Too Many Meetings Jokes
54 too many meetings jokes and hilarious too many meetings puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about too many meetings that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Too Many Meetings Short Jokes
Short too many meetings jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The too many meetings humour may include short office meeting jokes also.
- Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?
B: You can have both
A: Three - I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women. There were tons of girls there, just not very many.
- My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
- Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women... Just not very many
- "I have slept with 3 men before meeting you " said my blind date "Man,I was just late by 20 minutes" ..
- I'd really like to meet this Rorschach guy. And ask him why he has so many pictures of my parents fighting.
- I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction. Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.
- How many of Donald Trump's Cabinet does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Apparently, they prefer holding meetings in the dark.
- At a recent meeting at the Vatican the pope joked "I've never seen so many priests in one room" I guess he's never been to a kids party then
- I kept meeting my Chinese friend in the elevator today! It was Wong on so many different levels
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Too Many Meetings One Liners
Which too many meetings one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with too many meetings? I can suggest the ones about teams meeting and staff meeting.
- It's so nice to meet so many anti-vaxers here It feels like we're a dying breed
- I met many people from the middle-east recently. I said "Israeli nice to meet you!"
Too Many Meetings Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about too many meetings you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean board meetings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make too many meetings pranks.
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...
...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.
After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named Juan Cerejo.
They set out to meet their son in Chile first. After meeting with him and having a wonderful time, the mother was ready to go meet her other son, but her husband disagreed.
When she asked why they couldn't go see him, he replied, "Well, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
Church squirrels
All five churches in a small Texas town were having a terrible problem with squirrel infestations. Predictably, they all had different ways of dealing with the problem.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
The Catholic church came up with what they thought was the best and most effective solution: they baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Still, the Jewish synagogue beat them all: they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called a bris -- and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Boy buying his first box of condoms...
A teenaged boy walks into the pharmacy to buy his first box of condoms. He doesn't really know what he's looking for though so he decides to ask the pharmacist his opinion.
"What can I do for ya son?" The pharmacist asks.
"Well, I'm meeting my girlfriend's parents at dinner tonight, and she and I agreed that afterwards we'd have s**... for the first time, so I'm getting prepared."
"Well that's not a problem, how many do you need? They come in 3, 6, and 12 packs."
"Well," said the teen, "I'm hoping that our first time is so awesome she'll want more so I'll go with the 12 pack.
Later that evening he arrives at his girlfriend's house and takes his seat at the dinner table. When the time for grace comes up, the boy volunteers to pray. He prays for a long, long time before coming to the amen. His girlfriend leans over and says, "You didn't tell me you were so religious."
He replies, "you didn't tell me your dad was a pharmacist..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So god asked 3 guys...
Three men die and end up meeting god.
God greets each of them personally and says their hellos. God then asks each one of them an important question.
"Each of you must choose one thing to have in a room for a thousand years. Choose wisely."
God asks the first man..."I want all the booze I can have god!" His wish is granted.
God asks the second man..."I want all the women in the world god!" His wish is granted.
God asks the third man..."I want all the w**... in the world!" His wish is granted.
1000 years go by.
The first man stumbles out falling left and right with a giant bottle of beer in his hand.
The second man comes out looking exhausted yet satisfied.
The third man is curled in the fetal position in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth. God comes over to him and asks him what's wrong.
"Can I have a light."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Latvian joke. Are three.
Latvian go fish. Catch fish. Is excite for food! Boat tip over. Lose fish. Also catch sickness. Die. Leave family only half potato.
Latvian very hungry. Go to neighbor, beg for food. Neighbor very nice, give half potato wrapped in paper. Latvian go home. Too late. Family all starve. Also, not potato wrapped in paper. Is rock. Also very cold outside.
Latvian meet magician on road. Magician offer to do trick. Latvian ask Magician to send him to America, where there many potato. Magician make p**...! and send Latvian away. Latvian open his eyes. Is in Siberia. Also, boots not very warm.
There is this Jewish boy who was born into a nice family...
There is this Jewish boy who was born into a nice family. He was a very smart boy, but he never did well in school because he lacked motivation. His parents tried everything: meeting with his teachers, one on one tutoring, etc.; however, nothing seemed to help. Eventually, they decided to send him to a private school, thinking a different environment would him good. Unfortunately, there are not many Jewish private schools, so they had to settle on sending him to a Catholic school. Surprisingly, this worked. The parents got his first report card and were astounded: all A's. The parents wondered what brought about the change. They said to their son "You made all A's! Even in math! (previously his worst subject) what changed?" The son replied "When I walked in on the first day and saw the Jewish guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they were serious."
Travel
Two old men meet at a bar one night and start talking about their wives. The first of man says, "I just got married for the third time maybe this one will work out. How about you how many times have you been married?"
The second man replies "I've only been married once. In fact this year makes fifty years and we are as happy as ever."
"Wow," says the first man, "that's quite an achievement. What's your secret?"
The second man thinks for a minute then says "Well I would have to say it's all the travel. We've been all over the world. In fact just last week I took her to London and in three or four years I'll go pick her up."
A small church became infested with rabbits...
A small church became infested with rabbits. Pest control professionals were called as soon as the problem was discovered, but nothing could stop the rabbits from overtaking first the basement, then the grounds, then the kitchen and offices, and finally the meeting hall. Realizing that nothing could be done, the leaders and the congregation tried to go on as usual, but the smell of rabbit droppings was overpowering even after thorough cleanings. Worse, inevitably a rabbit would be accidentally harmed or killed during the service, which would always lead to many children bursting into tears.
Finally, a solution was discovered. Sprinkling holy water throughout the building, they baptized the rabbits in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Now they only see the rabbits on Christmas and Easter.
A boy does not know English...
After moving to America a boy does not know much English or know any at all. So one day he asks his older brother "What do I say when someone speaks English to me?" and his brother replies "Always say yes." The kid goes to his first day of school...
"What are you doing?"
"Yes."
"How are you doing?"
"Yes."
At the end of the day he walked home and decided to take a shortcut home. He goes down an alley and meets a gangster.
"Do you wanna get beat up?"
"Yes."
The boy comes crying home with many bruises to his brother and says "Look what happened when I said yes to a gangster!" The brother replied "Always say no." So when the time comes to walk home, the boy goes down the same alley to the same gangster.
"Have you had enough?'
"No."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dinner with parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a
dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had s**... before, so he takes a trip
to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the
boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**....
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes,
and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'
The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First time s**...
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to
meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her
boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and
make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had s**... before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the
boy everything there is to know about condoms and s**....
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house
and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come
on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
father was the pharmacist!"
An avid golfer meets a woman on the golf course...
...and they decide to spend the rest of the day golfing with each other. Enjoying each other's company, the two spend many more weekends golfing and eventually fall in love.
The two get married. That evening as they are about to consummate their love, the woman admits she has a confession. She explains to the golfer that she was born a man, but underwent surgery to become a woman.
The golfer is visibly upset. His face turns bright red and he is silent.
The woman apologizes and says, "I am sorry. I wanted to tell you before, but I didn't know how to. I understand if you don't want to make love to me."
The golfer says, "It's not that. You've been teeing off from the ladies' tee this whole time!"
My British fathers signature Dadjoke
There once were two neighbouring farms, and the two farmers who lived there like many farmers would always adhere to their daily routine.
Every morning at 9 am after feeding all the livestock, they would arrive at their mailboxes at exactly the same time to collect their newspaper and have some smalltalk before heading back up the long road to their farms.
Farmer Brown :"Morning farmer Joe"
Farmer Joe : "Morning farmer Brown"
Farmer Brown : "I heard you had a sick cow last week"
Farmer Joe : "Oh I did all right, a very sick cow"
Farmer Brown : "Well what did you give it?"
Farmer Joe : "Turpentine"
and so they went on their way
A month or so goes by and they meet once again
Farmer Brown :"Morning farmer Joe"
Farmer Joe : "Morning farmer Brown"
Farmer Brown : "I had a sick cow yesterday and I tried turpentine like you said. It died."
Farmer Joe : "yeah mine too"
Identical Twins
A pair of identical twins is born and they are soon put up for adoption. One twin is adopted by a Spanish family, and given the name Juan. Another twin is adopted by an Egyptian family and he is named Amal.
Many years later, the biological parents decide that they would like to connect with their twins that were put up for adoption. Through the adoption agency, they contact the Spanish family and have a nice reunion with their son.
When the adoption agency asks the parents if they'd like to meet the other identical twin, the father says "No thanks. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
The smart smuggler
A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.
This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding anything. Many years later, both the businessman and guard are retired and by chance meet up at a coffee house.
The guard sees that the businessman is very rich, so he asks him "Please answer honestly. I know you were smuggling something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. What was it?"
The businessman replies: "Donkeys!"
This is a story from one of the adventures of a Persian sage called Mulla Nasrudin. Nasrudin's stories are both wise and funny. If you enjoy this one, I can post more. I had a book about these stories and remember quite a few.
A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...
When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.
Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".
He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many child molesting priests does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Trick question, because in the dark it stays "our little secret!"
Sorry if s**......came to me while I was trying to not pay attention in a meeting.
You ever notice how many narcissistic pirates there are?
Everyone I meet won't stop saying Aye!
Now Its the Father Problem
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
"32 years old"
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Blondes meet up for coffee...
Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.
A blonde girl...
...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.
Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says:
"if i can guess how many sheep you have in your pack, can I have one?"
"fair deal" the shepherd says and the blonde guesses "457". The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says "a deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it".
After the girl has picked her favourite of the pack, the shepherd says:
"if i can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can i get my dog back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found this website that tells you how many s**... offenders are in your area. Apparently, there are 34 s**... offenders in my area.
So why do we always have to meet at my place?
- Anthony Jeselnik
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three vampires make a bet about how many people they can eat in one night...
They agree to meet in the clearing late at night and show off what they did.
The first one comes up and he has blood all over his mouth. He says "you see that tree over there? Behind it is a trail that leads to a giant house with a family... I ate them all"
The second one comes up and he has blood all over his face. He says "you see that tree there? Behind it is a trail that leads to a village... I ate everybody in the village"
The third one impressed his friends, he had blood all over his face and neck and covering his shirt. "What happened?" They asked him.
"You see that tree right there?" He said, "cause I did not".
It's old man Jenkin's 94th birthday at the old folks home
He asked a member of staff "young woman, how old are you?"
The woman replied "why, I'm 24"
Old man Jenkins says "do you know how many times 94 can go into 24?"
The woman says "I have no idea"
Jenkins whispers in her ear "meet me after scrabble practice and we can find out"
A religious old lady prayed everyday for wealth...
She had lived a life free of sin and had suffered greatly through no fault of her own. Every day she went to her local church and prayed:
"God, i have been all my life, please, let me win the lottery"
Every day for many years she did this, until one day, the church roof split open and a booming voice commanded:
"WELL AT LEAST MEET ME HALFWAY AND BUY A TICKET!"
Two guys are cutting down trees
Two guys are cutting down trees. The guy cuts down 3 trees and is tired. After work he meets his friend and asks him: "How many trees did you cut down?"
His friend says: "Around 20."
He can't believe so he asks: "How could you possibly cut down 20 trees?"
"Well, it's nothing special. You take a chainsaw, turn it on and start cutting."
"Wait! You turn it on?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
c**...
Many years ago
Just before leaving to meet my first real girlfriend,
My Dad pulled me into his bedroom,
He opened his bedside drawer and handed me a c**....
With a wink he said, 'Take care, Son, I'm proud of you'
To this day I'm not sure what was worse:
My Dad's knowledge and pride in what I was about to do,
or
Having used a c**... that was intended for my Mother.
An admiral is going to battle...
An admiral is going to battle, he meets with his most trusted man and asks how many enemy ships he can see in the horizon
The man replies "sir, i see 2 ships in the distance"
The admiral then tells him to bring him his red coat so that his sailors couldn't see his blood during the battle
The man then brings the coat to the admiral and says to him "sir, now i see 20 enemy ships in the distance"
The admiral watches the horizon in silence for a couple seconds and says "bring me my brown pants"
John Bolton and President Trump are meeting in the White House
Bolton reads off a report to Trump and says "Today, in the war on drugs we lost 2 Brazilian soldiers."
Donald breaks down crying, sobbing uncontrollably.
John Bolton cringes and says "There's no reason to be upset, this isn't a big deal."
Donald replies, "Wait, remind me... How many is a brazilian?"
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"
Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.
The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"
Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"
Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when
Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.
Others:- Why did you do that?
Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country
Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out
Others :- Why?
Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.
Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique Peña Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"
A husband and wife are trying to have a baby
After many attempts and what seems like an endless number of trips to the doctor and fertility clinic they meet with the doctor who tells them, "I do not think you will be able to have children."
The wife is overcome with emotion and her husband consoles her saying, "Inconceivable."
The doctor replies,"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
Wide Mouth frog joke
The story of the Wide Mouthed Frog.
A wide mouthed frog lived in the swamp. One day he set off to meet his neighbours. First he met a dragonfly.
"HULLO! WHO ARE YOU?" he said.
"I'm a dragonfly, and I eat insects." said the dragonfly.
"I'M A WIDE MOUTHED FROG, AND I EAT SNAILS AND WORMS!" said the wide mouthed frog. And he set off to look for more neighbours. Next he met a squirrel.
"HULLO! WHO ARE YOU?" he said.
"I'm a squirrel, and I eat nuts and berries." said the squirrel.
"I'M A WIDE MOUTHED FROG, AND I EAT SNAILS AND WORMS!" said the wide mouthed frog. And off he went to see who else he would meet.
Then he met a crocodile.
"HULLO! WHO ARE YOU?"" he said.
"I'm a crocodile, and I eat wide mouthed frogs."" said the crocodile.
And the frog replied:
Ooo! You don't see many of those around these days, do you?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think Jobs are too snoopy when it comes to our private s**... lives
Whenever it has the spot on the application that says s**...: , as a young man, I'm always just slightly caught off guard. I reluctantly put my number of times there.
Sometimes it provides me with the choice of M or F online. I always select the F for few. Hopefully one day I'll be able to put M for many
As an aside, for some reason, the people I meet during the interview always seem confused at first
There was a lawyer who had twelve kids.
He could not find a house to rent, as no landlords wanted to have twelve kids breaking their properties. As he believed that he must not lie, he told his wife to bring eleven kids to have a walk at a nearby cemetery. Then he took the other kid and went to meet a landlord. The landlord asked:
\- How many kids do you have?
\- Twelve.
\- Where are they now?
The lawyer answered with sadness:
\- They are at the cemetery, with their mother.
That's how the lawyer rented a house!
Cr
3 men were waiting in line to enter heaven
The angel at the gate asks the first man
"how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "10 times" the man answers. The angel gives him the keys to a 2010 Toyota Camry "this is how you will drive around heaven".
The second man says he cheated on his wife 5 times, the angel gives him a 2018 Lexus and let's him in.
The third man says he never cheated on his wife, he gets a 2021 Rolls Royce.
A few days later the 3 men meet and the man in the Rolls Royce is very sad, the men ask him what's wrong, he replys "I just saw my wife riding around on a scooter.