Top Ten Jokes
38 top ten jokes and hilarious top ten puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about top ten that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Top Ten Short Jokes
Short top ten jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The top ten humour may include short 10 ten jokes also.
- My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary? A play on words.
- Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000 Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
- TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE ADD: 1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects - I made a list of the top 10 most popular wordplay jokes, to see if any of them actually made me laugh No pun in ten did
- I sent in a list of my top ten puns to the newspaper hoping at least one would be selected for the joke of the day. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
- How did the squid manage to join a football team? It has got a track record for pulling off some of the top ten tackles.
- o**... it took an hour for my friend and I to realize that our Uber driver was a celebrity!! He's even ranked top ten in the list of most desired people in the world by the FBI!
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Top Ten One Liners
Which top ten one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with top ten? I can suggest the ones about number 10 and tenth.
- The US has placed 18th for math… It sounds bad, I'm just glad we hit top ten.
- Top Ten Signs You're Too Lazy To Create Good DadJokes. 1.
- Top Ten Worst Electrical Outlets Number six will shock you!
- Saw a list of the top ten card games Uno is number one
- The US has placed 18th for math I know it sounds bad, but I'm just glad we hit top ten
- Top ten places to put a toaster in your bathroom. Number three will shock you!
- I tried a top 10 list of puns to get my stuck up roommate to laugh. No pun in ten did.
- Top ten snappy comebacks for nosy people This is great!
Top Ten Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about top ten you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 10 reasons jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make top ten pranks.
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
Bacon tree
Two soldiers are sat on top of a hill looking for targets. One says to the other
"Hey bob, is that...is that a bacon tree?"
"I don't know Jim, go have a look while I stay here and cover our backs"
Jim goes for a closer look and Bob stays on the hill eating his lunch. After a while Jim returns with about ten arrows in his chest.
"My god what happened? Was it a bacon tree?"
"No Bob, turned out to be a ham bush"
I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...
Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.
Silly Grandad
Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"
Three Pregnant Ladies
Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"
Chairman Mao was a keen rock climber who managed to scale all the top ten peaks of China. He commemorated his achievement by getting his ears pierced and adding 10 pieces of jewellery to represent each peak.
he was....(ahem)....MaoTenEarring.
A guy walks into a bar
And points to the top shelf and says to the bartender Give me ten shots of your most expensive whiskey .
Bartender pours the shots and watches as the guy proceeds to slam them all.
Bartender looks at the man and says That's an awful lot of liquor to put down in such short order.
Well my friend, you would do the same if you had what I have.
What do you have?
About $5
I entered a pun competition
Being a competitive sort, I scoured my brains for my very best puns, sorting them and analysing them by punningness, and finally submitting my very best top ten puns. I was sure I would win, or at least one would make the medals table.
But unfortunately no pun in ten did.
Shakey went to a psychiatrist.
Doc, he said, I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!
Just put yourself in my hands for two years, said the shrink. Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears.
How much do you charge?
A hundred dollars per visit.
I'll sleep on it, said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. Why didn't you ever come to see me again? asked the psychiatrist.
For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
The bell rang at school......
The bell rang for school to start and John walked in late. Mr. Clark asked, "John, why are you late?" He replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Then he sat down. Ten minutes later Nathan walked in late and Mr. Clark repeated, "Why are you late?" Nathan answered, "I was on top of Cherry Hill." Five minutes later Kevin walked in late and Mr. Clark said to him, "Kevin, where have you been?" Kevin replied, "I was on Cherry Hill." Ten minutes later a girl walked in the classroom and Mr. Clark asked, "Hi there, what's your name?" The girl replied, "Cherry Hill."
Moses was sent by the Israelites...
to the top of Mount Sinai to negotiate with God over the commandments. After a month of intense discussion, an exhausted Moses came down with a list of 200 commandments.
The Israelites, however, weren't happy with this, and sent him back up to negotiate a better deal.
A week later, a washed out Moses returned from his mission.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," Moses told the Israelites.
"The good news is that I've gotten the list down to ten.
The bad news is that adultery is still on there."
A scout master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert? he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
Yes, Davey, what are the three most important things you would bring with you? asked the scout master.
Davey replied, A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.
Why is that, Davey? asked the scout master.
Well, answered Davey, the compass is to find the right direction, and the water is to prevent dehydration.
And what about the deck of cards? asked the scout master impatiently.
Davey replied, Well, sir, as soon as you start playing solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten.'
Obama, Biden, and Clinton sit in a plane..
Obama looks out the window and says to the other two, "Ive been thinking. I wish I could do more to help these people; they deserve so much!"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $100 bill. He says, "If I drop this out the window, I can make somebody really happy!"
Biden clears his t**... and says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but I can do you one better." He pulls out ten $10 bills and continues, "I can drop ten of these out the window and make ten people really happy!"
Clinton clears her t**... and says, "I can top both of you!" She pulls out of her purse one hundred $1 bills. "I can drop one hundred of these and make one hundred people really happy!"
At this point the pilot comes out of the cabinet and laughs. At the inquiring looks of Obama, Biden, and Clinton he says, "I can top all of you! I can c**... this plane and make millions of people happy!"
A substitute teacher was beginning her first class...
A substitute teacher is beginning her first class. Five minutes after it starts, a boy walks in. "Class started five minutes ago, why are you late?" The teacher asked. "I was on top of Blueberry Hill," He replied. The teacher shook her head at the boy and sent him to his desk.
Five minutes later, the door flings open and another boy walks in. "Class started ten minutes ago, why are you late?" "I was on top of Blueberry Hill." Again, the teacher shakes her head at the boy and sends him to his seat.
Five minutes after that, the door opens and a girl walks in. The teacher sighs and says "You're fifteen minutes late, but let me guess; you were on top of Blueberry Hill?"
The girl giggles and says "Oh no, *I'm* Blueberry Hill."
Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines
10. You remind me so much of Pokemon that I just want to pick-at-choo.
9. I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?
8. I misplaced my Teddy Bear. Will you sleep with me?
7. Wow, your legs must be really tired because you have been running through my mind all night!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh, it must be a twinkle from when our eyes met!
5. Did you clean your pants with Windex, because I can totally see myself in them.
4. Those must be space pants, because your legs are outta this world.
3. Hi, my name is Justin… Justin Credible.
2. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but can still make your Bedrock.
1. Is your name Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be.