Toughest Jokes

47 toughest jokes and hilarious toughest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toughest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Toughest Short Jokes

Short toughest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toughest humour may include short hardest jokes also.

  1. What's the toughest part about being Batman? Knowing that you'll never make your parents proud.
  2. My girlfriend told me that her gran died of food poisoning. The toughest part was acting surprised.
  3. Why are Scots the toughest guys in the world? They wear kilts in a country where thistles grow waist-high.
  4. Iron Man is sexist The fellas down at Marvel need to create an Iron Woman. She would use her super strength and agility to get even the toughest stains out of my office slacks.
  5. Kids in Hawaii are tough. Some say they are the toughest kids in the USA. Their play time is deadly serious. They are the world champions in 'The floor is lava'.
  6. My friend's in a wheelchair and he acts like he's the toughest guy around. He can talk the talk, but...
  7. You know what the toughest part of being a gay black police officer is? The discrimination.
  8. What's the toughest commandment for IV drug users to follow? Don't take God's name in vein.
  9. What's the difference between your wife and the car? Your wife will never fail you, and always go with you
    through the toughest roads.
  10. What is the most toughest cult? Difficult.
    Edit : this is just a joke don't be offended.

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Toughest One Liners

Which toughest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toughest? I can suggest the ones about strongest and most complicated.

  1. What's the toughest thing about being a vegan? Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
  2. What's the toughest thing for an artist to draw? A salary.
    (Credit to u/arguablytrue)
  3. What's the toughest cult to join.. Difficult.
  4. What are the toughest 4 years of a football player's life? 5th grade
  5. The French are the toughest people in the world They all eat pain for breakfast.
  6. What's the three toughest years of a bass player? Second grade.
  7. What is the toughest religion to get into? The Difficult.
  8. Who are the Minnesota Vikings' toughest opponents? November and December.
  9. What's the toughest lesbian weapon? A trésbutchet .
  10. Why were the bloods the strongest gang in the 80s? Their toughest competition were crips
  11. Vegetables What's the toughest part to digest digest in vegetables?
    The wheelchair
  12. What soup is the toughest? The alphabet soup.
  13. You know what soup is the toughest? The alphabet soup.
  14. What's the toughest type of pie? Punkin pie
  15. Dung Beetles are one of the toughest animals in the world. They go through so much s**....

Toughest joke, Dung Beetles are one of the toughest animals in the world.

Unearthly Funniest Toughest Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about toughest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heaviest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toughest pranks.

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

You want to know what's the toughest part about Thanksgiving dinner at my house?

The s**... tensions

A grey piece of tarmac rolls into a bar

He says "I'm the biggest and toughest piece of tarmac around, and I'll fight anybody in here."
The barman says "if you're so tough, go fight that red piece of tarmac over there."
The grey piece of tarmac looks over at the red piece of tarmac and says "I'm not fighting that guy, he's a cycle path!"

An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.

It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.
She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.
"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". Still no response.
Finally she says "You have probably heard your mother call your father this."
Suddenly one of the students hacks and then yells "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's an a**...!"

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis... I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.

Black tarmac and red tarmac at chatting at a bar

Black tarmac: No one messes with me.
Red tarmac: Yeah? How come?
Black tarmac: I'm black tarmac, I'm the toughest tarmac, tougher than any other
Green tarmac walks in, and black tarmac cowers behind red tarmac as green tarmac orders a drink, drinks it and leaves.
Black tarmac: Hey red tarmac, has green tarmac left?
Red tarmac: They have, why are you afraid of them? I thought you were the toughest tarmac?
Black tarmac: I am the toughest tarmac but that guys a cycle path!

Regarding the SCOTUS approval of gay marriage, Iowa representative Steve King has just said (and this is a real quote) "you could marry your your lawnmower with this decision".

Marrying your lawnmower is fine, but when it comes time to leave, writing that John Deere letter is the toughest part.

Asphalt and Tarmac were in the bar together having a beer, arguing over who was toughest - when a pink piece of concrete walked into the bar....

Everybody in the bar fell silent and averted their attention. The pink piece of concrete ordered a drink. The bartender was shaking as he poured his beer. The pink piece of concrete looked around, nobody meeting his gaze, drank his beer in one glug and left.
The normal ambience resumed.
"Youv'e got to watch out for him" Tarmac said to Asphalt, "hes a cycle-path!"

4 Soldiers were coming home from a huge battle

As they were walking back to their base, one of the soldiers says,
"Oh man, that was the toughest battle of our lives. 5 men against 1,000!"
One of the other soldiers says, "I know right. I can't believe we survived!"
The 3rd soldier says, "I agree with you both. That was the last battle I'll ever fight. 5 men against 1000"
The last soldier says, "Those were the toughest 5 guys we've ever fought."

How to spot the toughest guy in jail?

He still has some whistle left in his f**....

Taking to people about your child a**... experience is the toughest part.

The last time i did it, i had to spend 7 years in jail.

The toughest thing about giving money to Republicans is.....

Figuring out which ones aren't racist.

Toughest joke, The toughest thing about giving money to Republicans is.....