Tomato Jokes

This article is filled with hilarious jokes about tomatoes and the many ways they can be enjoyed. Discover amusing takes on tomato sauce, soup, puree, ketchup, plant, juice, paste, squash, rosemary, and lettuce. Enjoy a laugh and learn something new about the versatile tomato!

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jokes about tomato

Best Short Tomato Jokes

These are our top tomato puns. Have fun with a good tomato joke in English with simple tomato humour.

  1. If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head, tomatoes.
    hope no one has heard this before, thought of it while driving.
  2. I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
  3. Given that pico de gallo is made with regular tomatoes... ...we'd need really big tomatoes to make nano de gallo
  4. I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday.... It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.
  5. What did arnold schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time? You have been germinated.
  6. A man walks into a grocery store. Asks for a pound of tomatoes.
    The grocer says, "we call them kilos over here."
    The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then."
  7. What do you call a gay person in a coma? A tomato.
    Because they are both a fruit and a vegetable.
  8. Why are crocodiles long and green? Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
  9. A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.
  10. A very curious customer asked a local tomato farmer if their tomatoes are genetically modified. "No." Said the farmer
    "No." Said the tomato
Tomato joke, A very curious customer asked a local tomato farmer if their tomatoes are genetically modified.

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these tomato jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of tomato puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Tomato One Liners

Which tomato dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tomato?

  1. The inventor of autocorrect died The funnel will be held tomato.
  2. The inventor of auto-correct has died his funnel is tomato
  3. What do you call a fragrant Tomato? A roma
  4. "Should I be concerned about eating genetically modified tomatoes?" Tomato: "No"
  5. Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain is Rotten Tomatoes.
  6. What do you call a gay guy in a coma? A tomato
  7. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the accordion player undressing.
  8. What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot? A transplant.
  9. You say tomato, I say tomato But it doesn't make that much sense when you read it.
  10. Why did the tomato turn red It saw the salad dressing.
  11. Supreme Court Is just regular court with sour cream and tomatoes.
  12. Why was the tomato blushing? He saw the salad dressing.
  13. Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers... Wrong sub.
  14. What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
  15. [OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race? Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

Tomato Ketchup Jokes

Here is a list of funny tomato ketchup jokes and even better tomato ketchup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who won the race? Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?
    The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  • Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  • Two tomatoes are walking across the road when a car drives over one of them.
    the other turns around and says "Hurry up ketchup!"

  • I was writing the shopping list and my wife told me to tomato ketchup on it. What a silly suggestion.. Can't read any of it now.
  • If the tomato is technically a fruit Does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
  • What did the big tomato say to the little tomato? You will never ketchup to me
  • A tomato family is walking down the road... when baby tomato falls behind. Daddy tomato goes back, smacks him on the head and says, "Ketchup!"
  • Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable? Because they can't ketchup.
  • What did the tomato say to the wheat? You go pasta, I'll ketch-up.
  • A cabbage, a tap and a tomato had a race The Cabbage was ahead, the tap was running and the tomato tried to ketchup

Lettuce Tomato Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce tomato jokes and even better lettuce tomato puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Vegetables What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
    Lettuce go
  • When does a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato
  • Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods? Because they're in-bred!
  • Put some lettuce, sliced tomatoes, cucumber in front of a chicken, what does it see? The chicken sees a salad!
  • Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich: Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato
  • I learned what LGBT stands for! Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato
  • My top 5 favourite vegetables 1. Tomato
    2. Lettuce
  • I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato... Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole
  • The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"
  • I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, quesadilla

Tomato Sauce Jokes

Here is a list of funny tomato sauce jokes and even better tomato sauce puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My girlfriend told me to put tomato sauce on the shopping list, so I did. Now I can't read it..
  • A man tried to start a fight by throwing dough, shredded cheese, and tomato sauce at me. So I said, You wanna pizza me?
  • I ate a salad for dinner! It was mostly tomatoes and croutons.
    Really just one, big round crouton covered in tomato sauce.
    And cheese.
    ... I had a pizza.
  • What do you call an Italian neighborhood full of crime, tomato sauce, prostitution and meatballs? The spaghetto
  • What's the best thing to give a dog with a fever? Tomato sauce and mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
  • What do you call a chicken in a dinghy full of tomato sauce, using carrots for oars, chasing a British Conservative fleeing Brexit? Chicken Cacciatore
  • A husband and a wife were having dinner… … the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'.
    The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'
  • "Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father." "Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"
  • What's the difference between spaghetti's complement and the pitches at a baseball game between members of an intergovernmental military alliance? One is some NATO toss, and the other's tomato sauce.
  • What did the runner say to the tomato sauce? Ketchup!

Tomato Plant Jokes

Here is a list of funny tomato plant jokes and even better tomato plant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Tomatoes grow so fast. Other plants can't even ketchup.
  • Why was the plant embarrassed? It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*
  • Did you hear about the incontinent tomato grower? He soiled his plants! They've never been happier.
  • What did the bumble bee say to the tomato plant after he fertilized it? "Congratulations now you're prego!"
  • I asked my tomato plant why it needed so much support He said cause I'm a growing boy!
  • If apples come from apple seeds and tomatoes come from tomato seeds, how come nothing is sprouting from the bird seeds I planted?
  • How many crops could the farmer plant in his mile long garden? 5 tomatoes.
Tomato joke, How many crops could the farmer plant in his mile long garden?

Laughable Tomato Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about tomato to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make tomato prank.

Old joke about tomato's, still makes me chuckle a bit though.

Three tomato's are walking down the street, momma tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind, daddy tomato gets angry turns around and squishes baby tomato and says.......ketchup.

A jew and a mexican are talking...

The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"
The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."

What do a tomato and a gay quadriplegic have in common?

They are both fruits that are kind of like vegetables.

What did the tomato say to the cheese in court?

I rest my queso.

So a horse walks into a bar..

and a duck walks into a bar
and a buffalo walks into a bar
and a cucumber walks into a bar
and a tomato walks into a bar...
and the bartender says "Alright, what is this? Some kind of joke?"

There's an old Italian man

There's an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
"My son, it is regrettable that you can't be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together."
The son writes back, "Father, don't dig up the tomato garden, that's where the bodies are buried."
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man's house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, "Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now."

Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

"Smith," asked Jones, "are there any Jéws in China?"
"I don't know," Smith replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jéws ?"
Waiter: "No Chinese Jéws, Sir." "Are you really sure?"
Jones asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jéws ."
The waiter replied exasperated, "We have Orange Jéws, Prune Jéws, Tomato Jéws and Grape Jéws but we have no Chinese Jéws."

Still the best blonde joke to date..

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

How did the Tomato know the Grape was Sad?

He Let out a little Wine

Tomato Family

A Papa Tomato, a Mama Tomato, and a Baby Tomato are all walking down the street. The Baby Tomato starts to trail behind. The Papa Tomato turns around and walks over to the Baby Tomato, SMASHES him, and says "Ketchup!"

The tomato family was walking down the street....

...when daddy tomato and mommy tomato noticed that baby tomato had started to fall behind so daddy tomato went back to the baby and stomped on him and said "Ketchup!"

A young boy wants to buy a tomato...

He approaches the farmer with his few pennies and asks how much that nice, red, juicy tomato would cost. The farmer replies, "35 cents."
Appearing dismayed, the child wanders down the rows of vines and finds a small, green, unappetizing tomato.
"How much for this little one, here?" he timidly asked.
"Hehe. 3 cents" the farmer replied with a chuckle.
"Great!" the boy exclaimed as he handed over his coins. "I'll be back next week to pick it up."

homophobic strawberry

A strawberry walks up to his friend the eggplant and asks him what he thinks of the tomato. The eggplant answers "I don't know, he seems like an alright guy. Why? What do you think of him?" The strawberry answers "I don't know, man. He seems like kind of a fruit".

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"

Measure of Attributes

Endurance is being able withstand having tomatoes thrown at you
Strength is being able to throw a heavy tomato
Agility is being able to dodge thrown tomatoes
Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

A long married couple sits in the kitchen.

The wife cooks something, while the husband sits at his table eagerly waiting for his meal. Suddenly the wife soils herself with tomato sauce and turns around to her loved one.
"Well, d**......Look at this, I look like a pig!"
To which the husband responds: "AND you soiled yourself..."
Sounds better in Viennese tongue...but, yeah...

My grandmother died and left me a tomato.

I shouldn't have asked for any heirlooms.

A Beautiful Woman Loves Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much. "The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta away
We cannoli do so much,
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today gone tomato.
How sad he ran out of thyme,
Sending olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset, Cheese still not over it.
You never saussage a tragic thing.
some people just want to watch the world burn!

A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...

And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".
[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]


A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Did you hear about the paraplegic, gay tomato farmer?

People weren't sure if they should call him a fruit or vegetable farmer.

What did the Tomato say to his family crossing the road


Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.

Why could the tomatoe outrun the broccoli?

Because he wasn't a vegetable.

Two tomatoes walked over a road.

Gene modification have gone way too far.

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango

They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

God said to Jacob "Come forth and recieve eternal life"

But he came fifth and won a tomato knife.

I was out one morning with my Uncle Jim

When someone threw a tomato at him
"Tomatoes don't hurt!" Shouted Uncle Jim
The next one did, it came in a tin

I hate when people say tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables.

If a gay dude in a wheelchair can be both, why can't a tomato.

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.
I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.
it was a farfalle from grace.

He: I'm gonna eat you when I come home.

She: I have sardines with tomato juice.
He: You didn't understand me.
She: Neither did you.

A tomato walks up to a bunch of fruits in a line

He says "Hey guys I'm a fruit, can I hang out with you?"
One turns to him and says
"No, this is the punch line"

Why did the tomato go red?

Because it saw salad dressing.

My daughter was inspecting our seedlings this morning: "The tomato is catching up with the other plants! But I shouldn't be surprised..."

"Of course a tomato would ketchup."
She's only five and already a dad...

Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.

Tomato paste is pretty viscous

I guess it's not very fast paste

Why was the tomato blushing?

Because he saw the salad dressing!

Three guys just met eachother and they have a conversation about different sorts of paste

The first guy says: "I know everything about tomato paste, because I own an Italian restaurant."
The second guy says: "I know everything about toothpaste, because I am a dentist."
The third guy says: "I know everything about copy-paste, because I am a Redditor."

Did you hear about the gay guy who is in a coma? The nurses call him Tomato.

He is a fruit and a vegetable.

Once a man, knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door. Without a word the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag and threw on the carpet. "You see , I have a wonder vaccum cleaner with me here, if this doesn't work I'll eat every piece of that dung" he said.

"Do you want tomato ketchup with it ? " The lady asked. "Cause you see, we still don't have electricity in this house"

Bill Clinton brings a dress to the dry cleaning

He asks "Anything you need to know?", but since it's loud from all the machines running, the worker doesn't understand him and asks "Come again?"
"No", said Clinton, "Tomato juice this time"

What is it. Red, round and you can't see it.

Tomato in another country.

Went I got home yesterday I found my wife on the kitchen floor with her best girlfriend lying on top of her, both n**..., with flat pasta and tomato sauce all over them.

"what is this?"I asked
"What does it look like?"
"It looks like a l**... on ya!"

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.

Even if it's cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And v**...

British man: If you like v**... and tomato juice so much...

then why don't you b**... mary it!

If tomatoes are fruit, why is there a tomato in Veggietales?

The gourd works in mysterious ways.

Two tomato's are chilling in the fridge

The first one says "Dang, its kind of cold in here"
The second one backs away, and says "Holy s**... its a talking tomato"

My 4 year old nieces jokes:

Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea w**....
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear me!

Tomato joke, My 4 year old nieces jokes:

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these tomato jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.