Topic Jokes
110 topic jokes and hilarious topic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about topic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make conversation more interesting with topic jokes! Get creative and come up with hot topic jokes, safety topics, table topic jokes, and more. Get your friends and family to debate the issue or answer a funny question. Laugh your way to a better connection with topic jokes!
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Funniest Topic Short Jokes
Short topic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The topic humour may include short subject jokes also.
- the recipe for marble cake is not what you might first think it is. Totally unrelated topic - anybody know a good dentist?
- Genders are like the twin tower There used to be 2 of them, but now it is a sensitive topic.
- Talking about gender is like talking about the twintowers... Once there were two and now its a sensitive topic.
- How many members of Stack Overflow does it take to change a lightbulb? Closed, question seems like off-topic
- I find abortion to be a difficult topic. On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.
- Genders and the Twin Towers have something in common... There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive topic.
- Two bakers were trying to have a talk about leavened Indian breads... The topic was a naan-starter.
- How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist? Gingerly.
- I did really well on my essay about communism. People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.
- Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections? Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people.
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Topic One Liners
Which topic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with topic? I can suggest the ones about headline and article.
- What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events? A topical rainforest.
- Why is it hard to define feminism? It's a broad topic.
- What's a SJW's favorite maths topic? Triggernometry
- Don't read this if you don't like sensitive topics Biting into an ice cream
- X Æ A-12 Enough of this 'X Æ A-12' jokes, we have Elon-gated the topic too much.
- I wanted to open a forum about the death of God but it's a pretty Nietzsche topic.
- Seminar topic at the annual vampire conference "How to Deal with Stakeholders"
- I asked my Pharmacist for advice on telling a rash joke.. he told me to make it topical.
- It's never a good idea to joke about school shootings They're a loaded topic
- Topical Humor How does the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it.
- Skin Cream These days applying skin cream to an area of the body is quite topical.
- Hot Topic was having a huge sale Everyone panicked at the discount.
- Extinction is always a weird topic to discuss, some might say it's a bit... AUKward
- Y'now, I love talking about magnets But it's quite the polarising topic.
- You're in a wordplay contest. The topic is "water" What is your wet pun of choice?
Topic Talk Jokes
Here is a list of funny topic talk jokes and even better topic talk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At my job there is a strict policy that no one can discuss the topic of beer... We don't talk about brew no, no, no.
- Whenever I feel a conversation is becoming dull, I start talking about sunscreen... because it's topical.
- My friend got really angry with me the other day when i started talking about deep fried chocolate bars! I didn't realise it was such a hot topic
- My friend and I were talking about stylish clothing stores in the mall It was a pretty Hot Topic
- Plastic surgery used to be such a t**... discussion topic... ...now you can talk about botox and nobody raises an eyebrow
Hot Topic Jokes
Here is a list of funny hot topic jokes and even better hot topic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why has Hot Topic's sales revenue gone down? Because the marketing department cuts itself.
- Children should be scene not heard ~Hot Topic
- Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself
- A house in my neighborhood burnt down a few months ago. It's still a pretty hot topic.
- What is the most emo? Hot Topic's Black Friday sale.
- Did you hear about the teen that stopped going to Hot Topic? They haven't been scene since
- Have you heard about the new store coming to the mall? It's a pretty *hot topic*.
- Hot Topics is one of the only jobs more likely to hire you if you are dyeing.
- This Jordanian pilot story is sure a hot topic today.
- s**... Squad's Title in Canada Translates To "Mopey Avengers Go To Hot Topic". In Syria it translates to ISIS
Cheeky Topic Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about topic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean titles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make topic pranks.
A guy goes on a blind date for the first time...
...And is kind of having a hard time getting a conversation started. He decides to try to get her to talk with a very simple topic: Music.
"Do you like dubstep?" He asks.
"Like it?" She responds, with an excited look on her face. "I wub it!"
So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...
...and they eventually got to the topic of s**.... The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of s**...!"
Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented s**... with women!"
"Could we change the topic, please?"
Two german friends chat and soon they come to the topic of the Holocaust. One of them then looks very sad and asks his friend: "Could we change the topic, please? I've never told you, but my grandpa died in Ausschwitz."
The other responds: "Sure, man, no problem. But may I ask you, how did your grandfather die?"
"Well, one day he got really drunk, fell from a watchtower and broke his neck..."
Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)
Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.
Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"
Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven. However, what he didn't say is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.
In entertainment, "Fast and Furious 6" critics say the film did not live up to the hype. Especially when the first 45 minutes of the film were Vin Diesel sitting in his Dodge Neon scanning Tokyo radio for a Limp Bizkit station.
Bad news, a m**... tax bill stalled in Colorado. Glossy-eyed congressmen promise they'll finish the bill as soon as this rad 'Stairway' solo is over.
In a recent speech, Biden hinted that government research is often wasteful. Such as Biden's $3 million study on if he saw Bigfoot getting the paper yesterday or just Sarah Palin before her morning shave.
And finally some science news. A recent marine study found that fish can use sign language. However, what was more surprising was the terrifying gang signs used by the east L.A. river fish crew, "Gills that Kills".
Thanks for reading! Been pretty busy lately so I'm making sure I produce some material for you guys to check out.
On the topic of jokes we made up when we were younger, here's mine: "How much does Canada cost?"
Nothing. It's a free country.
People need to get more informed about abortion.
I don't know of another topic with so many misconceptions surrounding it.
Topical Jokes for 6/1
A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.
In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.
The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a f**...-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.
Blood Types
Watching 'Archer' and the topic of blood types came up. Conversation was as followed:
Friend: "Which blood type is the universal donor?"
Me: "O negative"
Friend: "Which is the universal receiver?"
Me: "Your mom."
*Hilarity ensued*
The heart wants what it wants, y'know?
On an unrelated topic, I'm not allowed in Petco anymore.
Three men compare how they control their wives...
Three friends are sitting in a bar after a day of work, discussing their lives when the topic of conversation turns to how often they fight with their wives. The first guy says, "I just put my foot down and tell her what's what, and there's no more arguing after that. Then I get the TV to myself all night."
The second guy says, "I just keep repeating my point until she sees the light. Then she always makes my favourite dinner and gives me a back rub."
The third guy says, "Every time we argue, my wife is always on her hands and knees by the end of it."
The other two look at him, impressed. "Then what happens?" The second one asks.
"Well," the third says, " then she says 'Get out from under the bed and fight me you p**...!' "
My chemistry teacher pulled this on us today.
We were reviewing balancing chemical equations and got onto the topic of changing the names of compounds into their symbols so we could start balancing them. My teacher starts, "Changing names into symbols, is very much like translating Spanish into English. Maria estudia. Maria studies. Carlos va a la biblioteca. Carlos goes to the library. Now I would have said prison but I don't know how to say that in Spanish."
Two guys are chatting
When the topic of jobs comes up.
Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"
Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."
Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"
Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"
Man 2: "No..."
Man 1: "You're welcome."
I want to handle the topic of traditional homosexual polygamy
Just like my four fathers did
Title goes here
An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up.
Why did you leave that job? asked one co-worker. It was something my boss said, she replied.
What did he say? the co-worker quizzed.
You're fired.
I'm split on the topic of abortion....
On one hand I don't want to give women rights.
But on the other hand I love killing babies.
In history class we got to read on a WW2 topic of our choice. I chose the Manhattan Project.
I heard it was the bomb.
I wanted to be friends with...
Hoping to become friends, I started talking to a sea anemone. After a couple minutes of talking, I asked him about his family, and he became hostile.
It was a touchy topic.
*
What is the favorite school topic of Karma w**...?
Derivatives
When it comes to the topic of body dysmorphia and gender assumptions, i'm not a fan.
Infact I identify more closely to an air conditioning unit.
It hurts every time!
During high-school health class, the topic of s**... came up. Whilst discussing it, the teacher described it as, "the most pleasurable experience you will ever have".
After hearing this, a girl from the back of the class calls out, "You're lying! It hurts every time!"
Puzzled, the teacher finally clicks and asks, "You aren't devoutly religious, by any chance...?"
Bob's volunteered to give a c programming workshop but needs a topic
Give that man some pointers
On the topic of George Michael...
I guess you could say it was his "Last Christmas".
Too soon?
Teacher: Today's topic is DEMOCRACY Teacher: What is Democracy?
Students: Today's topic.
I went to my school reunion last weekend and the main topic of conversation was still about the stunning substitute teacher…
…we had one day, in the early eighties, who gave a boy a b**... in front of the entire class.
She went down in history.
One Sunday morning in church...
... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.
Almost all hands in the church went up.
"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, and the topic of today's sermon shall be lying."
On the topic of good and bad news from the doctor...
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news for you!
Patient: So whats the good news?
Doctor: You won't have to pay anything for this visit!
Patient, confused: And the bad news?
Doctor: Well, we issue our bills quarterly, you'll be long dead by then.
Trump was asked what his favorite musical instrument is, and said "Trumpet."
He was asked what his favorite topic is, and said "Tropics."
He was asked what his favorite multiplier is, said "Triple."
He was asked what he favorite reason is, said "Treaso-...shut up."
How do you know if someone is a vegan?
Just wait a few moments and they will drop this important fact into conversation regardless of the topic.
I've just got back from an undertakers convention and the main topic was new ways of disposing of the dead.
There was a lot of thinking outside of the box.
Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!
Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.
So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic
Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus
Father: He will go to heaven after he dies
Imam: What will he get there?
Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,v**... Mary...
Imam: Thats the problem, Only One v**......
I think the ancestors of my family may have been British...
...I can spark up a conversation about bad weather faster than any other topic.
Can you work a pole?
So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter
Stalin is delivering a speech to the Party
Suddenly someone sneezes.
- Who's just sneezed?
No answer.
- Execute the first row. Who's sneezed, I ask you?
No answer.
- Execute the second row. So who of you has just sneezed?
Finally a shaking man raises and utters feebly:
- It's me, Comrade Stalin.
- Bless you! Now, back to the topic...
My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was
I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet
Abortion is a difficult topic for me...
On one hand I support it because it kills children
On the other hand it gives women a choice
A wife and her husband are planning their family, the topic of gender comes up and the wife says: "Men are from mars, Women are from Venus, what do we want my dear?"
Husband: "I'm pretty sure they're both going to come from somewhere closer to Uranus, honey."
My date and I had moved onto the topic of movies...
"I love car chase action scenes", she said.
Me, a fruit stand vendor: "I think we're done here."
'Time is certainly a very complex topic in physics, and there are people who believe that time does not actually exist. One common argument they use is that Einstein proved that everything is relative, so time is irrelevant'.
I said boldly to my boss! But he still fired me for being 3 hours late.
What a fruit.
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Can we change the topic please?
On the topic of tailpipe-f**... a car, how does one s**... their ride?
Stick it in the gashole
Genders are like the Twin Towers
There used to be two of them, and now it's a really uncomfortable topic.
An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.
An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."
What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?
The topic for my ninth-grade class was palindromes, words or sentences that are the same read forward and backward. I asked the question, "What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?"
I was expecting the answer "Madam, I'm Adam," but one student had a better reply:
"Wow."
Two frogs are sitting by a pond
First frog says *Croak*, Second says *Croak*.
The first says *Croak*, second responds *Croak*.
First shouts *Croak*, second says *Croak*.
First says *Croak*, second says *Croak Croak*
First says "Don't change the topic, man!"
A family was having dinner when the topic of s**... came up.
Teenage son: I know s**... feels good for both people but does it feel better for the man or woman?
Mom replies: What feels better, an itchy ear or your pinky finger?
What was Tom Cruises first marriage called?
The Manchild vs. Kidman
——
Please go easy, I know it's not a very current topic but I just came up with the pun on this wonderful actresses name.
I think we need to stop listening to scientists. They've been wrong about a fundamental topic...
...that you need a brain to survive. Look at Trump, he's living proof that you don't.
I'm sorry if this is slightly off topic. I was wondering if someone could help me. I'm trying to remember a joke about an owl.
All I remember is the punchline was a hoot.
A woman came out of her annual health checkup totally beaming!!
Her husband asked " what happened ? "
"The doctor was stunned and he said that for a 45 year old woman , I've the b**... of an 18 year old "
"Did he say anything about your 45 year old a**...?" Asked the husband.
" No " she answered " the topic of you never came up in the conversation at all "
The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.
It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.
My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.
I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.
As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.
As she walked away, I asked:
Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?
A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.
Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me f**....
Genders are like the twin towers.
There used to be two, of them and now its just a sensitive topic.
Watched an episode of a classic sitcom last night. The episode dealt with the topic of circumcision. I didn't enjoy watching it...
I hate when sitcoms run clip shows.
A substitute teacher enters the class and asks:
"What do we call it when a muscle moves in our body involuntarily?"
No answer comes from the students. After waiting for a while the teacher decides to move on with another topic, but he sees a reluctant hand rising from the back row. The teacher tells him to answer. The kid replies:
"A tick, sir"
"Very good, son! What is your name?"
"Tavit"
I was doing some research yesterday about the Dunning-Cougar effect.
It seems the more someone knows about a topic, the less likely they are to claim they know that much. Conversely, the less someone knows, the more likely they'll try to use that information to pick up an older woman in a bar.
The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."
Results:
Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".
Africans asked what "food" is.
Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".
Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.
And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the term "truthfully".
