Tone Jokes
101 tone jokes and hilarious tone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a hilarious new way to laugh with Tone Jokes! Learn what it means to have dial, two, and SMS tones ruin a joke for listeners, why being tone deaf helps, and how to use loud booms to enhance your humor. Get tips and tricks to ensure your audience understands the tone indicators in your jokes and learn how to use them to your advantage. Get laughing with Tone Jokes today!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Tone Short Jokes
Short tone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tone humour may include short tons jokes also.
- After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
- I just quit my job in the helium factory because of the way management spoke to me. I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
- I quit my job at the helium factory today I won't stand to be spoke to in that tone of voice
- The Queen shouted at some pigeon and they died. Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.
- I had enough and finally quit my job at the helium plant today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
- A man from northern Alaska is on trial… The prosecutor asks in a menacing tone, Where were you in the night from October to April?
- Grindr I was riding in an Uber with a gay male friend when his Grindr tone went off and our female driver said, hey, I know that game tone…my husband plays it all the time.
- A lady walked into the library and asked the Liberian if she had any books on paranoia To which she responded in a hushed tone- They're right behind you
- I had to quit my job at the helium factory. I couldn't stand being spoken to in that tone.
- There where a couple of pigeons sitting on my fence earlier, so I shouted at them and they both fell off and died. I didn't know you could kill two birds with one's tone.
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Tone One Liners
Which tone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tone? I can suggest the ones about ting and stein.
- Just quit my job at the helium factory. I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
- Why did the quantum physicist have such toned abs? Because they planck constant.
- I quit my job at the helium gas factory I didn't like being spoken to in that tone.
- Quit my job at the helium factory today I refuse to be spoken to in that tone
- My favourite word in the dictionary is toned Great definition
- So the bass clef said to the treble clef Don't take that tone with me
- Just quit my job at the helium factory. I will not be spoken to in that tone!
- I'm so tone deaf that I can't even tell the difference between A# and Bb.
- I quit my job at the helium factory, I couldn't let them speak to me in that tone.
- Why do people bleach their buttholes? They want to change their ring tone
- Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft... Get tone of A Flat Miner.
- I offended a girl at Ethnicity Club. Apparently she didn't like my tone.
- I've just quit my job a helium factory. I won't be spoken to in that tone....
- I quit my job at the helium factory I just wouldn't let them take that tone with me
- A chinese kid called his mom a horse She said don't use that tone with me
Two Tone Jokes
Here is a list of funny two tone jokes and even better two tone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is the Queen so good at pheasant hunting? Because one can kill two birds with one's tone.
Tone Deaf Jokes
Here is a list of funny tone deaf jokes and even better tone deaf puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If your friend is tone deaf... Is it in poor taste to leave him a note?
- What do you call a bodybuilder that can't sing? Muscle tone deaf.
Skin Tone Jokes
Here is a list of funny skin tone jokes and even better skin tone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear the story about skin-toned bathing suits? It was fake n**....
- Me: I know p**... hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone **Bank Teller:** So— is this not a robbery?
**Me:** No, It is. - How do r**... Na'vi get their skin tone? Blue Genes... I'll be here all week
Delightful Fun Tone Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about tone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean phony jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tone pranks.
Reading the horoscope.
Reading the horoscope that her favorite female magazine publishes, a lady said in a sorry tone to her husband:
- Oh! This is s**...! This is s**...!
- What is it?
- If you were born only a day earlier, you would be intelligent, brave and passionate.
At a small London pub,
3 girls are chatting. An Englishman hears them and notices their distinctive accent that he so easily recognizes. He approaches then smoothly and asks: "are you girls from Scotland?"
In a condescending tone, one of them turns around and says: "It's Wales, idiot!"
"Oh I'm sorry, are you whales from Scotland?"
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
Australian soccer team bus c**...
Prime minister Tony Abbott was advised of an accident involving the Socceroos team bus. "Sir, the team is OK, but 6 Brazilian people were killed."
Obviously shaken up Tone took a minute to compose himself before asking "... Exactly how many is a brazillion?"
A man and a boy are walking in the woods
And the boy says in his childish voice "gee mister, these woods sure are scary!"
To which the man replies in a humbled tone " your telling me! And I gotta walk out of here alone!"
What did the eyeball say?
Eyes, in deep despair, looking up, said in a passive tone, "wazzup brow"
Sandwich Walked Into a Bar
So a Sandwich walked into a bar, hopped up on a barstool and took a look at the drink menu. Bartender walks over. Sandwich says to bartender, "lemme get one of those margaritas, rocks, no salt.". Bartender responds in his most disgusted tone, "Sorry, we don't serve FOOD here…."
Blonde joke
A blonde went to the counter and told the lady "can i have a double cheeseburger, large fries and coke"
The lady at the counter said,"Excuse me this is a library"
The blonde replied by lowering her voice and speaking in a low soft tone," Mayi have a double cheeseburger, large fries and coke please?"
They say it's inoperable...
A guy walks into a bar and orders seven shots of whiskey. The bartender lines up the seven shots and the man starts slamming them one after another. The bartender says "You sure are drinking those awfully fast."
The man responds "You'd be drinking them this fast if you had what I have."
In an empathetic tone the bartender asks "What do you have?"
"Fifteen cents"
I had a friend who thoroughly hated music...
He left no tone unspurned.
A guy is sitting alone at the bar
when a hot girl comes up to him. She leans to his ear and whispers in a seductive tone:
"For $100 I'll do anything, as long as you can describe it in no more than three words!"
She leans back, and the man thinks about the offer for a second and answers:
"Paint my house"
A man sneezes on the subway who clearly has a cold.
The man next to him says in a disgusted tone, "people like you make me sick."
Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body?
Dumbbelldor.
Easter Kids' Joke
Why can't you sniff out Easter Eggs?
(In a tone like you have no idea) "No bunny nose"
-Made up this morning in bed to a very dissatisfied girlfriend
What do you call an entertaining female's tone of voice?
A fun gal inflection
You're welcome
The Voice Coach
Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."
Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, t**..., doooh!"
Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"
The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series.
I mean, the fifth book was dead serious.
I'm not racist.
I just have a problem with people's tone.
A woman collapsed on the street
Her husband, luckily, was able to catch her in time.
"Is anyone here a doctor!?" The husband shouted with sheer panic in his tone.
A man barreled through the onlooking crowd, knocking a few of them over to join the husband and wife.
"I'm a vegan!" The man said.
Mr. Larkin isn't satisfied with the performance of his class
So on day, he says with an odious smile:
'Please, whoever thinks they're an idiot: stand up!'
Big silence, everyone remains seated. Suddenly, a young man stands up carefully.
'So, you think the appellation of "idiot" applies to you, do you?' asks Mr. Larkin in a derisory tone.
'Honestly? Not really. I just couldn't bear to see you stand alone, sir.'
[LPT] Choose the song you hate the most as your alarm tone and place your phone as far as possible
Then turn your phone off and sleep like a champion.
Little Jimmy was sleeping in class when...
The teacher saw him dozing off and interrupted his nap.
He said in a stern tone: "Jimmy, you know you can't sleep in class."
Jimmy retorted: "Yeah, but if you were a little quieter I could."
How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(with a crazed and frightened look on my face and tone in my voice)
YOU DON'T KNOW MAN!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!
Shouting, "You're all pathetic idiots!" to freedom of speech protesters...
Soon changes their tone.
There's a new scam involving counterfeit copper tone sunscreen.
Police are warning the public to read the ingredient list to avoid getting burned.
Did you know Gary Oldman missed out on being the voice of iPhone because his vocal tone was too intense?
He took the role too Siriusly.
Why did Lieutenant Uhura tone down on the use of extreme fetishes in the bedroom?
Because William Shatner.
A husband was sitting next to his wife while she was eating.
He heard his phone's message tone coming from the kitchen. He went to the kitchen and read a message from his wife saying "Please bring the salt on your way back."
Rosetta must've given her parents some serious lip...
Considering we're all still talking about Rosetta's Tone
Person 1: [Humming a continuous tone]
Person 2: Why are you doing that?
Person 1: Doing what?
Person 2: You're just humming the same note without stopping.
Person 1: Oh that? I'm just waving.
Person 2: Huh?
Person 1: It's sine language.
A man decided to visit a fortune teller...
After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:
You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions
Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.
Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.
He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:
Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.
Following American political discourse and tone is starting to feel a lot like reading.
It's going from left to right and top to bottom just as fast as your eyes can move.
Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper...
Jesus: Judas, I need you to go to each and every one of my disciples and tell them to meet me here for supper. Also, stop by the market and get some fish, vegetables, and a dessert. When you've come back and are done cooking, set up the table and our best plates.
Later that evening, while everyone is enjoying their food, Jesus begains in a somber tone, "One of you will betray me -
Judas: "Why do I have to do everything around here?!"
Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when
the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"
Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"
As Nancy used her shovel to pat down the last heap of earth she replied, "Well he's in your cat"
I got fired from my job at the helium factory...
Because I refuse to be spoken to in that tone. I have always wanted a job in a mirror factory. It's a job I could see myself doing
How do you organize a party in space?
You planet.
How do you tone down a party in space?
You comet.
How do you see a girl at the party?
You meteor.
Three blondes walking through the woods...
One of them stops and points at the ground in excitement saying, "Oh my gosh look. Those are like, bunny tracks!"
"Those are so not bunny tracks. They're deer tracks." The second blonde says in a matter-of-fact tone.
The third blonde, with hands on her hips, says "Your both wrong. They're not bunny tracks and they're not deer tracks. They're-"
A train suddenly hits them.
The 16-yo son returns home at 10am the next day..
.. The Father asks angrily: "Son, where have you been for such a long time?"
Son replies: "Dad, I'm not a v**... anymore!"
The father in relaxed tone: "Son, sit down and tell me the whole story".
The son replies: "Telling the story OK, but sitting NO!"
I'm on a customer help live chat right now and the message tone sounds like someone hitting a tennis ball.
Now that's service.
I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I simply refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice.
"If your friends jump off a bridge, would you do it?" says Mom in an angry tone
The son says, "Says the one who can't base jump".
I've got a tone to pick with you.
#Dueling Banjos
What do you get when you call the swamp?
a crocodile tone
I quit my job at the helium factory
I didn't like to be talked to in that tone of voice.
Jesus walks into a bar
Jesus walks into a bar after a pretty rough day. After a couple hours of whiskey shots the bartender says, "That's it. I'm cutting you off. Water only for you from now on."
Jesus replies back in a sarcastic tone," Oh no. Not water."
With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?
No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three b**..., reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.
She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.
Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,
She said Look in the garage.
Which came first?
Late one night, a chicken was laying in bed with an egg.
The chicken was laying back, smoking a cigarette, and feeling quite pleased with himself.
The egg was clearly upset and huffed as she rolled onto her side. As she was pulling the blanket over herself, she said in a very annoyed tone of voice...
"Well I guess we finally answered *that* question now didn't we?"
An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor.
The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."
That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"
He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.
Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"
She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"
I asked my wife on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate yourself? And in a sassy tone, she said 11 .
I told her Must be a pH scale cause you're basic as h**....
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
A bully walks into a bar
He walks to a man whose eyes are on the ground and grabs away his drink. He gulps it loudly and after it is finished he let out a disgusting belch. Then he asks in a woeful tone: "what happens, granpa?".
The man lifts his eyes and sighs: "yesterday I got fired from my job and when I returned home I caught my wife sleeping with my brother. Today I woke up and found that my kids and wife are not home so I decided to kill myself but I couldn't do it".
The bully puts a gloating smile and asks: "why? Are you not manly enough even to kill yourself?".
"No. Because you drank up my beer".
I quit my job at the Helium factory recently
For I won't tolerate being talked to in that tone of voice.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and screamed, "I have a complaint."
The Librarian looked up at her and asked, "How can I help you?"
The blonde answers, "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible."
The Librarian in a puzzled tone, asks, "What was wrong with it?"
To that, the blonde replies, "It had way too many characters and there was no plot."
The Librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
When a mine shaft collapses it's known to make a specific musical tone when the air rushes through the tunnels. What note is it?
A flat miner
During a church's 100th anniversary celebration, the local priest invited former priests and the bishop to attend.
At one point, he called the children to gather at the altar and spoke to them about the significance of the day.
He began by asking them, 'Does anyone know what the bishop does?'
There was silence. Finally a little boy responded in a serious tone, "He's the one you can move diagonally."
