Top Shelf Jokes

84 top shelf jokes and hilarious top shelf puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about top shelf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Top Shelf Jokes
Top Shelf One Liners
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Funniest Top Shelf Short Jokes

Short top shelf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The top shelf humour may include short top notch jokes also.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder. He said the steaks were too high.
I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said "No, the steaks are too high".
I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs. She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."
Midget Discrimination A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .
Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer? The steaks would be too high.
-Hi, do you have books on midget discrimination? -Yeah, look on that top shelf in the corner
Let's hear some Confucius Jokes I'll start
Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.
A midget walks into a bookstore... ...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'
The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'
midget in the library midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf
Dwarf enters the library "One book on discrimination of dwarves, please." - says the dwarf
"Third row..." - replies the librarian - "top shelf."

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Top Shelf One Liners

Which top shelf one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with top shelf? I can suggest the ones about top level and bookshelf.

I would never try to get meat off the top shelf without a ladder. The steaks are too high
What do short people hate drinking? Top-shelf liquor.
Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol? Because they can't reach the top shelf.
why didn't the midget get the top shelf T Bone? Because the steaks were to high...
Why is top-shelf beef such a risky investment? Because the steaks are so high.
I've decided to keep my blender on the top shelf. It's a high whisk strategy.
Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf? He likes the high grounds.
Why couldn't the meat butcher reach the top shelf? The stakes were high.
The painkillers are in the top shelf... If not, then i guess ibuprofen wrong
How do short pirates reach the top shelf?? They use extendable arrrms
Why do you never see an alcoholic dwarf? They can't reach the top shelf
Why do mermaids put their things on top of clams? Because clams are shelf-ish.
Why does Mary keep her w**... on the top shelf? she likes to get high.

Top Shelf Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about top shelf you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean high class jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make top shelf pranks.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club.

He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a bl*wjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too f*ckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.

They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

Sensitive men do exist

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot s**... love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and she asks,
smiling,
"Well, how was it for you?"
The guy says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Why was the dictionary on the top shelf more expensive than the one on the bottom...

Because it was a higher definition

Fluffy Toys

A guy met a girl at a nightclub and she invited him
back to her place for the night. She still lived with
her parents, but they were out of town, so this was
the perfect opportunity.
They got back to her house and they went into her bedroom.
When guy walked in the door, he noticed all sorts of
fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them; fluffy toys
on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf
and window sill - there's more on the floor, and of
course fluffy toys all over the bed.
Later, after they've had s**..., the guy turned to her
and asked, "So, how was I?"
She replied, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom
shelf."

The stakes

A man walks into a meat shop and asks if he can have a nice cut of prime steak. The butcher goes to the back of the shop but comes back empty handed. The man asks why he didn't bring back any meat, and the butcher replies "the meat was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it... The stakes were just too high.

A guy walks into a bar...

He goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a bottle of your top shelf scotch". So the bartender gives him a glass and a bottle, and the man quickly downs the scotch.
The Bartender says "That's a $300 bottle of scotch and you drank it in a minute! I've never seen anyone drink a bottle of scotch so fast" and the guy says "Well buddy, if you had what I have, you'd drink top shelf scotch awfully fast too". So the bartender says "What do you have?"
The man looks up into the bartender's eyes and says:
"About 3 bucks"

Library s**...

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit s**....
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Screw for a Hinge?

Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe to finish waiting on a customer.
When Joe was finished, Mary asked, "How much for the teapot?"
Joe replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed.
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe went to the backroom to find a hinge.
From the backroom Joe Bob yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'
To which Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

Raisin bread

A general store hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
"I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely.
The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which, of course, happens to be located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.
As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Right away, another guy asks for raisin bread and, then, each guy in turn is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After more than a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring down at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
"Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells testily.
"No," croaks the old man feebly, "But it's starting to twitch."

You must abstain from s**... for two weeks.

Three couples--an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple--wanted to join a Baptist church. The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having s**... for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes up to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from s**... for the two weeks?"
The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle-aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from s**... for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from s**... for two weeks?"
"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without s**... for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a light bulb on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I couldn't help myself and we had s**... right there on the floor."
The pastor said, "Well, then you're not welcome in the Baptist church."
"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

Guy walks into a butcher shop

A guy walks into a butcher shop and sees a butcher standing in front of a shelf with various meats.
The guy says "I betcha 20 bucks you can't reach the meat on the top shelf."
The butcher looks at the shelf and replies, "Nah, those steaks are too high."

My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets.

"No bet," he said. "The steaks are too high."

I heard p**... was a proper top shelf magazine, so I gave it a go.....

... I have to say, it isn't dishwasher safe *at all*.
(With apologies if this joke doesn't translate well - a top shelf magazine is one sold on the top shelf of the newsagent, out of sight of the kiddies.)

A midget walks into a library.

A midget walks into a library and gets the woman working at the desk's attention.
"Excuse me," he says. "I was just wondering if you had any books on irony?"
"We do," the librarian responded. "It's on the top shelf."

I went to the butchers the other day and bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He sai: No, the steaks are too high.

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for his best scotch.

The bartender reaches up to the top shelf and gingerly picks up a bottle of single malt. He carefully pours a shot into a clean glass and put in on the bar. The guy grabs the drink and throws it down his t**... in one gulp. The bartender is aghast and says " Whoa, whoa that is 17 year old nectar from the Scottish Highlands. It should be savored and enjoyed not gulped like a shot of cheap v**... !" The guy says "You would drink it fast if you have what I have." "Why what do you have ?" he asks. The guy says "$1.28 !"

A man goes into a butcher's shop

and says "I bet you 50 bucks you can't hand me the ribeye from the top shelf."
The butcher says: "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high."

A Woman on her Deathbed

An elderly woman is laying on her deathbed with her husband at her side.
"Honey", she says, "I want to show you something. Go in to the closet and take down the box from the top shelf."
So her husband goes and does as he is asked and opens the box to find two handmade dolls and five thousand dollars in cash.
"Dear, what is this?" he asks his wife.
She replies, "The day we were married, my grandmother sat me down and told me,'There are going to be times that the two of you fight, times that you'll be so sick of him you cannot even stand the sight of him. Whenever a time like that comes, sit down and make a doll to calm yourself down.'"
Her husband had tears in his eyes, after all these years of marriage, she was only ever mad at him twice, he could not believe how he had married such an amazing woman. Then he asked,"And what about the money?" She replied, "Oh, that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

Did you hear Sean Connery was injured after books inside of his library fell on top of him?

He said he has no one to blame but his shelf.

Guy walks into a bar and is in despair....

He sits down and asks for 6 top shelf whiskey shots all lined up....
The bartender pours them all out and the guy quickly shoots them one by one.
He asks for 6 more and the bartender obliged. As he's pouring the next 6 shots he gently asks the guy if he's ok.
The man replies with an awkward demeanor - " yah....I'm ok... But you would be nervous too if you had what I had."
The bartender asks the man curiously as he is finishing pouring the last round of shots....... "well... What do you have??"
the man quickly finishes drinking the last of the second round of shots and replies...
" fifty cents."

So a woman walks up to a tall guy and says

"hey, can you get me that box on the top shelf"

I was at the butchers the other day

And i thought while i'm there i'd have a gamble with the butcher. I bet him £10 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf, he said "nah mate, i'm not taking that bet, the steaks are too high."

I made a bet with the butcher that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf......

.......He refused as the STEAKS were too high!!

Three shelves of stuffed animals

A man and a woman meet at a singles' bar, and they quickly hit it off and decide to go back to her place. They immediately head for the bedroom.
Once in the bedroom, the man notices something peculiar: on the wall are three shelves full of stuffed animals: huge ones on the top shelf, regular-size ones on the middle shelf, and small ones on the bottom shelf. He doesn't have time to pay attention to them, of course.
After they have s**..., the man says to the woman, "So, how was it?"
The woman thinks for a while and responds, "Eh, take one from the bottom shelf."

What do you call a short priest reaching for his bible that's on the top shelf?

Christina Ricci.

I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf.

He said he couldn't.... the steaks were too high.

My butcher said he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf because the steaks were too high.

My grilling picnic that evening was a disaster... there were a lot of missed steaks.

How long does a weeks worth of food last a little person?

Depends on whether you put it in the top shelf, or bottom.

I made a bet with the butcher to see if he could get the meat off the top shelf.

He considered it, but he thought the steaks were too high.

Why didn't the butcher attempt to get the meat from the top shelf off of his rickety ladder?

The steaks were too high.

A guy walks into a bar

And points to the top shelf and says to the bartender Give me ten shots of your most expensive whiskey .
Bartender pours the shots and watches as the guy proceeds to slam them all.
Bartender looks at the man and says That's an awful lot of liquor to put down in such short order.
Well my friend, you would do the same if you had what I have.
What do you have?
About $5

The butcher didn't want to fire the midgets on his staff, but they couldn't get the meat off the top shelf

The steaks were just too high

A midget walks into the library and asks, "Have you got a book on Irony?"

The librarian says, "Yeah, mate, it's on the top shelf."

A man and a woman go out for dinner. They have a great time and decide to go back to her apartment.

Since this is his first time in the apartment, the woman decides to give him a tour. They go throughout the apartment and the tour ends in the bedroom. When in the bedroom the man notices that there are 3 shelves filled with stuffed animals on the wall. The top shelf has itty bitty animals. The middle shelf has normal sized teddy bears and the bottom shelf has gigantic stuffed animals. One thing leads to another and they end up having s**....
After they finish the man rolls over to look at her.
How was it? He asks.
She thinks for a second and reply's, Go take a teddy bear from the middle shelf

I bet the butcher £100 he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf

He said No chance the stakes are way too high

Have you heard about the ghost who can't reach the top shelf

He could really use a boo st.

Sean Connery was arranging his bookcase when one of the books fell from the top and landed on his head.

Unfortunately Sean Connery only had his shelf to blame.

I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf

Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.
My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.

I'm 3'6 , which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

A gorgeous young woman works at the grocery store. Her job is to climb the ladder to get raisin bread down from the top shelf.

Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her to get down the raisin bread just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder, but the woman thinks it's just because raisin bread is really popular.
One day, after the woman had given raisin bread to dozens of men, an old man came walking through the bread aisle. "Excuse me, sir," she said. "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," replied the old man, "but it's twitchin' a little!"

I had to ask for help to reach my favorite TV dinner from the top shelf of the frozen foods aisle.