Ton Jokes
101 ton jokes and hilarious ton puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ton that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ton Short Jokes
Short ton jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ton humour may include short replace jokes also.
- What's heavier, a ton of brick or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
- I love you honey pie, my wife said earlier. And I love you tons, I replied. What, no nickname for me? She asked.
Sometimes I swear she's going deaf. - Dunno what this WiFi dude did But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurant demanding his freedom lately
- I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women. There were tons of girls there, just not very many.
- I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho. Because a pho ton is light.
- Contrary to popular belief, in Engineering, you do meet tons of women... Just not very many
- There are tons of girls in my software engineering class... ...just not very many of them.
- How much do all the bone in the human body weigh? A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.
- I just saved a ton of money on my Christmas shopping by expressing my political views on facebook.
- I hate how if a guy sleeps with a ton of girls hes a legend But when a girl does it, its my wife.
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Ton One Liners
Which ton one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ton? I can suggest the ones about soup and restroom.
- I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
- How many of the phrases in English are palindrome? Not a ton
- Forward, it's heavy. Backwards, it's not. What is it? A ton
- I have a ton of jokes about retired people. None of them work.
- How much does 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton
- How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh? It weighs
*Won-ton* - I ordered 1000 kg of Chinese soup It was won ton.
- I used to perform circumcisions for a living. I got tons of tips.
- What's the internal temperature of a Ton-ton? Lukewarm
- People who take tons of photos of themselves Have no selfie control
- How much does the Great Wall of China weigh? Wan-ton
Sorry - Did you hear about the haunted hair salon? I heard a ton of people have dyed there
- What do you call a Spanish toilet that weighs 2,000 pounds? El Ton John
- Dab ton. It's admittedly not the best joke, but it's not bad if you read it backwards.
- The Titanic weighed about 52 tons... I'm gonna let that sink in
Quirky and Hilarious Ton Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about ton you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lbs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ton pranks.
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I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of w**... and read the dictionary.
High definition.
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"I have married a ton of women but not once have I ever had s**.... It's unfair!" a man complained in a bar.
"well," said the bartender, "what were you expecting, Father Peter?"
Sorry... dad joke.
Two kids camping in the backyard
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.
"What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise" says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbour yells "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
LPT: How to make friends
I've been doing this for years and now I have a ton of friends. Just tell all the girls you know you love them. Then when they turn you down, they'll say "Sorry, I don't like you that way, but can we just be friends?".
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My wife went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed with the broken-vacuum-cleaner syndrome
It means that they make a ton of noise and don't s**... anymore.
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You know, h**... must have been a pretty great artist.
There are a ton of museums dedicated to his work, after all.
Electrical Hum - True story
Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. I told the rep that the hum always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
He said " Do u know why it hums?"
Me, expecting a technical response, " No I dont know. Why does it hum?"
With a totally serious face he replied " Cuz it dont know the fookin words"
Why the people dress so clean in Columbia ?
because there´ s someone always Washing a ton
(please dont kill me, engl 2nd languaje):
If a 100 ton Brachiosaurus stepped on you...
Youd be deeply impressed
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I got T-b**... by a construction delivery truck the other day.
It came down like a ton of bricks.
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What do you call a ton of free w**...?
Jackpot.
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Dad bought me an e**... for my 18th birthday!
I was a little disappointed when she turned out to be old, smelled terrible and was filfthy. She definitely had a ton of experience but she was very rusty.
I asked Dad to get his money back, I don't like Fords.
What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?
The feathers.
The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.
The more you know...
What do you call a 2000 pound spanish toilet that sings?
El Ton John
What was the name of the heaviest man in china?
Won ton
My new girlfriend thinks I'm a player because I told her I slept with a ton of women..
I didn't tell her they were each 500 lbs
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I asked a farmer how much 50 cows excrete in a year and he said its 1000 kg
Thats a ton of b**... !
A banker tells his client that a £1,000,000 investment will turn into a ton of money!
So the the client asks "How much is a ton of money"
The banker responds "Two Thousand Pounds"
A long time ago in a ghetto far far away...
...Yoda was walking down the street, wearing a ton of bling. Necklaces, bracelets, gold teeth, the works. A passer-by stops him and says, "Wow, Yoda, that's a ton of bling!"
Yoda replied, "For show, mine is all."
How much does a Sumo Wrestler weigh?
Won ton.
After his crop failed, why did Dwight Schrute (The Office) decide to try a career in hip-hop music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
How much did the skeleton Weigh?
A ton. A Skeleton.
I saved a cat today.
It was a ton of work getting him into my piggy bank.
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My parents disowned me because they were under the impression I was gay.
It hit me like a ton of d**....
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My dad is under the impression that I'm gay.
It'**... me like a ton of d**....
How many palindromes do I know of?
Not a ton
I lifted my 100KG weights ten times today
That was a ton of heavy lifting
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I don't know how the Chinese fell for Mao and the communist party
I mean, there were a freakin ton of red flags.
A strange man asks, "What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?"
I don't care please just get out of my house!
A contest in South Korea awarded a small amount of money for a large item of food...
A one ton wonton won ten won.
How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A cluck ton!
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I recently found out I'm a hypochondriac ...
Which totally s**... because I hear that puts me at risk for a TON of other serious diseases
How much rest does a bad Sheppard get?
Not a ton, he has a lot of sheepless nights.
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Why is it that when a guy nails a ton of girls, he's called a stud...
...but when he nails a ton of studs, he's in construction?
What did elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton"
Did you hear about the guy who burnt down the Chinese restaurant?
He was charged with won ton destruction
^^*cue* ^^*groan*
How do you pay off a ton of debt in London?
£2,000
2017 has been great so far! I've lost about 105 pounds!
I mean, I missed her at first but I've saved a ton of money
There are a ton of nihilists protesting downtown today...
They're part of the #NoLivesMatter movement.
A blonde was walking by a field...
And saw another blonde in a rowboat paddling away at the dirt and stirring up a ton of dust.
The blonde walking called out, "Hey! What are you doing?!"
The other blonde replied, "I'm trying to get over to the barn! Could you help me?"
The blonde walking retorted, "Well, I would but I can't swim."
What would be a good punchline for this joke?
I'm usually good at this, but I can't think of how to end this line: Shane Battier is on the ground more than _____." There's a ton of good punchlines floating around for it, but I can't seem to grasp one.
2000$
...is a lot of money, but 2000£ is a ton
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I've had s**... with a ton of women.
Or 6 if we are going by individuals.
A man is watching tv with his dog.
He looks at it and says.
Man: I wish you could talk, then I could make a ton of money.
Dog: No one will believe you...
What do you call 2,000 lbs of steaming broth?
Won ton soup
I destroyed a bag of leftover Chinese food
It was an act of won ton destruction.
I went to church on Sunday and did confession after.
You should have heard what people told me, I had to give out a ton of Our Fathers.
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
Eurt ton spelled backwards is false
No, I was joking, it's not true
Americans got tired of using metric tons so they made up a new unit of weight.
New ton
People on this sub need to stop thinking they can get a ton of likes just by saying "bus driver"
said the bus driver
My friend looked at me funny when I was shouting "Get out of my pocket Obama!"
Not my fault there was a ton of change in there
If I know anything about girls, it's that they appreciate privacy.
Trust me I've read a ton of diaries.
My Balloons
I'm a newly graduated entrepreneur breaking into the party paraphernalia game. I bought a ton of balloons a year ago for 99 cents each. In order to make a profit, how much should I adjust my prices for inflation?
Doctor: "*I have some pressing news...*"
Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"
Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"
Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"
Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"
Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"
If someone tells you something cost a ton , how much does it actually cost?
2000 pounds
I posted a great joke with a ton of upvotes about Malaysia Airlines Flight 370...
But it's gone and I don't know what happened to it...!
TIL that the average person weighs 150 pounds, so a ton of people is about 13 people.
Now I know what my wife meant when she said she's slept with a ton of people in the last month.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the fattest chinese man called?
Uan ton
How much does a panda weigh?
Won ton!
So my wife said there's a ton of ISO's on Facebook for girl guide cookies.
I said we should post it at a boosted price because they are mint in box.
What's the difference between an Elephant and a 'Zippo'?
One weighs a ton and the others a little lighter.
How much does a Chinese burrito weigh?
Won Ton
Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions....
Teacher-If 1000 Kgs= Ton.
Then!
For 3000 Kgs =How Much?
Student - Ton!Ton!Ton!
What do you call a heavy toilet?
El ton john.
I was looking for the reason the Foreman was yelling at me.
Then suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
My BF husband said he wanted to do me "Greek style..."
so I borrowed a ton of money and then left the union...
How much did Juan weigh after eating Chinese food?
Juan ton
