Tossed Around Jokes
19 tossed around jokes and hilarious tossed around puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tossed around that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tossed Around Short Jokes
Short tossed around jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tossed around humour may include short tossed jokes also.
- Just got a new Job at Coka Kola Engineering job, and man there is lots of high tech cola industry jargon being tossed around there, soda speak.
- What's the worst part about having two dads? They just toss the ball around to each other.
- I try not to make intricate plans and write them all down to the nth degree. That word "premeditated" gets tossed around a little too freely these days...
- What do Pokemon and stds have in common? If you toss your b**... around randomly for long enough you're bound to catch one
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Tossed Around Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about tossed around you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean threw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tossed around pranks.
A husband calls his wife from his office, and the maid picks up...
The husband ask, "Hello, is my wife around?"
The maid responds with, "No, sir, she's upstairs with her boyfriend."
The husband, completely enraged, orders the maid to kill both his wife and her boyfriend.
Wen the maid returns, she asks what she should do with the bodies. The husband instructs her to simply toss the bodies in the pool.
Silence comes from the other end, and after a few seconds, the maid says, "Pool, sir?"
The husband looks down at his phone and says, "This isn't 229-6342, is it?"
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
I work as a spy for the US government.
One of my more deadly assignments involved going after a mad scientist in Italy. I was having dinner with one of my contacts over some delicious cheesy rigatoni. Then, out of nowhere, I was hit by a shrink ray and tossed into my food with the sound of evil laughter. Fraught by the perils of steaming hot carbs around me, I knew that for now, escape would have to be my mission.
Mission in pasta bowl.
The farmer, the hired hand, and the pig
A farmer hired a mentally challenged youth to perform tasks around the farm. The young man excelled at the tasks he was given and soon earned the farmer's trust.
One day the farmer told him to take the truck and go to town and buy some feed for the animals. He told him that If he had any problems to give him a call.
The young man soon called and said, " I hit a pig with the truck, what should I do?" The farmer said, "Take the shotgun off the gun rack in the truck, put the pig out of its misery, and toss it off in the ditch."
The young man called back and said, "Okay, now what do I do with his bike?"
[Long] [Kinda British] There was a man in search of the dumbest pun in the world.
He travelled the globe for months and finally stopped at a campsite with 26 tents. The man went into the first tent, tent A. Three men came in to talk with him and they told jokes for a while. Two of the men said they knew what the dumbest pun in the world was. "It's in tent A!" they said. The last man whispered in the man's ear "It's free real estate."
(NOT THE ACTUAL JOKE)
The last man went to the back of the tent A, dug around for a while and said,"The other two are lying," and tossed a piece of paper at him. It read, 'Pun not in tent Z.'
A man was sitting in a bar...
A man was sitting in a bar quietly drinking his beer when he overheard two women a couple of tables over talking amongst themselves. Listening to their conversation he could tell by their accents that they were not from around the area. He popped over to their table to enquire about their travels.
Excuse me, I can't help notice you are speaking with a different accent. Are you two ladies from England?
Annoyed with being disturbed and with a lofty toss of her head, she dismissed the man with a curt tone.
It's Wales, you idiot.
Oh my apologies, let me correct myself. He took a sip of his beer and tried again.
So, are you two WHALES from England?
A boy stands in his yard with a baseball and bat...
He proudly proclaims "I'm the greatest batter in the world!" He proceeds to toss the ball in the air swings with all his might. He misses and falls to the ground. "Strike one". He tosses the ball again, keeping his eye on it and swings. The ball hits the found with a thud, "strike two". He tosses the ball once again and takes a home run swing, but the ball lands in the grass at his toes, "strike 3". He runs around the yard cheering with hands in the air, "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
Two men are walking through the forest when they stumble upon a large sinkhole.
Guy says, "Woah! This thing looks deep; how deep down do you think it goes?" The two men search around for a long stick or branch to assess the depth, but find nothing of use. They continue their search and they stumble across an old, rusty anvil; and naturally, they haul the anvil over and toss it into the hole. They wait and wait, but they don't hear anything happen. Suddenly, a donkey comes running full speed ahead and just leaps into the sinkhole. The two men are shocked, "Did you see that donkey!? I've never seen an animal sprint like that!" Minutes later, a farmer comes sprinting into the scene and says, "Guys! Have you seen my donkey? He was just on the farm and completely took off!" One of the men answers back, "He was just here! He came sprinting through the woods and took a leap into this sink hole!" The farmer answers back, "No, that's absolutely impossible. He was tied to an anvil."
One night a fellow drove his secretary home...
... after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
Once upon a time, a little boy lived by a river. It was ...
... a very boring river because the land was so flat there.
One day, the boy was eating lunch by the river, munching on a dill pickle. All of a sudden, an idea comes to him and he pitches the pickle into the river. Instantly, the river is transformed into a majestic waterfall!
People came from miles around to witness the miracle. After seeing the beautiful waterfall, they turned to the little boy. "How," they asked, "how did you know to toss the dill pickle into the river?"
The little boy smiled and answered, "I just thought of that old adage -- you know, that dill waters run steep!"
A man and a woman get married in the old west.
They're riding their horses out into the sunset, but the woman's horse stops suddenly and throws the woman off the back. The man jumps down and looks the horse in the eye, and says "That's one."
A little further on, they hear a loud thunderclap, and the woman's horse rears up and tosses her off its back again. The man jumps down and looks the horse in the eye, and says "That's two."
Finally, as they're nearing their house, the horse yet again drops the woman off of it's back. The man looks the horse in the eye and says "That's three." He pulls his gun out and shoots the horse dead.
The woman turns to the man, shocked, and screams "You didn't have to do that! It was a strong horse and we could have sold it for good money!"
Then the man turned around, looked the woman in the eyes, and said "That's one."
Four passengers flying on a small plane. ..
Saudi, Chinese, Mexican and an American. While flying the plane began experiencing difficulties and the pilot determined the reason being a heavy load. So he suggested that every one gets rid of some unnecessary luggage by tossing it out the window, otherwise they will c**.... The Saudi man had a barrel of oil, so he tossed it out telling the others that there are a lot of oil in his country so he didn't really need it and it could be replaced rather easily. The Chinese man grabbed a big bag of rice, tossed it out and said the same thing. The American man looked around and he saw the Mexican guy, so he grabbed him and threw him out the window mentioning the same reason like the other two.
Falling Bricks
A man is starting his new job at a skyscraper construction site and he is a little nervous. He introduces himself to the other workers.
"H-H-Hello... M-My name is Peter." The Men grunt and continue working. When it's time for lunch, all the men sit on the edge of the building. the man walks over and sits next to them.
"W-What do you do around here for fun?" he asks. A rather large man turns around and says:
"Falling Brick."
"W-Well what's that?"
"Take a Brick and throw it off the edge. while it's falling yell falling brick. It's hilarious watching all the people below scatter."
The man reluctantly takes a brick from the pile. He tosses off the edge of the building.
"F-F-F-F..."
"F-F-F-F..."
"Fffffff..."
"F-F-f**... got him."
An atheist is fishing in a boat on Loch Ness
When all of a sudden, the Loch Ness Monster comes up and begins thrashing his boat around. The monster tosses him into the air. On his way down he shouts "God, help me!"
Everything stops. He is mere feet from the monster's mouth. Then a loud, booming voice comes from the heavens and asks:
"You have not followed me for your entire life and have discouraged those who did. Why should I help you now?"
The atheist thinks for a moment before saying:
"Look, five minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE."
Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to.
Just that we need CHANGE!
This brings to mind the following illustration...
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad.
The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..."
"Change, now get on with it!"
And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!