The Best 68 Tool Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tool jokes. There are some tool ajax jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tool shingle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Tool Jokes and Puns

How did they get John McAfee out of Guatemala?

McAfee Removal Tool

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.

Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."

Did i tell you that someone hit me over the head with a power tool the other day?

Minding my own business, then next minute BOSCH.

My summer job

So last year I had a job masturbating on webcams for money. My stage name was The Helpful Tool because I always came in handy.

jokes about tool

A blonde woman locks her keys inside her car...

And so she calls a locksmith to open it. When the locksmith (who is also blonde) gets there she pulls out her Slim Jim tool to open the door when she notices a problem, the driver side window to the car is wide open.

The locksmith looks to the driver and says, "Ma'am I can't use this tool on a door when the window is open, you're going to have to close it first."

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

I met this kid named Dewalt

What a tool.

Tool joke, I met this kid named Dewalt

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool?

Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.

What is another name for a Nissan Cube?

A tool box.

I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure

So yeah, I got a big booty hoe

What is the most popular hacking tool preferred by hackers in Bangladesh?

machetes

You can explore tool woodwork reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tool utensil dad jokes. There are also tool puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What's the pope's favorite power tool?

A cathedrill

What's Jesus's favorite power tool?

A nail gun

Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine.

Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool

What do you call a bottle that eats pliers, screwdrivers, and hammers?

A tool eater bottle.

What is Snoop Doggs favorite tool for woodworking?

A chizzle.

Tool joke, What is Snoop Doggs favorite tool for woodworking?

I don't waste my hate on people. I only hate objects.

Good thing my ex is a tool

What makes the band Tool sexy liars?

They fib'n'naughty

What tool do you use to open an egg?

A hatchet

Who hosts the tool awards?

Emcee Hammer

How do you know when a guy is a tool?

When he nuts and bolts

I like rock bands named after their lead singers

Like Marilyn Manson, Alice Cooper, and Tool.

I was in a love triangle with my girlfriend and a tool. I told her she had to choose. Me or him.

She chose the ladder.

TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool collaboration project that never made it to the studio because of union issues

It was called Unlicensed Carpentry

Why doesn't Popeye need lube?

Because he has Olive Oyl..

Bonus:
What does Popeye do to keep his favourite tool from rusting?
He sticks it in Olive Oyl.

What tool do you use for a circumcision?

Circumscissors

Tool joke, What tool do you use for a circumcision?

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front door.

Lady, he announced, I'm the piano tuner.

The lady exclaimed, Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner.

The man replied, I know, but our neighbors did.

Why does the rabbi prefer windows to Mac?

Because windows has a built-in snipping tool.

Why wasn't the hammer allowed to join the party of seven other tools?

Cause he was tool eight.

My favorite band is Three Doors Down

I'm pretty excited, I never expected Tool to stay in a dump like this!

I saw my neighbour gluing his drill back together.

What a complete tool.

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

Which common kitchen tool would drink your blood if it could?

*Spatula*

Some guy called me a tool...

So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

What's a jew's favourite program on Windows 10?

The snipping tool.

My friend asked me what my favorite tool was

I told him it was a jackhammer
He asked why
I said i liked it because it was a ground breaking invention

My dad says I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

But he also says atleast I've got the being a tool part down to a science!

Yesterday at work this huge measuring tool stopped working and we had to call maintenance to have it fixed...

It was a large scale operation.

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool.

There I was just minding my own business then BOSCH!

Did Stormy say it looked like a toadstool or

a toad's tool ?

I came up with a new circumcision tool

It's cutting edge technology.

Why do shovels hate digging up metal?

Because of the irony

Sorry I guess you couldn't handle the joke

I'm gonna dig up some more

I'll spade you of any more puns

If you couldn't sit through that you're a tool

(Please don't steel this joke it took me a long time to come up with it (credit to u/ImToastedBruh for the steel part))

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.

Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.

The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?

What do you call a tool used by a Polish combat medic?

A Warsaw

My rapper friend has started a really successful gardening tool delivery business.

He's got hoes in different area codes.

What is a sheep's favorite office tool?

A lamb-inator

What do you call an unexpected pruning tool?

A non-secateur.

What are two things that you can see in the photo op at St John's church?

One is a glorified tool that is no longer relevant, but still widely used by radical christians to persecute homosexuals, degrade women, prohibit freedom, and rationalize war on non-believers.

The other is the bible.

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock's paper scissors.

My brother called me a tool

So I got hammered and nailed his wife.

Guy calls me names

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

A pencil isn't my favorite writing tool...

...but it's a solid number 2

Saw a guy in the power tool department at Home Depot who looked a lot like Elvis.

Returned a sander.

You've asked for more Russian jokes...

The sewer system is broken and is full of shit. Maintenance crew arrived. The old experienced guy jumps into the sewer and asks the young apprentice to pass him a tool, then another one. Finally, after it's fixed, he gets out of the sewer, covered in shit from head to feet and says:
"Learn from the master, otherwise the only thing you will ever do is pass the tools!"

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson's cutting tool for the origami workshop...

I can't believe I lost the Rock's Paper
Scissors...

What is the smartest tool?

A thermometer because it has so many degrees

What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?

He sticks it in Olive Oyl...

What is in the redneck's toolkit?

- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger

These solve every problem around the house and in the family.

I saw a man walk by with a Tool shirt.

At least he's honest with himself.

Why does Popeye's tool never rust?

Because he keeps it in Olive Oil.

My preschooler hit me with this one today: Why did the girl bring a tool kit to her room?

Someone told her to make her bed!

What did the retired power tool take for its allergies?

Benadryl.

some guy told me I was a tool

So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend

I bought a great power saw two years ago. I can't wait to use it.

The owner's manual said *Warning: Do not use this tool until you read and understand the entire instruction manual!*

But half of it is in Chinese! I'm getting there.

Someone told me I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed

What does that mean?

So, these two engineers are trying to determine the height of a flagpole...

...A blonde woman wearing a tool belt and hardhat comes walking by, notices the engineers with their problem and goes over to help. She loosens the bolts at the base of the pole, lays it down on its side, then takes her tape measure and runs it down the side of the pole.

"26 feet 6 inches" She says to the two perplexed engineers, and then walks off.
One engineer looks at the other and says, "Typical blonde. We want the height and she gives us the length!"

What tool do you use to inseminate a sheep?

A laminator!

my friend told me that tool puns aren't funny

I said I disagree because I think awl puns are funny

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tool carpenter puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tool pouch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes