Tore Jokes
51 tore jokes and hilarious tore puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tore that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tore Short Jokes
Short tore jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tore humour may include short torn jokes also.
- My dad always told me to treat women like flowers. So I tore my girlfriend apart limb by limb to find out whether or not she loved me.
- My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why. I had to draw my own conclusions.
- A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found. Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.
- I saw a baby in a carriage holding a chocolate bar. It's mother wasn't around. So i took it, tore it open and ate it, right in front of the chocolate bar.
- I broke up with my gf when she tore the Indonesian flag in half and threw away the white part. It was a red flag.
- After a long day, I come home to see that someone tore the front and back pages of my dictionary. It just went from bad to worse.
- I got into a bar brawl with this huge man that tore my earlobes off. Now I'm ear-ring impaired.
- So a tornado tore through a trailor park, and caused 1000s of dollars of... ...improvements.
- Yesterday, UK protesters tore down monuments of Boris Johnson and Theresa May Lawyers assume that they will be charged for a statue-tory crime
- My uncle was complaining about all the participation trophies kids get these days. So I tore down his Confederate flag.
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Tore One Liners
Which tore one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tore? I can suggest the ones about sore and bore.
- I just tore a dumpling in half It was wonton destruction
- My pillow tore open last night And now I'm feeling down
- I bought a jaguar for my wife It tore her to bits
- I bought some "no more tears" shampoo but her hair still tore right out!
- Napoleon got shot right in the shin It tore his bone apart
- So I accidentally fell onto the rope connecting my two pigs... I tore my hamstring.
- Why did skeletor stop playing basketball? He skele-tore his acl
- someone tore an entire book out of my bible! my old testament is ruthless
- The table salt tore a ligament. It was an ACL.
- How did an Orc kill Treebeard? He tore him limb from limb.
- I accidentally tore my homework... RIP
- I tore my pants yesterday. RIP
- Aghhh tore some paper! RIP
- Why did Lance Armstrong have to stop racing? Cause he Tore de Pants...
- When I found out the m**... dismembered the victim, It really tore me into pieces.
Cheeky Tore Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about tore you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean torso jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tore pranks.
Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk.
The first one says "I found n**... pictures on his desk so I tore them".
The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".
The third nun fainted.
Two engineers are meeting for lunch
Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.
"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.
The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."
"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
I tore the elbow of my shirt last week, but I was able to stitch it back together.
On the hole, it's held up surprisingly well.
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
From my nine year old...
He walked up to me tore a piece of paper and walked away, I look at the paper it says "my puns" I ask what that was about, he says " I know... My puns are tear-able"... Thats my boy
So my mom got me a box of tin soldiers...
I smashed up my majors and tore down my generals. The dog ate my lieutenants and I lost the colonel. The sergeants were lost in uncle John's hay so now I'm stuck playing with my privates all day.
I'm living in a rough neighbourhood...
Some t**... tore the front and back pages of my dictionary out!
It just goes from Bad to Worse
I dated a dwarf for a while until she broke up with me, it tore me apart emotionally
I was nuts over her.
Did you hear about what the military did whey they found out Chelsea Manning was the leaker?
They tore her a new one.
Did you hear about the microbiologist who tore his pants?
He had to abandon his experimments to focus on some jean splicing.
The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?
You'll know what it means tonight, Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for a book called The Meaning of Dreams.
What happened to Napoleon after he crashed in the Tour de France?
Well, I never heard, but that tore Napoleon's bones apart.
I tore down a statue today during a protest
turns out it was one of those guys spraypainted silver, he wasn't pleased
We were two feet off the ground as we bounced vigorously
'Faster!' she screamed, as we got dirtier and dirtier
But then to my dismay, the rubber tore
Still, it was easy to change the tyre and we enjoyed the rest of the off-roading adventure
A computer science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike.
His buddy said sweet bike, where'd ya get it?
You'll never believe this, he said, I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_
His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said smart. Her clothes would have never fit you.
Guy meets a Pirate in a bar.
He is missing an arm, a leg, and an eye. I mean stereotypical pirate.
Guy asks, "I got to know, how did you lose the leg?"
Pirate says, "arg, I was hunting a big-ol whale and a rope snatched 'round me leg and tore it clean off."
Guy says, "Wow, so- so how did you lose the arm."
Pirate answers, "I was fighting the queens finest and a cutlass lopped off me arm."
Guy says, "crazy... now what about the eye?"
Pirate says, "A bird sh*t in me eye."
Guy bewildered goes, "wo-wait... a BIRD? Sh*t in your eye?"
"First day with me hook."
Train
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you. " "Why not? " replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute. "
