Tonic Jokes
37 tonic jokes and hilarious tonic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tonic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tonic jokes are the perfect way to start your night or add a spark during your cocktail hour. Read on for a selection of hilarious gags and puns from barmen, Heineken and more related to everyone's favorite gin and tonic!
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Funniest Tonic Short Jokes
Short tonic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tonic humour may include short tense jokes also.
- A girl agreed to go on a date with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. I schwepped her off her feet.
- Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.
The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,
He replied No thanks, I'm the driver . - Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar The barman asks what he will have
Schoenberg replies, "I'll have gin, but no tonic" - If my last name were Plate, I'd open a computer repair shop... and call it Plate Tech Tonics.
- I need a Gin and Tonic. Yes sir, we have state of the art gyms with tonic saunas at each location.
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Tonic One Liners
Which tonic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tonic? I can suggest the ones about tone and classical.
- I'm on the Gin & Tonic diet and its going great.... so far I've lost 2 days.
- what kind of drink does the genie bartender serve? a djinn and tonic
- Gin is the Ionian mode of liquors... it will always resolve with tonic.
- What does the band Toto say when it orders a gin tonic? Hold the lime!
- Why the gin break up with the tonic? Their relationship was on the rocks
- What do you call tonic water with THC in it? Chronic water.
- What's a crusader's favourite drink? A Teu-tonic.
- Why do jazz musicians drink gin straight? Because they can never find the tonic.
- So a guy walks into a bar... He sits down and asks for a gin and tonic.
- How does a Star Wars fan relax? With Jyn and tonic
- What does a German use to polish his trumpet? Toot tonic
- Why are some musicians so antisocial? Because all they want is tonics and dominance.
- An epileptic man walks in to a bar and orders himself a v**... tonic-clonic
Uproarious Tonic Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about tonic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tipsy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tonic pranks.
Five Men Walk Into A Bar...
The Irishman turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Pint of Guinness."
The Brit turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Gin and Tonic."
The Frenchman turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Glass of Wine."
The German turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Stein of Lager"
The Bartender brings them all their drinks, then turns to the last man and asks what he wants.
The Australian turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have two of whatever these ladies are having."
A customer at the restaurant I work at told me this one.
So a ham sandwich walks into a bar
He goes up to the bartender and says "gimme a gin and tonic"
The bartender looks at him and says
"I'm sorry but we don't serve food here"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three ducks walk into a bar...
The first duck walks up to the bar and the bartender asks "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" the first duck replies "My name is Bill, I'll have a rye and coke, and I had a GREAT day! I was in and out of puddles all day! Splashing around, gettin' wet, having fun!"
The second duck walks in. The bartender asks the duck "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" The duck says, "My name's Joe, I'll have a gin and tonic, and I had a GREAT day! I was in and out of puddles all day! Splashing around, getting wet, having fun!"
The third duck walks into the bar, the barkeeper asks him "What's your name, what's your drink, and how was your day?" the duck looks him dead in the eyes and replies "My name is Puddles, I'll have three shots of tequila, and I don't want to talk about my f**king day."
A bear walks into a bar...
... goes up to the barman and says "I'd like a gin and tonic .............. and a packet of peanuts". The barman says "Sure, but why the big pause?". The bear holds up his hands and says, "These? Hey, I was born with them".
Man walks into a bar with a cat under his arm.
He orders a gin for himself and a tonic water for his pet.
"I'll serve your gin, but I won't make him anything", says the barman, pointing at the kitty.
"Why not", asks the man
"I don't want to end up in an unresponsive stupor", the barman replies
"What are you on about?" says the man, "he's the one drinking it".
"Yeah, but that's what happens every time I get catatonic"
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever had a British Tonic?
It's like a regular gin and tonic, just a bit more l**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That went about as well as i expected.
"May i have a v**... gin and tonic?" "Whats v**...?" "It means without alcohol." "So you just want a tonic then?" "Yeah" "just a bottle of tonic then" "Yeah."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Vladimir Putin go to a bar
Bartender (who is somewhat inexperienced) asks what they want to order.
Putin - "I'll have a V and C."
Bartender - "What's a V and C?"
Putin - "v**... and Coke."
Johnson - "I'll have a G and T."
Bartender - "What's a G and T?"
Johnson - "Gin and tonic."
Trump - "I'll have a 7 and 7."
Bartender - "What's a 7 and 7?"
Trump - "15."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An eagle and a pony walk into a bar..
They sit down. The bartender comes over, and the eagle says: I'll have a Budweiser and my friend pony here will have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: sure, be right back.
The eagle says to the pony: gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be right back.
In the meantime the bartender comes back and hands the gin and tonic to the pony and sets the Budweiser on the bar.
Here's your drinks, pony. And, if you don't mind me asking, why do you let that eagle do all of your talking?
Pony: (points to t**...) I'm a little horse
