Tortoise Jokes

Funniest Tortoise Short Jokes

Short tortoise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tortoise humour may include short turtle shell jokes also.

1. What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common? What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?
   They both want to get there before the hair
2. Me and my son we're at the zoo... And he asked me " those turtles are doing piggy backs" I knew it was time to have The Talk. So I said " Son those are tortoises"
3. A race was arranged between a tortoise and a cheetah. The tortoise obviously won. You know why? 'Cause cheetahs never win.
4. An electrical fault at the zoo saw the entire tortoise population electrocuted. It was a turtle disaster.
5. We always called our teacher Turtle Because he Tortoise (Taught us).
   Told by my 7 year old boy, so be gentle.
6. What does a priest and a tortoise have in common? They both like to get there before the hare.
7. What do Kevin Spacey and a Tortoise have in common? They're both trying to get somewhere before the hare does
8. I heard someone's writing a book about Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump colluding with the Russians. It's called "The Tortoise and the Hair"
9. The snail and the tortoise What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?
   Wheeeee!!!!
   --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!
10. The Tortoise challenged the Hare The Tortoise said race you home!
    The Hare began sprinting. The Tortoise retracted into his shell.

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Tortoise One Liners

Which tortoise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tortoise? I can suggest the ones about turtle and reptile.

1. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric! Empty shells everywhere.
2. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.
3. Why don't tortoises wear scarves? They have turtlenecks
4. What happens to a turtle when it dies? It goes into riga-tortoise
5. I had a teacher in high school, Ms Turtle. She tortoise well.
6. How did the tortoise win the race? He recruited dudes with some cross-hares.
7. My favourite teacher was a turtle. I remember everything he tortoise.
8. In the classic story of the tortoise and the hare, what was the tortoise's name? Winslow.
9. What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common? Hare loss.
10. Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing? Rigor tortoise.
11. What do you call a tortoise that got ran over by a semi truck? A tortilla.
12. What do you call a tortoise that drives a car? A motortoise
13. What do you call a turtle that surfs the dark web? A TORtoise
14. When we were kids, we had a turtle as a nanny She tortoise everything we know
15. A tortoise was really depressed. He went into his shell.

Tortoise And Hare Jokes

Here is a list of funny tortoise and hare jokes and even better tortoise and hare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How did the tortoise beat the hare? The tortoise was shipped express.
• Why did the frustrated tortoise go to jail? He got a hare cut.
• How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
  It was won by a hare.

Tortoise Shell Jokes

Here is a list of funny tortoise shell jokes and even better tortoise shell puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call a tortoise without a shell? Tortwas
• What do you call a tortoise that won't come out of its shell? Tautistic.
  🙄
• What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit? A tortoise.
• I had to bury my pet tortoise yesterday... It was sad, now he's just a shell of his former self.

Pet Tortoise Jokes

Here is a list of funny pet tortoise jokes and even better pet tortoise puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What would Voldemort name his pet tortoise ? Voldetort.

Laughter Tortoise Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about tortoise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tortilla jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tortoise pranks.