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Torn Jokes

89 torn jokes and hilarious torn puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about torn that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready to tear it up? Give your laughter stitches with a collection of hilarious jokes about torn body parts, torn jeans, and even makeshift tailors! From torn ACLs to torn menisci, torn rotator cuffs to cardboard rips, these jokes will have you in stitches without even having to go to the tailor.

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Funniest Torn Short Jokes

Short torn jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The torn humour may include short tearing jokes also.

  1. I'm so torn on abortion... On one hand, it kills babies, which I'm for. On the other hand, it gives women a choice, which I'm against.
  2. Why did the lawyer with a torn acl still win the marathon? (OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee
  3. I'm dating a half-Asian girl. Her mom's Korean and her dad's Korean, and her legs got torn off in a car accident.
    - Dan Mintz
  4. I'm Torn on the Issue of Abortion.... On one hand, I support it because it is killing babies.
    On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
    Credit goes where credit's due, /u/DJ-Salinger
  5. I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".
  6. My friend had the left side of his body torn off in a car accident But he's all right now.
  7. Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop... ...and said, "make it sew."
  8. greeks So, a Greek guy walks into a tailor's shop with a pair of trousers that were torn.
    The tailor looks at them and asks, Euripides?
    The man nods and asks, Eumenides?
  9. I'm torn: on the one hand, I absolutely hate xenophobia, sexism, and racism on the other hand, orange is my favorite color.
  10. I knew my camping holiday was doomed when I saw the people at the next pitch struggling with a torn ground sheet and bent pegs. It was a portent.

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Torn One Liners

Which torn one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with torn? I can suggest the ones about ripped and tore.

  1. A man walks into a bar, and is torn apart in seconds. Whoops, sorry. Bear\*
  2. It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs
  3. How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
  4. What do you call a nose which has been torn off of somebody's face? No body nose.
  5. What do you call a pig with a torn hamstring? Pulled Pork!
  6. what do war torn countries and bent lines have in common? Crooked rulers
  7. A friend of mine asked if it is possible to repair a torn wetsuit. It seams sew.
  8. I went to a baby shower I was torn between a vacuum or a coat hanger as a gift
  9. The urgent care center in town was torn down... ...it was clinically depressed
  10. Three guys walk into a bar... And their families are slowly torn apart by alcoholism.
    (
  11. What do you call a torn up wife beater A piece of "shirt"
  12. Raise your hands... ...if you have ever had your arms torn off by a wookie.
  13. I'm so torn on circumcision. I mean, you're either f**... or against it.
  14. A foolish man complains about his torn pockets A wise man uses them to scratch his b**....
  15. I'm torn about whether m**... is good or not On one hand it feels really good

Torn joke, I'm torn about whether m**... is good or not

Entertaining Torn Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about torn you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mangled jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make torn pranks.

Welcome to the Tornado Zone

Population: Variable

So I was sitting in divorce court...

and I realized: its a shame a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of rabid wolves.
Yay Jack Handy.

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

What do a tornado and a r**... wedding have in common?

Either way you lose a motorhome.

A tornado is a lot like having an affair.

At first there is a lot of blowing, but in the end, you just lose your house.

Husband get back home from work asks wife

**Husband:** "Why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?"
**Wife:** "What?....... Where?" rushes out to check.
She comes back furious saying:"I will kill you if you don't stop calling our children TORN CONDOMS"

How to tell if you have Alzheimer's disease

If you forget to zip up your pants after going to the bathroom - that's just being forgetful. If you forget to unzip before going to the bathroom - that's Alzheimer's.
I really feel torn about making jokes about this terrible disease, but that's one way of dealing with it.

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.
They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

I was in a tornado.

It s**....

What do tornadoes and blondes have in common?

When they show up there's a lot of s**... and blowing, but when they're gone, your house and car are gone too.

How does a tornado tell the time?

It checks the tornado watch.

Child Birth

One woman turns to her friend and says, you've had a kid, what do you think is better, a natural birth or a C section? Her friend pauses for a moment and says, I'ts hard to say, i'm kind of torn.

With all these abortion jokes lately, I've realized I'm pretty torn on the whole issue...

I mean, killing babies is great and all, but I'm just really not that comfortable with letting women choose for themselves.

A Man from Cape Horn

There once was a man from Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born.
And he wouldn't have been
if his father had seen
that the end of the rubber was torn.

Why is a tornado like a marriage?

It all starts off with a lot of s**... and blowing, but in the end you lose your house.

Been selling random stuff on Ebay recently.

I'm now torn about whether or not to sell off my beloved complete John Lennon collection. They'll be hard to part with, but imagine all the Paypal.

I'm torn on whether or not to take up m**....

Because on one hand, it feels good.

What does a tornado and a woman have in common?

It starts with a little blowing but at the end your house is gone

The tornado warning siren has just stopped going off

That's either good or terrible

I asked for a new gaming console for Christmas, instead I got some torn up cardboard, I asked why

"I thought you asked for an ex-box?"

An F5 tornado went through Arkansas last week...

It did $150 million worth of improvements.

What's the difference between American currency and monopoly currency?

One has destroyed homes, torn families apart, and has created anger and sadness. Oh, and the other is American currency.

Why did the tornado cross the road?

To get the road to the other side.

A man visits a mental hospital.

He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Julie !! Julie !!"
He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's  behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Julie but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.
The man visits the next ward. There also he sees another patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting
"Julie !! Julie !!"
The man looks at the assistant.
The assistant says "This one married Julie"

Why was the chef was devestated to find a recipe torn out of his cookbook?

...it was his main sauce of income.

A piece of string walks into a bar

The bartender yells, "Get out, we do not serve string in here!" About an hour later the string walks back in but he is all twisted, dirty, with his ends torn up. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the string I threw out of here?" The string replies, "No I'm afraid not."

Teacher: Why do many bald men have torn pant pockets?

Johnny: Sometimes, they too feel like s**... their hair...

How are tornados and a Tennessee divorce alike?

In either one, someone's going to lose a trailer home.

How are a tornado and an Arkansas divorce alike?

Whichever one happens, somebody's going to lose a trailer.

What does a tornado and a divorce in the south have in common?

Somebody is losing a trailer

What do a tornado and a r**... divorce have in common?

Someone is losing a trailer.

What is the difference between a c**... and a parachute?

If one is torn, you get +1 human, if another -1 human.

So a tornado tore through a trailor park, and caused 1000s of dollars of...

...improvements.

I feel bad for old buildings that are about to get torn down.

They're working asbestos they can :(

I was gonna go to a fancy dress party as a piece of A4 paper but someone ruined my outfit.

Now I'm a bit torn.

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.
They call it the clam before the storm.

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a r**... divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

If there's a tornado, you should go to the Cowboy's Stadium.

Because there's no chance of a touchdown there!

I tried to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.

They said, If your tent gets blown away, you... won't be covered.

There was a tornado, so I tossed a 'Wet Floor' sign out the front door.

Talk about throwing caution to the wind!

A panda walks into a bar, orders a burger, downs it in a few bites, pulls out a gun and shoots two bullets into the roof.

On his way to the door the waiter exclaims why the f*c**... did you do that?!
To which the tired looking panda rolls his eyes and tosses a torn up wildlife manual across the counter, i'm a panda, look it up... before casually walking out the exit
After finding the relevant chapter the waiter reads:
Panda: Large black and white bear-like mammal; eats, shoots and leaves.

What did tornado say to it's annoying twin?

Sigh, clone.

Christmas wrapping

I don't mean to brag... but my Christmas wrapping is art. I wrap presents like it's an extension of my soul. It just so happens my soul is twisted, torn, and barely held together with tape.

Tornado warning in Texas...

Everyone evacuate to the Cowboys stadium!
No chance of a touchdown there

What does a tornado and a wife have in common?

They both start with alot of s**... and blowing, then you end up without a roof over your head.

When my wife came home from work, I said, "Sit down, I've got some bad news. The cat's torn your budgie to pieces."

She replied with tears in her eyes, "We don't have a cat." I said, "I know, I had to borrow one."

Tornadoes are alot like divorces.

First they s**... and blow,
Then they take your house.

What do a tornado and a tennessee divorce have in common?

Someone's going to lose a mobile home

A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.

A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The g**... door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the c**...."
The man looks down at the b**... stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "*My Rolex!*"

The tornado may have taken my house but I found it very refreshing

It was an F5

A little boy came home from the playground with a b**... nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"

Torn joke, What do you call a pig with a torn hamstring?

jokes about torn