Tossed Jokes
72 tossed jokes and hilarious tossed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tossed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Rocking around the dinner table! Who said that salad had to be boring? Learn how to make your own tossed salad with hilarious jokes tossed around for added fun. From homemade pebble-threw jokes to hilarious quotes, your next salad night won't be one to forget!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Tossed Short Jokes
Short tossed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tossed humour may include short tossing jokes also.
- There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
- What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
- Why did Australia get all the criminals while America got all the puritans? >!Because Australia won the coin toss!<
- Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman" Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."
~~ - I just found out that my Grief Counselor died Luckily, he was so good at his job, I don't really give a toss
- 2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?
They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter. - My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard... It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
- A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright. - What’s the definition of perfect pitch? When you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it lands on a bagpipe.
- What’s the definition of perfect pitch for an accordion? When you can toss it in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
Share These Tossed Jokes With Friends
Tossed One Liners
Which tossed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tossed? I can suggest the ones about threw and thrown.
- I dreamt I was making a salad. I was tossing all night.
- I made a salad yesterday. It wasn't very good.
So I tossed it. - How are children like slinkies? It's fun to toss them down stairs.
- I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad >!I was tossing all night!<
- I tossed a yield sign into a tornado once. Guess I was throwing caution to the wind.
- How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game? They leave after the coin toss
- How do you make a cat go woof? You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
- How do you make a cat go "woof"? Douse it in gasoline and toss it in a fire.
- What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough? YEEST
- What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub? Toss in your laundry!
- What's the result of tossing a live grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum blown apart.
- What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well? Money well spent
- What's the worst part of being a cook in prison? Having to toss everyone's salad
- What do vegans do for foreplay? Toss each other's salads of course.
- What did the athlete say after a perfect hammer toss? "Nailed it."
Tossed Salad Jokes
Here is a list of funny tossed salad jokes and even better tossed salad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a baby and a salad? Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
- I realized today that I really only have two options when it comes to a career path. I'm going to end up in jail or working at Olive Garden. Either way endless salads are getting tossed.
- I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad.
- Whats worse, being a vegan inmate or non vegan? Or non vegan inmate*
Depends on whether you want to eat meat or toss salad. - Why do you think I dated a vegetarian? So I can get my salad tossed
- Why are most chefs male? No one can toss a salad better than a man.
- My last gf was so Mexican... that I needed a glass of milk to toss her salad.
- When she was in prison, what did martha stewart learn about cooking? How to toss salad.
- What's the difference between a freaky girl and a freaky vegan chick? A freaky girl will toss your salad, a vegan will eat it and toss your bacon.
- Nicki Minaj is pregnant with Sam 'n Ella twins. After apparently a guy named Romaine tossed her salad.
Tossed Around Jokes
Here is a list of funny tossed around jokes and even better tossed around puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just got a new Job at Coka Kola Engineering job, and man there is lots of high tech cola industry jargon being tossed around there, soda speak.
- What's the worst part about having two dads? They just toss the ball around to each other.
- I try not to make intricate plans and write them all down to the nth degree. That word "premeditated" gets tossed around a little too freely these days...
- What do Pokemon and stds have in common? If you toss your b**... around randomly for long enough you're bound to catch one
Comedy Tossed Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about tossed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tipped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tossed pranks.
My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an e**......
You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.
When I die...
I want my body to be dressed in a Super Man costume and tossed out of a plane.
So I was driving by a penitentiary this one time back home, and I saw a group of convicts at the perimeter fence trying to climb over.
The rest were hurrying on this one of them, who appeared to be a midget, and was having some difficulty scaling it.
All of a sudden, the biggest one just picked him up by an arm and a leg and tossed him right up & over!
And as he fell, I thought to myself,"Well, that's a little condescending."
Our neighbors got really annoyed at me after I played catch with their son yesterday.
But in fairness, I couldn't find a ball, and the kid actually seemed to enjoy getting tossed back and forth. So I don't know what the big deal is.
Three guys at the pearly gates
Three guys at the pearly gates, St Peter asks them why they are here. The first guy says "I got home from work and I found men's clothes on my bed, I asked my wife if she was cheating on me and she said no. I didn't believe her and I tore my house apart looking for the guy. I got so frustrated I picked up the fridge and tossed it out the window, the stress was too much and I had a heart attack and died."
The second guy says "I was walking down the street, and out of no where a fridge fell from the sky and struck me, killing me instantly."
The third guy says "So there I was, n**..., sitting in a refrigerator..."
I tossed my friend Sierra a can of pop
Sierra Mist
There were three guys on a boat. One of them had one last cigarette, but no lighter. He asked his friend if he had a cigarette lighter. His friend took the last cigarette and tossed it overboard.
"Hey why'd you do that?!" he yelled at his friend.
"There you go. Now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter."
What did one pancake say to the others as it was tossed off the griddle into the air?
See you on the flip side.
I asked my dad if I could go to a 50 cent concert...
... He tossed me a dollar and said "take your brother"
My cat and my paraplegic stepdad are so similar.
Neither like being tossed in the neighbor's pool.
Coin toss
Little Johnny : I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I tossed a coin to decide whether I should attend class or go back to bed.
His Friend : So, what did you finally do?
Little Johnny : I had to toss 10 times before I could finally go back to bed.
There was a sailor on a ship that was discovered to be gay.
When the others found out they tossed him off.
Joe, why haven't you tossed your hat in the ring for the presidential election?
I'm Biden my time.
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing
when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to s**... both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, Oh, my God! Please help me!
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, I thought you didn't believe in Me!
Come on God, give me a break!! the man pleaded. Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the LochNess monster either!
(Credit. The Joke Cafe)
My Grandpa said, " Your generation relies too much on technology. I'm doing you a favor" as he tossed my phone into the toilet.
I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.
Two strangers, a man and a woman.
He tossed her salad. She missed, but she did catch her peas.
My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman.
So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
A man was eating a hotdog...
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all." the woman replied.
The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.
A Frenchman, a German, and an Italian have been captured by the Russians. They are all brought in to be interrogated.
The Frenchman goes in first. After 30 minutes of brutal t**... he finally relents and tells his captors everything.
The German goes next. After 2 hours of t**..., he gives in as well.
Finally the Italian is questioned. After 3 days of brutal t**... he still has not said anything and is tossed into the holding cell with the other two men.
The German and the Frenchman are both shocked. They ask the Italian how he managed to stay silent. Bruised and bloodied, the Italian replies
"I wanted to talk after five minutes, but they tied my hands down!"
A lion was walking through a jungle
...and asked a monkey, 'Who's king of the jungle.' 'You are, sir!' said the monkey. The lion asked zebra, 'Who's king of the jungle.' 'You are, sir!' said the zebra. When lion asked an elephant the elephant picked up the lion with his tusks and tossed him aside. 'Just because you don't know the answer doesn't mean you have to get mad,' said the lion.
Your mom is like a bowling ball.
She's round, heavy, gets picked up, fingered in three holes, tossed in the gutter and she still comes back for more.
High school is like a brain
You have some knowledges tossed in there, but it's mainly full of thots
s**...'s Party
I went to this swingers party and tossed my keys into a bowl.
I thought I had hit the jackpot when this hot big titted s**... blonde picked them out.
Never saw my BMW again.
My laptop got tossed overboard while on a cruise
It was a Dell, rolling in the deep.
Chuck Norris tossed a pebble in the air.
The dinosaurs went extinct.
What's the difference between Kylie Jenner and an egg?
One is just a fragile shell, containing contents so shallow, they hardly give any sustenance to those who want it. And if dropped, or tossed away, can be easily replaced by bunch of others, exactly like them.
And the other is an egg.
Flat Earth theory debunked
We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.
I work as a spy for the US government.
One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming hot carbs around me, I knew that for now, escape would have to be my mission.
Mission in pasta bowl.
Bought a pet rock. It looked lonely so I bought another. I dunno how, but they started breeding. Months later there was gravel and stones everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore and had enough.
Threw it all in a canvas sack, weighed it down with a couple of puppies, and tossed it in the river.
Backfired...
The wife told me to go to the doctor and get some of those tablets that help get an e**....
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!.
I'm still looking for a place to live...can you help?
There was a tornado, so I tossed a 'Wet Floor' sign out the front door.
Talk about throwing caution to the wind!
I tossed and turned as I heard metallic sounds coming from the next bedroom.
It was a restless knight.
Old Russian man buys a newspaper.
He looks at the front page, and tosses it away. The next day, he buys a newspaper, looks at the front page, then tosses it away. The 3rd day in a row, he buys a newspaper looks at the front page, and again, tosses it away. This time the newspaper stand attendant asks him why he tossed the newspaper away after just looking at the front page. The old man says, I'm looking for an obituary. The newspaper stand attendant says, everyone knows the obituaries are not on the front page. There old man replies, the one I'm looking for will be.
