Tossing Jokes
33 tossing jokes and hilarious tossing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tossing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tossing Short Jokes
Short tossing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tossing humour may include short tossed jokes also.
- There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
- What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
- Why did Australia get all the criminals while America got all the puritans? >!Because Australia won the coin toss!<
- Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman" Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."
~~ - I just found out that my Grief Counselor died Luckily, he was so good at his job, I don't really give a toss
- 2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?
They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter. - My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard... It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
- A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright. - What’s the definition of perfect pitch? When you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it lands on a bagpipe.
- What’s the definition of perfect pitch for an accordion? When you can toss it in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
Share These Tossing Jokes With Friends
Tossing One Liners
Which tossing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tossing? I can suggest the ones about tossed around and tossed salad.
- I dreamt I was making a salad. I was tossing all night.
- I made a salad yesterday. It wasn't very good.
So I tossed it. - How are children like slinkies? It's fun to toss them down stairs.
- I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad >!I was tossing all night!<
- I tossed a yield sign into a tornado once. Guess I was throwing caution to the wind.
- How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game? They leave after the coin toss
- How do you make a cat go woof? You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
- How do you make a cat go "woof"? Douse it in gasoline and toss it in a fire.
- What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough? YEEST
- What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub? Toss in your laundry!
- What's the result of tossing a live grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum blown apart.
- What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well? Money well spent
- What's the worst part of being a cook in prison? Having to toss everyone's salad
- What do vegans do for foreplay? Toss each other's salads of course.
- What did the athlete say after a perfect hammer toss? "Nailed it."
Pancake Tossing Jokes
Here is a list of funny pancake tossing jokes and even better pancake tossing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did one pancake say to the others as it was tossed off the griddle into the air? See you on the flip side.
Fun-Filled Tossing Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about tossing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean threw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tossing pranks.
2 blondes are hammering nails into the side of a garage...
One of them has a problem. She holds each nail in place, but ends up tossing every other one on the ground. Finally she says "Hey, half of these nails are bad - the sharp end is pointing away from the wall!"
The other blonde replied "You idiot, those are for other side of the building!"
I was having trouble getting to sleep last night
After about an hour of tossing and turning, my wife rolled over, snuck her hand under the covers, and trailed it playfully down my chest.
"Want meeee to help you get to sleep", She whispered coyly into my ear.
"Yeah", I replied. "Tell me again how your day went".
Couch was comfy.
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
My m**... addiction and lycanthropy are really messing up my sleep.
I'm up all night tossing and turning.
The Two Drunkards
Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree, they start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a life time missing the target, one says to the other, ''Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look" the other agrees.
He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe, he comes down joyfully to his friend and say "yeap, the fruit is d**... ripe, let's get it".
And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit
Counting sheep
Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.
Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.
Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?
Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.
Bill : Did you try counting sheep?
Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By the time you get up, drive all the way to the farm and then drive back, you're wide awake again
The head is on the wrong end of this nail.
A carpenter was putting siding on a house. He'd reach in his pouch pull out a nail and drive it, then he'd pull out a nail and toss it over his shoulder, he continued, sometimes driving the nail and sometimes tossing it.
His partner asked, "Why are you throwing away some of your nails", the first guy says, "The idiots that made them put the head on the wrong end".
His partner said, "You're the idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house"
A couple not-so-bright carpenters are framing a house.
Worker A notices worker B is wasting a lot of nails. He'll pull one out, hammer it in, pull another and toss it, toss another, then hammer one in. And this goes on for a bit.
Worker A says to worker B, hey, how come you keep tossing dem nails?
Worker B responds, they're defective; they got da point on the wrong end!
Worker A says, you idiot, those are for the other side of the house!
I've been learning how to juggle.
No matter how much I practice, I don't seem to be getting any better. It keeps me up at night tossing and turning.
I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now
I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.
What does Mr. T say after tossing two 20's and a 10 off the diving board?
I fitty da pool. Peckahs
So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master.
But I don't know weather or knot..
E COLI OUTBREAK
Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad
