The Best 63 Toy Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Toy jokes. There are some toy spinner jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these toy gift puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Toy Jokes and Puns
Rumor is that Toy Story 4 will focus on
Andy's mother's toys, which coincidentally are called Woody and Buzz too.
A man was admitted to the hospital with 12 toy horses up his but
Doctors have described his condition as stable
(Edit): yeah I screwed up the spelling, it's supposed to say butt
Andy's Mom in Toy Story probably has toys too.
They may even be called Woody and Buzz.
Kid: Waaaahhhhh! MY TOY IS BROKEN!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape can't fix.
Kid: mrnm... mmrm.. rnmr...
Two young boys go to a store
They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."
Not to brag, but made six figures this year
They named me the worst employee at the toy factory
A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear
Because he is unable to take a pooh
I bought my dog a new toy...
...but after a few hours it stopped working. I took it back to the pet shop to see if they could fix it. The guy looked at it for a second and said "I'm sorry, sir, but the hamster is dead".
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"
The five kids answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."
Rumour has it Toy Story 4 is going to focus on Andy's mom's toys
Coincidentally, they are also called Woody and Buzz
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
You can explore toy toybox reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean toy diy dad jokes. There are also toy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I'm not bragging, but I made six figures this year…
So they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory...
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"
After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily
"It's I *am*! Use the proper word!"
The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation.
"Fine," she sighs "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
A dad joke with which we can all sympathize
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should get the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Five small voices answered in union, "Okay, dad. You get the toy."
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...
Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're stupid, neither is the car..."
I call my wife "Happy Meal"...
She's not enough to satisfy me but she comes with a toy...
I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store...
She replied "Aisle B, back".
Did you know ISIS has its own sex toy factory?
There specialise in blow up dolls
Young Macdonald had a toy...
GI GI Joe
A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs.
They were made for the sink.
I can tell my new sex toy was made in China.
She speaks Chinese.
What's the difference between a 4 year girl and a 40 year old woman?
A 4 year old's favourite toy is a rubber body without any genitals. A 40 year old's favourite toy is a rubber genital without any body.
What does Happy Meal and a lonely girl have in common?
They both come with a toy in the box.
An old woman walked into a sex toy shop...
She wandered in the shop for a couple of minutes and finally she stopped and asked the vendor: How much is this one? He replied: Ma'am, that's a fire extinguisher.
I think I just made the best dad joke ever.
My son Robbie asked how he should get Poe into his X-wing toy. I said Wedge him. I had no one else to tell.
A man was rushed to hospital with 6 toy horses stuck up his ass...
The doctors describe his condition as stable.
A father goes to a toy store...
And ask for a barbie for his daughter birthday
"are you looking for anything in special?"
"what do you have?"
"we have nurse Barbie for $40, Barbie Astronaut for $60, divorce Barbie for $300 "
"wait, why is divorce barbie so expensive?"
"Because it comes with kens house, kens car..."
Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day.
I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.
A mother walks in on her son playing with his privates...
"You really like those new toy soldiers, don't you?"
A little boy wants his toy,
A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"
Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?
Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.
It's a fricken elephant!
A little boy, just about the age of 3, was playing with his toy elephant and his dad comes up to him and says "What do you have there son?"
The boy responds with, "It's a fricken elephant!"
The dad in shock asks him, "What was that?"
"Dad, it's a fricken elephant!!"
Then the mother comes over and asks the little boy what he said and he responds with the same answer, "It's a fricken elephant!!"
Then the grandfather comes over to the parents and says, "Well he sure does like that AFRICan Elephant I got him."
I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced...
I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.
The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!
I bought my 5-year-old a toy iPhone that looks like a real one
Now someone keeps calling about an extended warranty on his Little Tikes car.
So I ordered a sex toy online.
It was so good, even the mail came.
This guy walks in a Toy R Us to buy a Barbie for his daughter's birthday.
First Barbie he sees: Barbie with ski set: 29.99
Second Barbie that caught his attention: Barbie on a motorcycle: 34:99
Third Barbie he sees: Divorced Barbie: 249.99
So he go and asks an employee why is the Divorced Barbie so expencive.
The employee replies: That's because this set comes with Ken's car, Ken's motorcycle, Ken's boat and Ken's house.
How are toy trains similar to boobs?
Both are made for kids but dad is the one who gets the most out of them
What do you call a Jihadi sex toy?
A blow-up doll.
My girlfriend and I have our childhood teddy bears that we put into sexual positions. I told her we should try to do things that we make them do.
Today, she came back from the toy store with a bunch of black bears...
So my friend, Rick Astley, asked me for some Pixar movies to watch...
I told him, "You can borrow Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars 1 and 2, Ratatouille, and Wall*E, but I'm never gonna give you UP!"
Not to brag but I made six figures last year.
I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
I once had a job in quality control at a toy factory.
I had to give Elmo two test tickles.
Degree
A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?
The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back
I asked Rick Astley to lend me some Pixar movies......
He said you can take Cars, you can take Toy Story but I'm never gonna give you Up.
What is a orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang! They know it will always come back.
Give a child a plastic toy and they'll play for a day.
Give a child a plastic bag and they'll play for the rest of their lives.
So I was in the emergency room
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of rectal pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button...
... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.
Why did the Australian fisherman get kicked out of the toy store.
Because he was throwing shrimp on the barbie.
Did you hear about the kid who was hospitalized for swallowing six of his plastic toy horses?
The doctor described his condition as stable.
I walked past a toy store with a huge line outside.
I asked what was going on and someone mentioned a complimentary lunch, so I joined in.
Bit dissapointing though, turned out to be a free Barbie queue.
Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy?
Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.
What do toy trains and boobs have in common?
They're both made for kids but daddies get to play with em.
The synopsis for Toy Story 4 has leaked.
This time it focuses on Andy's mother's toys, also named Buzz and Woody.
Little Jimmy is sitting on the floor playing with his toy trains
A man walks in and says to little Jimmy,
Jimmy! I am you from the future!
Awesome! Says little Jimmy. What do I become in the future ?
A paedophile... he replied, locking the door.
did you hear what the little boy found when he opened his toy box?
Raggedy Ann setting on Pinocchio's face screaming,"Lie to me, lie to me."
A mother walked in to find her son playing with his privates. "Oh dear..."
"...those toy soldiers were supposed to be a surprise!"
Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV?
His parents weren't 18 or older.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree wasn't the worst thing that's happened to me today
But it's definitely up there
There is this doctor…
The doctor, recently had a patient with 76 toy horses up his ass.
The doctor said his condition was stable.
What do you call a sex toy that also serves as a hole-maker?
A drilldo
Woody caught Buzz and Bo Peep having toy sex
Woody: "What's the meaning of this???!!"
Bo Peep: "You got a friend in me..."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the toy blowup puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working toy plush piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.