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Tonic Jokes

59 tonic jokes and hilarious tonic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tonic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Tonic jokes are the perfect way to start your night or add a spark during your cocktail hour. Read on for a selection of hilarious gags and puns from barmen, Heineken and more related to everyone's favorite gin and tonic!

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Funniest Tonic Short Jokes

Short tonic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tonic humour may include short tense jokes also.

  1. A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and...... tonic." The Bartender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear replies, "I don't know, I've always had them."
  2. A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "I'll have a gin...and tonic."
    Bartender says "OK, but why the pause?"
    "I was born with them."
  3. A bear walks into a bar.. *Goes up to the bartender*
    Bear: "Hi, I'd like a gin...................and tonic."
    Bartender: "Sure, but what's with the big pause?"
    *bear looks at own paws*
  4. A bear walked into a bar... Waiter: What will it be pal?
    Bear: Gin.....
    ....
    ....
    and tonic
    Waiter: Why the big pause?
    Bear: I don't know. My dad had them too.
  5. A girl agreed to go on a date with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. I schwepped her off her feet.
  6. A dog walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a gin and...tonic." The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
    "I don't know," says the dog. "I guess I was just born with them."
  7. Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.
    The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,
    He replied No thanks, I'm the driver .
  8. A bear walks into a bar Bartender: " What will you have sir?"
    Bear: "Gin............ and tonic."
    Bartender: "Why the big pause?"
    Bear: "I dont know my dad had them too."
  9. This woman agreed to go out with me after I bought her a bottle of tonic water....... I guess I just Schwepped her off her feet.
  10. Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar The barman asks what he will have
    Schoenberg replies, "I'll have gin, but no tonic"

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Tonic One Liners

Which tonic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tonic? I can suggest the ones about tone and classical.

  1. I'm on the Gin & Tonic diet and its going great.... so far I've lost 2 days.
  2. what kind of drink does the genie bartender serve? a djinn and tonic
  3. Gin is the Ionian mode of liquors... it will always resolve with tonic.
  4. What's a genie's favorite drink? Djinn and tonic.
  5. What's a Middle-Eastern Ghost-Buster's favorite drink? A Djinn & Tonic.
  6. What does the band Toto say when it orders a gin tonic? Hold the lime!
  7. Why the gin break up with the tonic? Their relationship was on the rocks
  8. What do you call tonic water with THC in it? Chronic water.
  9. I am on a gin and tonic diet So far I lost 3 days
  10. What's a crusader's favourite drink? A Teu-tonic.
  11. Why do jazz musicians drink gin straight? Because they can never find the tonic.
  12. So a guy walks into a bar... He sits down and asks for a gin and tonic.
  13. How does a Star Wars fan relax? With Jyn and tonic
  14. What does a German use to polish his trumpet? Toot tonic
  15. Why are some musicians so antisocial? Because all they want is tonics and dominance.

Gin And Tonic Jokes

Here is a list of funny gin and tonic jokes and even better gin and tonic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I need a Gin and Tonic. Yes sir, we have state of the art gyms with tonic saunas at each location.
  • Have you ever had a British Tonic? It's like a regular gin and tonic, just a bit more l**....
  • That went about as well as i expected. "May i have a v**... gin and tonic?" "Whats v**...?" "It means without alcohol." "So you just want a tonic then?" "Yeah" "just a bottle of tonic then" "Yeah."
Tonic joke, That went about as well as i expected.

Uproarious Tonic Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about tonic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tons jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tonic pranks.

A bear walks into a bar...

He walks up to the counter.
The bartender says "What can I get you?"
The bear replies "I'll have a gin............and tonic."
The bartender says "What's with the pause?"
The bear says "These? Had em my whole life."

Buying drinks at a bar

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

A bear walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll ya have?"

The bear says, "A gin and...."
"...Tonic."
The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
The bear holds them up and says, "I dunno, my father had them too."

A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please". The barman asks "What's with the big pause?"

To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".

A customer at the restaurant I work at told me this one.

So a ham sandwich walks into a bar
He goes up to the bartender and says "gimme a gin and tonic"
The bartender looks at him and says
"I'm sorry but we don't serve food here"

A bear goes into a bar

walks up to the counter and blops down, doesn't say a word and after a while the bartender asks "what'll it be bud?"
The bear looks up from the counter and yes, "I think ill have..." and after 10 seconds goes, "a gin and tonic"
bartender nods and says, " well alright, but whats up with the pause."
Bear looks down and says, "what these? had em for years"

A bear walks into a bar...

And says to the barman: "Give me a gin..."
.
.
.
"And tonic."
The barman, curious, asks while preparing the drink: "Hey mate, why the big pause?"
To what the bear replies "I don't know... I guess my father had them too".

A bear goes into a bar.....

.....and says "Can I have a v**... and ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... tonic water please"
The barman says: "Sure, but why the big pause?"

A bear walked into a bar...

A bear walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "What can I get for you?"
The bear replied "I'll have a gin....... and tonic"
The bartender said "OK, but what's with the pause?"
The bear said "I was born with them."

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender says, What'll you have?
The polar bear says, I think I'll have a gin and ...................................................................... ............................................................................ tonic.
The bartender says, Ok, but why the big pause?
The polar bear says, I don't know, I was born with them.

A bear walks into a bar and asks for a gin and............

.........tonic. The bartender says, "Okay, but why the big pause?" The bear looks down at his hands and replies, "I don't know, I was born with 'em."

A bear walks into a bar...

... goes up to the barman and says "I'd like a gin and tonic .............. and a packet of peanuts". The barman says "Sure, but why the big pause?". The bear holds up his hands and says, "These? Hey, I was born with them".

A polar bear walks into a bar

A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."

Man walks into a bar with a cat under his arm.

 He orders a gin for himself and a tonic water for his pet.
"I'll serve your gin, but I won't make him anything", says the barman, pointing at the kitty.
"Why not", asks the man
"I don't want to end up in an unresponsive stupor", the barman replies
"What are you on about?" says the man, "he's the one drinking it".
"Yeah, but that's what happens every time I get catatonic"

A bear walks into a bar

He says to the bartender : "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... ... and tonic"
The confused bartender asks: "what's with the big pause"
"Oh these" *lifts up paws * "I was born with them"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

A bear walks into a bar...

A bear walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender greets the bear, "Hey there! What can I get for you?"
The bear goes, "Umm, I'll have..."
The bartender checks his watch, waiting patiently for the bear's order.
Finally, the bear answers, "...a gin and tonic please."
The bartender replies, "Why the big pause?"
The customer retorts, looking slightly confused, "Because I'm a bear."

A polar bear goes into a bar . . .

. . .and says to the bartender: I'll have a Gin and… Tonic.
The bartender asks, Why the big pause?
And the polar bear replies, I don't know, I've always had them.

Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Vladimir Putin go to a bar

Bartender (who is somewhat inexperienced) asks what they want to order.
Putin - "I'll have a V and C."
Bartender - "What's a V and C?"
Putin - "v**... and Coke."
Johnson - "I'll have a G and T."
Bartender - "What's a G and T?"
Johnson - "Gin and tonic."
Trump - "I'll have a 7 and 7."
Bartender - "What's a 7 and 7?"
Trump - "15."

An eagle and a pony walk into a bar..

They sit down. The bartender comes over, and the eagle says: I'll have a Budweiser and my friend pony here will have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: sure, be right back.
The eagle says to the pony: gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.
In the meantime the bartender comes back and hands the gin and tonic to the pony and sets the Budweiser on the bar.
Here's your drinks, pony. And, if you don't mind me asking, why do you let that eagle do all of your talking?
Pony: (points to t**...) I'm a little horse

Tonic joke, Three golf clubs walk into a bar.

jokes about tonic