Towel Jokes
99 towel jokes and hilarious towel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about towel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love towel jokes? If so, you'll love this collection of humorous quips that uses paper towels, German beach towels, tea towels, bath towels, terrible towels and more. Find out how to use a sanitary towel as a tablecloth, a kitchen towel as a washcloth, and a beach towel as a bath mat. Enjoy the laughter!
Quick Jump To
- Short Towel Jokes
- Towel One Liners
- Bath Towel Jokes
- Beach Towel Jokes
- Sanitary Towel Jokes
- Paper Towel Jokes
- More Towel Jokes
Funniest Towel Short Jokes
Short towel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The towel humour may include short napkin jokes also.
- The next time your wife gets angry... put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die. - The next time your gf gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and exlaim: Now you're SUPER ANGRY
Maybe she'll laugh
Maybe you'll die - Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.
...I'll see myself out. :-/ - A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
- One time my Mom said, "Put this towel in its place" So I pointed at it and yelled, "Don't forget you're nothing but a towel."
- I came into a large sum of money recently... Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.
- pirate joke I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."
- A dad was washing his car with his son. "Why can't you use a towel or sponge like other people?" asked the son.
- A pirate walks in a bar... A pirate walks in a bar with a paper towel on his head, the bartender says "whats with that" the Pirate says "ARR!! I have Bounty on me head"
- A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks What's with the paper towel? The pirate says Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!
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Towel One Liners
Which towel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with towel? I can suggest the ones about toilet paper and bed sheet.
- What's the leading cause of dry skin ...towels
Credits:dads - I hate hotel towels....So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase.
- What do you call a towel used by a bunny? A hare dryer!
- What does the Pope use to clean his counters? A Papal towel.
- How do they clean up messes at the Vatican? Papal towels.
- Doctors don't want you to know the real #1 cause of dry skin: Towels
- My paper towels went missing so I hired a Bounty hunter.
- Why don't they have showers on airplanes? Because of the towel ban.
- My wife can't reach the towels. I set the bar pretty high.
- What do you call a towel that loves to tell small lies? micro-fibber
- What's the leading cause of dry skin? A towel
- What causes dry skin? Towels!
- What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine? Do we have any papal towels?
- A New research shows us that the main cause of dry skin is.... Towels.
- Paper towels? OH! You mean napkins on the cob?
Bath Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny bath towel jokes and even better bath towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would the inscriptions on their bath towels say? Hisss and Hearse
- The 3rd child asked her mother Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath! - Why must people sun dry after bathing in Afghanistan? There's a towel ban in Afghanistan
- Chuck Norris once went sun-bathing... ...but unfortunately there were no towels available on the sun.
Beach Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach towel jokes and even better beach towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the sea otter say to the fish sunning himself on a white towel at the beach? What's up my nigiri?
- What does a beach towel and a stripper with dirty g**... have in common? No one wants you to shake that in front of their face. Go downwind!
Sanitary Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny sanitary towel jokes and even better sanitary towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you confuse an Archaeologist? Give him a used sanitary towel to inspect and ask him which period it came from...
- What do you call a used sanitary towel floating around the sewage treatment plant? A blood vessel.
Paper Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny paper towel jokes and even better paper towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel on your head?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, I got a bounty on me head." - A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender sees this and asks him why.
The pirate replies, "Arr, I've got a bounty on me head!" - A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "
The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head " - A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck under his hat... The bartender says "what's up with the paper towel under your hat?"
The pirate replied "Arrgh, there be a Bounty on me head!" - What do you get when paper towels fall asleep? Napkins!
- What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels? nothing they were tearable.
- I'm gonna start a business I'm gonna start a business where I sell exclusively paper towels. Not by the roll, but by the square. You have to pay-per-towel
- With all the missing paper towels and napkins everywhere... You could say that right now, I'm a Bounty hunter
- I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat... ...he has a bounty on his head.
- What paper towel brand do pirates treasure? Bounty.
Hilarious Towel Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about towel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean towed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make towel pranks.
Where does He-Man keep his towel?
BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!!
I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it.
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel...
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel. She stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom. "I hate my body, i'm too fat", she says sadly to her husband on their bed. "I'm feeling a little down after that, i could use a pick me up. Compliment me?" she says. He says back, "Well for one thing your eyesight is great!"
A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door.
She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.
"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.
"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.
"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.
"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"
Tom gleefully replied:
"I can see!"
Blonde Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
A man is getting into the shower...
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n**... in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Why did the washing machine stop?
Somebody threw the towel in.
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head.
He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty r**....
The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrrrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
Women can breastfeed in public as long as they have a blanket over them.
So I don't understand this Mall Cop's problem with my m**... towel.
A pirate is sitting at the bar
With a paper towel hat on his head, the bartender, being curious to why this pirate would make himself look completely ridiculous, goes to the pirate and asks him why on earth does he have a paper towel hat on. The pirate looks the bartender right in the eye and says "Arrrg I have a bounty on me head"
Some people fear gay marriage will ruin the fabric of American society.
But no worries! The g**... will just put a towel down first.
What do you call a middle eastern man with a bounty on his head?
A t**....
Wife's Campaign
My wife has wasted years campaigning for t**... companies to make sanitary products suitable for the 'larger' lady.
I'm trying to convince her that it's time to just throw in the towel.
Why do people in Afghanistan air dry after they shower?
Because of the towel ban
Chris Hansen is my hero...
...I still have the souvenir towel he gave me
I forgot to bring my towel to the gym...
But I'm not gonna sweat it.
A towel walks into a bar...
He orders a drink, and says "I'll have it dry."
Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel
The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.
What gets wetter the more you dry it?
A woman with a towel f**...
What should you not put in the washer with a load full of towels?
A towel full of loads
What's the difference between a hand towel and toilet paper?
"What?"
"You aren't coming to my house"
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.
Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
What's the most common owl in Britain?
The Tea towel.
That's it. I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel
Because it stinks and its time to do a load of towels in the laundry.
I caught Usain Bolt's sweat towel after the race today and promptly rubbed it all over my face
I was trying to get usain in my membrane
j**... hated doing laundry.
So he threw in the towel.
:D
The paper towel holder kept ripping the paper towels...
It was tear-able!
In only two weeks at gym and I managed to lose
towel and phone.
I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.
I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.
To me perfect s**... is like a carwash.
You start by lining it up and going in slow, and finish when three Mexican dudes run up and furiously towel you off.
Army vs. Navy
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?
I won a contest for draining the most water out of a towel...
I'm now known as the Lord of the Wrings.
My 4 yo sister came to me and told this joke?
Why didn't the ocean dry up?
Because it didn't have a towel.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
He asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks "Hey, what's with the paper towel on your head?"
The pirate responds "ARRR, I got a Bounty on me head!"
My wife and I had this long argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Finally I threw in the towel.
Why is the ocean wet?
Because it doesn't have a towel.
(Courtesy of my son)
Three automobile managers at the u**...
The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.
The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."
The third walks past the sink and says, "At Daimler, we don't p**... all over our hands!"
What's the #1 rule of being an i**... towel dealer?
Don't get dry on your own supply.
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel tucked partially under his hat. The bartender says to him, "Oi, what's that?" The pirate responds, "Aargggh, I've got a bounty on me head."
What kind of owl can you find by the shower?
A towel
A pirate walks into a bar
I pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel where his hat should be, hanging down covering part of his face. The bartender asked if he was hiding his face for a reason.
"Aye," the pirate said. "I have a bounty on me head."
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
What should you do when you come across a bear in the woods?
>!Back slowly away while apologizing to the bear. Offer him a towel to wipe off.!<
at School, I had the biggest k**... by far so when we were changing together, I used to run around n**... with a towel hanging from there, and the kids always looked laughing.
Looking back maybe that was one of the reasons I got fired.
Started to clean my bathroom today but it was way too difficult
In the end, I just threw in the towel
What happened to the man who didn't have a towel after his shower?
He dried of natural causes.
