Tolerate Jokes
51 tolerate jokes and hilarious tolerate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tolerate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tolerate Short Jokes
Short tolerate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tolerate humour may include short tolerant jokes also.
- When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
- Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work. It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
- I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus… …but geometry is where I draw the line.
- My boss got mad at me for calling a co-worker a chicken. He said he doesn't tolerate any fowl language.
- My girlfriend always tells me that the one thing she won't tolerate is infidelity... She would leave, no questions ask, if I ever cheated on her. Thankfully, my wife is a little more lenient.
- Why I am leaving this sub: She refused to do as I had asked. I do not have tolerance for disobedient submissives.
- My boss pulled me into his office. He sighed and said, "Look...when it comes to drinking on the job, I haven't got much tolerance." "That's okay," I replied, "I was a rookie once too."
- My wife and I moved to a new house. It's the only place I've lived where I can tolerate the neighbours.
It's next to a cemetery. - My sister's band opened for the Manic Street Preachers tonight Before their set, she said "If you tolerate this, the Manic Street Preachers will be next."
- A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods. The gamers could not tolerate that much baguette loss.
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Tolerate One Liners
Which tolerate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tolerate? I can suggest the ones about endure and intolerant.
- What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant? Tolerance
- Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store? He couldn't tolerate change.
- Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
- Bonsai lovers are extremely tolerant people. They hate bigotry.
- what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster lack toast and tolerant
- What do you call a large bug that's very accepting of people no matter what? Tolerant
- Mistakes are like farts We just tolerate them if they are of our own.
- I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk. He lacks toes and tolerance.
- Success is like farts... You only tolerate your own.
- [original] Which band is the most tolerant and inclusive? U2
- I saw a racially tolerant orchestra... None of them were bassists.
- My tolerance is like a pediatrician I have little patients.
- J.F.K. had really low alcohol tolerance... One shot and he was down
- What does a mechanical engineer have in common with a social justice warrior? Tolerance
- What is the cow equivalent of Netflix and Chill? Lactose 'n tolerance
Charming Humor Tolerate Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about tolerate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean acceptable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tolerate pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
k**... Pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
I was reading my emails...
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
Two 14-year-old Muslim boys have been suspended from school in Accrington for refusing to shave off their beards.
The head teacher said, "We will not tolerate a school environment where it's impossible to tell the boys from the girls."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I heard some time ago
A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what the number one leading cause of p**... is, right?
s**... kids.
(Pro Tip: I tell this to every single one of my First Dates. It's my Late 20s testing threshold for whether or not they'll tolerate me for very long.)
A high schooled student becomes a national hero after taking down a school shooter
But was expelled because of the schools zero tolerance policy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a teacher...
Today I had a new student in my class.
I asked him his name, and he said his name was Ben, and that he has just moved from Germany.
So I asked him how old he was, and he said "9!" So I slapped him. I will not tolerate insolence in my classroom.
Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...
Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.
She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the bread-less k**... who couldn't drink milk?
He lacked toast and tolerance.
I make puns to test if people enjoy my company.
If they smirk or laugh I know they tolerate me, that's a person who can spend time with me and not hate me for my puns.
If they growl and throw something at my head.. then it's my wife.
A dwarf ant was complaining her mother about how her friends tease her for being short.
Her mom said, "Be tolerant."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
I'm taking the Manic Street Preachers around rural England.
If they tolerate Diss, then the Chilterns will be next.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind, deaf and mute people can all tolerate a dark joke.
It's because they're not sensitive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've had it all with the grammar n**...
We should not tolerate antisemanticism.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
I am earning 5,000 monthly
Last month I received 7,000 and I kept quiet.
This month I got 3,000 so I went to HR to complain.
HR asked "why didn't you complain when you received extra last month?"
I replied "I will normally forgive the first mistake, but I can't tolerate the second."
A Physicist, and Engineer, and a Statistician...
are attempting to fire a cannon at a target 100 meters away. The physicist takes the lead, and performs numerous calculations to determine the cannonball's trajectory. He carefully aims the cannon and fires, coming short by 10 meters. The engineer, accounting for real world tolerances and imperfections, then performs his own calculations. After carefully aiming the cannon and firing, he overshoots by 10 meters.
The statistician then begins shouting with glee that they hit the target.
I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
