Toy Jokes
145 toy jokes and hilarious toy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious toy jokes for all ages! From funny fidget toy jokes, to dog toy puns, boy toy riddles, jokes about stuffed toys, pictures toy one-liners, gags from Toy Story, Barbie puns, Lego jokes and play on words from the Toybox. Together these jokes will surely get you and your family in the playtime spirit!
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Funniest Toy Short Jokes
Short toy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toy humour may include short barbie jokes also.
- Dad: I gave all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why did you do that dad?
Dad: So you won't get bored there. - Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr... - Not to brag, but made six figures this year They named me the worst employee at the toy factory
- Stop sending toys to children in Africa It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.
- A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear Because he is unable to take a pooh
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any arnold schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves... Apparently they are a choking hazard.
- A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs. They were made for the sink.
- What does Happy Meal and a lonely girl have in common? They both come with a toy in the box.
- I think I just made the best dad joke ever. My son Robbie asked how he should get Poe into his X-wing toy. I said Wedge him. I had no one else to tell.
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Toy One Liners
Which toy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toy? I can suggest the ones about spinner and gift.
- Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa? They're making all the toys
- I call my wife "Happy Meal"... She's not enough to satisfy me but she comes with a toy...
- Young Macdonald had a toy... GI GI Joe
- Recycling Adult Toys "One man's trash is another man's pleasure!"
- Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys? Because he was... shellfish.
hahahaha - What was the last dinosaur to become extinct? The Toys R Us
- I don't wanna grow up, I wanna be a Toys 'R' Us kid... Bankrupt and empty inside.
- Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV? His parents weren't 18 or older.
- Just put Toys R Us General Manager on your resume. Who are they gonna ask?
- What kind of cars do jedis drive? A toy-*yoda*
- What do toy Batmobiles run on? Bat-teries
- Attention everyone, you must now grow up. No one can be a Toys R' Us kid anymore.
- I saw a Star wars action figure in a Corolla today It was a toy Yoda in a Toyota
Toy Story Jokes
Here is a list of funny toy story jokes and even better toy story puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.
- What beer do the cast of Toy Story drink? Buzz Light.
- What's the difference between Gary Glitter and Buzz from Toy Story? Only one of them goes limp when a child walks in a room.
- What is the favorite movies of the headphones featured in Toy Story 4? Tangled
- I found out my Ex cheated on me while we were watching Toy Story She started crying when the song You got a Friend in me played
- 10 Minutes into Toy Story and Chill I've already got a friend in me
- What "Toy Story" character has the most DUI's? Bud Lightyear
- What happens when Buzz Lightyear dies in Toy Story 4? ...it's a total Buzz Kill
- If toy story was made in 2017 Instead of buzz lightyear Andy would have just gotten fidget spinners
Dog Toy Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog toy jokes and even better dog toy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Man who washes with dog toy becomes squeaky clean
- Did you hear about the new designer toy dog in the Middle-East? It's called a Bombiranian
- Dog toys that make noise… are motivational squeakers
- Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.
- my dog died today set of a firework and she thought it was a chew toy
- I got this invention idea for a dog toy that throws a tennis ball about a quarter of a mile I know it sounds a little far fetched but...
- Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. - Where did the dog find it's toy? On The Woof
Stuffed Toy Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuffed toy jokes and even better stuffed toy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do cuddly toys never eat? Because they are stuffed
- For Christmas my wife wants a stuffed turkey for dinner I bought her a plush turkey toy.
Laughter Toy Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about toy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog toy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toy pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on
Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called w**... and Buzz too.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was admitted to the hospital with 12 toy horses up his but
Doctors have described his condition as stable
(Edit): yeah I s**... up the spelling, it's supposed to say b**...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Andy's Mom in Toy Story probably has toys too.
They may even be called w**... and Buzz.
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
I bought my dog a new toy...
...but after a few hours it stopped working. I took it back to the pet shop to see if they could fix it. The guy looked at it for a second and said "I'm sorry, sir, but the hamster is dead".
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"
The five kids answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between w**... from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"
After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily
"It's I *am*! Use the proper word!"
The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation.
"Fine," she sighs "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're s**..., neither is the car..."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know ISIS has its own s**... toy factory?
There specialise in blow up dolls
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can tell my new s**... toy was made in China.
She speaks Chinese.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?
A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any g**.... A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber g**... without any body.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman walked into a s**... toy shop...
She wandered in the shop for a couple of minutes and finally she stopped and asked the vendor: How much is this one? He replied: Ma'am, that's a fire extinguisher.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates...
"You really like those new toy soldiers, don't you?"
A little boy wants his toy,
A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"
It's a fricken elephant!
A little boy, just about the age of 3, was playing with his toy elephant and his dad comes up to him and says "What do you have there son?"
The boy responds with, "It's a fricken elephant!"
The dad in shock asks him, "What was that?"
"Dad, it's a fricken elephant!!"
Then the mother comes over and asks the little boy what he said and he responds with the same answer, "It's a fricken elephant!!"
Then the grandfather comes over to the parents and says, "Well he sure does like that AFRICan Elephant I got him."
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
I bought my 5-year-old a toy iPhone that looks like a real one
Now someone keeps calling about an extended warranty on his Little Tikes car.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I ordered a s**... toy online.
It was so good, even the mail came.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are toy trains similar to b**...?
Both are made for kids but dad is the one who gets the most out of them
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Jihadi s**... toy?
A blow-up doll.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into s**... positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.
Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...
I once had a job in quality control at a toy factory.
I had to give Elmo two test tickles.
Degree
A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?
The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back
Give a child a plastic toy and they'll play for a day.
Give a child a plastic bag and they'll play for the rest of their lives.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was in the emergency room
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of r**... pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button...
... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.
Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store.
Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.
I walked past a toy store with a huge line outside.
I asked what was going on and someone mentioned a complimentary lunch, so I joined in.
Bit dissapointing though, turned out to be a free Barbie queue.
Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy?
Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jimmy is sitting on the floor playing with his toy trains
A man walks in and says to little Jimmy,
Jimmy! I am you from the future!
Awesome! Says little Jimmy. What do I become in the future ?
A p**...... he replied, locking the door.
I bought my 2 year old son some toys from the movie Toy Story.
It seemed like a good idea at the time because he loved those movies. Turns out, he didn't like the toys. Wailing, he threw a figurine at the wall, shattering it.
It was a total buzzkill.
did you hear what the little boy found when he opened his toy box?
Raggedy Ann setting on Pinocchio's face screaming,"Lie to me, lie to me."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother walked in to find her son playing with his privates. "Oh dear..."
"...those toy soldiers were supposed to be a surprise!"
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree wasn't the worst thing that's happened to me today
But it's definitely up there
Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.
After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don't think Santa has ever pushed us so hard! .
The second one added, Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen were even called in to work on the assembly line.
The first one got an odd look on his face and said, Well, that explains why those Raisinets I found on the floor tasted so strange.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... toy that also serves as a hole-maker?
A drilldo
Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?
It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.
A boy was riding his toy firetruck down the street
A passerby saw that the firetruck was being pulled by a dog. The rope used to pull it was tied around the dogs privates, and as a result the boy was being pulled along rather slowly.
The passerby suggested that perhaps the boy would be able to go faster if he tied the rope around the dogs neck.
The boy responded:
"But if I did that, then I wouldn't have a siren."
A child point his finger at a toy plane attached to the ceiling
And he says to his mum mum I really want to be like that airplane when I grow up!
His mother: why? Because it flies really high?
Him: no, because it's hanging from the ceiling
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Bought My Wife A b**... For Her Birthday
Wife: Wow! You're so k**..., I can't believe you gave me a s**... toy.
Me: s**... toy?
Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the Toy Box?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, saying "Lie to me!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Toy Story 4 Will Be About Sids Moms Toys
Giving a whole new meaning to Buzz and w**...
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times...
Then I pick up the block, and put it back in the toy box.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a Jewish girl call her non Jewish boyfriend.
A g**... toy.
What is an emo girlfriend's favorite toy?
A bae-blade
What's a rappers favorite toy?
A yoyo
Something happened at a friend's work
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center. They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end?
Doctors say his condition is stable.
What's a philosophers favorite toy?
Plato
(I saw this as a meme, but haven't found it on this sub yet so here it goes) Pixar's movies always have the same idea
What if x has feelings?
Examples:
Toy Story: What if toys have feelings
Cars: What if cars have feelings
Inside Out: What if feelings have feelings
Soul: What if black people have feelings?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a toy bear with b**...?
A tiddy bear
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story
It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a w**... without it being awkward.
A relative of mine works at a toy distribution center.
They specialize in talking dolls. They recently received a Muslim one, but nobody knows what it says because they're all afraid to pull the cord.
A friend of mine worked at a production line for a toy factory, producing Dracula dolls. Shortly before Halloween, demand was high, but he only had one colleague.
So he had to make every second Count.
So a father and his daughter were in the toy aisle.
The daughter put a super hero mask on. The father asked "Are you thor?" The daughter immediately corrected him. "No, I'm five."
What doesn't Princess Leia like toy guns?
Because the Nerf hurt her.
How to call a line of people waiting to buy the new Barbie doll at a toy store?
Barbecue
A guy walks into an adult toy store.
He walks up to the clerk and says, I'd like to buy a blow up doll." The clerk asks, "Male or female?" "Female." "Black or white" "White." "Christian or Muslim?" Curious, the guy says, "Muslim." "Regular or radicalized extremist?" The clerk asks. "What's the difference?" the guy says. "The radicalized extremist blows itself up."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend of mine got rushed to hospital because he put a toy pony up his b**...
Personally, I pity the foal.
In case you're worried about him - don't, he's in a stable condition
A friend of mine once ate a couple of toy horses.
The doctor said not to worry, his condition is stable now.
I've just bought my daughter her main toy for Christmas......
I ate the happy meal though.
What is a pirates favorite toy??
Aarrrh sea boats.
What do you call a toy alpaca that has obtained enlightenment?
The Dolly Llama
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Toy Story felt was so incomplete.
Who let the s**... toys out?
As I was inserting my third battery into my new toy gift...
My dad remarked that this wasn't the kind of puppy that needed batteries.
Merry Christmas!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Toy Story 4 introduces s**... toys...
Incidentally enough, they're also named w**... and Buzz.
What do you call a green-skinned, pointy-eared Star Wars action figure driving a Japanese car?
A toy Yoda driving a Toyota.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... toy companies should target their advertisements at virgins.
It's an untapped market.
