Towel Jokes
96 towel jokes and hilarious towel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about towel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love towel jokes? If so, you'll love this collection of humorous quips that uses paper towels, German beach towels, tea towels, bath towels, terrible towels and more. Find out how to use a sanitary towel as a tablecloth, a kitchen towel as a washcloth, and a beach towel as a bath mat. Enjoy the laughter!
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Funniest Towel Short Jokes
Short towel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The towel humour may include short napkin jokes also.
- Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.
...I'll see myself out. :-/ - A male snake charmer married a female undertaker.. Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"
- I came into a large sum of money recently... Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.
- pirate joke I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said "what's with the paper towel." he said "arrgh got a Bounty on me head."
- Where does He-Man keep his towel?
BY THE SHOWER OF GREYSKULL!!!
I wrote this joke today. Feel free to steal it. - Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.
- My 4 yo sister came to me and told this joke? Why didn't the ocean dry up?
Because it didn't have a towel. - Why do beginner accordion players always play near the kitchen? In case their performance is a flop, they can always serve as a dish towel holder.
- What happened to the man who didn't have a towel after his shower? He dried of natural causes.
- I stayed in a hotel recently where the towels were so thick... I could hardly close my suitcase.
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Towel One Liners
Which towel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with towel? I can suggest the ones about toilet paper and blanket.
- What's the leading cause of dry skin ...towels
Credits:dads - I hate hotel towels....So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase.
- What do you call a towel used by a bunny? A hare dryer!
- What does the Pope use to clean his counters? A Papal towel.
- My paper towels went missing so I hired a Bounty hunter.
- Why don't they have showers on airplanes? Because of the towel ban.
- My wife can't reach the towels. I set the bar pretty high.
- What do you call a towel that loves to tell small lies? micro-fibber
- What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine? Do we have any papal towels?
- A New research shows us that the main cause of dry skin is.... Towels.
- Paper towels? OH! You mean napkins on the cob?
- What do you get when paper towels fall asleep? Napkins!
- What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels? nothing they were tearable.
- Why did the washing machine stop? Somebody threw the towel in.
- What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Bath Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny bath towel jokes and even better bath towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The 3rd child asked her mother Did you want a daughter or a son when I was born?
Mom angrily:
I wanted neither.
I just wanted a towel from your father while having bath! - Why must people sun dry after bathing in Afghanistan? There's a towel ban in Afghanistan
- Chuck Norris once went sun-bathing... ...but unfortunately there were no towels available on the sun.
Beach Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach towel jokes and even better beach towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the sea otter say to the fish sunning himself on a white towel at the beach? What's up my nigiri?
Sanitary Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny sanitary towel jokes and even better sanitary towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a used sanitary towel floating around the sewage treatment plant? A blood vessel.
Paper Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny paper towel jokes and even better paper towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm gonna start a business I'm gonna start a business where I sell exclusively paper towels. Not by the roll, but by the square. You have to pay-per-towel
- With all the missing paper towels and napkins everywhere... You could say that right now, I'm a Bounty hunter
- I'm looking for the man who wears a paper towel as a hat... ...he has a bounty on his head.
- What paper towel brand do pirates treasure? Bounty.
- What's the difference between a hand towel and toilet paper? "What?"
"You aren't coming to my house" - A man had trouble trusting people However, everytime he used paper towels to clean his nose, he was perfectly fine.
He had trust tissues. - I got a job in prison making paper towels.. I hope I get paid per roll
- [new euphemism]: "As worthless as the last sheet on a roll of paper towels"
- The paper towel holder kept ripping the paper towels... It was tear-able!
- 7 Eleven apparently had to remove paper towels from the bathroom because people were flushing them. Apparently they were having problems with it clogging the chili dispenser.
Hilarious Towel Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about towel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bath jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make towel pranks.
Girlfriend always argued she never gets super mad. So a few minutes ago she got mad and I threw a towel on her shoulders and said You're super mad
Now I'm hiding in the closet. Send help!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife is in a coma in the hospital
The man, exhausted, sleeps in the waiting room as the nurse gives his wife a towel bath. As the nurse does this, she notices a slight movement from the comatose woman as she runs the washcloth over the woman's private parts.
The nurse gently wakes the man up, and as he rubs sleep from his eyes, she tells him, "I noticed something when bathing your wife, and it makes me think she might respond to o**... s**...."
The man thinks a moment, then says, "OK, I'll give it a try." He goes into the room while the nurse watches the woman's vital signs from the monitor at the nurse's station.
Suddenly, the heart monitor goes flat with a loud "BEEEEP". The nurse charges off and almost crashes into the man as he exits the door of the woman's room. "What happened!?" she shouts.
"She choked."
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel...
A women steps out of the shower and drops her towel. She stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom. "I hate my body, i'm too fat", she says sadly to her husband on their bed. "I'm feeling a little down after that, i could use a pick me up. Compliment me?" she says. He says back, "Well for one thing your eyesight is great!"
A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door.
She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.
"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.
"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.
"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.
"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"
Tom gleefully replied:
"I can see!"
Blonde Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is getting into the shower...
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n**... in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar...
Disclaimer: I heard this joke from a friend at work. I've no idea where he heard it or if he happened to make it up. If someone could provide a source, I'll gladly edit the post.
~
A pirate walks into the bar and the bartender just stares at him. There's a paper towel stuck to his forehead. The pirate walks up, slams his hand on the counter and exclaims, "I need some r**...!"
Ignoring the paper towel for now, the bartender complies. After a few more rounds, the pirate's loud and obnoxious and having a great time in general.
At the request of the next round, the bartender complies once again, this time asking, "Alright, I just have to know. Are you aware there's a paper towel stuck to your forehead?"
The pirate nods and sigh dejectedly. "Aye, I've got a bounty on me head."
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Linus Torvalds walk into a restroom in 2005...
When Bill Gates finishes doing his business, he goes to the sink, washes his hands, pulls 20 paper towels from the dispenser, and dries his hands completely as Steve Jobs walks up.
Bill says "at Microsoft, we like to be thorough."
Steve Jobs washes his hands even cleaner than Bill, then takes only one paper towel, using every last little bit of it, and still managing to dry his hands completely.
Steve says "at Apple, we like to be thorough AND efficient."
Just then, Linus Torvalds walks up to the sink and pulls out a laptop.
Bill and Steve give Linus a confused look. "what are you doing?" they ask.
Linus says "I'm reading the man page for the sink."
Undefined illness
Who said that health care in Canada was not up to par???
A Muslim immigrant in Toronto goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says:
"You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage.
Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "You were homesick."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women can breastfeed in public as long as they have a blanket over them.
So I don't understand this Mall Cop's problem with my m**... towel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some people fear gay marriage will ruin the fabric of American society.
But no worries! The g**... will just put a towel down first.
How many pies can you clean up with a towel?
Two
(tau = 2pi)
Dry Humor
The dryer was broken in the gym today, so we were told to "be conservative with our towel usage".
I only dried the parts of me that are white and straight.
Bounty Towels has cancelled its agreement with Mark Cuban
Bounty said that it was impossible to make a Mark Cuban towel because Mark Cuban was already too self-absorbed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a middle eastern man with a bounty on his head?
A t**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife's Campaign
My wife has wasted years campaigning for t**... companies to make sanitary products suitable for the 'larger' lady.
I'm trying to convince her that it's time to just throw in the towel.
Chris Hansen is my hero...
...I still have the souvenir towel he gave me
I forgot to bring my towel to the gym...
But I'm not gonna sweat it.
A towel walks into a bar...
He orders a drink, and says "I'll have it dry."
What should you not put in the washer with a load full of towels?
A towel full of loads
I should make a blanket that looks like a paper towel.
I'll call it a napkin.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink.
Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel.
The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
That's it. I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel
Because it stinks and its time to do a load of towels in the laundry.
I caught Usain Bolt's sweat towel after the race today and promptly rubbed it all over my face
I was trying to get usain in my membrane
Lack of Evidence
Son: gets out of shower with towel on.
Cop Dad: "I'd arrest you for indecent exposure, but I'm afraid they'd have to let you go due to lack of evidence."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
j**... hated doing laundry.
So he threw in the towel.
:D
In only two weeks at gym and I managed to lose
towel and phone.
Why did the wounded vet towel have PTSD?
He left his friends to dry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a beach towel and a stripper with dirty g**... have in common?
No one wants you to shake that in front of their face. Go downwind!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a towel and a woman?
In a towel you always look for the dry parts, at a woman you always look for the wet ones.
I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.
I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The next time your wife gets angry...
put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife walked in on me while I was wearing only a towel around my shoulders.
I'm count Dickula, I said. And unlike my infamous cousin, I want you to s**... ME dry.
She left.
How do you stop a dishwasher from dripping?
Hand her a towel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To me perfect s**... is like a carwash.
You start by lining it up and going in slow, and finish when three Mexican dudes run up and furiously towel you off.
Army vs. Navy
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The next time your gf gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and exlaim:
Now you're SUPER ANGRY
Maybe she'll laugh
Maybe you'll die
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?
I won a contest for draining the most water out of a towel...
I'm now known as the Lord of the Wrings.
Why is the ocean wet?
Because it doesn't have a towel.
(Courtesy of my son)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One time my Mom said, "Put this towel in its place"
So I pointed at it and yelled, "Don't forget you're nothing but a towel."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three automobile managers at the u**...
The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.
The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."
The third walks past the sink and says, "At Daimler, we don't p**... all over our hands!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the #1 rule of being an i**... towel dealer?
Don't get dry on your own supply.
What kind of owl can you find by the shower?
A towel
What should you do when you come across a bear in the woods?
>!Back slowly away while apologizing to the bear. Offer him a towel to wipe off.!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
at School, I had the biggest k**... by far so when we were changing together, I used to run around n**... with a towel hanging from there, and the kids always looked laughing.
Looking back maybe that was one of the reasons I got fired.
Started to clean my bathroom today but it was way too difficult
In the end, I just threw in the towel
