Too Much Rain Jokes
25 too much rain jokes and hilarious too much rain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about too much rain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Too Much Rain Short Jokes
Short too much rain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The too much rain humour may include short too much snow jokes also.
- I don't think there is much of an argument against climate change anymore. Apparently it's raining doctors in Russia.
- Old couple walking around the park... - Honey, tell me how much do you love me. \- Do you see all those clouds in the sky?
\- While yes, of course.
\- Let's go home, cuz it's going to rain. - Hurricane Michael is forecasted to dump 6 inches of rain on my town, and I have no desire to see that much rain... BUT I'm really excited to see what 6 inches actually looks like.
- California is getting so much rain right now... ...that even Caitlyn Jenner is getting wet.
- It's been raining so much, I have begun the construction on my Ark. If you need any help I Noah guy.
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Too Much Rain One Liners
Which too much rain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with too much rain? I can suggest the ones about pouring rain and rainy.
- No matter how much it rains in Seattle, ... ...it's always worse on Mt Rainier.
- Why do girls like the rain so much? It makes them wet.
The Funniest Too Much Rain Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about too much rain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean raining so hard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make too much rain pranks.
A painter is employed to whitewash the local church. But he makes the mistake of thinning the paint down too much, so that it all washes away the first time it rains.
The minister rings the painter to complain. "What do you want me to do about it?" says the painter.
"Repaint," says the minister, "And thin no more."
TIL about GMO Corn
Scientists have been working on developing drought resistant corn that will be a better crop for regions that do not get as much rain. They have developed a strain of corn that has stoma on the underside of the leaves that are stiffer.
It is hard pore corn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rabbi's w**...-bang
The Rabbi and his wife were expecting a baby. The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. You can imagine there was much yelling and bickering.
Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the congregation, "Having children is an act of God!"
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also 'acts of God,' but when we get too much we wear rubbers!"
My dad's favorite joke
3 guys are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. They grab as much of their supplies as they can carry and start walking.
The first guy turns to the second guy and says ''I brought all our food cause you can't grow anything in the desert.''
The second guy replies ''I brought all our water cause it doesn't rain in the desert.''
The third guy is slowly trailing behind. The two guys ask ''Hey what are you doing?''
Dragging the car door behind him the third guy shouts ''In case it gets hot we can roll the window down!''
There was a Pastor whose wife was expecting a baby...
... so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the Pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the Pastor's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Pastor stood up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen."
The Native American Weatherman
A director is shooting a movie in a desert near an Indian reservation. One day, a native american comes up to him and says "Rain today."
The director doesn't pay much attention, but towards the middle of the day, it rains. The director is now impressed, and instantly hires the native american to predict weather for him.
The cycle continues until the director is about to shoot the most important scene of the film. He asks the native: "What's the weather like today?" He says "Don't know."
"What? What do you mean you don't know?"
"Radio broken."
Baseball & Football -George Carlin
Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian joke...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so s**... that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too s**... and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
The koala looked down at him and said,
'FUCK ME! How much water did you drink!?'
Three Rats wanted to Spend the Night in the Bathroom...
...they were discussing where they were going to sleep. The first rat says: "I think I'll sleep in the bathtub. It's nice and roomy and seems to be well protected." The second rat decides to sleep in the sink: "This is a smaller version of the bathtub, and will work just as well for me." The third rat decides he's going to sleep in the toilet: "This area seems to come with it's own water supply and is much better protected than any of the other sleeping spots."
The next morning the rats wake up and ask each other how they slept. The first rat says he slept fine, quite well rested. The second rat says he slept very well too, although a bit of water dripped on his head. The third rat is dark eyed and haggard, not to mention soaked through to the bone. "You fellas aren't going to believe my night. I was sleeping fine with my toes dangling in the cool water and it started raining! Then it got dark and started thundering, if it weren't for that log I would have drowned!"
(Kind of juvenile, I know, my grandmother told me this when I was about 8. Funniest thing I'd ever heard and never forgot it. Just wanted to share.)
Fixer-Upper
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says, "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his dog walk into a bar...
and he says to the bartender, "Hey! How much you wanna bet that my dog can talk?"
The bartender Replies, "There is no way your dog can talk! 100$ says your wrong!"
The man agrees to the bet and asks his dog, "Hey Rosco, what goes on the top of a house to keep the rain out?"
The dog says, "Roof!"
The bartender gets really mad and says, "Are you kidding me? You think I'd give you a hundred dollars for that? Try again or I am k**... you out!"
The man agrees again and asks his dog, "Hey Rosco, who was the best baseball player of all time?"
The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender kicks them both out of the bar, and tells them to never come back!
The dog looks at his owner and asks, "Dimaggio?"
What do i look like?
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A koala bear is smoking a joint...
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so s**... that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too s**... and fell into the river while taking a drink... The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude... How much water did you drink!?'
A guy calls his girlfriend on the phone..
- Boyfriend: Sweetie, do you know how much I love you?
- Girlfriend: How much baby?
- Boyfriend: I would go thru fire, swim in the ocean full of sharks, climb all the mountains, survive in the desert like Bear Grylls, fight with bears and lions, even fight with Chuck Norris and all of the expendables cast if I have to, just to see your beautiful smile..
- Girlfriend: Aawww, you're so sweet! Why don't you come over?
- Boyfriend: How about tomorrow baby, it's starting to rain..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old ladies are taking a smoke break...
... as they stand there, it starts to rain. One lady pulls out a c**..., opens it up, cuts the tip off, slides it over her cigarette and continues to smoke. The other lady, impressed, asks "where did you get that?"
"You can get them pretty much anywhere you buy cigarettes, they're called condoms"
"The next day at the store, the old lady asks the cashier "I'd like to get some condoms please"
The cashier says "Sure thing ma'am, what brand would you like?"
The old lady responds, "I dont care as long as they fit a camel"
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof.
She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed.
So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"