Toss Jokes
89 toss jokes and hilarious toss puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toss that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article discusses different types of jokes, such as bouquet tosses, egg tosses, bean bag tosses, coin tosses, and bag tosses, but with a Venezuelan twist. Find out why these jokes are so popular and how to cast and flip the comedic elements for a unique experience.
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Funniest Toss Short Jokes
Short toss jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toss humour may include short tumble jokes also.
- What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
- Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman" Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."
~~ - My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard... It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
- A class is learning about probability.. Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright. - Flat Earth theory debunked We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.
- There was a sailor on a ship that was discovered to be gay. When the others found out they tossed him off.
- Before I started working out, I used to have a hard time picking up chicks. Now I can toss them in the back of the van no problem.
- My cat and my paraplegic stepdad are so similar. Neither like being tossed in the neighbor's pool.
- I tossed and turned as I heard metallic sounds coming from the next bedroom. It was a restless knight.
- There was a tornado, so I tossed a 'Wet Floor' sign out the front door. Talk about throwing caution to the wind!
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Toss One Liners
Which toss one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toss? I can suggest the ones about throw away and shove.
- I dreamt I was making a salad. I was tossing all night.
- I made a salad yesterday. It wasn't very good.
So I tossed it. - How are children like slinkies? It's fun to toss them down stairs.
- I tossed a yield sign into a tornado once. Guess I was throwing caution to the wind.
- How do you tell if someone is jewish at a football game? They leave after the coin toss
- What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough? YEEST
- What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub? Toss in your laundry!
- What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well? Money well spent
- What's the worst part of being a cook in prison? Having to toss everyone's salad
- What do vegans do for foreplay? Toss each other's salads of course.
- What did the athlete say after a perfect hammer toss? "Nailed it."
- I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance. She won't even toss my salad.
- Why did the doctor toss his patient down a well? He tried to kill them.
- If a gay jumped onto your friend's back… would you help to toss him off?
- How do you confuse a blind person? Toss them a basketball and ask them to read it.
Coin Toss Jokes
Here is a list of funny coin toss jokes and even better coin toss puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm ranked 2nd in the world at coin flipping... It was a real toss up for 1st place 😉
- I heard Bernie Sanders lost a delegate to the millionaire in a coin toss. The difference was a Quarter of 1%.
- So Clinton won 6 out of 6 coin tosses in Iowa? I guess all the money really is behind her!
- SB50 Panthers and Broncos coin toss Hillary won the coin toss
- Who will win this Super Bowl's coin toss? Hillary Clinton
Cheerful Fun Toss Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about toss you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tackle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toss pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
Jokes for drinking, when censorship doesn't matter..... I'll start.
Post your jokes, The ones you share with your mates who don't give a toss about all the PC carry on these days. The ones that truly make you laugh when your having a beer or two.
What is the best pickup line you know?
Are you a vegetarian?
Because I toss a mean salad.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
Douse it with petrol and toss a lit match.
WOOF!
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a cat go woof?
You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
Crazy Jokes
Read Crazy Jokes online and giggle a far reaching measure wildly and toss from your starting and end bothers and strains. The psyche blowing framework for living with a colossal grin standard.
Two students are deciding whether to go to their lecture or the pool on a wonderful summer day...
The first says "How should we decide?"
The second says "How about a coin toss?"
"Sure, you can call it."
"Okay, if we toss the coin and it stays in the air, we'll go to the lecture."
I tossed my friend Sierra a can of pop
Sierra Mist
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
Douse it in gasoline and toss it in a fire.
My last gf was so Mexican...
that I needed a glass of milk to toss her salad.
So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master.
But I don't know weather or knot..
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is it called when you shoot someone and toss their body into a compacter?
Cap'n'Crunch
Coin toss
Little Johnny : I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I tossed a coin to decide whether I should attend class or go back to bed.
His Friend : So, what did you finally do?
Little Johnny : I had to toss 10 times before I could finally go back to bed.
Whats worse, being a vegan inmate or non vegan?
Or non vegan inmate*
Depends on whether you want to eat meat or toss salad.
What's the I.T. guy's favorite pokemon game?
It's a toss up between ruby and perl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do vegetarians love to do during s**...?
Toss some salad.
What's the difference between friends and potatoes?
Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.
Such a terrible moment when...
I always find it such a terrible moment when I call shotgun,
But the cops toss me in the back anyway D:
What's the difference between spaghetti's complement and the pitches at a baseball game between members of an intergovernmental military alliance?
One is some NATO toss, and the other's tomato sauce.
My friend spilled salad dressing inside her backpack...
I said she might as well toss it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Gimli say when his wife wasn't in the mood for s**...?
"You're going to have to toss me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...
The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"
The American replies, "We have too much of these."
---
Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"
The Chinese replies, "We got lay too much of that lice."
---
The Russian then flicks dashcams and v**... out his window.
The German asks, "Vat's the matter vith those?"
The Russian replies, "They're too common where I'm from, comrade."
---
The German looks at the Syrian guy.
#The Syrian guy, nervous, exclaims, "Don't you fooking dare!"
When she was in prison, what did martha stewart learn about cooking?
How to toss salad.
Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)
• Drinkand Dr.
• Vicious Circle
• West 943,185th Street
• Psycho Path
• Peoples Ct.
• Nofriggin Way
A man is captured by pirates...
The pirates tell the man that they will throw him over the ship into the ocean but tell him he can have one last meal before he goes
He tells them he wants nothing but root beer, although confused, the pirates grant him his one last request
The man drinks the root beer until he feels fit to burst, and he tells the pirates he's ready to be thrown over
They toss him into the water and to their surprise, he doesn't sink!!
The man then yells to the pirates
"Silly pirates, don't you know. Root beer floats!!"
He then laughs as he floats away to safety
Grenade toss: How do you measure leadership?
1.75 pints at a time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are most chefs male?
No one can toss a salad better than a man.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the vegetarian h**...
the only thing she will do is toss the salad
I ran after my neighborhood's garbage pick-up truck to toss my trash in when my wife called out to me...
I'm competing in the Highland Games
I'm going to toss a big pole
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room*
*I pretend to catch it*
*I walk over to the window and toss it outside*
"Grow up Karen"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend and I wanted to get a h**..., but we could only afford one h**... so we had to flip a coin...
Luckily I won the toss...
Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.
Dad: He told me they should call a priest.
Me: Dad! They could still be alive.
Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a capsi-c**...?
Toss it's salad
Pigs
If you toss off a pig, does that make it pulled pork?
Why didn't Billy want to toss his little sister in the air?
He didn't want to harmonica!
What's the worst part about having two dads?
They just toss the ball around to each other.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a freaky girl and a freaky vegan chick?
A freaky girl will toss your salad, a vegan will eat it and toss your bacon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas tip
Christmas tip: wrap a bunch of empty boxes under the tree and every time one your kids misbehaves toss one into the fire
Of course be careful not to run out of children
What's a gay carpenter's favorite hobby?
I don't know. It's a toss up between woodworking and working wood.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The head is on the wrong end of this nail.
A carpenter was putting siding on a house. He'd reach in his pouch pull out a nail and drive it, then he'd pull out a nail and toss it over his shoulder, he continued, sometimes driving the nail and sometimes tossing it.
His partner asked, "Why are you throwing away some of your nails", the first guy says, "The idiots that made them put the head on the wrong end".
His partner said, "You're the idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Pokemon and stds have in common?
If you toss your b**... around randomly for long enough you're bound to catch one
Do you know the definition of"perfect pitch?"
When you toss a banjo into a dumpster & it hits an accordion!
Two blonde builders were working on a house.
One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are deep in the woods, hunting, when one of them realizes he has to p**....
He turns to the other man, and says "What do I use to wipe myself?" "Use a dollar, then toss it in the bush" the other man replies. So after about twenty minutes, man number one comes back, covered in s**.... His hunting partner, filled with surprise and disgust, said "What happened?! I thought I told you to use a dollar!" To which the man replied "I did! Three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!"
I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,
so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare so I started organizing it.
And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from 1990s and not doing laundry.
I was once on in a band called 1023MB
We were so close to our first GIG
(edited - XXXX MB is 1 GB. Its a binary joke and yes, it makes sense)
(edit 2 - KiB, MiB and GiB can toss it, 1111111111 )
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Beach days ….
My friend tells me if you really want the girls to notice you at the beach practice your walk, get a nice Speedo bathing suit, and toss a potato down into the Speedo. This will drive the woman nuts.!!
Well I did everything, but still had no luck.
This is when he informed me that the potato was supposed to be in the front ……
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A guy walks into a small town bar
A guy walks into his favorite small-town bar and checks out the "Daily Lunch Specials" on the white board. "Alligator is the daily special?" he asks the bartender incredulously. "Where the heck did you learn how to cook alligator?" "Oh, it's easy to make," the bartender assures him. "You just toss it in the Croc p**...."
The number of readers this book hit hard wasn't surprising…
That's just what happens when you toss out free braille.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple not-so-bright carpenters are framing a house.
Worker A notices worker B is wasting a lot of nails. He'll pull one out, hammer it in, pull another and toss it, toss another, then hammer one in. And this goes on for a bit.
Worker A says to worker B, hey, how come you keep tossing dem nails?
Worker B responds, they're defective; they got da point on the wrong end!
Worker A says, you idiot, those are for the other side of the house!
