Top Of The Mountain Jokes
47 top of the mountain jokes and hilarious top of the mountain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about top of the mountain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Top Of The Mountain Short Jokes
Short top of the mountain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The top of the mountain humour may include short mountain peak jokes also.
- Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears? Mountains!
...what? You've never head of mountaineers? - Why are climbers always depressed when they reach the top of the mountain? 'Cause it's all downhill from there.
- Guy running the ski-lift said it would be $50 to get to the top of the mountain... I said "that's a bit steep."
He said "exactly." - A friend of mine got married on top of a mountain last year. Aye they say it was all downhill from there.
- I asked a young chap what his life goal was. He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'
'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'
He said, 'Swear down.' - Why won't I ever make a water feature on top of a mountain where a lot of baby horses are buried? My mom taught me to never make fountains out of foal hills
- Tourist: what's the weather like on top of the mountain? Local: I don't know man, climate.
- A man reached the top of the mountain and tells the sage atop it I seek one greater than the meaning of life itself. The sage replies 43.
- A mob boss and a mountain climber are sitting in a bar. The mob boss says "It's lonely at the top."
The mountain climber says "Of course it is; if you stay there too long you die." - I bought my blonde girlfriend a jet ski for christmas... I don't know how she got it on the chair lift, but she's still stuck on top of the mountain.
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Top Of The Mountain One Liners
Which top of the mountain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with top of the mountain? I can suggest the ones about mountain and climbing mountain.
- What do you call it when you tell a joke on top of a mountain? Peak comedy.
- Why did the mountain top butcher shop go out of business? The steaks were to high.
- I went to the top of the mountain and screamed "I Love you" Echo: "I have a boyfriend"
- You should never propose on top of a mountain... It's all downhill from there.
- Rap is like a mountain. It's mostly black, but the top is white.
- What do you call a samurai who lives at the top of a mountain? Snoshu
- How do you find a sheep on the top of a mountain? .... approachable ^^
- How did the mountaineer describe the view from the top of Everest? That's really summit
- What sneezes on top of a mountain? A pikachu
- How does a sheep farmer find a sheep on top of the mountain ? Acceptable
Fun-Filled Top Of The Mountain Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about top of the mountain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean atop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make top of the mountain pranks.
God is a woman. I know this because if God was a man, He would have created the whole population female, and only one man. Then, He would have invited that male to the top of the mountain to look down at all the beautiful females. Then God would have gotten jealous and killed him.
Two dyslexic skiers are on a mountain top...
The first says to his friend, "Are you ready to zag zig down this mountain?"
The second replies, "No it's zig zag!"
They get into an argument about whether it's zig zagging or zag zigging when a tobogganist comes along so they ask him.
"I don't know," He says, "I'm a tobogganist."
"In that case we'll have 20 Mayfair please," say the skiers.
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
Winning the lottery
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
A black man and a white man are arguing about whether God is black or white
They decided to climb to the top of the tallest mountain and call out to God with the hopes of getting a response.
"God! Are you white or black?"
"I am who I am!" comes a booming response.
"See," says the white guy. "He is white!"
"Why would you assume that?!" asks the black guy. "He could just as easily be black!"
"If he was black, he would say, 'I is who I is."
Three gurus on top of a mountain sit in meditation.
One of them opens his eyes and whispers "Life...", then closes his eyes and keeps on meditating.
Seasons come and go, twenty years pass, then the second guru opens his eyes and whispers "...is suffering...". Then stops suddenly and dives deep into meditation again.
After another twenty years of meditation the third guru opens his eyes and says "C'mon guys, are we here for chitchat????"
A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps...
> A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps.
>One of them, it is said, took out a map, and after studying it for a long time exclaimed: "Now I know where we are!"
>"Where?" asked the others.
>"See that big mountain right over there? *We are right on top of it.*"
George Gamow
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Thor
Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:
"That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly"
What do you call an emergency C-section performed on top of a mountain?
A w**... with a view.
The god of thunder rides to the top of the mountain atop his noble steed.
Upon reaching the summit, he gets off his horse, raises his hammer to the sky and yells, "I am Thor!"
The horse turns around and says, "That'th cuth you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
One day in class...
The teacher called 3 native boys and asked which tribe they were from. The first boy said "I am Souix". The second boy said " I am Cherokee". The third boy said "I am Fukowi". Confused, the teacher asked "How do you know?" The boy responded "I was walking with my father on a mountain top, when he stopped, looked around and said 'We're the Fukawi'".
Two friends were climbing a mountain
When suddenly one of them took a false step and fell from the top, disappearing from the other's sight.
As they were equipped with radio equipment, the other tried to contact him immediately with his, "Well, well, are you okay?"
"I'm fine!"
The friend sighed in relief, and kept asking, "Do you have a fracture?"
"No, none!"
"Then go back up and I'll wait for you here."
"Sure, as soon as I get to the bottooooooom!"
A guy prays to god. please let me win the lottery .
Nothing happens and the next week he prays again I really need the money, please let me win the lottery .
Another week passes and still nothing so he goes to the top of a mountain and screams out if I don't win the lottery, I'm going to jump! . And then he hears a booming voice...
Buy a ticket!
Hayato had a question
Then he headed to master Akira dojo on the top of the mountain, when he finally got there Hayato asked to the master:
-Master Akira, why people say that all the japaneses are alike?
And then he aswered:
-I'm not master Akira, he's over there.
Well that was one of the best martial arts pick up lines
My son asked me to give him a life lesson.
I said, "Son, you see that mountain over there?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "If you work really hard and you climb that moment, for days and says... what happens when you reach the top?"
He said, "You see amazing things?"
I said, "No, you realise you left your camera at the bottom. Then when you get back down there you realise that someone's stolen it. That's life."
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries.
They decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient. They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
Little Timmy is skiing on a mountain with his family
At a certain point, he decides that it would be nice if he impressed his mother, so he shouts: "look mom, without hands!", then proceeds to drop the ski poles on the snow and go down.
After he manages to return on the top, he shouts again: "look mom, without seeing!" then puts his wool hat on his eyes and go down, but he crashes against a tree out of his family's sight.
Then he returns again up, and shouts to his mother: "look mom, without teeth!"
Two truck driving brothers.
Two truck driving brothers are taking a driving test, and the instructor asks, "You're driving the truck and you're at the top of a mountain and your brakes go out. You notice an accident at the bottom of the mountain, what do you do?"
The trucker replies, "The first thing I do is wake up my brother."
"What good is that going to do?" the instructor asks.
The trucker replies, "In all of the years we've been driving he ain't never seen an accident like the one we're about to get in to."
Traditional jokes from my childhood #3
A group of friends were hiking a mountain and were planning on having a picnic up there..
One of the friends stutters a lot on the starts of sentences... On the way up he kept saying "w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-" until they made it to the top of the mountain he was finally able to say "We forgot our food", everyone got mad and sad and started their way back down.
The joke doesn't end here... on the way down he kept saying "J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j..." until they made it to where they had parked their car he was finally able to say "Just kidding".
