tony Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious tony stories

What are the best tony puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Tony? Well here is a complete list of the top tony jokes:

Tony Romo just tried to kill himself

The bullet was intercepted

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Did you guys see the new line of Tony Romo's cologne?

Every time you wear it, you fuck up and the other guy scores.

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Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

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Why did Tony the Tiger go to prison?

RRRrrrrrrrrrrrape!

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Caught in the Act!

Tony sits down at the bar, orders a drink and holds his head in his hands.

When the bartender comes back, Tony is swearing softly under his breath and shaking his head.

"Hey Tony, what's happening?" asks the bartender.

"I'm in DEEP SHIT," Tony replies. "I just got caught screwing my neighbour."

"Oh wow!" says the barman, "Who caught you? Your wife?"

"No," said Tony, "HIS wife!"

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A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

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Like cousin Tony

Frank and Paul were standing next to each other at the urinal, when Frank says "Man, I wish I was like my cousin Tony, when he goes to take a leak he needs to hold his thing with four fingers."

Paul takes a quick peak and says "Well it looks like your holding yours with four fingers."

Frank says "Yea, I am. But I'm also pissing on three of them."

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Why are Italians named Tony

Cause when they were shipped to the US, they were stamped "TO NY" on their foreheads.

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Tony Stark's drag queen name.

Fe Male.

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I am extremely offended by the song "God is Dead" by Black Sabbath. How can Ozzy Osbourne possibly sing that?

...when Tony Iommi is standing right next to him, alive and well.

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How does Tony Stark keep his clothes wrinkle-free?

Iron, man.

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What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?

Tony.

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What is Tony Romo's favorite lottery game?

Pick Six

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What car brands mean

Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge

Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car

Fiat- Fix It Again Tony

Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time

Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense

GM-Gluteus Maximus

GMC-God's Mechanical Curse

LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster

Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.

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I'm extremely offended by "God is Dead" by Black Sabbath. How can Ozzy Osbourne possible sing that?

...When Tony Iommi is right fucking next to him, alive and well!

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For the Australians out there!

Tony was at school this morning when the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came out: Policeman, Fireman, Salesman, etc. But Tony was being uncharacteristically quiet and so teacher asked him about his father.

'My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.'

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little tony aside to ask him if that was really true.
'No' said Tony, 'He plays cricket for Australia, but I was just too embarrassed to say'.

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how do you tony romo in spanish?

mark sanchez

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$200 Bucks It Is...

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

" Hi, is Tony home?"

" No, he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

" No, come in."

They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together."

Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know, your weird friend Chris came over. "

Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

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Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.

A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."

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A man named Chris

This guy called Chris goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is tony home?" he asks.
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No, come in"
They sit down and Chris says, "You know Tina, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen, I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Tina thinks about this about this for a second and figures what the hell- a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see them together."
Tine thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer, and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about this for a second and says, "Well, did he drop off the two hundred bucks he owes me?"

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My friend Tony has these mini-romances on public transit...

...He meets people on the bus or train and they only get together there and have these romantic 'flings' that last long enough for either one of them to have to change routes.

And then he took a trip on one of those tiny kid trains in the park...same deal.

Whoa...don't think that he's some sort of pervert, Tony is only 7! It's appropriate for him to have a bit of romance there!

It's probably not for the best that the fling was with the old dude who drove the mini train though.

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Tony Hawk has a cousin named Mike. What's his name?

This works only IRL, Mike Hawk = My Cock
Works with Mike Unt, but not as easily.

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People on a plane

Bill Gates, Tony Blair, an old man and a schoolchild are on a plane, when the pilot bursts out of the cabin

"The plane is about to crash, and there are only four parachutes. And one of them is mine!"
The pilot jumps out of the plane with the parachute

Tony Blair stands up, grabs a parachute and says
"I was Prime Minister of the UK, I deserve to live!"
He jumps out of the plane

Bill Gates stands up and says
"I am the smartest man alive, I should survive"
He grabs a parachute and jumps out

The old man turns to the child and says
"There is only one parachute left, I am old and have lived my life, you take it"

The child replies
"No need, Bill Gates just jumped out with my backpack"

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How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?

Mark Sanchez.

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A Foot And A Half

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.

Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!

Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.

So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!

Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.

This is a job for Mama.

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One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings...

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best tony jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 26 puns about tony. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty tony gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these tony jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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