Tombstone Jokes
63 tombstone jokes and hilarious tombstone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tombstone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for some spooky Halloween fun with these hilarious tombstone jokes! From puns about cemeteries and churchyards, to wreaths and more, read on for a good laugh about the best (and worst!) tombstones in town.
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Funniest Tombstone Short Jokes
Short tombstone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tombstone humour may include short headstone jokes also.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- One day, when Donald Trump is dead, in his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP" "EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"
- A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake
- Two skeletons want to go to a party... One goes back to the cemetary and returns with his tombstone. The other one asks: "what's up with the stone?"
"They always want to see an ID." - I want my tombstone to read.. When I said I wanted to be buried under an apple tree, I meant AFTER I was dead!
- I got kicked out of a graveyard the last time I went to Scotland. They didn't appreciate me writing "Graveheart" on William Wallace's tombstone.
- A wife inscribed on her husband's tombstone... Rest in Peace honey.
Rest in Peace, till I join you. - TIL the creator of Corn Pops also invented Cocoa Puffs, Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, and Apple Jacks His tombstone just says "cereal entrepreneur"
- What did it say on the former chairman of the Hypochondriac Association's tombstone? Told you!
- I'm gonna have my future grandkids call me Poppa Squat So on my tombstone I can have "Pop a squat next to Poppa Squat"
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Tombstone One Liners
Which tombstone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tombstone? I can suggest the ones about gravestone and graveside.
- What I want written on my tombstone: "Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"
- What do you call a typo on a tombstone A grave mistake.
- My buddy was really into Beyblades before he died His tombstone reads:
LET IT
R. I. P. - What do you call a typo inscribed on a tombstone? A grave mistake.
- What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone? Sans Sheriff.
- What is written on a very successful hacker's tombstone? R
His IP is well hidden. - Why would I want to buy a tombstone? It's the last thing I need.
- A dentist passed away His tombstone reads: "He filled his last cavity".
- What kind of stones does a ghost use for jewellery? Tombstones
- My Grandma made a grave mistake.... She put flowers on the wrong tombstone!
- Dentist's tombstone: "Here lies Frank Serra, filling his last cavity".
- Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone. If you're reading this, I'm already dead.
- What do you get antivaxxer kids for their 3rd birthday? Tombstone
- On a boxers tombstone... Count all you want, I ain't getting back up!
- Written on a dentist's tombstone ... "Filling his last cavity."
Lawyers Tombstone Jokes
Here is a list of funny lawyers tombstone jokes and even better lawyers tombstone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
- A boy and his father are walking in a graveyard when they see a tombstone that reads: here lies a lawyer and a good man the boy turns to his father and says:
"Why did they bury 2 men there?" - A farmer walks past a tombstone that says: Here lies a lawyer, an honest man, a man of integrity. The peasant crosses himself and says scared: "Blessed v**..., three men buried in the same grave!"
Gather Around for Fun Tombstone Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about tombstone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean graveyard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tombstone pranks.
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.
They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
An Old Woman Commissions a Tombstone...
... she asks the carvers to write "born a v**..., lived a v**..., died a v**...."
It wouldn't fit on the face, so they just wrote "Returned unopened."
I had a friend who smoked cigarettes like it's water.
Everyone tried to help him quit the habit. He told everyone, "don't worry. When and if I die, you guys will have a laugh." He passed away eventually. All his friends were at the f**.... On his tombstone was engraved, "finally quit smoking."
Flowers on a Tombstone
The other day I went to the cemetery. I brought flowers to leave at my father's tombstone. He died a bunch of years back, and I could barely remember which plot was his. I even went to place the flowers down at one tombstone before realizing it belonged to someone else. That could've been a grave mistake.
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone.
I shouted "Morning!"
He replied "No, just p**...."
When j**... Seinfeld dies...
I really hope his tombstone says:
*j**... Seinfeld
1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*
This is true
If you think about it everyone in life gets at least one participation trophy it's called a tombstone
Three doctors are talking about death
The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.
Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…
The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.
After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,
I went to his f**.... Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.
So I explained:
"It's what he would have wanted"
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor ...
"A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor and asked the woman who answered the door, "Is Fred home?"
"Sorry, Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the bill collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir. I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No, Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and check the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with the inscription, "Gone, But Not for Cotton.""
A 86 year old v**... woman dies.
In her will she requests the following to be engraved on her tombstone:
"Born a v**..., lived a v**..., died a v**...."
But that was too long so instead they put:
"Returned unopened"
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
A couple sees a man sobbing on his knees at a cemetery.
The man is yelling out "why did you have to die?", "I cannot live like this!"
The couple come over to console him, and notice the tombstone is of someone of similar age as the distraught man.
"Sir, who was this?" Asks the woman, "was it your brother? Your friend?"
The man looks up at them "my wife used to be married to him until he passed away".
Continues crying out: "Please come back, I cannot take her any longer!"
A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.
He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.
"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.
"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.
"Then where are the other 11 kids?"
"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.
A distressed man is in the cemetery
crying his eyes out and beating a tombstone while shouting "Why did you have to die! Why did you have to die!"
A nearby man comes up to him and asks him "I'm very sorry, was she your wife?"
The distressed man looks up at him and responds "it was her first husband".
Dead funny
Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetary. Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man.
"You gave me a fright of my life! Why are you working so late?"
"The spelled my name wrong."
A mother and her 2 daughters are at a cemetery
One of the kids is curious and asks her mom Mommy, why am I named Rose?
Their mom replies Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head.
Her second daughter asks Mommy, why am I named Daisy?
Her mom replies Because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head.
Then, Rose looks at the tombstone and points at the name written on it.
So why is that their name? Rose asks.
Her mom sighs and says We'll always remember Samsung Smart Fridge.
A Lawyer and an Honest Man
Bill and Phil were taking a stroll through a graveyard when they happened upon a tombstone with the epitaph, "Here lies a Lawyer and an Honest Man"
Bill looked at Phil and said, "Times must have been tough back then, they were burying them two deep."
