Tony Jokes
122 tony jokes and hilarious tony puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tony that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with the best of Tony jokes! From Brooklyn Tony to Tony Stark and even Tony the Tiger, come for a fun take on some uncharacteristically funny takes on these beloved characters. Dictated by Mike, this article is sure to keep you in stitches for the duration.
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Funniest Tony Short Jokes
Short tony jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tony humour may include short bobby jokes also.
- Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
- So it's ok for DC to call a character Black Adam? But when I call my coworker Black Tony I get called into HR.
- Tony Stark and Pepper potts are sitting in bathtub feeling Happy.. ... Suddenly Happy felt disgusted and left.
- PR manager, philosopher, translator and a journalist walk into a bar The Bartender says: "Hey Tony! Four bachelor's degrees, but still no luck finding a job?"
- I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.
- What did Tony Abbott (Prime minister of Australia) do with the half-eaten banana? He re-peeled it.
- Did you hear about the actor who only won an award because of the Italian mafia? It turns out they really know how to rig a Tony.
- We rushed my pregnant wife to hospital last night. She could feel contractions and with everyone ahe was singing "unbreak my heeearrt" Turns out it was just Toni Braxton Hicks
- Why are Italians named Tony Cause when they were shipped to the US, they were stamped "TO NY" on their foreheads.
- What did the cannibal say to the other cannibal? You know what Tony... I'm fed up with people.
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Tony One Liners
Which tony one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tony? I can suggest the ones about sonny and iron man.
- "Tony, can you spell your name backwards?" Tony: sure... y not
- Tony Romo just tried to kill himself The bullet was intercepted
- What do Stephen Hawking and Tony hawk have in common? The both love ramps.
- How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark's parents? One Buck.
- My friend Tony told me to never say his name backwards I replied "Y not?"
- What do you call someone with no shins? Tony
- Tony Stark wasn't crying There was just some Peter Parker in his eye.
- Did you hear the news about the guy who killed Tony the Tiger? He's a cereal killer
- Tony Hawk walks into a bar.... The bartender doesn't recognize him.
- My truck is a lot like Tony Romo. It will turn over, but the clutch doesn't work.
- What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee? Tony.
- What does Link have in common with Tony Stark? They both like smashing pots.
- Tony Stark's drag queen name. Fe Male.
- I found a bug in Madden 2015 I sacked Tony Romo, and he didn't break his collarbone.
- I just heard that Tony Bennett has Alzheimers. He left his heart in San Diego.
Tony Stark Jokes
Here is a list of funny tony stark jokes and even better tony stark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Tony Stark keep his clothes wrinkle-free? Iron, man.
- Did you know that Tony Stark started cross dressing? Sometimes he goes out dressed as FE male.
- What did T'Challa ask Tony Stark about his suit? Wakanda suit do?
- Who is the most gender confused superhero? Tony Stark, because he identifies himself as Iron Man when actually he's a *fe*male.
- If you watch the trailer for Avengers: Endgame every day... ... Tony Stark will always have one more day of oxygen.
- So aparently Tony and pepper are planning on having a child? Baby stark do dododo dodo
Baby stark do dododo dodo
Baby stark do dododo dodo
Baby stark...
Enjoy having that meme stuck in your head. - What should Tony Stark use to update his android friend, who is worthy enough to pick up Mjolnir? Vitamin A, because it improves Vision.
- Tony Stark can't run out of oxygen tomorrow, If you watch Endgame trailer everyday. #200IQ
- In honor of Stan Lee, my one and only Stan Lee joke. Did you know that Stan Lee original wrote Tony Stark to be FEmale?
- If Tony Stark went flat broke... He'd be Irony Man.
Tony Romo Jokes
Here is a list of funny tony romo jokes and even better tony romo puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Tony Romo's favorite lottery game? Pick Six
- Congratulations Tony Romo. For finally making it to the Super Bowl.
- If Tony Romo was a potato, what would his job be? Common-tater
- Tony Romo might be joining Troy Aikman as a Fox sports announcer.... With two gay Cowboys they can call their pre game show Broke Back Announcin'
- I for one am happy that Tony Romo is getting the credit he deserves for his commentary of NFL games He's finally found something he's good at
- I will never give Tony Romo a high five The risk of killing him is too high. I'm too pretty for jail.
- What does Tony Romo and JFK have in common? Both of their careers ended in Dallas.
Tony The Tiger Jokes
Here is a list of funny tony the tiger jokes and even better tony the tiger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger. When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."
- Did you hear the Coco Pops monkey was recently murdered? Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle and Pop all got killed too.
Police think its the work of a serial killer. - The man behind the voice of Tony the Tiger has sadly passed away His last words were I don't feel so grrrrreat!
- They tried to make Tony the Tiger the new mascot for club soda... He became catatonic.
- Why isn't Tony the Tiger invited to anything? He's pretty flaky
- This girl I took home from the bar wanted to role-play. I told her I would be Tony the Tiger. But apparently a "Frosted Face" isn't good. Or great.
- Why did Tony the Tiger get such a harsh sentence for murdering Toucan Sam? He was a cereal killer.
- Tony the tiger has a sleeping problem. His teeth grate!
Tony Awards Jokes
Here is a list of funny tony awards jokes and even better tony awards puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Italian that wanted to cheat the Broadway award voting? He wanted to rig a Tony.
- Elton John and Miley Cyrus win best original rendition by an original artist at the 2018 Grammy Awards For best original cover of Tony Danza
Cheerful Fun Tony Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about tony you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean johnny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tony pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What car brands mean
Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
Fiat- Fix It Again Tony
Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, s**..., Automotive Nonsense
GM-Gluteus Maximus
GMC-God's Mechanical Curse
LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster
Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace
A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.
"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."
A few seconds pause.
"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."
I am extremely offended by the song "God is Dead" by Black Sabbath. How can Ozzy Osbourne possibly sing that?
...when Tony Iommi is standing right next to him, alive and well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Tony the Tiger go to prison?
RRRrrrrrrrrrrrape!
Press Release: "Big thank you to Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice"
Sincerely,
Tony Stewart's PR Team
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear ISIS blew up their first Italian recruit in a s**... b**... today?
They decided to rig a Tony
What do you call a man with no ankles
Tony
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandmas don't know everything.........
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called s**... i**... , darling.
Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called s**... i**... . It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'
Right and Wrong
Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."
My favorite pick-up line:
Hey girl, my name is Tony. You know what that is backwards? Y not.
What does fiat stand for?
Fix It Again Tony
Why are all italian men named Tony
Because when God made them he stamped TO NY on their foreheads
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was s**... assaulted by tony the tiger today.
I'm pushing charges for rrrrrrape.
What do you call ironman between 2 magnets?
Tony Stuck
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."
Did you hear about the spelling bee winner that also won a Tony?
Audiences loved the play on words.
What do you call a man who has had his calves removed and the ends of his feet surgically reattached in their place?
Tony.
Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."
You must be a Tony Hawk game
because when I'm with you, I'm Neversoft.
Did you hear about the time Tony Soprano went shopping for a cherry and a hand grenade?
Bought a bing. Bought a boom.
Mel Brooks Changes Legal Name to Tony Brooks
"I'm had as Mel," one source quoted, "and I'm not going to take it anymore."
Anthony arrived home from work one day, only to find his wife totally stressed out because their kids had been running wild all day...
She asks him if he would please take them out for a pizza.
He agrees, tells the kids to go out to the garage and to wait in the car, following behind them.
A few moments later, the wife hears two loud bangs.
Tony comes back into the house and asks, "Where's my pizza?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Those people who are against gay marriage and say...
''In Genesis it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'', are so narrow minded..
Everyone knows that in Genesis it was Phil Collins, Tony Banks and Mike Rutherford..
Tony Danza and Bruce Springsteen walk into a bar...
Who's the Boss?
You know what they're gonna say when Tony Hawk dies?
Tony Hawks Underground
A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.
Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.
Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.
He places a twenty on the bar, and as he walks out, he bellows "When Big Tony pays, everybody pays!"
My Evangelical friend is boycotting the Avengers movies, because they feature a trans gender super hero.
Confused, I asked him what he meant, and he replied "because Tony Stark loves to turn into a Fe-male."
Years ago I won a tony for my work in the theatre, but year after year went by and my dull attempts to win another were in vain. Then, one day I wrote a play about how I changed my routine and began to lead an exciting life. For this I won another award.
You could say I've broken out of monotony
Tony calls his buddy Larry and asks him what he's going to do tonight.
Larry tells Tony, "I'm gonna be layin' linoleum."
Tony says, "Oh yeah!! You think she can get a friend for me?!!"
The English Language
Tony
Ptoughneigh
*...yes*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got done playing Tony Hawk's Pro Masturbator 2. If you're not familiar with that game it's where you pretend you are Tony,
while grinding away on a gnarly rail bro.
It seems harder to catch air in the new Tony Hawk game for PS4
They did that to commemorate 2020
We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, I'm gay and I don't care who knows it!
He must have been really drunk, because he's been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.
•••
Happy National Coming Out Day!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
1st grade teacher asked the students: What is the fastest thing in the world? Tony replied: lightning. Melanie said: light Jimmy said:
Diahrrea.
The teacher asked Jimmy why He tought diahrrea was the fastest thing in the world?
Jimmy said:
Last night while sleeping I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, I got up as fast as a lightning went to turn the light on and before the light was on I had already s**... myself.
Two old friends meet on the street one day who haven't seen each other in years...
Tony! Is that you?
Hal! You look terrific! What's your secret?
I hit a hitchhiker late at night three years ago when I was drunk and fled the scene, leaving him for dead.
Um... I meant for looking so young.
More of a story than a joke, but it's worth it.
Tony, a friend and mentor of mine (a dad figure) used to start talking about his fantastic new hearing aid, telling anyone who would listen about how everything sounded so clear to him now that he had this new device. He would say, "It's a new kind; it's NOT a MiracleEar." Of course once he told them what it was not, the natural response generally followed, "What kind is it?"
All this set-up and he would check his watch and respond, "About 4:30" (or whatever time it was)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why cant you trust Italians at an award ceremony?
They've been known to rig a Tony
During a job interview....
... for a position with an international company that prided itself on workplace diversity, Tony was asked how he viewed gay relationships in the workplace.
Apparently, "In 4K resolution" wasn't the right answer.
Whats the difference between your tweaker neighbor and your grandma's favorite singer?
One's a bony tenant and one's a Tony Bennett.
