

Toys joke, Psychedelic Playthings...

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're stupid, neither is the car..."

What did the priest get at Toys R Us?

An erection.

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his toys?

Because he is a little shellfish.

Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys?

Aisle B, back.

You can explore toys diversify reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean toys yoyo dad jokes. There are also toys puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why Santa got involved with Christmas

Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:

Santa: Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I'd love to see how you trimmed your (fir) … I just want to unload my (sack) when I see an angel on top.

Now, every year he has to keep doing the bullshit lie he told.

My parents didn't love me as a kid

My bath toys were a toaster and a hair dryer

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys.

They probably have the same names

I think they need to come out with an R rated Toy Story where the mom's sex toys all come to life too.

The theme song should still be "You got a friend in me".

Girl wants a barbie.

One afternoon, a woman and her little daughter went into a large toy store. The mother asked her daughter what toys she wanted.
The little girl said, "I want GI Joe and Barbie."

The mother smiled and said, "Darling, you know Barbie doesn't come with GI Joe."

The little girl looked up at her mom and replied, "Mom, Barbie ALWAYS comes with GI Joe. She just FAKES it with Ken."

Toys joke, Girl wants a barbie.

Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves...

Apparently they are a choking hazard.

Rumour has it Toy Story 4 is going to focus on Andy's mom's toys

Coincidentally, they are also called Woody and Buzz

Stop sending toys to children in Africa

It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.


I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision

I only had regular vision

Did you hear ISIS secretly makes sex toys?

They specialise in blow up dolls

My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys

I have to make every second Count

My kids don't beg for toys and I realized it's because they never get to see commercials

Because they're locked in a cage

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?

Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

A Priest and a Rabbi.

A limerick for ya...

 

_A prep school had come into view..._
_"Yo Rabbi," a Priest said, "woo-hoo!_
_Let's lure them with toys,_
_And then screw little boys"._
_"Out of what?" - the response of the Jew_

What did woody and buzz say to your mom?

"Strange to see your toys have the same name as us."

I was browsing sex toys online today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife's vibrators cost...

She's sitting on a small fortune...

Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?

Because he was... shellfish.

hahahaha

Dad: I gave all your toys to the orphanage

Kid: Why did you do that dad?

Dad: So you won't get bored there.

Toy Story 4 Will Be About Sids Moms Toys

Giving a whole new meaning to Buzz and Woody

Soviet Joke

Moscow, 1985, 3rd grade class

Teacher: Life in Soviet Union is great, all families have a nice apartment, a car, all children have nice toys!

Little Kid starts crying

Teacher: Vladimir, why are you crying??

Little Kid: I wanna go to Soviet Union!!

I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage

Son: Why?

Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.

I had to divorce my wife, she was just SO childish

She kept stealing my bath toys.

I could tell that my parents hated me.

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Why did the baby oyster refuse to share his toys?

He was a little shellfish.

I was browsing Toys R Us and the aisles said "Girls 3-5", "Boys 5-7", etc.

Jeez, just let me buy something. I don't need the whole guilt trip about who made it.

I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story

It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.

I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...

I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"

He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...

The mom from ToyStory has her own set of Toys.

Their names are also Woody and Buzz.

What do you call a truckload of vibrators?

Toys For Twats.

I work on a two-person assembly line of Dracula toys...

I've got to make every second count

The father says to his son: "I brought all your toys to the orphanage."

The son answers: "Why did you do this?!"

"So you don't get bored."

T.I.L why Toys R us failed.

They fell on their 'R's.

Attention everyone, you must now grow up.

No one can be a Toys R' Us kid anymore.

Pixar movies over the years

What if toys had feelings?

What if bugs had feelings?

What if monsters had feelings?

What if fish had feelings?

What if superheroes had feelings?

What if cars had feelings?

What if rats had feelings?

What if robots hadd feelings?

What if boy scouts had feelings?

What if gingers had feelings?

What if feelings had feelings?

What if dinosaurs had feelings?

What if Mexicans had feelings?

Remember kids

the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.

My wife just delivered a baby!

She decided to deliver some toys too, in case the orphanage needs them.

What was the last dinosaur to become extinct?

The Toys R Us

Toys R Us

More like Toys Were Us (insert depressing drum roll here)

Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on

Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.

Just put Toys R Us General Manager on your resume.

Who are they gonna ask?

I don't wanna grow up, I wanna be a Toys 'R' Us kid...

Bankrupt and empty inside.

The synopsis for Toy Story 4 has leaked.

This time it focuses on Andy's mother's toys, also named Buzz and Woody.

Ironically, Woody and Buzz ...

were also the names of Andy's Mum's toys.

Toy Story 4 introduces sex toys...

Incidentally enough, they're also named Woody and Buzz.

Did you hear about the movie about the man who smashes kid's toys?

I hear it's a real blockbuster

There was company that sold sex toys to aliens.

It was SpaceXXX.

My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.

Because that's where I draw the line

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...

"Because they make the toys."

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to an orphanage.

Son: Why?!

Dad: So you won't get bored there.

Father: Son, i donated your toys to the Orphanage.

Son: Why did you do that?
Father : So you don't get bored there

Why don't kids in China believe in Santa Claus?

They make the toys.

Batteries

This year I'm getting my kids a set of batteries for christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

How do you buy unlimited kid's toys?

Well first, you add a kid's item to your cart.

And then another...

And then another...

Add infant item

Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa?

Cause they're the ones who make the toys

Why do cuddly toys never eat?

Because they are stuffed

My son was upset that I gave all his toys to the orphanage.

I just didn't want him to get bored over there.

Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa?

Because they make the toys.

(I saw this as a meme, but haven't found it on this sub yet so here it goes) Pixar's movies always have the same idea

What if x has feelings?

Examples:

Toy Story: What if toys have feelings

Cars: What if cars have feelings

Inside Out: What if feelings have feelings

Soul: What if black people have feelings?

Toy Story felt was so incomplete.

Who let the sex toys out?

One of my older friends called me the other day

He was born in the 50's and his grandson's birthday was coming up.

He was planning on getting him one of those toys that are supposed to always come back. He couldn't remember what it was called, so I reminded him.

Long story short, the boomer rang.

What do tooth brushes and sex toys have in common?

They're better when they vibrate.

How come chinese kids dont belive in santa claus?

Because they're the ones that make the toys.

A grandmother was surprised when she wakes up to a cup of coffee from her 8 year old grandson

A grandmother was surprised when she wakes up to a cup of coffee from her 8 year old grandson. She gulped down the most bitter coffee she has ever tasted but she downs it all because she wants her grandson to feel like he made something his grandma loved. At the bottom of the cup, she found three little green army men.

Puzzled, she asked, Honey, what are these toys doing in my coffee?
The boy replied I'm just doing what it says on the TV, grandma
The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.

Dad : I donated all your toys to the orphanage kid : why

Dad : so you'll have something to play with when I take you there

Why doesn't a prawn like to share his toys?

Because he's a little shellfish.

An unintentional dad joke from my 5 yr old son…

Yesterday, my son found a set of Hotel Transylvania stuffed toys at a children's consignment event. He squealed and was jumping up and down, he was so excited. But then all of a sudden he got a dejected look on his face. One is missing, he said. I asked what he meant. I don't see the invisible man.

Even after we discussed it, he kept insisting they could have at least included the glasses.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the toys kids jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working toys beyblade piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes