Toot Jokes
88 toot jokes and hilarious toot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Toot Short Jokes
Short toot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toot humour may include short toes jokes also.
- If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets. I'd hate to toot my own horn
- I recently learned that humans farts have sounded the same since ancient Egypt. We share a toot in common.
- Music-related limerick A tutor who taught on the flute,
tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot or,
to tutor two tooters to toot?" - What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.
(Don't be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.) - I taught my pet dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground today He went from Barking to Tooting in about 15 minutes
- What did the Scottish woman do when she found a trumpet buried in her garden? She had to root-e-toot
- TIL Ancient Egyptian pyramids didn't have doorbells, they had horns instead. You just used to toot and come in.
- Did you know that ancient Egyptians were related by their farts? It's true. They had a toot in common.
- What's the worst thing you can have in your mouth on Halloween? No teeth.
(Nar toot) - as my dad would say. - What's an "oopsie daisy"? Jean cutoffs and too much trust in a toot.
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Toot One Liners
Which toot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toot? I can suggest the ones about toes foot and toil.
- Why are Egyptian saxophonists all such good friends? They've got a "toot in common."
- I can put both of my legs behind my head. Y'know, not to toot my own horn or anything.
- What do you call a woman of the night playing a trumpet? A prosti-toot
- What do you call an Egyptian Pharaoh who rarely farts? Toot-uncommon!
- What happened to the jazz player whose wife left him? He had to toot his own horn.
- Not to toot my own horn but.. I got my bottom 2 ribs removed
- My Egyptian friend and I have the exact same farts Toot in common
- What do u call it when a trumpet farts? A toot !
- An original from my 7 year old What do you call a toot in the bath tub?
A bath bomb - Why is an Egyptian tomb like a train whistle? They have a toot in common.
- What do you call it when a pharaoh farts just like his dad? King Toot in common
- How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell? Toot and come in.
- Why did the Trumpeter get in trouble? He got caught tooting his own horn.
- I'm pretty good at . . . Tooting my own horn.
- How do choo choo train go down many mountain? It go "TOOT" then thomas Tank gives tug
Rib-Tickling Toot Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about toot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean otter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toot pranks.
I want to have my toothpaste circumcised...
...they say it makes it easier to clean the tip.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?
If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.
What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight.
How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose.
Why are criminals so hard to catch in Alabama? Everyone has the same DNA.
What does an Alabaman call a six-pack and a dead possum? A seven-course meal.
Since state jokes seem to be the thing today, and, well, I'm from Georgia...
You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama
if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.
toothbrush origin
I suspect that the toothbrush was invented in the south,if it had been invented in the north, it would have been called a teethbrush
What do you call an Egyptian with a gastrological disorder?
Toot Uncommon.
Why can't toothless ever calm down in the movie?
He can't chew ^I'm ^^soooo ^^^sorry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the p**......
Why did the p**... eat the spaghetti? ...to turn it into a "pasta toot"!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm modest, so when it comes to s**...
I don't like to toot my own horn
Tooth sale
Two buck teeth for 1$ buck
Did you hear about the Pharaoh getting kicked out of the Grammy's?
I guess that's what happens when you toot on Common.
What did the tooth say to the booger?
What are you doing here?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Pharaoh's wife nickname her husband after he f**... during s**...?
Toot n' comin'
A new toothbrush is a lot like a new girlfriend...
All the bleeding is both confusing and nostalgic
My new toothpaste reminds me of the united states next president
I can feel the burn
A toothless budgie will always achieve his goals
Because they always succeed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A toothless b**... walks into a pub and asks...
...is the bar tender here?
How do you know the toothbrush was made in France?
Anywhere else it would've been the "teethbrush"
Where does the Toothy Fairy keep her rice?
Under her Pilau.
What does a German use to polish his trumpet?
Toot tonic
Tooth Fairy
The only thing the tooth fairy teaches children is that they can sell body parts for money.
What's the Tooth Fairy's favorite time?
Two thirty
Trump's New Toothbrush brand
Our Slogan is Trump's new toothbrush brand will make your teeth whiter than Trump's vision of America!
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Appalachia?
Because otherwise it would be called a "Teethbrush."
What toothpaste do ants use?
MicroScope
Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,
... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."
[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]
What does a toothless, homeless, widower old man ask for?
2000 Wives.
Apparently King Tut would belch frequently.
But toot? Uncommon.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
What toothpaste brand did the Ancient Greeks use?
Laurel-B
I used to wonder why the tooth fairy never visited me...
Then I remembered I live in Kentucky.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a h**... and f**... after eating spaghetti?
One gets paid to have s**... and the other's a pasta toot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Toothpicks should change their name
To Gum-p**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old couple was lying in bed.
The husband let out a resounding f**... and said, "Touchdown. Seven points.".
Immediately his wife ripped her own and went, "Touchdown. 7-7!"
The husband responded with another colder and said, "14-7 my game."
Just then the wife came back with another f**... and declared, "14-14. I'm staying right with you!"
She then let out a little toot and said, "That must be a field goal. 17-14 my lead!"
Not to be outdone by his wife, the husband pushed as hard as he could to win this game. Unfortunately, he pushed too hard and s**... the bed.
His wife asked, "What the heck was that?"
"Half time. Switch sides."
Why is a toothbrush called a TOOTHbrush and not a TEETHbrush?
It was invented in Tennessee
What did the toothless gourmand always wish he had before meals?
Aperitif.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do tooth fillings and people have in common?
w**... are more expensive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Toot Plus Toot is f**....
I'm a math tooter.
What did the toothless termite said when he entered a bar ?
Is bar-tender in here ....😂
Two toothpicks are walking along when they see a needle
One toothpick says to the other "Hey look, a robot!"
What toothpaste hunter use?
Blend-a-mend.
The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...
...Tooth be trolled.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know, that 1 out of 2 recommends f**...?
_toot_
Here is an ancient gypsy blessing meant to give good fortune.
You must chant the words about a dozen times, slowly at first and then more and more quickly as you go on.
Eye sow hand lie can itty oat toot hay.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is it called when an Italian h**... farts?
Pasta toot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are Egyptians, trains, and butts similar?
They've got toot in common.
The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
A toothbrush journey in India
Very real story...,,
A Dentist was conducting a global survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*
Chinese:
"3 months...!"
American:
"1 month...!!"
Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, it may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* our teeth; then we use it for *dying our hair, cleaning comb, cleaning ornaments, cleaning machine parts of our vehicles, cleaning the dirt in between two tiles in bathroom etc etc*. Then when there are no bristles left on the brush, still we do not throw it doctor. we start using it for pushing drawstings in our Pajamas & Petticoats!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi
My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses f**....
Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.
Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"
A toothless termite..
Walks into a bar and hollars ," Hey, where's the bar tender?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do tooth brushes and s**... toys have in common?
They're better when they vibrate.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Archeologists say that in very rare cases, you can experience a mummy f**... in their crypt.
If you get the chance to experience this phenomena, you can call that toot uncommon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There used to be a pharaoh who wouldn't let people into his throne room until they f**...
His name was toot and come in
How do you know the toothbrush is a British invention?
If it was invented elsewhere, they'd call it a teethbrush.
You can tell that the toothbrush was created by the English
Otherwise it would be called a teethbrush
My toothpaste fell off of my brush and right onto the floor before I got to brush
I was Crestfallen
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Indiana?
Because if it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.
(Hoosier here)
